HELLO! And welcome to my cake blog!
I mean my…wait…okay I’ve lost my prompt cards…
I’m sorted now.
Hello and welcome to my BOOK blog! Where I also talk about cake at every opportunity. Because what else is the meaning of life? Some people get really hung up on the question “whyyyyy do we exist” and perhaps lay upon the ground in an existential crisis about it and then write a YA book. But you know what? I have the answers. The meaning of life is good cake and good books and — best yet — cakes that LOOK like books. *
And in a feeble attempt to convince you that I’m still here to talk about books today I’m doing the…
As stolen from #bookstagram! Because why not! I was particularly inspired to do this tag since I saw my parental had made a lovely pink jelly cake in the fridge, and obviously intended for me to run off with it and photograph it like the cake nerd I am. Also feel free to pinch this tag if you like cake and books! ** Just credit the bookstagram hashtag and thank cake for existing and making the world go round.
Now I admit some of the questions don’t make any sense to me. Like Red Velvet Cake is supposed to equal “mixed emotions” and that’s bizarre. My emotions aren’t mixed for red velvet. My emotions are YES. Also I’m going to add some more sections in! BECAUSE I’M LOKI AND I DO WHAT I WANT. And also because there was originally 6 and no. Just no. My nerves say that tags need to be 10.
* I think being kind to others and finding happiness is sort of in there too, but like???? Obviously you can find ALL that in cake???
** And obviously you do because you still talk to me and you’re not a monster.
1. CHOCOLATE CAKE (a dark book you absolutely love)
You know what? I LOVE DARK BOOKS. I also like dark chocolate and I can drink coffee black and sometimes I wear a black cape and a mask shaped like a bat and take Gotham by storm at night. I am FIRE. I am DEATH. I am DARK–
Wait. Seriously omg there are a lot of blogging malfunctions happening today. WHO IS RUNNING THIS THING??? CAN WE PLEASE FIRE WHATEVER CAIT CLONE IS ONLINE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE SERIOUSLY.
Excuse me. Again.
The point is, I love dark books. It can always be darker, ok. So here is a collection of some of the more stabby books or darker-themed books I’ve loved! And YES. I’m a nice person in real life. Once I shared a single peanut with my sister and another time I didn’t eat the moon when I could have. I’m a gift to this world.
Also while we’re on the topic of chocolate, can we agree that if a dessert doesn’t contain chocolate it’s broken?? Because I think it’s broken.
2. VANILLA CAKE (a light read)
See vanilla confuses me because why would you have vanilla when chocolate is RIGHT THERE?? Sometimes my parentals say unfathomable things like, “Wow we’ve been overdoing the chocolate, let’s do something vanilla.” To which I just…??? I’m confused. Sometimes I think I was adopted after I fell down from Asgard.
CUTE LIGHT BOOKS I LOVE:
- Queens of Geek: Nerd conventions, anxiety, book love, autism and bi rep, super cute. SUPER FUN.
- Fangirl: Basically written for all socially anxious writers with the cutest shippable romance of ever.
- Simon Vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda: Soooo cute. SO CUTE. Most adorable romance + oreo love + best dialogue of all.
- When Dimple Met Rishi: guyyyyys this is like computer science nerds + art + Indian-American protagonists who BANTER AND HAVE FIRE AND SPARK.
- Lucky Few: This is about homeschoolers (who are done RIGHT) and fake deaths and banter and delicious snacks and I loved it.
I full admit that I don’t gravitate to “light” books. See aforementioned CHOCOLATE DARKNESS question. However one does get exhausted watching their happiness die, and these books are just comforting and sweet. I will hug them. I will tell them good job for existing.
3. RED VELVET (a book that gave you mixed emotions)
Like we established: red velvet isn’t confusing. It’s goodness.
However I’m going to give an #unpopularopinion right now and JUST REMEMBER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME OKAY???? Remember what I’ve done for you!! * Remember how I’ve raised you these past few years and been there to call you random insulting names ** that you love!!
Are we good?
So I have mixed emotions about Harry Potter. (Calm down.) On one hand I’m OBSESSED with the houses. I spend at least 76% of each day sorting people, things, books, my dog, my left shoes all into their respective Hogwarts houses. My #1 thing when writing is to figure out my characters Houses. My smol sister and I have 67 discussions per day about what House we TRULY belong in. I LOVE THE HOUSES OKAY? And I love Harry. Hermione is my hero. The magic system is phenomenal. And Hogwarts itself is, obviously, life.
But things I don’t like? Well, sit down. I have an unfortunate LIST.
- The fact that Dumbledore let SNAPE ABUSE SMALL CHILDREN and be a teacher.
- All the romances…I mean, haha…Harry and Ginny was RANDOM and Ron being rude to Hermione and it being “cute and shippable” is just sexist.
- I hate Ron tbh. He’s passively aggressive cruel and no one calls him out.
- I dislike all the things JK Rowling throws around now that the series is finished. Like, no, you don’t get to claim diversity in a book unless IT’S CANON IN THE BOOK.
- Order of the Phoenix was waaaay too long.
- WHY WAS EVERYONE MEAN TO LUNA, MY CHILD.
