As much as I love books, they can be rather unrealistic.
No I’m not asking to know every time dear character Jane needs to pee. I’m talking about realistic details that often get left out to make us wonder what dark wizardry is going on in this universe where no one has blood-sugar crashes or greasy hair.
“But Cait,” you say, rather patiently, because you foresee me shuffling my note cards and getting ready to give a lecture on hair maintenance * and you want to avoid that at all costs, “books are FICTION! They can’t be 100% realistic all of the time!”
This is true. I concede. Do you know how much mumbling and ums and awkward coughs happen in everyday real-people dialogue? TOO MUCH. Reading it would drive you to capture a pigeon, saddle it, and try to fly off Mt. Everest upon its back while screaming a battle cry to the tune of Let It Go. I get that books can’t be realistic all of the time. But is it too much to ask for more realistic details to make me feel less like I’m reading a book and more like I’m having an ACTUAL ADVENTURE WITHIN THE PAGES!?!?
Because the best part of reading is forgetting it’s just a book, because it becomes your entire world. **
Today I’m listing 10 unrealistic shennanigans that happen in books and giving you the cold hard facts of truth instead.
* HONEY. THAT IS COMING TO YOU WHETHER YOU TRY TO AVOID IT OR NOT. I’m very passionate about fabulous hair.
** This is why 45% of human deaths are not due to sharks, but actually due to bookworms murdering people who interrupt them while reading. That’s a true statistic. Look it up on any internet you know.
1. EVERYONE HAS SUCH NICE HAIR ALL THE TIME.
As much as I adore hair * and wish everyone on earth had a mane of glory to whip about and smite enemies with — we have to face the truth. HAIR IS DOWNRIGHT FRUSTRATING AND NEEDS MAINTENANCE. Especially if it’s long. How on earth do these heroines go through a dystopian apocalypse without their hair looking like an electrocuted unwashed troll nest??? You know what else happens with hair? It gets in your food. It gets caught in doors. People touch it all the time if it’s nice/thick/long and you have to refrain from killing them. ** Plus GREASINESS. No one’s taking their apple-scented shampoo out with the zombies.
Also why do so many girls’ in YA books hair smell like strawberry or coconut or the meadows of the pure of heart? I mean. Where are they even stashing this shampoo on their quests?
How did Legolas get all the way out to Sauron’s eyeball with his tresses in even flat rows? What was the conversation like???
Aragon: You have my sword!
Gimli: And my axe!
Legolas: And my moisturising-scalp anti-tangle vanilla shampoo and hair straightener.
Legolas: Oh and bow.
But really, bless Legolas. I do love his hair and his 3 lines in 3 movies him.
* No really. I only watch movies / tv shows if they have fabulous flowing locks. Case in point: Jon Snow.
** Or don’t. I won’t tell you how to live our life. But 90% of the reason I changed to short hair was because people kept TOUCHING MY HIP LENGTH LONG HAIR and saying “Ooooh! It’s so long!” like I perhaps hadn’t noticed.
2. THEY SKIP MEALS AND NO ONE COMMITS MURDER DUE TO BEING #HANGRY.
Surely it isn’t me who gets low-blood-sugar at inopportune moments or destroys a small planet in the far galaxies if I get too hungry before lunch? Hmm???? HOW DO THESE CHARACTERS NEVER GET #HANGRY. *
It makes sense for characters who are used to not eating. But not for those whipped off on an unforeseen adventure.
And let’s not get started on these characters who see a battle/blood and then can’t eat for 3 days. Dude. I’ll set my pigeons on you.
* A word here which means “hungry + angry” and is a state of rage that a person cannot be blamed for and is best treated with liberal doses of pancakes and coffee.
3. SHORT PEOPLE DON’T HAVE SHORT PEOPLE PROBLEMS.
I read many books with short petite girls who SHOW THE WORLD WHO IS BOSS but punching evil in the kneecaps and climbing mountains despite their short stature. But somehow books fail to mention how these humans also: (A) can’t reach those high cupboards, (B) get leaned on and used as elbow rests, (C) get forgotten because they’re smol and often sat on, (D) can’t lift regular sized weapons / bags / continents, (E) get asked if they’re twelve years old when they’re actually nineteen. *
Small people are NOT just cute pocket sized heroes. They also have to jump to reach the cupboard where you keep the glasses for water. Why is this not in more books.
* Am I speaking from experience??? You’ll never know.
4. EVERYONE SMELLS LIKE A COUPLE OF DAISIES.
If I had a dollar for every time some book boy smelt like “MASCULINITY AND PINE TREES AND CINNAMON” I would be able to afford the therapy for the idiotic heroine who believed that after walking for 2 months in the wilderness with him. Because no. People smell. Boys stink. In fact, boys stink recreationally if they’re outside for more then three seconds.
And why is it always cinnamon??
NEWSFLASH: if you do not bathe = you stink.
5. THEY DON’T HAVE OVERTIRED MELTDOWNS.
Just me? Surely not just me. Tell me you can exist on 2 hours of sleep + 22 hours of hard physical exertion and not just sit down in the dusty road in the middle of your quest and start CRYING FOR NO APPARENT REASON. Except the reason is lack of sleep. Unfortunately, we need it. * Unfortunately we get unreasonable without it. Just ask your parents how they handled you at 4 months old when you never slept.
CHARACTERS NEED TO SLEEP. And if they don’t, they need to act like it!!
* Ignore my earlier post where I said we don’t need sleep. That post was written by the One True Cait. This post is being typed up by my secretarial dog who’s working fast because the One True Cait is off eating a sandwich instead of, you know, being helpful and blogging.
6. EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS EVERYONE ELSE’S CRYPTIC EYEBROW COMMUNICATIONS.
There’s nothing worse than “her eyes asked a thousand questions and he answered them with his eyebrows” which I SWEAR happens all the time in books. Look sometimes humans don’t even understand when people use their mouths for talking. We all just kind of stand there like “Huh” because we are so intelligent.
Use your words. Not your eyes / eyebrows / how you combed your hair to communicate. And we wonder why relationships never last in books, sheesh.
