So I have a confession…I’m actually a piece of instant coffee.
I mean, you probably entertained some notion that I’m actually a human creature. But no. I am a bean of coffee * when it comes to making instant decisions and judgements about books. I know they say “don’t judge books before you’ve read them” and blah blah etc. But when you’ve read NEARLY A MILLION BOOKS ** you get a very solid idea of what you like or dislike. You realise what topics you are a mess of instalove for. You realise what topics make you wish a camel would eat your head instead of you being forced to read them.
Reading a lot = really understanding your preferences.
Which is actually the best and makes it easier to find good books because you know what you want!
Today I’m liking up with Top Ten Tuesday for their prompt “Top Ten Things That Will Make Me Instantly Want To Read A Book” and I’m going to do make me instantly WANT to read and WANT NOT to read. Just to shake things up. And because apparently incapable of following a TTT prompt properly.
Rest my soul.
(And also because I did a list of things I’m utter trash for just a few months ago.)
* And also actually an immortal dragon queen of the darkness. I am a complex thing okay?
** This is probably not hyperbolic at all.
Honestly I have a severe case of instalove. With books. Not, like, people…ew that would be strange. People are all very nice, but from a reasonable distance in case they carry diseases like that blight that makes them extend overly happy hugs or commence small talk. This Vulcan says none of that thank you. However, instalove between me + books = a very real and fearsome occurrence. And sometimes I try to hold myself back?? Be logical??? But that ends up going down about as well as this:
Brain: Just because it’s about dragons, which we all know you mildly adore, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good book. In fact, oftentimes dragon books fail your expectations. We should wait. Look at some reviews. Decide if it’s worth buying or borrowing from the library.
Me: yes that’s wise
Brain: ok so what are you doing on book depository
Brain: cAIT WE diSCUSSED jUST THE OPPOSITE OF THIS —
So here are some of my literary weakness that I am 5000% trash for:
- DRAGONS. This is so painfully obvious it’s nearly a cliche to say on this blog.
- ANYTHING WITH A LITTLE BIT O’ STABBING. Or you know, a lot of stabbing. I am so here. What is a book if there’s not a bit of blood and torture and maiming perhaps.
- HEISTS AND CON ARTISTS. Omgggg words cannot even summarise how much I will INSTA BUY a book if it has a heist or thieves or con schemes in it. SO. MUCH. LOVE. It’s actually disturbing.
- HISTORICAL RETELLINGS. There aren’t enough of these either!!
- DISABILITY REPRESENTATION. Particularly Autism and Deafness and Selective Mutism. But honestly I want to read about any kind of disability AND I want to read about them in epic fantasy smiting evil and being badass because yes.
- DIVERSE EPIC FANTASY. Particularly set in diverse places!! Like where are my African-inspired epic fantasy worlds??!? I DO NOT SEE YOU AND I WANT TO.
- RUSSIA. Ugh I’m ridiculously obsessed with Russia. I don’t even know why. IT’S ME, GRANDMAMA, ANASTASIA.
- PIRATES. I want them all now and yesterday and immediately piraaaaaaates.
- SWEET BOYS AND SHARP GIRLS. I love this combination so much.
- GHOSTS. They ain’t gettin’ any DEADER. No but really. An unreasonable amount of love for ghosts hath I.
- MODERN WITCHES. They hex you by night and make toast and greet you politely in the elevator by day.
- VILLAINS. Or the morally grey antiheroes. Whatever. Love them.
- MAGICAL BAKERIES. Food is my OTP.
- ANYTHING WITH “QUEEN/KING/PRINCE” IN THE TITLE. It’s SUCH a cliche and yet why do I own 380 books with “queen” in the title? I can’t help myself. I love royalty. I think it’s because I relate, right? #ObviouslyIAmAQueenToo
- LIBRARIES OR BOOKSTORE SETTINGS. Obviously. My aesthetic.
- MAGICIANS. Tragic ones. Messy ones. Adooooorable and disastrous ones. (Am I just talking about A Darker Shade Of Magic? Yes.)
- DARK PSYCHO FAERIES. I can’t get enough of those stabby faeries.
- MUSIC BOOKS. Characters who play violin! Cello! Piano! Harp! VIOLA.
- PETER PAN RETELLINGS. I’m actually getting rather sick of the average retellings (do something different omg) but Peter Pan = something I can not go past. Because I have a Peter Pan complex. #IWillNotGrowUpAndYouCannotMakeMe
- BROTHER STORIES. RIDICULOUSLY FOND OF THESE. WILL INSTA-READ.
- MAGGIE STIEFVATER. Who is a genre and category all on her own and if she wrote it, I’m eating it.
I don’t always dislike these!! (Just mostly.) I have favourite books that can turn hated tropes on their heads! However, I will not be looking at them deeply without serious convincing. And occasionally just the mere sight of them make my eyeballs roll up 9 metres into my skull and I pass out just to get away from the thought of them.
I’m not dramatic. Stop it. If I have to stamp my foot and smack you with my unicorn, then you will have to leAVE mY PARTY.
MY OPINION IS “I WOULD RATHER NOT” TO THESE:
- AMNESIA. It generally just equals a book of ANGST and CLICHES and I’m too old for this.
- LOVE TRIANGLES. Ughhhhghuhghh. If you’re in love with two people, you are not in love with either.
- CURE CULTURE. Ok this one never has any redemption. It is just not on.
- DYSTOPIAN. I’m so sick of it!! I just can’t find a dystopian that doesn’t make me want to murder myself with Katniss’ spork. (Although I do love Katniss. <3)
- BOYBANDS. Yes I listen to a boy and a band on occasion. No I don’t want to read about them, they’re probably sweaty and gross. And I just don’t care about this stuff very much???
- ROAD TRIPS. I’m bored. Do I look bored? I’m boooooored. PLEASE STOP WALKING.
- INSANE ASYLUMS. They’re always derogatory to people who are actually suffering. And I hate the magical “oh you weren’t insane because insane people are incapable of anything!! you were just magical!!” because it’s. so. cruel. Why can’t we have truly mentally ill heroes?!?
- SARAH J MAAS. haha haha hahahhhha hAHHAHAHHHAA. #Sorry
- SUICIDE BOOKS. They upset me too much.
- ROBOT GIRLS. Obviously they are robot girl stories I love…but mostly they’re kind of dumb. Oooh, she discovers she has emotions??? WOW. DID NOT SEE THAT COMING.
- COLLEGE. Ehhhh. I never went plus American colleges are so weird. SO WEIRD. I’m 0% interested.
- TIME TRAVEL. Pls don’t mess up the universe. Just sit down. Have a cupcake and get a new hobby.
- MERMAIDS. I have too many questions about anatomy. Also put on some clothes.
- MARRIAGE CONTESTS. Because #always #sexist.
- SPORTS. I kicked a soccer ball once. It won’t happen again.
- COMPUTER GAMES / VIRTUAL REALITIES. I never have played any??? Apart from Sims??? And it interests me exactly 0% to read.
- PERIOD DRAMAS. Go away.
- LAZY SUMMER VIBES. Because nothing haaaaappens and they’re so sappy and I’m so bored.
- ARENAS. Isn’t 5,000 books of this enough yet??? I’m so done.