When one is a bookworm, one tends to spend a lot of time mentally screaming.
Or physically screaming. Depending on how much you want your family to keep you instead of packing you up into a small hatbox and shipping you to the middle of Atlantic and then going to family reunions like “Mildred?? What Mildred?? Haha, we didn’t have a child of that name at all!!” If you DON’T want that outcome from all your book-induced screaming — you, like me, probably spend a lot of time screaming in your head.
Which leads me to list 10 bookish things I often find myself giving vague pterodactyl screams about all the jolly time. Which is a topic I’m purely writing about because twitter requested it.
And yes, I did a poll, and it mildly concerns me you’d all rather hear about me screaming instead of telling you how to be polite on the internet (I think you need the latter post clearly) but I am nothing if not magnanimous. SO LET’S TALK ABOUT ME AND SCREAMING. Although, I do admit, most of my pterodactyl shaped shrieks do happen only internally. I save up all my all caps for you online, fiends, and in real life my face has enough emotion as the child of Spock and piece of bread.
LET’S MOVE FORWARD!
1. DECIDING WHAT BOOKS TO BUY.
If you’re on a tight book buying budget, then you probably spend a lot of time agonising over which books to prioritise. This is for many good reasons, including:
- “What if I buy a dodgy one with my precious few dragon coins???”
- “But do I REALLY need that new release when I’ve been hanging out for that backlist one??”
- “I want to read it yet THAT COVER IS AN INSULT TO EYEBALLS EVERYWHERE INCLUDING SAURON’S.”
- “But should I not buy that 500pg beast instead of the puny 250pg book and get my money’s worth?”
- “WHAT IF I CAN NEVER BUY ANOTHER BOOK AGAIN SO THIS NEEDS TO BE THE BOOK I WANT ABOVE ALL OTHER BOOKS.”
- “Do I want it. Or do I want the cover.”
- “I read it as an ARC a while ago but I want to own it so I can love it. But??? Should I???? Shouldn’t I buy something new??? EXCEPT WHAT IF I DON’T LIKE THE NEW ONE WHEN I KNOW I LIKE THIS OLD ONE?????”
I literally spend 94% of my book buying time howling at the sun. I’ve probably offended the sun by this point because it has no clue what it did to offend me so but I just…??? I can’t??? DECIDE??? OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS. It’s so hard to want them all and yet be able to by, like, two.
2. SERIES FINALES.
Hello, my name is Cait, and I’m a Chronic Series Procrastinator. I can’t even list how many TV shows I’m up to but haven’t watched the finale (STARTING WITH STRANGER THINGS OMG) and I frequently read the first book in the series and love it and therefore never read anymore ever.
I don’t liiiiiiiike being LEFT ALONE.
Attachment issues? Me? Don’t be ridiculous. Also yes.
You should’ve seen me when A Conjuring Of Light came out. I think I ate my mailbox out of nerves because I’m also that anxious puppy you leave home for 2 hours and they destroy the whole house.
3. WRITING SEQUEL REVIEWS.
Writing reviews is hard enough, but let’s just make it more complicated with THE FIRE AND BRIMSTONE THAT ARE SEQUEL REVIEWS. Because how do you review them without spoilers?!? How do you review them and not have, like, 2 people bother to read the review and watch your page stats spiral downwards faster than a staircase??? How do you summarise things for people who have read book one but yet don’t want to be smacked in the face with too many details???
Who’s screaming? I’m not screaming. That’s…that’s a nazgul you hear in your backyard. #legit
4. WHEN PEOPLE LIKE YOUR BLOGGING THINGS.
This is the good kind of screaming!! THE GREAT KIND OF SCREAMING. And you creatures of my pineapples and darkness have NO IDEA how much I internally holler when you like my posts or tell me you enjoy my nonsense or buy something from one of my stores. Or follow me. Or compliment my writing…like holy pistachios, just pause a minute while I take you by the shoulders and shake you fiercely and say IT MAKES MY DAY WHEN YOU SAY YOU LIKE MY WRITING.
LET ME GIVE YOU CAKE.
OR A PLANET.