7. NOBODY HAS AWKWARD ALLERGIES.
Allergy representation is really thoroughly low in books WHICH IS A DYING SHAME. Literally. Because a lot of the rest of us are dying of hayfever here and would like a book character to die pleasantly beside.
I desperately want to see warriors going on a quest and having to pause for one chap who has hayfever. And also that awkward moment in a contemporary when the love interest throws a glorious picnic for their OTP only to find their allergic to bread and die in their arms. #beautifultragedy
Also allergies are really common??? Stop ignoring them, dear books???
8. PARENTS KNOW WHAT THEIR CHILDREN’S NAMES ARE.
This is absolute RUBBISH obviously because the reason parents refer to their children as “darling” and “sweetie” and “hey you” is because they don’t remember what they named their kids. My parentals cycle through 4 to 5 names before they hit on mine. Parents who call their kids the right name every. single. time. are an author’s most unrealistic fantasy.
9. EVERYONE IS IN LOVE.
Like 1 girl + 7 boys = the book. And then we get a jolly love-heptagon and also hell breaks loose with rage amongst the readers. So what I’m saying is realistically two things often happen as well, being: (1) a group of people has a more even balance of genders in it, or (2) that one girl has got NO FREAKING INTEREST in any of the seven boys.
It happens. People can be friends.
Look at Snow White. Single independent young women who lived with seven male housemates and managed to call them rude names, micromanage their lives, be with boys day in and day out, and not fall in love with any. BOOM. *
* Look, let’s not talk about her questionable choice of fruit and stranger-danger awareness.
10. DRAGONS WANT TO EAT PIDDLY HUMANS.
What is it with all these dragons out to attack countrysides and burn humans and eat them in one gulp? Because, excuse you, I think dragons have better taste than that. Humans don’t even have a lot of meat on them. Plus can you imagine how bitter they’d be???? A dragon would be like “here, one roasted human and fifteen tonnes of sugar to try mellow out their sarcastic bitter attitude born from anxiety and damaged self image”.
Books need to stop promoting that dragons want to eat people. They want to eat mammoths, cows, leviathans, chocolate pudding, and crisp apple pies.
I laughed a lot and read it out to my boyfriend and he just stared at me like, “OKAAAAAY…”
Also are you watching a series of unfortunate events because you did a * series of unfortunate events type thing? And if you are, are you liking it/loving it/hating it/etc?
#shortpeopleprobables too true.
My parents cycle through all my siblings names before landing on mine. They just go from oldest to youngest till they hit the jackpot, basically.
Astrid
http://www.astridkaniele.com/
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Omg now I’m laughing.😂😂
And YES I do love ASOUE!!! I was a rabid fan of the books (and the Jim Carey movie!) for like all my childhood. Although I’ve been doing those kind of footnotes for years actually, hehe, but I’m sure they’re remnants of my Snicket filled childhood. <3 BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH THE NETFLIX SHOW IS A+ AND STUPENDOUS.
Yes yes see??!? I get called at least 3 sister's names regularly before my mum remembers mine.😂 My brother used to get called the dog's name too.😂
YES Short People problems! I am 143cm so can relate so much!!!! Thanks for the post.
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It’s like true irony that short people’s problems get OVERLOOKED (har har har) in books, right?!😂
Another thing is that fictional girls don’t get periods. Like why?? I MEAN I AM DYING FROM CRAMPS HERE OKAY?? Periods suck😱 and even my parents confuse mine and my brother’s name sometimes, since I dunno why lol.
I don’t really know whether I am short or not. I am 5″4 so I think that’s average height. Also, boys don’t smell like cinnamon and meadows and stuff. They stink most of the time cause of PT periods and the rest of the time they have colognes which make me sneeze or Axe. THAT IS THE UNIVERSAL TRUTH.
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Yup the periods are another thing that rarely come up in books.😂 Although like I get it for really high action novels?!? Because when you’re super stressed or active (or starving) periods do get delayed or don’t come. But like for other novels? NO EXCUSES.
I don’t think you’re short at 5’4 hah. I’m 5’1.😂 And some of my sisters are smaller than me!
Ah yes, the age old drama with book character’s lives being too perfect. I’m currently reading a book where it seems like all of the 4 male characters are super romantically interested in the main character and it is so unrealistic. Like maybe one of them would be, and she would mistake on of the other boys being nice for them having a crush on her… but 4 boys…. as if.
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I know right?!? It feels like the protagonist is so self-centred when they believe everyone is in love with them.😂
Ugh, yes, everyone smells like moonlight and raindrops on rose petals and forests at dawn and I’m just like, “WHAT DO THESE THINGS EVEN SMELL LIKE????” First of all, maybe it’s just me, but I rarely notice how people smell unless they smell bad or are wearing perfume/cologne (which then just gives me a headache). Second of all, even if I did happen to notice that someone smelled nice or just that they had their own unique scent, I still wouldn’t know how to explain it. It certainly wouldn’t smell like something like cinnamon unless they sprayed cinnamon on themselves. And I’m like 99% certain that moonlight does not have a smell, yet every character seems to have one smell in particular lol.
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Omg I so agree.😂😂 People smell like whatever laundry detergent they wash their clothes in + sweat. Let’s be real here. I do actually have an oversensitive sense of smell, but no one smells like RAIN DROPS AND MOONLIGHT.
This is absolute RUBBISH obviously because the reason parents refer to their children as “darling” and “sweetie” and “hey you” is because they don’t remember what they named their kids. My parentals cycle through 4 to 5 names before they hit on mine. Parents who call their kids the right name every. single. time. are an author’s most unrealistic fantasy.
^^^^ SO TRUE. My mother calls me by my sister and her (my mother’s) sister’s name ALL THE TIME. And she uses the same pet name for me as my dad AND THEN LIES ABOUT IT!!!
But my mom has this game that she used to play with us when we were all young warthogs and everything – she would ask us “Are you my…” and then insert any random object/animal/space entity. My sister’s favourite one was ‘broomstick’ and mine was ‘grasshoppers’, though now my mother uses ‘spider’ as my pet name for some INHUMANE REASON BECAUSE SPIDERS ARE THE WORST AND THEY SHOULD BE THROWN INTO EVERY CIRCLE OF HELL!!!
