Bookworms are strange creatures who are mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
And if you didn’t understand that reference, dishonour on you and dishonour on your cow. *
But dishonourable cows aside, we need to talk about one aspect of the bookworm life that seems complicated and unknowable to mere mortals. And that is: reading moods. Because we bookworms get moody. Everyone gets moody! It’s usually used as a derogatory term, like “Oooh, she’s in a MOOD.” But in reality everyone is in a mood of some sort at all times. Like right now I’m in a Smaug mood which means I want to eat hobbits and be very rich. This is my average mood, to be honest.
Reading moods are very complex and varied.
So I’ve conducted a scientific survey (on myself) as performed by knowledgeable and trustworthy people (me) to put together a list of 10 types of bookworm reading moods! And you can let me know if I’ve missed any in the comments, but I probably haven’t because I’m perfect. **
* BOOM. That was like a double SMACK IN THE FACE of references??!? I’m so proud of me.
** KIDDING! I’m not always perfect. I spent 23 years of my life pronouncing the “g” in gnat and lasagna.
You know that feeling when you just want to read EVERY BOOK AT EVER AND RIGHT NOW??? That is a good feeling. It usually comes when you’ve had a good run of excellent reads. Or when you’ve got a highly-anticipated book in your hands. Or your mother never told you not to eat tree bark and you’re legit actually eating the book as your sustenance because you ran out of cornflakes.
When you’re in this mood, you read a lot. Possibly a book a day. Possibly you’re also balancing half a dozen books at the same time because you are The Book Gobbling Queen and your TBR shall quake before you.
GOOD SIDE-EFFECTS: You actually make a dent on your enormous TBR! Not to mention the happy feels you get from so much quality literature!
NASTY SIDE-EFFECTS: Your eyes fall out of your head and you die. People forget about you because all you do is read. They rename you Armitage, stop sending sandwiches, and turn your room into an indoor pool and it’s a bit inconvenient.
This generally happens when you’ve read a truly phenomenally marvellously excellently good book. AND NOW YOU HAVE A HANGOVER FROM IT. What are you supposed to do?? Nothing will compare?? All other books are ash upon the ground?? You don’t feel like reading anything else because it’s noooooooooot like that amazing book you just finished.
Whoever says that good books are all fun and games is wrong. They are suffering. UGH GOOD BOOKS YOU RUIN ME.
GOOD SIDE-EFFECTS: Well you did read a really good book. So there’s that.
NASTY SIDE-EFFECTS: You never want to read anything ever again because it’s (!!) not (!!) good (!!) enough (!!) thus your reading habits slip off the edge of the Nile.
This often happens when you realise the average human lives 79 years and you have 1,674 books on your TBR which means you have to read about 28 books per day. But that’s providing you don’t add MORE books to your TBR. Which you will. Immediately. And honestly it’s just overwhelming. There are SO MANY BOOKS and you want to read THEM ALL. So which one do you even start with????? How do you pick?????
Someone please save me from me.
GOOD SIDE-EFFECTS: You did…maths??? To calculate your doom. So I guess that’s a positive???
NASTY SIDE-EFFECTS: You end up reading nothing because you can’t decide and you have a crisis the size of Jupiter and you go through a lot of ice cream. Which is actually a positive maybe. Because ice cream is freaking delicious.
This happens when you have a TBR of a million good books but NOT THAT ONE BOOK YOU FEEL LIKE. So you pine after it desperately. It’s usually a book that’s not out yet. Like why isn’t it June? But also why isn’t it September? AND I ACTUALLY NEED THAT RELEASE IN JANUARY 2019.
The books are always greener in the future???
GOOD SIDE-EFFECTS: You become a pine tree and are finally a useful member of society because you supply oxygen.
NASTY SIDE-EFFECTS: You still end up reading nothing because you’re staring all starry-eyed into the future.
This is the mood of when you have glorious books to read — BUT YET NO TIME TO READ THEM. When do we start crying? Now? Is now a good time? Because this is just not faaaair. It’s so frustrating to be busy with work or school or like, looking after small children, or being trapped in an Alaskan glacier with no way out.
