We bookworms are just not appreciated enough.
We have serious talents! But who notices? Who cares? Who awards us with cakes baked into life sized replicas of thrones with chocolate icing and sprinkles to visually honour our fabulousness????
NO ONE, THAT’S WHO.
And it’s a dying shame, I tell you.
We bookworms have many under-appreciated talents that should be honoured and acknowledged and probably even applauded because not everyone can do what we do. It’s high time someone listed these talents to remind the world of our glorious capabilities. And lucky for you, I exist *, and am going to talk about the things bookworms do and don’t get enough credit for.
Also feel free to print this post out and duct tape it to your family members’ faces so they actually realise WHAT IT IS YOU DO AND GO THROUGH and therefore stop their mundane lives to build you that cake throne. This list will probably also be helpful to add on to your resume or to impress your grandparents or convince a restaurant to give you a free dessert.
* Pfft, lucky for the whole world I exist. I can’t imagine it’d still be spinning if not for me. You’re all very welcome.
BOOKWORMS ARE REALLY VERY PHYSICALLY STRONG.
Absolutely no one can deny this. Because even if a bookworm creature doesn’t appear to be very physically fit and possibly can’t even open a jam jar without help (but seriously jars are evil and owned by the darkness) — we are strong when it comes to books.
Hefting a few dozen books at once? GOT IT. Holding up a 500+ page hardcover to read it? CAN DO THAT. Lugging about a bag with a dozen books within for “just in case”? JUST PART OF OUR DAY. Bearing the physical traumatic weight of heartbreak after a book smashes our feels? SLAYIN’ IT.
BOOKWORMS ARE ALSO HARDCORE WHEN IT COMES TO FEELSY BOOKS THAT LIKE TO STAB THEM WITH NO WARNING AT ALL OF EVER. WE KEEP ON KEEPIN’ ON.
You’d think after reading one book that totally smashes your feels, you’d be like “Well, the bookworm life was nice, but I’m retiring now and taking up crocheting while kayaking down the Nile and raising small marmots in Russia on the weekends.” I’m sure that’d be a lot of people’s response. But the bookworm? NO WAY. The bookworm remains!
What’s more, they actually go out looking for more feels-smashing-soul-crushing-heart-breaking-sanity-slaying books. If this is not an under-appreciated talent of the bookworms’ incredible stamina and inner strength, THEN WHAT IS???
BOOKWORMS MULTITASK WITH PURE PRECISION AND HONESTLY JUST SIT DOWN NOW AND ADMIRE THIS.
The thing about a bookworm is we are almost always in bookworm mode. The average mortal trundling down the street probably doesn’t even notice how often we’re multitasking. Don’t believe me? Sit down, Bob. Let me demonstrate:
Common Ways Bookworms Multitask:
- Reading + eating. (Which is seriously hardcore because do you realise how hard it is not to get food on pages???)
- Thinking about OTP + listening to humans ramble on. (I mean, you thought I was paying attention, but nooooo…I was thinking about #Percabeth.)
- Listening to audiobooks + working. (Going for a walk. Cleaning. Driving. Plotting world domination. Audiobooks turn us into the ultimate multitaskers, no matter the time or event.)
- Planning what books to buy next + doing literally anything else. (Basically every time you see a bookworm, there is at least 17% of their brain constantly trying to figure out which book is the top purchase priority.)
- Reading + putting up with mortals saying “what are you reading?!” (This is true multi-tasking because instead of answering we usually just slap them in the face with a book. Saving time and words!)
- Reading + walking. (Definitely an acquired skill. Don’t try this on a highway, probably.)
- Reading + tweeting about it. (A skill that is not to be forgotten or undermined because sometimes it’s HARD to break your eyeballs away from the page and kindly update the universe on your bookish feelings. Yet we do! #NotAllHeroesWearCapes)
BOOKWORMS ARE BASICALLY PYJAMA-BASED UNDERPAID MARKETING MANAGERS WITH FLAWLESS METHODS.
Whether or not you believe bookworms should (A) be paid or not, or (B) live in their pyjamas or not — I think we can all agree that we are SERIOUSLY GOOD AT MARKETING. Have you ever convinced a friend to read a book? Or two books? Or maybe trapped your friend in the basement and duct-taped a book to their eyeballs until they read it? * YOU ARE MARKETING! You have skills!
I feel people often just see bookworms as rabid little hyper beans, when in reality we are actually making authors and publishers money. We are giving them careers. WE HAVE IMMENSE POWER ACTUALLY.