Books need to stop promoting that dragons want to eat people.
^^^ I mean, obviously humans taste disgusting, like why would dragons want to eat any part of humans??
I’m like 99% sure my mum has only referred to my name correctly the first time ON THE DAY I WAS BORN. I’m literally always called my oldest sister’s name.😂 But I can’t complain because my brother used to get called the dog’s name.😂😂
I don’t want to eat humans and I AM A DRAGON so obviously this is truth for all dragons, amirite?!?
Ha! I always wonder about the hair and the breakdowns. Whether you’re tired, hangry, or gross, post-apocalyptica and general fantasy settings have no use for our heroes’s bodily shenanigans and will definitely remind them of that! I am so glad I found you on twitter! 🙂 As an aspiring author I find it super obnoxious when I see these common tropes in books. Don’t they have folks like you to point these exact problems out? (They should!)
Someone should definitely hire me to point out ALL THE THINGS. An excellent job. :’) (And omg welcome to my blog and thanks for commenting!! I love meeting more booknerds. *gives you welcome cake*)
A dragon would be like “here, one roasted human and fifteen tonnes of sugar to try mellow out their sarcastic bitter attitude born from anxiety and damaged self image”. – Haha oh my gosh Cait, but true.
Also yes to the short people problems.
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I’m glad you liked that bit.😂😂 And we short people need realistic representation right?!?😂
THIS LIST IS GREAT. I definitely need more characters with allergies, and short people problems and parents forgetting offspring names (happens to me all the time) I want more characters who go to international schools, and more characters who have divergent interests (most characters seem to have just one OBSESSION, whereas I’m interested in lots of things) and more characters who do clumsy things like spill water and get food on their clothes and walk into pillars (bc this happens to me ALL THE TIME)
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I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT. *flails quietly in the corner* And yES to everything you added to my list. Also I didn’t think about that before because I have very narrow interests (aka books books books😂) but it’s true that a lot of people are interested and good at lots of things?!? We must demand more books give us these things too.
AND ADORKABLE CLUMSY CHARACTERS = YES PLEASE.
Honestly dude I would LOVE to read a book about a character who has allergies. I’m telling ya, when you’re an old-book lover but you’re allergic to dust at the same time… THE STRUGGLE IS REALLLLL. I read a book once (literally can’t remember what it was called/who it was by, but I don’t think it was new) where a character’s smell was described as ‘starlight’ and I’m sitting there thinking ???????? Although I confess I love the smell of pine trees so I’m 100% on board with that description.
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And literally the only book I’ve read with an allergic character…she got magically cured. WHAT’S THE POINT OF THAT. Argh. And we have so many struggles??!? Like sure I want to go on that fun quest THROUGH A CORNFIELD EXCUSE ME WHILE I JUST DIE. And allergic to old books is the actual worst. I have some super old CS Forrestor books and I can’t even touch them. 😭
What does starlight even smell like is the real question. 😂
What is that MAGICAL CURE? I want it ! for my son Nini/ Calvin/ brat/Danni/ whatshisname
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Cait, I feel as if we need a secret handshake. You just pointed out so much that has been vaguely bothering me. As someone who is itty bitty and allergic to the whole of the natural world I concur that these things aren’t addressed enough. I don’t get hangry as often as I get angry because I am hot. It makes me unreasonable and mean. Surely that should happen at least once when characters are walking through jungles or deserts.
We can get matching TEE SHIRTS and share cake. *hi fives* And omg overheating is definitely a thing too. It’s like super hot here right now and we didn’t have the aircon on and I WAS LIKE NOT IN A HAPPY MOOD.😂
Cait, these are brilliant! I hadn’t even thought of half of them, but I’ll have to keep them in mind for all my future stories!
What about tall people problems? I hit my head a lot and have a hard time finding clothes that are long enough.
I think the one I have given the most thought to is #4. One of my protagonists either smells like horses or sweat or horse sweat. Not a very attractive smell unless your a horse person.
The best series I’ve read that don’t follow these cliches would have to be the River of Time series. The protagonist has problems with her hair, the men smell, and there are definitely meltdowns. Then again, there is a ridiculous amount of romance…
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Oh tall people problems should definitely be more of a thing too!! And like everyone making those “how’s the air up there” comments?!?😂 I should totally look up this River of Time series then!😂
Not being sleep-deprived is the biggest issue I’ve seen.
Something that bugs me more than it should is how so many [especially in kids books] protagonists get stuff done before school, like, let’s investigate this stuffs before first period.
No.
You are a zombie walking on two legs through the school building. You don’t even drink coffee. You are not allowed to be productive.
It’s such a big deal, right!? Like if I get sleep deprived for even a day I’m AWFUL to be around. What about all these characters who manage to be civil and not like dead on their feet?!? Bahah, I believe you about the school too.😂
My mother rarely gets our names right. Most of the time she starts with the wrong name and tries to change it midway, which results in saying “No!” before saying my name, because unfortunately that are the letters my sisters name starts with. Other names she uses: cousins (you can tell the one she loves the most… she might even like one cousin more than her own children…), cousins children and – my favorite – the cat’s, because who does not want to be the monster of Loch Ness aka Nessy from time to time?
Things that books never/rarely talk about:
# Women things / problems:
# Sunburns (the sun can kill you people! Use some sunblock for god’s sake… you can’t just wander the mountains without any protection. Believe me, I learned it the hard way)
# Cat vomit (cats are great animals: they wake you up before even the sun rises, they always try to get in your food, even when you are just having a salad and most of all they puke. On your carpet most of the time, because it’s so much more fun to clean up)
# and so much more I can’t think of right now
YES! My parents have added the dog’s name into the tangle…and now they have grandchildren it’s even worse.😂 It’s nearly hilarious when they ahve to cycle through like 10 names to remember mine…and kind of insulting. Hilarious though. Very hilarious.😂
Oh yeah! I rarely read sunburns! I only remember reading that once.😂
Oh God. The inability to reach high-up cupboards is such a pain!
And who actually notices what people smell like? Unless they’re hugging them or something? I always read ‘he smelt like…’ and take it as code for ‘this is the love interest’.