OR MY FIRSTBORN FISH BECAUSE I’M NOT HAVING KIDS. HAHA. BUT I WILL HAVE A FISH SOMEDAY! AND IT WILL BE NAMED AFTER YOU!!
I LOVE YOUR FACE. EVEN IF I’VE NEVER SEEN IT.
And that’s not to mention when an author approves of something of mine. Hold me.
5. CHOOSING MY NEXT READ.
It’s like choosing which child you’re going to spend the day with, while the rest of your children get to languish in the darkness of the attic with only gruel for sustenance and no glimpses of the golden sun. Why must I make the cruel decisions?? WHY MUST I MAKE DECISIONS AT ALL.
FYI I am the person who spends 7 working days figuring out what flavour of ice cream they would like.
I may be an antisocial introverted book dragon fiend, BUT I do like you creatures of the internet. Most of the time. I know we’ve all seen humans online that we kind of just stare and blink at and wonder whyyyyy they are speaking because please stop. I also encounter and unfortunate amount of trolls. Usually I just laugh or ignore them or whine to my family about them. BUT SOMETIMES ARGHHHHHH.
If I had a dollar for every time I had to explain to someone on Goodreads that IT’S OKAY TO HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS WE ARE NOT A HIVE MIND then I would have enough money to fund my dire book buying habits and thus not be panicking over #1 of this post.
7. FINDING A PUBLISHED BOOK THAT’S SUPER SIMILAR TO YOUR OWN (UNPUBLISHED) BOOK.
If you’re an unpublished writer with grand dreams in your starry eyes, this has probably happened to you and ended with you staring at the book in your claws while mentally dying.
NOW WHAT DO I DO WITH MY IDEA. IT’LL LOOK LIKE I’M COPYING EVEN THOUGH I WASN’T. I NEED ICE CREAM AND PROBABLY TO SCREAM FOR 93 YEARS.
8. RECOMMENDING YOUR FAVOURITE BOOKS.
Recommending books seems like a super good idea until you realise that if they hate your favourite book, can you even associate with them anymore???? I recently
forced with death threats and by knife point asked my smol sister to read The Raven Boys — AKA MY FAVOURITE SERIES OF EVER. I also realised if she didn’t like it, I would have to probably bury her 9ft under the Nile. *
IT’S ACTUALLY TERRIFYING RECOMMENDING YOUR ABSOLUTELY MOST FAVOURITE BOOKS OF EVER. I have regular crises about it. Like don’t even look at me if you don’t like The Raven Boys. I just start crying on you and you’ll get drenched. Wear a raincoat if you want to break the news to me.
* GOOD NEWS! She liked it!! She didn’t like Ronan, however, which means I have raised her wrong since he is obviously the best character of them all. I may beat her upon the head with a teaspoon and then lock her in the basement. But other than that, things are going well.
This is a sign of a well-read bookworm! And it’s also a huge tragedy! Like, woah mate, the amount of books I can predict now because they all sooooound the same?!? It’s a lot. I even watched the Fantastic Beasts film with my family recently and spent the entire time saying what was going to happen 5 minutes before it did. *
I just know things.
But I get a vague eye-twitching sensation when I predict the outcome of books too often. Cue rusty screams when another overused and tired trope comes out to play. I’m so 5999990.1% very much done here.
* They all wanted to smother me??? Which is weird???
10. WHEN YOU DAMAGE YOUR OWN BOOK.
BECAUSE WHAT KIND OF MONSTER AM I. And as much as I’d like to pretend this has never happened — it has. Even just recently while taking bookstagram photos, I realised I’d put a hardcover book on a pile of ditched dust jackets. THEY ALL GOT CREASED. I BELONG IN THE PIT OF DESPAIR.
At least when someone else wrecks your book you can then destroy them and you and the book can be appeased. When it’s yourself??! What even can you do??? Just scream honestly and then move to Guadeloupe to get away from your guilt.
what things about books make you give vague pterodactyl screams?? and are you more of the “screaming in my head” type of bookworm or do you actually need to vocalise it??? DO YOU RELATE TO ANY ON MY LIST? CAN WE HOWL TOGETHER???