* I’m sure to be hired any day now for my excellent methods. Just you wait and see. I also highly recommend the Follow People Around and Thump Them With A Book Method. It’s flawless. It always works. Science says so.
BOOKWORMS ARE ENCYCLOPEDIAS OF WEIRDNESS AND THIS IS EQUAL PARTS AWESOME AND TERRIFYING, SO GIVE US CAKE EITHER WAY.
Don’t blame bookworms if they don’t remember your birthday, or your favourite type of pizza, or your name. WE HAVE GREATER THINGS ON OUR MINDS. Our brains are literally libraries! We bookworms might not remember every little detail we read, but we do absorb a lot. I mean, let’s talk about the Ottoman’s war tactics, or how to kill a man with a piece of uncooked spaghetti, or how to raise sharks. I know a terrifyingly intriguing amount of interesting facts. (Most of them are about murder, so thanks thriller books, and yes I am fun at parties….although not that I go to parties because #reading.)
BOOKWORMS FORCE THEMSELVES TO LEARN CRUCIAL LIFE-SAVING SPELLING INFORMATION.
Putting aside the “Fun Facts” of above (yes spaghetti-murder is in that category, haven’t you ever read an Ally Carter book?), bookworms are actually very studious at learning difficult things. For instance: how to spell their favourite author’s name. After I got rapidly obsessed with Maggie Stiefvater books, I had to sit down and force myself to learn to spell her name right. It was necessity.
Although I admit my priorities aren’t perfect. When it comes to Game of Thrones I still go Daniryryryryus Targargagygyggy and DUDE, THAT’S CLOSE ENOUGH.
BOOKWORMS MAKE GINORMOUS SACRIFICES FOR SAKE OF THE BOOKS (BUT NOT GENERALLY GOAT-ON-THE-ALTER-SACRIFICES, SO DON’T FRET TOO MUCH)
The goats are safe. NOTHING ELSE IS. We bookworms are masters of answering questions like:
- “Do I really need new trousers or can I use that money on books?”
- “Is it conceivable to move town or will I need a whole removalist van just to cart my books?”
- “Do I need to pay rent or can I just live in a cardboard box with my books?”
- “Go on a holiday vs spend that money on books?”
- “If that bookstore is having a 10% off sale, it is OBVIOUS that I should buy twice the amount of books and therefore save, right?”
- “Do I socialise or do I finish off this book tonight?”
- “I could save money by reading the book instead of seeing the movie, yes?”
- “Is sleep as important as reading? Probably not.”
- “Is it possible to live on cabbage so I can buy more books?”
BOOKWORMS ARE DOWNRIGHT SPECTACULARLY CREATIVE IN SHOWING THEIR LOVE FOR BOOKS.
Once upon a time, you wrote a review and flailed. The end. These days?!? Bookworms have just exploded the internet with their ingeniously devious creativity. There is (A) fanart, (B) book photography, (C) graphic designs of quotes, (D) making book trailers, (E) composing music, (F) naming your firstborn after your favourite character, (G) theming your wedding after a book, (H) cosplay, (I) arranging books like flowers, (J) tattoos, (K) making books into cakes or cakes into books or both probably.
THE OPTIONS ARE ENDLESS AND THIS IS A TRULY UNDER-APPRECIATED TALENT. I mean, look at people in the gardening fandom??? All they do is plant stuff and landscape. They don’t name their firstborn Silver Beet or cosplay a tree. We are winning here with levels of creativity.
BOOKWORMS ARE LIKE BOOK-SALE BLOOD HOUNDS.
A truly masterful talent, I might add. Because when you start to fall down the rabbit-hole of pure book obsession it gets expensive. Like sell-your-second-liver-and-your-sister-to-the-pirates sort of expensive. So book sales = NEEDED. And bookworms are seriously good at sniffing them out. We were bloodhounds in another life, probably.
(We are also very talented at NEVER RESISTING a good book bargain but, um, let’s not go into that right now…)
BOOKWORMS ARE TRULY TALENTED AT PUTTING UP WITH REAL LIFE SHENANIGANS WHEN ALL THEY WANT TO DO IS MARRY THEIR BOOKSHELF AND RUN AWAY INTO THE SUNSET.
Real life can get rather tedious, particularly because (A) people don’t appreciate our dedication to books, and (B) it’s just not as magical which is downright inconvenient. I’ve definitely felt like editing out those boring plot holes in my own life. I MEAN C’MON. THAT SCENE DIDN’T GO ANYWHERE WHY WAS IT THERE???
We bookworms are talented at keeping calm through everyday experiences when really we just want to be a fairy queen who smite the infidels. If this is not a downright amazing talent, then what is?? I ask you???