Bahah, YES! It is code for the love-interest.😂 And amazing eyes. If he’s got flecks of gold…boom. Love interest.😂
HAHAHA YES. I highly agree with the “nobody smells” one. Still waiting for my teenage love interest in real life to smell like soap and leather (?????). I don’t understand why they have to smell good to be loved.
My family owns a dog, so my parents sometimes call my brother and I the dog’s name and our dog one of our names. It’s always funny. 😂
Who even smells like soap and leather.😂 And like in fantasy it’s ESPECIALLY true…like sure you if you work in a garden, you might smell like “fresh earth” or whatever…but you’re going to smell like manure and sweat.😂
Hahaha you made me laugh with this post, especially the parents’ trouble with remembering names hahaha. I completely agree with you on all of this, I want to read about characters feeling shitty and disgusted when they’ve been on the battlefield for two days and their hair is soaked in grease and they stink …like that’s just called being ‘human’. Hmm, don’t get why authors chose to leave that out and make characters seem like glowing godesses 24/7 .
Also, another thing is a simple thing such as characters never getting colds or flus…especially in fantasy. Like if our character has been trekking across some unknown land for days in cold weather…guess what? she’s gonna end up sick…A day’s rest in bed ain’t gonna help her. Bring out the cough syrups and Strepsils…I don’t care if she’s the master of the magic system, if she has the genetic code of a human being, she’s gonna get sick. basic facts haha,
Great post, keep up the good work!
-Sam.x
So true right?!? Instead of all the “I’m a lovely person to be around” when it’s like noooooo, you’re tired and covered in blood and probably don’t feel like making out right now.😂 I suppose we can excuse the elves, buuuut, THE HUMANS NEED TO ACT HUMAN AND THAT MEANS BEING GROSS SOMETIMES.😂
Oh that’s true about the sickness too! I actually did want to put that on the list but decided to go with allergies instead. But seriously, they should get SO many colds after all that travelling in the rain.
YOU DID IT. YOU HIT UPON E V E R Y T H I N G .
It’s so true, though! And it’s quite annoying. Authors can make their characters deep and realistic, and yet they still have these problems with making everything else realistic. You also opened my eyes to allergies — I didn’t even think of that!
These are really helpful in writing, and I’ll definitely be making sure that I don’t include these/show them the wrong way!
Great post, Cait! *claps*
(And yes, crisp apple pies for dragons are a must.)
I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THE POST.😂 It’s just like a few details need tweaking to be realistic right?!? Books are getting there…but need more😂
(But downside to this post is now I feel like a crisp apple pie.😂)
Oh, Cait! 🙂 Yes, some of these are very true, and I’ve often wondered about things like, they’ve been tramping across the world for 3 days straight, apparently on little water and food, and with no traveling showers, and yet they’re all like, “Hey! We’re all still so sexy and vibrant and lovely wonderful people to be around!” HUH?
The name thing DOES completely happen, especially in large families, or when you have had little sleep. Some weeks I don’t remember anyone’s names. Even the cat, I’m just like, “Yo, kitty,” and I KNOW his name is Toby. My mother has 8 siblings, and wow, did I feel for my grandmother in terms of keeping the names straight! Once with my ex-husband, I think we forgot each other’s names for about a week there…and one of his co-workers mentioned our given names in conversation, and it was like, “Yes, that’s it! Thank you!!!” (True story.) 🙂
I know right?!?? Like I’m horrible to be around if I don’t sleep well for ONE night or if I have a late lunch haha. Imagine me in that state for like 3 months. At the end the heroes should all be murdering each other tbh.😂
I’m glad to hear forgetting names is just a worldwide problem for us all.😂
Cait this list is phenomenal! In order of thoughts:
1. Hair bugs me more in movies than in books because, let’s be honest, I don’t actually READ descriptions — hair or eyes or something comes up and BAM I’m skimming. But you’re right; everyone is always perfectly coiffed!
2. I canNOT skip meals, and this one bugs me. Seriously people, food is REQUIRED. NOW.
3. Yes yes YES! I love me an awesome short protagonist (I can relate!) But it’s so true that they frequently don’t have the issues us mere mortal short people do. I don’t feel like it used to be like that? I was obsessed with Laurell K. Hamilton in high school, and Anita Blake was short (about my height, I think) and she DID have short people problems! AND she was a zombie-raising, vampire-killing badass. A spectacular role model. (You know, for the first 5-9 books, and then the series just devolved but I digress)
4. I am going to write a character with bad BO now. It will be a new trend!
5. I’ve got a character who devolved into a state of depression/insanity — not because of lack of sleep so much as just TOO MUCH hitting at once (he literally finds out that magic is seriously a thing, gets sent back in time 20 years, then watches his mom commit suicide because her young son disappeared when he got sent back. Very depressing). Totally not the same thing at all as sleep-deprived anxiety, but I don’t know, kind of related?
6. The eye communication drives me up a bloody wall. It’s particularly annoying (to me at least) in the Fever series; do Mac and Barrons ever have a REAL conversation? WithOUT their eyes?
7. Oooh, I haven’t thought about the allergy thing. I’ll have to mull over that one.
8. Names are DIFFICULT! I’ve been James-Michelle most of my life. And more recently, since both kids in our household have moved out, I’m now Jim-James-Michelle. It’s sad. But I’ve been trained.
(And I’m out of time and have to leave for work NOW so I don’t have time to comment on the last two. Agh! *runs out the door*)
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I’m so glad you liked it!!😂
And actually so true? I tend to skip too if it’s excess description. But I actually highly do appreciate epic hair in books…just so long as it’s treated realistically.😂 And what is it with everyone skipping so many meals. Like “oh I’m sad, I can’t eat”…WHAT ABOUT I’M SAD SO I WANT TO EAT A LOT. *flings hands in the air* I cannot even.
Yes we’ll make stinky characters trendy.😂😂
I actually need to do more with the allergy thing myself. I’ve had a fantasy world with characters who are all vegans and it gives a lot of problems to other people and a lot of fights.😂
(Thanks for leaving such an epic comment!)