- James Potter was a complete bucket of a mouldy pond. Like, what a brat. I say.
- SNAPE WAS LITERALLY OBSESSED WITH A MARRIED WOMAN BUT SOMEHOW HE’S OKAY.
- If Voldemort wanted Harry dead so badly why was he so dramatic about it? Like, legit, couldn’t he charm a student or himself into a disguise, waltz into the dining hall and stab Harry with a bread-and-butter knife over breakfast? I mean. He could’ve even hired a muggle to do it. Has no one heard of hiring hitmen???
Okay I read Harry Potter in my 20s. I didn’t grow up with it. I think maybe if I had I would have been 500% obsessed and not minded MANY things. And don’t get me wrong: I love the series!! I’m just also a mixed bag of sprinkles.
* Um…there must be something?
** Like “HEY YOU TURNIP!” which is fun for me, and hopefully for you too.
4. CHEESECAKE (a book you would recommend to anyone)
I actually don’t believe books SHOULD be recommended to everyone! No book will ever suit everyone. Except for, perhaps, a cookbook with the recipe for chocolate tarts. Because really.
However, since we’re on this topic, I (A) love cheesecake, and (B) absolutely am infatuated with The Raven Cycle.
Perfect series is perfect.
5. COFFEE CAKE (a book you started but never finished)
I haaate DNF’ing books. I HATE IT. I can’t do it!! I maybe do it once every 2 years and then the tome will HAUNT ME like the ghost of Christmas past. I’m a little obsessive about finishing things.
I could not handle Wicked by Gregory Maguire. It was so boring. And nothing with stained-green pages and witches should be allowed to be boring. So I’m pretty offended.
I keep telling myself I’ll get back to it. But also I’ll probably die of old age first.
6. CARROT CAKE (a book with great writing)
Because I’ve already mentioned Stiefvater (MY QUEEN) I shall bring forth my co-queen — THE GLORIOUS VE SCHWAB. Her writing slays me every time. It’s witty and punchy, her plots are complex, her ships are so stabby, and the magic is what I live for.
Also Kell has a magical coat that is secretly a million different coats and — I want. It’s like Narnia’s wardrobe but in a coat.
Also I HAVE to protest this prompt because…carrots??? CARROTS?? They do not equal great writing. If you put vegetables in a cake then, no, sir. You’re wrong.
7. TIRAMISU (book that left you wanting more)
I just finished re-reading Aristotle and Dante Discover The Secrets Of the Universe and realised two things: (1) I need a nap after saying that title, and (2) I AM NOT READY FOR IT TO BE OVER. I. NEED. MORE. Even reading it for the second time left me with this huuuuuge gaping HOLE IN MY FRAGILE EMOTIONS. The ending was beautiful and perfect, don’t get me wrong — but I want to know what happens next.
Ari. Dante. THOSE TWO.
(And I know there’s a sequel coming and I’m freaking out of my brain about it…but there’s not even a release date year?!? I need more information dangit.)
Also while we’re discussing coffee…here’s something: it has NO EFFECT ON ME AT ALL. And I barely ever drink it! I’m just literally immune to caffeine and you can imagine how disappointing that is. My sister and I went out for coffee last week and she was all bubbly and happy afterwards. I took a nap.
I need help.
8. CUPCAKES (series with 4+ books)
I am 100% Shadowhunter trash. I AM. I can’t get enough of this world, these books, this writing, these characters, the amount of times everyone kills demons and then goes out to eat chips afterwards. How relatable can they be!?! If I was a demon hunter my #1 stop after killing all the evil would be food too.
Also: more please.
I would read 5000000 x Shadowhunter books.
MARK BLACKTHORN THOUGH.
9. FRUIT CAKE (book that wasn’t what you anticipated)
I’ll do this with good vs bad anticipations. Because WHY NOT.
- THOUGHT IT’D BE BAD: I sooo thought I’d LOVE When The Moon Was Ours because I adored the author’s debut but… the writing was SO flowery it forgot to make anything actually happen. Wherefore art thou, oh plot. Must we play hide and seek.
- THOUGHT IT’D BE GOOD: I totally thought The Never King would be exciting! I mean adult epic fantasy + prison breaks + war against the evil king who put him in there?!???? COOL RIGHT?! Well it was about as interesting as drinking algae. I literally thought about turning the pages into a hat.
(Also YES I created this one…and I say fruit cake = unanticipated results = because it doesn’t look like a fruit. And you never know which fruit you’ll get when you bite into it. It’s a bit of a life risk.)
10. LAMINGTON (favourite Australian books)
Now I am not truly Australian because I actually grew up in Narnia. HOWEVER. The mere mortals like to assume this is my home-country so we’ll go with it.
I absolutely loved One Would Think The Deep. It was sad and beautiful and had an ocean and tragic cinnamon boys and I think I had an emotion, which seems dangerous. If I lie down a moment it might go away.
Also I will ashamedly admit I don’t read NEARLY enough Aussie books for being a
supposed Australian. This seems shameful!? But while I love Aussie books (the humour, mate, the humour) they sadly do not write a lot of fantasy. And fantasy is my OTP.
Please someone fix this??? Write Australian inspired EPIC FANTASY????