Books can be such dreadful liars. Sometimes it’s a misleading cover, sometimes it’s an incorrect blurb. But either way, IT STIRS THE FURY IN MY SOUL. I can get quite cranky if a book turns into something insanely different to what it promised.
So let’s peruse some books that have catastrophically startled me with their fiendish lies.
And, honest now, I will actually follow ALL the rules this week for the Top Ten Tuesday meme. Congratulate me, my Frankensteinish friends.
This Week’s Prompt: 10 books that were totally deceiving
\\ Click on the covers to go to Goodreads //
Look at that cover! Look at that premise! DOES IT NOT PROMISE LOTS OF BEHEADING? It does. I was expecting sci-fi madness with people lopping off heads and stitching them on other people. Frankenstein anyone? YES PLEASE.
In reality it was about a kid who had his head frozen and then, 5 years later, attached to a new body, where he then continued on with his life…just 5 years out of sync with everyone else. This means a 16 year old chasing after his (now) 21 year old girlfriend. Creepy? Just a little bit. It’s a romance disguised as a beheading book. I am so so sad.
While we’re on the delightful topic of beheading, let’s discuss this book that fairly screams, “HELLO. I AM AN ALICE IN WONDERLAND RETELLING!” Well, it’s not. Not at all.
Although I’m partially to blame for this because the blurb doesn’t at all whisper retelling…but come on! Red Queen? Dripping bloodish crown? It’s a tragic misleading scenario.
The book is also, sadly, without tarts.
And now that we’re on the topic of food (my, my all these books lead into each other, don’t they?) we need to discuss how there was NO EATING in this book. I wanted to see sin being nibbled on like noodle soup. But no.
Our bonnie narrator sat in her room and stitched flowers and flirted with guards. She ate no sin. Excuse me while I feast on disappointment for breakfast.
Does this look like a mermaid book to you? It does to me. Yes, the blurb doesn’t actually whisper about mermaids but, to be fair, it doesn’t whisper about ANYTHING much. It wins for vagueness. But it does say siren. Now, go google “siren”. You know what comes up? MERMAIDS. Well, mermaid-ish looking things. So therefore I’m 100% in my rights to assume this is a mermaid book.
It is not. They live in a glass bubble underwater. Atlantis?
I feel horrifically betrayed.
I have no words for my feelings towards this cover. So aside from the fact the style appears to have fallen out of the artistry of 80s covers, it really does not give ANY indication that it’s a book about a brother deciding what to do with his half-dead brother. It’s basically sci-fi. Does that look like a sci-fi cover to you? DOES IT?
How dare it lie to me. I guessed it to be a book about a young chap who fell asleep before he could scratch his nose with his disproportionately large hand.
This book looks scary. In fact, if that girl is any indication of what prolonged access to twitter does for you, I’d be abandoning my birdish skills pronto.
But a) it’s not scary, and b) the blurb has nothing to do with the book. I find that seriously confusing, okay? How can a blurb be misleading? It claims the protagonist’s twitter is hacked. It never is! How could a mistake like this happen?!
While this book is heartbreakingly raw and brilliant…it’s…a liar. If one was to peer at the cover would they not assume that a) it’s about Chinese people and b) possibly the zodiac? IT IS NOT. In fact the protagonist has red hair, which is not very Asian, we’d all agree.
It’s just not Chinese, okay? There isn’t even any Chinese food. Not even a noodle. There’s just death and ghosts and crying babies. (But it really is fantastic and if you want to cry, read this book with tissues on hand.)
In my youth (yes this was a long time ago…like, 2 years ago now, oh gosh, I feel a grey hair coming on), I thought that series were all about the same person. Therefore after finishing the killer cliffhanger ending of The Giver I assumed Gathering Blue would give me a) Jonas, and b) answers. IT DID NOT.
I felt so betrayed back then and I haven’t quite recovered.
And don’t tell me to read the blurb, you smartie. Blurb reading is for the weak.
But how about some positive lies? YAY! (Don’t knock them. They exist.) I took one peak at the cover for Every Breath and thought vaguely nasty and shallow things like, “Omg, how awful is this book going to be? And it’s a Sherlock Holmes retelling? It’s going to ruin it. How about no.”
Of course, I was embarrassingly wrong. Like SO wrong. This book is now one of my top favourites and I’m going to yell about it’s gloriousness every moment and I’m partially in love with Mycroft. Partially. Let’s not get too emotional here.
And while we’re feeling vaguely positive (ugh, such an uncomfortable emotion), let’s do a quick analysis of this cover. What do YOU think it looks like, hmm? An eyeball? With a tiny speck of human silhouettes? I don’t even know what to predict…Sauron on a good day when his eye isn’t bloodshot??
This is an angel book. ANGELS! Who would’ve thought, right?! (Ignore the blurb, it tells you nothing.) But it’s about angels and monsters and army agents and it’s just brilliant. But that cover. What even is going on.