I have just finished laughing, I totally agree with you. I want to see vampires not falling in love with humans a lot more often. Like you know, treat humans as food like they are. AND! when you talk about short ppl, those dwarfs in the Hobbit hit all the buttons right? They sing when they are hungry, their hair looks like that all the time, and that dragon did try to eat them for lunch. and Legolas’ hair still looks pretty there
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SO TRUE. Like wouldn’t vampires have better things to do anyway???! Like, um, rule the world or something. I would have a seriously huge agenda if I was immortal.😂
Dude YES TO THOSE DWARVES AND HOBBITS. Accurate short people representation.😂 I think I’m a hobbit honestly.
OMG LIKE YES. I have all the short people problems. Like, I routinely get hit on the head when I’m trying to pull objects from high cupboards and then I can’t reach and tip it over and it lands on me. MY LIFE IS HARD. (side note: my parents were taking pictures of us, their beloved children, and my brother was standing on tiptoes and looked like super tall but you couldn’t see his tiptoes and GAH). Also, the names thing? My parents call me the wrong name all the time. Like sometimes when they sing my goodnight song (weird tradition, I know) they end up singing my siblings song. Honestly, the cheek of it.
Other unrealistic things: in contemporaries, the characters don’t spend any time on the internet and instead walk around having a life and falling in love. Like, really? And I feel like in general there are fewer introvert book characters. And all of them have best friends? I haven’t had a best friend since I was six (except Shanti, but she doesn’t count). Also, why is it always a heroine choosing between guys? Like isn’t there ever a boy who doesn’t know which girl he likes? This would actually be interesting, especially if from the POV of one girl, and authors should write that. *nods*
We need more TRUE short people representation for sure!! Like how do all these short people wield all the big swords and reach the top cupboards? What wizardry is this. And I think it’s just like if a family has more than one kid, the parents sign a contract to never remember any of our names.😂#legit
I have actually read triangles with 2 girls + 1 boy…but so not often. I think it’s more often 2 boys + 1 girl because that’s the authors fantasy to be fought over.😂
On one hand, I agree with a lot of these. Like the perfect hair thing oh STARS; I have long hair because it makes me feel a bit more fantasy-heroine-ish, but if I don’t keep it braided, it gets in my way a ton- less now that I’m in college and don’t have to do as many chores, but still. And the “everyone is in love,” because if life actually worked that way I’d have had at least six guys ask me out by now. And the eyebrow communication thing. (On that note: there should be a lot more talking-with-hands in novels, accompanied by people being confused and making fun of the person who talks with their hands because they almost hit someone in the face, or their gestures don’t seem to have a logical correlation with what was said.)
That said, there are some of these I’m able to rationalize. Like the skipping meals thing- once you get to a certain level of tired from trekking across mountains and plains and whatnot and fighting bad guys and whatever else, you don’t really care if you’re hungry too. And a lot of characters in fantasy books (which is what I primarily read) probably ARE used to skipping meals when they have to. Also, the smell thing, but that’s because my nose only works about 25% of the time and so when characters don’t smell stuff, I don’t actually register that there’s something missing.
I do appreciate some of the reminders here- like the short-people thing, because I’m not short-people, but I have short-people characters (including one who’s 15-16 but literally LOOKS like she’s 12 because she’s part magical person and that just wrecks havoc on the aging process- on the upside, she’ll spend about a hundred years, if not longer, looking like she’s in the prime of life once she gets there; on the downside, as I said, her aging is currently stuck at 12-13 and who knows when it’ll get unstuck). And there’s one family in a different series where there’s no way the parents are going to remember all the kids’ names because the dad is a polygamist and he has way too many wives. Also way too many kids. So, yeah, thanks for this.
Oh, and regarding the last item on your list- most of my dragons have no interest in eating people, one set because they can turn into sort-of-people and that would make eating actual people awkward, and the other because they’re like “No, humans taste disgusting.” So, yeah.
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Also, that was a ginormous comment, practically a small blog post of its own, and I apologize deeply.
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(Pfft, don’t apologise! I love chatting with you! <3)
And awk I am just nodding along to all of this. Like when I had super long hair (hip length until like a few years ago) it took FOREVER to take care of it too. Like super long showers, a million buckets of shampoo, and then 9 hrs getting the knots out. Like imagine doing a quest and trying to finger-comb??! It would be awful. And NO ONE FALLS IN LOVE WITH EVERYONE THEY MEET. Like most people are too freaking annoying.😂
I am super sensitive to smells, so I think that's why I get so miffed by the lack of stinking in books. But like sure they might not NOTICE the stench if everyone stinks, right? But surely 3 weeks trekking the jungle CAN'T equal someone smelling like cinnamon, right?!?
Oh I loved that sneak-peek into those two projects of yours. 😉 TBH I write FAR too many dead parents situations, but I'm putting in more mis-remembered names in this book I wrote where there are 7 kids. Because really. My parents just have 2 kids at home and they can't even remember our names.😂
(Humans totally would be disgusting. All those bones and annoying attitude. Ew.)
LEGOLAS! *passes out* *wakes back up* his hair is SO amazing! *passes out again*
my parents kinda know my name, they have more diffaculty with the little girls names. 😛
my books ALWAYS look like movies as soon as I start reading them. 😀
Most crazily, ~Olive
p.s. dude, I was taking a shower this morning, and I totally wrote a book in my head about a book worm with glasses, goes on a quest, gets a dragon and a best friend, and has greasy hair problems and a need for chocolate. really, she brings a bunch, because when she’s tired or nervous, she eats one and it helps her think. AND she’s used to large meals. 😀
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HIS HAIR IS AMAZING. SO MUCH HAIR APPRECIATION.😂
Clearly you have very inspiring showers.😂 And I’m glad this bookworm is so realistic! I hope this book works out for you!
“her eyes asked a thousand questions and he answered them with his eyebrows”
If I ever read that in a book I think I would just close it and re-think my novel choices!
Also, agree 100% with the everyone being in love one. More friends less smush
That would be fair.😂 I mean that was a SLIGHT exaggeration hahah, but stillllll.
Hello, secretarial dog! What’s your name? Hopefully people remember it. My name is Dominique, and my mom never gets it right. She stutters first “D- D- D- D-” but that’s her fault for giving us all D names. She usuallt just settles on “whoever you are, get over here!” I hope every one calls you a good dog and that you get lots of treats for typing out Cait’s work!
