One of the most tedious trials of the bookworm life is finding enough time to read.
Because believe it or not: bookworms do NOT have more hours in the day than everyone else. Unless they have a time turner or are, perhaps, a wizard. Which honestly is quite likely because if you devour hundreds of books odds are you’re going to develop magical powers. Eating trees does that.
But you’re getting me off track here.
Most bookworms are not wizards. And if you’re not a wizard, WHAT ARE YOU TO DO IF YOU HAVE A BUSY LIFE YET WANT TO READ A LOT???? It’s a dire quandary and can cause our eyeballs to leak with the pain of having a million books staring at us and no time to read them.
But as it is my duty in life to provide helpful * and informative posts that will change your life for the better ** so I’m listing 10 ways to find more time to read. All of them are 500% sensible and legitimate. Follow my tips and you will be waving your TBR pile problems goodbye.
* This has been debated across the globe, even to the Arctic, about whether my posts actually HELP or just confuse everyone monstrously. Decision has not been reached. Will get back to you. For now: assume I am flawless.
** Well this is clearly true. Isn’t your life better for reading Paper Fury? Optional answers include: yes or yes.
1. GIVE UP SLEEPING FOREVER AND JUST SLEEP WHEN YOU’RE DEAD.
Unless of course you have the misfortune to come back as a zombie or vampire or an anxious ghost — and then I suppose you don’t get to sleep when you’re dead either. (But if that happens: more reading time! No downside!) But THAT ASIDE: you really don’t need as much sleep as you think you do. Don’t the experts * say 8 hours for an adult? BAH.
I’m sure you could survive on 30 minute speed naps and extra coffee. People do this all the time. Parents of small children, for instance! Geniuses who are too busy inventing rocket ships do it too! Also Sherlock Holmes! And Ronan Lynch! **
* And by “experts” I mean GOOGLE obviously.
** FYI Google also says you can survive from 11 to 30 days without sleep and then you DIE but don’t let Google tell you how to live.
2. PUT BOOKS UNDER YOUR PILLOW AND ABSORB THEM WHILE YOU’RE SLEEPING.
This is for if you’re weak and disregarding #1 and have decided you want to still sleep. (You pathetic marmalade scone you.) Apparently there are scientific articles to prove learning by osmosis doesn’t work — BUT DO YOU BELIEVE THEM OR ME???? * Try stuffing some books under your pillow or teaching your pet to read aloud to you as you sleep. I’ve also heard ** that sleeping in the same room as your bookshelf will help you to absorb the words through your skin.
* The correct answer here is: me.
** The word “heard” is an interesting word here which means “Cait made it up just now”.
3. SPEND LESS TIME ONLINE AND MORE TIME FACEPLANTING INTO A PAPERBACK.
You know that mindless 20 minutes you just spent on instagram? YOU COULD BE READING. Although I’m not saying quit ALL your social media or mindless internet time. Pfft. I love social media. But just try and gauge how much time you spend doing that and see if you can trim back and add a few more chapters in.
Because unfortunately reading 94 tweets doesn’t help your TBR pile. It actually expands it because you see recommendations and — BOOM — 17 new books on your wishlist and 0 books read.
4. WATCH LESS TV AND MOVIES AND USE THAT TIME TO SIT ON TOP OF YOUR TBR PILE.
Not that that would be very comfortable. But whatever. Your choice of reading spot is your own business. Either way, movies and TV shows do take up several hours. I mentioned to my sister that I could read an entire book in the time it would take her to watch one Lord of the Rings movie. She wasn’t impressed because she’s BORING and sisters sign a life-sealing contract to never be impressed with each other. So that’s unfortunate.
Again: obviously don’t take this to mean “NEVER WATCH TV AGAIN” because that’s dumb and you should do things you enjoy. But if you really really really really want to find more time to read? Here’s something to trim back.
5. LISTEN TO AUDIOBOOKS WHILE YOU WALK OR SUMMON THE DARK FORCES OR CLEAN YOUR HOUSE.
These three suggestions of things to do while listening to audiobooks aren’t ALL going to be helpful obviously. Because who cleans??? Hahah. Silly.
Audiobooks are great for multitasking, though, and I don’t know about you, but I find it 100% boring to sit down and do NOTHING while listening. I’m either exercising or doing origami or pinning ideas for the bullet journal I have not started even though I said I would and it’s already the 14th. (#help)
6. DON’T LET ANYTHING PUT YOU OFF READING.
Some people don’t read if it’s too hot or too cold or they’re standing in the middle of a cyclone. Obviously this is weakness. Let NOTHING stop you from reading.
7. MAKE READING A PRIORITY.
Now hold your unicorns — I realise that people are busy. I’m busy! Sometimes I don’t get to pick up a book until it’s 9:00pm and apparently I’m a 23 year old granny and my eyes get tired after two chapters and I NEED TO NAP FOREVER.
But sometimes a human creature might have the mindset that reading isn’t a priority because it’s “just a book” or “we should be doing something more important” WHICH OF COURSE IS NONSENSE. First and foremost because doing things you enjoy IS important! And you shouldn’t feel guilty for using your downtime for reading! So once you smush this little guilty feeling in the face and feed it to Dracula — let reading be a priority for your mental health and happiness! This might mean you just catch a small 15 minutes in every afternoon. Whatever it is, (A) don’t feel guilty for wanting to read, and (B) take some time for yourself. *
I also made reading a priority because I want to be a writer. And reading = research for writing. ONE CANNOT BE A CHEF WITHOUT EATING FOOD, RIGHT?!?
* I am 100% aware that this isn’t always possible! Especially if you’re a mother / father with small replicas of yourself clamouring for attention or work a full time job or spend a lot of time doing schoolwork. But the mindset of not feeling guilty for taking a little time to do something you love is still a good thing to learn. I HAD TO LEARN IT.
8. READ INSTEAD OF SOCIALISE.
Because who needs REAL people around when you can have FICTIONAL people??? It’s just the honest truth of course. And besides, if it’s socially acceptable to be on your phone all the time (don’t deny; no one gets mad if someone checks their phone on an outing….you’re just checking up on your fictional children, yes??) then surely you can read during dinner. Unless dinner is delicious. Then focus on dinner because yum.
Also reading CAN be social! Just thump your acquaintance * with a book and say excited things like “OMG THE DRAGON!!” and now they’re included. Win!
* Note: If you do this with a hardcover you may permanently damage someone. Not that this has happened to me. I didn’t use to have more sisters than I do now. Hahaha. No of course not.
9. BRING A BOOK WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO.
This is also good for protecting yourself against small fierce dogs, terrifying children, zombies, and unfortunate escaped minotaurs. But apart from being a handy weapon — you can whip out that book whenever you’re out and about and suddenly have a spare moment. Like when you’re travelling. Waiting in line. Waiting for an appointment. Waiting for the apocalypse.
NOTE: Reading while grocery shopping is highly recommended, particularly if you bring along your child or a sister to push the trolley while you sit in it and read.
NOTE #2: However reading certain books while grocery shopping can cause unfortunate incidents. For instance, if your’e reading Simon Vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda, there is a 500% chance you will come home with just oreos.
10. JUST TURN YOURSELF INTO A BOOKSHELF AND THIS WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING.
Because no one will expect anything of you except more reading and you’ll be free to hold books and absorb them to your bookshelfish heart’s content.
Turn into a bookshelf. Embrace the books. Be the books. You can do this.