These kind of moods usually end in tears.
GOOD SIDE-EFFECTS: You might try audiobooks! And when you do get a chance to read, you really appreciate the book. Also: you also water the planet with your tears.
NASTY SIDE-EFFECTS: You read NOTHING and your TBR kills you yet again with its crushing weight. This can be awkward if you don’t like life as a one dimensional pancake.
This is the mood when you can’t decide. You can’t choose anything at all of ever. Do you want to read an epic fantasy? Or a fluffy fun contemporary? Or that ARC from 1804 that you’ve been meaning to get to?? Or that book you bought? Or that library book that is about to hit you in the left eye with a FINE if you don’t read it and return it already???? WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE.
YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. So you end up making croissants and learning French instead.
GOOD SIDE-EFFECTS: Well. You become a proficient French pastry chef.
NASTY SIDE-EFFECTS: Your TBR slays you yet again.
This generally hits you when you feel like something DIFFERENT AND NEW. Avast ye! Stra on your adventurer goggles and load your pockets with snacks for we are out to find SOMETHING UNLIKE WE’VE NEVER READ BEFORE! All the books you typically love seem just a bit dry. Like those croissants you tried making above and failed at because you suck.
GOOD SIDE-EFFECTS: You try lots of new books out of your comfort-zone and maybe realise you have a new favourite genre!
NASTY SIDE-EFFECTS: You might accidentally read a lot of bleh books. Also this actually ends up with your TBR being twice the size and still crushing you flat. Dangit, can we not move away from this side-effect.
Here is the mood of when you just want to be with your old friends again. Your old book friends. Because you killed all your real live friends by feeding them your horridly baked croissants DANGIT, MARGE. WHAT ARE YOUR LIFE DECISIONS.
However rereading is wonderful because (A) you know you’re going to enjoy this book, and (B) what are books even for if not to enjoy multiple times?! This is a mood of comfort and coziness and rekindled love.
GOOD SIDE-EFFECTS: Falling in love with a book all over again! Plus a guaranteed good read.
Look I’m not even going to say it because it’s cliche by now but your TBR WILL CRUSH YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE STILL NOT READING FROM IT. You might also accidentally have grown out of a book and hate it when it used to be a favourite. Cue betrayal, crises, and a sudden hankering for all the caramel ice cream in your freezer.
This is the very technical term for “I do not feel like reading anything at all.” And it’s the saddest of bookworm moods because it feels like betrayal?!?? And yet it’s actually natural to take breaks from things you love! We all take breaks! Even from food! It’s called sleeping and best taken with midnight snacks. BUT MOVING FORWARD…the fact is this mood is ridiculously annoying. Because our books are beautiful and yet you just don’t wanna.
GOOD SIDE-EFFECTS: Less time in trauma therapy because books aren’t hurting you. It’s possible you even will save money because you’re not buying books right now! Except HA. Bleh-moods rarely curb the book buying…unfortunately.
NASTY SIDE-EFFECTS: You feel like a bookworm traitor and probably take up another horrid habit to compensate, like ballroom dancing or necromancy or knife juggling. Also your TBR? YOU KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO SAY.
This is when your mood when there are so many shiny and exciting books and you just GOTTA CHASE ‘EM ALL. At once. Immediately. So woah, you’re reading 7 or 24 books at once, but no big deal. Books are beautiful. Can you fit them all in your mouth at once, I wonder.
This mood generally equals a lot of book collecting to. Particularly gorgeous covers. Particularly shiny covers. I don’t know, mate, are you a bookworm or a bookdragon??? Or a magpie?? It’d be nice if you just sAT stILL and finished reading a book though.
GOOD SIDE-EFFECTS: Happiness! Shiny books! Frolicking about the meadows saying “Pretty book! Pretty book!” like you’re in a commercial that will end in plagues or hayfever medication.
NASTY SIDE-EFFECTS: You get very little done because you’re so busy reading everything. Also you might go broke from all the book buying. The struggles you face.