SSHH DON’T BREAK SECRETARIAL DOG’S COVER. *woofs* Ahem. But omg having all the same lettered names would be hard.😂 My brother and I both share a C and there has been fumbles. But “get over here you” also works.
(also FYI the owner does NOT give me enough treats #rude of her)
I never thought about it, but the parents always getting names right is so true! There’s just me and my brother at home, but sometimes she’ll call us by the other name, refer to my brother as “she” when she’s talking to me, or even call us by one of the dogs’ names >_<
I would also LOVE to see a book where girls aren't always talking about boys (or falling in love with boys). Yes, my roomies and I will talk about guys sometimes, but most of our conversations are about happenings in our lives or a show we love. And in the perfect world, we don't have the dilemma of which guy to choose. More often than not, there aren't any guys we'd like to spend the rest of our short lives with.
I relate to the dog’s name as well!! My mum used to mix up my brother, my nephew, and my dog’s name haha. Ah. Family. :’)
And I know right?!? Especially if we have these heroines going after a throne or like a magical quest…surely they’re thinking about more than a BOY. Argh. It’s actually insulting to us.
This is utterly fabulous smushy, I laughed my ass off and couldn’t agree more!
One more you could add to your list is periods. The periods get me. Is everyone living in a magical period free land where no one is menstruating or at least bloated and cramping? Where is the heroine running for her life and yelling to her friend, CHECK MY BUM TO MAKE SURE I’M NOT LEAKING THROUGH. We’ve all done that at one point when at the shops, at the gym or when getting up from sitting down. Am I right ladies?
I can count on one hand the amount of YA books I’ve read that mention it.
But if there is a magic period free land, I’ll be moving ASAP.
I’m so glad you liked it!!😂 I had fun writing this omg. And yES to periods. Although I do forgive that a bit more when the character is like starved and/or doing serious physical exercise…because periods can stop for that. But otherwise, like aren’t our heroines lying on the ground saying “CRAMPS. TAKE CARE OF THE ZOMBIES YOURSELF” once in a while?!
I enjoyed the list and it made me laugh. It’s now bookmarked and I’m thinking of ways I may incorporate some of these.
That brings me to a research question (I’m a guy and am not as familiar with this topic) – my female lead is in high school and during the part of the story I’m currently writing she is on the cross country team. Once she gets to “that time of the month” will she be able to run three miles competitively? There’s a scene right after where they will not be getting intimate, and I could us this as a reason she gives – but I do want realism and consistency.
By the way, my wife frequently gets tangled on the name thing, now with the grand kids, until she stops and says, “You know what your name is!”
I thought #8 was a requirement for normal family life. . . 🙂
Actually just read a book with #7 in it!! Can the world be perfect now?
BAhaha, I think it is?!? So many people are relating to it.😂
One of my biggest peeves is how characters are so in tuned with each other’s body language. Like NO, you CANNOT mouth “I’ll go here and you stall” so perfectly. If it was me, I would mess up a mission SO quickly!
I know right?!?!? Lip reading is actually excruciatingly hard. And all the like “she said with her eyes” kills me because YOU CAN’T COMMUNICATE THAT MUCH WITH YOUR EYEBALLS.😂
These are SO GREAT. Honestly, as a writer this helps a TON. I feed my characters pretty regularly (or at least mention when they don’t eat for whatever reason. And then have other characters //make// them eat XD). I don’t THINK I have any characters with allergies? I have one who has low blood pressure so he’s cold ALL THE TIME, but that’s not really an allergy. (he, himself, believes he’s allergic to snow because COLD but he’s also a little brat so.)
BUT THE HAIR. I laughed so hard over your Legolas conversation XD BUT FOR REAL. I could totally incorporate the nasty greasy hair into Mark of the Rose. I mean, Rose and her people are barbarians ANYWAY so they don’t care about bathing, but she does have her fair share of locks, so I could make them be so greasy and dirty.
Yes. It shall happen.
OH oh low blood pressure is so good though!! I haven’t like read that hardly ever?!? I put it in my books.😂 It always makes me rather evilly pleased to give my characters like these super every-day-sort-of-problems. And ohhhh I wrote an epic fantasy where a character got a sugar-high. I was so amused with myself. I actually need to write more allergies though?!??
I LOVE HAIR THOUGH ALL MY CHARACTERS HAVE SUCH HAIR COMPLEXES. But they actually take care of their hair half the time. If you see a character pausing to wash their hair in the apocalypse…it’s probably mine. #legit
I once spent 14 days in the woods, and I was not pretty when I came out. The first thing I did when I got back to civilization was go to McDonalds because I was starving, but I was afraid to go inside because I smelled horrible and looked like I just crawled out of a grave. Why does this never happen to book characters?
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That is EXACTLY what I mean!! And I’ve gone bush camping and felt 100% gross after only a week. Like imagine doing it for like a few months and then the hero/heroine fall in love and are making out at the end??! LIKE NO THEY’RE BOTH SO GROSS THEY SHOULD JUST WANT SLEEP AND FOOD AND LIKE 9 SHOWERS.
I love the short people issues!!! I have been saying that for years… the characters are always “below average height” yet never seem to ask for help… for oh the millions of things that are out of reach…. or whatnot… I laughed so hard at that section… Thank you for voicing the truth of every shorter than average human who has ever read a book 😉
I KNOW RIGHT?!?!? And like they seem to wield the same weapons as everyone else and dude, no. It’d be too big/heavy. And keeping up with people’s reeeally long-legged stride! THAT IS A REAL ISSUE.😂
Let me tell you something, Cait. Characters NEED to always look and smell (or maybe just seem) fab so they can make out anytime and anywhere (see what I did there? I just combined 3 points. HA!). Also, it make you feel more comfortable, my mom say my sisters’ and my (female) cousins’ names first before actually saying my name. Same thing goes for my aunt and my grandma. Just how great is that?
also, your posts always make my day 😀
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Omg so true. Like how can they have those romantic moments when everyone actually STINKS and is hangry and sleep deprived? Tbh most romances in those epic fantasy settings should end up with everyone stabbing each other because they’re so overtired.😂
(I’m so glad you liked the post!!)
LOL Great post Cait. My worst is the passionate kissing with morning breath or just after the character spewed their breatfast.
Omg THAT too. That’s the absolute worse and so gross.😝
My mum has to go through all of the names in the family and then finally correct to my ACTUAL NAME! And YAS for short people, people need ti know my sufferings. Also, they never seem to hangry (As you said) or go toilet or just always have the nicest sleep. like how do you get washed away in dreams.
I RELATE SO MUCH, MAHRIYA. 😂 Sometimes my parents even go through the dog’s name bahahhah. And dude, YES to the sleep too!! Like I know one can sleep quite well from pure exhaustion, but I can basically guarantee all that sleeping on rocks while one is on a quest is going to end up with muscles being pulled and being so tired omg.
AHAHAH this is so true. XD I don’t even think about some of these while reading to be honest. But then in hindsight I’m like… “But wait…” XD
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Haha, I totally get that! And I try to put these kind of details into my books, but omg it is actually a lot easier if everyone has perfect hair all of the time.😂
LOL Yeeesss! Where is the allergy diversity?! I demand representation.
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I demand it too!! We need demand it so much because it’s severely lacking!
You ask the real questions!
Lauren @ Always Me
I try, I try.😂
Everyone is in love is probably the most annoying. I always feel like after they fall in love they say something like “I’ve loved you ever since I first saw you.” LIKE WHAT?! This is unbelievable. My mom always knows my name when she shouts for me, its when my parents introduce me to people that they get it wrong. They always are like this is, “Vanessa,” (My sisters name) and she introduces my sister as me. We correct her fast though. I want to know how people in books just magically know how to pronounce the crazy names. Like people get my name wrong all the time. One time my mom was with me and we got called up at an event and they said my name wrong. I heard my mom mutter, “Has nobody ever heard of the name Leah?” HAHAH! I told her nope. People also can’t remember my name either, I tell people twice, but if they ask more than that I give them a different name every time they ask. I also love it when in books character have beautiful hair. I especially love it when it has a good author to describe it.. People touching hair without permission is probably one of my most hated things! Also people asking me if my hair is real! Like what even! Everyone just assumes, I guess, since I am a PoC that I am fully African American, therefore I should have short hair. Then they see my mom (who is white) and are very surprised. I have had someone pull my hair because he thought it was fake. People always try to touch my sisters hair a lot too, she has dreads.
I think the instalove stuff is always annoying and unbelievable too.😂
Omg your name stories are so relatable. Regrettably my name has like a MILLION spellings so every award I ever got as a kid has a different spelling on it. They couldn’t even spell it right for my bank card. TWICE.😂 Books definitely need to represent all the mispronounced/spelled names more!!
And ugh to those people who think it’s ok to pat hair. IT IS NOT. THEY WILL BE THROWN INTO MORDOR. And that’s ridiculous that people ask if your hair is real?! That would be so annoying and kind of rude tbh?!? You definitely put up with a lot more hair-nonsense than me! I just used to have people pat my hair and say “it’s so thick!” which was bad enough. 🙈🙊 Obviously we deserve all the cake for these hairy struggles.
YES! XD
Girls rarely get their periods in YA. That’s pretty unrealistic. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book where the heroine was writhing on the floor in agony from cramps while simultaneously eating mass amounts of chocolate, nearly biting the head off of anyone who dares approach, running out of tampons five minutes after the drug store closes, and being rudely dismissed by the misogynist love-interest with the comment, “Crazy bitch is on the rag.” ‘Cause that would probably be more realistic than what we actually get!
Funnily enough, girls used to get their periods in YA. I remember being sort of traumatized by some book I read years ago where the main character got her first period and she didn’t have any pads, so she stuffed her pillow between her legs and called for help, all while everything was oozing out. I remember somewhat fearfully asking my mom, “Is that really what happens?” Because I didn’t see how hemorrhaging enough to soak a freaking pillow was healthy, normal, or something to be celebrated.
In the same vein, nobody ever goes to the bathroom. Yeah, it can be mundane and boring. But (and this sort of ties in with your allergy point) it’s kind of a big deal if you’ve got Crohn’s disease or IBS, or even lactose intolerance. Why do we never have gassy heroes who have to put their quest on hold because the yak’s milk they were given at the feast caused more problems than it solved? (My guess is that people think these things are “gross”… but I don’t see how they’re any worse than stabbing and disemboweling and all the gory descriptions that can accompany those things.)
I’ve read tons of books where there were the “oh she’s on her period” comments to dismiss women’s feelings (ARGH) but yeeeeah, so limited with them actually ON their period!! I get it for a lot of action-adventure books though. Like if the character is being very very physical in their quest AND underfed/starving, chances are they won’t have a period. But like that’s definitely not the premise of a lot of book sand they don’t have periods!?? It’s not a shameful thing to write about omg. Get it together, books!!
Bathroom scenes, I think, should only be in the book if they make a difference to the scene. Like if someone’s having a food reaction, haha, yes so true, or just ill. But like I HAVE read a book where they basically listed every time the characters peed and … it was too much and gross and just not really needed.😂
Bwa ha ha! I always thought that the fruity smelling hair was due to the incredible influence of Salon Selectives shampoos on girls int the early 1990’s.
Yes, the reason parents call their kids “sweetheart” is because they’ve temporarily forgotten their name. I used to tease my mom about calling me the wrong name all the time. My family is getting their payback since I keep mixing up my the names of my son, daughter, and my sister! I call all of my students “sweetheart” or “Princess Coconut” because when I have over 500 students I just can’t remember names.
I think that’s an awesome way to refer to students.😂Tbh I can’t even remember all my sisters’ kids’ names and there’s only 6 of them. My memory is deplorable.😂
OMAIGAD CAITH!!!!! MY MOTHER FORGETS MY NAME TOOOO Omg I FEEL SOOOO REPRESENTED. my mom confuse her own daughter’s names…. I mean yes. YES.
Another stuff: the YA characters NEVAH go to the bathroom. or the girls Never HAVE THE PERIOD like WTF!
I HEAR YOU, NINA. WE CAN BE FORGOTTEN LOST CHILDREN TOGETHER. *hi fives*
The bathroom being absent I can handle, because I read a book where they basically listed EVERY TIME the character peed and it was beyond annoying/tedious/awkward.😂 But the periods right??!? Like those are complicated. Where are our girls fighting zombies but also having cramps?!?
Cait, I love this post. Hero, who smell like pine trees and cinnamon all the time… and “her eyes asked a thousand questions and he answered them with his eyebrows” – Lol. Just lol. Romance books are especially guilty of this.
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They are! I mean, it’s kind of fun these tropes sometimes.😂 But also eye-roll worthy!
THESE ARE THE MOST LEGIT THINGS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. XD I’m laughing so hard. As much as I love books, half the time I’m just staring at them like, “why are you making no sense stop. You should be crying at this point. Or eating. Or both. Act normally.”
YES YES I AGREE ABSOLUTELY.😂 Or like “I’m too tired to eat” and I’m sitting there going “?????? eat in bed ????? use your brain”. Because like food is important and gives you energy. How do people even run across the jungles and galaxies without eating.
#3 is the most accurate thing ever. I’m short and I have to climb on my kitchen counters to reach anything higher than the first shelf of the cupboards and no WAY can I reach the top shelf of the grocery store aisles. How am I suppose to wield giant axes and other weapons that likely weigh more than I do without my arms getting tired?!
See?!? This is totally it!!! Like no one can just grab a weapon off a pile and give it to me. I’d fall over! I’m a SMALL BEAN and need small weapons. And like I like the “tough small girl” trope a whole lot, but we have to be realistic here. Our muscles are going to be smaller.😂
I just read your last post about your comments not sending email notifications so I figured I’d go check and BAM! Look what I found! No notification for this one hahah WordPress is a hater.
WordPress is BEING CRUEL TO ME. 😭😭 Hopefully the new widget I’ve just installed works though??! 🙈
Yes!! I think it does! I got the notifications for your last two replies to me, so maybe it’s fixed?! HOORAY!
OMG THIS IS SUCH AN AMAZING POST! Tbh I hadn’t thought a lot about these before but as I was reading them I was like YES OMG! I’m an only child but somehow she ends up calling me her sisters names before mine! Really creative post!
aHHHH I’m glad you liked it!! And that’s hilarious that your mum goes to your aunt’s names before yours.😂😂 My parents sometimes called my brother the dog’s name.😂
Okay, so I really do love how we get scent descriptions lately on YA books, because it means someone will turn it into a candle at some point, but YES WHAT A LIE — since when do guys smell of anything BUT their body spray/cologne or sweat?!
Also, has someone battling with eczema and floppy hair (I blame the stupid hard water here in London) — no one is spending almost 20 minutes before bedtime slathering on shite on their face like coconut oil just so it doesn’t crack because of the winter air.
*breathes* Okay, I’m done with my personal rant :))
Okay that is true for those bookish candle makers!😂 Very handy. But yeeeah, I just don’t…unless they’re actively dousing themselves in cologne or whatever the ENTIRE BOOK (which they can’t be if they’re on like a whirlwind adventure!) then I don’t believe it.😂
But, dude, YES to the acne too. Everyone in books is so ridiculously clear skinned I kind of want to pummel them.😂
Yes yes YES the hair!!! I don’t get it. I used to have really long hair (well below my waist), and PEOPLE KEPT TOUCHING IT AND PETTING IT AND TWISTING IT AROUND LIKE A STRANGE SPECIMEN FOR SCIENTIFIC EVALUATION! Like, hands off, dude. “Whoa, it’s so LONG and THICK!” they’d admire. It’s like people think that once it gets that ridiculously long, it’s not a part of you any more and you won’t notice or care AND IT’S NOT CREEPY AT ALL. NOBODY messes with my hair now (I wear it shoulder blade length), and the idea would seem icredibly creepy if you mentioned it, but how is that different from messing with my super long hair?? Without asking??? It’s still mine and attached to me, thank you very much.
And omg, I laughed so hard about the scents!! It’s so true!!! Like, that really sad thing is, I knew that pine trees and cinnamon would be on the list and when you said “masculinity”, I was like, oh duh. AT LEAST A LITTLE VARIETY, PEOPLE?! Or the visual of toting shampoo on a dangerous trek through the wilderness. “The zombies are hot on my tail, but I spare myself just long enough to drink from the lake. Who knows when I’ll next have a chance. And then I spare myself just a little longer to bathe with a little of my precious strawberry scented shampoo, thinking I might meet my True Love out here in the wild and I want to smell good like strawberries to him. The zombies will have closed most of my lead, but the bath was worth it.” Ummm… riiiigggghhhht…
What’s almost as bad as the one-girl-six-guys-and-a-love-apocalypse-ensues is the five-girls-five-guys-AND-WE-ALL-PAIR-OFF. Like, how did you all manage to land yourselves in an adventure with your one and only soulmate? All of you?? In the SAME ADVENTURE?? DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A LOVE BOAT TO YOU?!?!? We are very busy killing zombies and saving the world, not finding our OTPs!!
Omg the touching of hair. THE TOUCHING OF HAIR IS THE WORST. And like that’s really a good point about how no one pets/strokes/touches short hair. Why do they think they can do ti for long hair???? It’s just so super weird. I may or may not have less people in my life now that a few tried to pet my hair when it was long. But it was self defence. *wears a hat forever*
And omg I’m laughing. Your comment is the best.😂 But HEY maybe they can squirt shampoo in the zombies eyes and survive that way???
I definitely agree on the hair thing, I have uncontrollable hair, so I don’t understand how YA heroines can keep their hair looking so damn nice all the time! In fact I understand most of these, except the parents calling you by the right name one, my parents have never got my name wrong! Though I suppose I only have one sister, so it’s not like they have many names to remember 🙂
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AGREED. Like I cut my long hair off because it was so annoying, but even with short hair it gets greasy and unmanageable and awful and HOW DO PEOPLE SURVIVE THE APOCALYPSE WITH LONG HAIR I DON’T GET IT.😂
I loved this post Cait! I have a few food allergies myself and wonder why it isn’t represented because it’s such a big part of my life. Yet everyone can gobble anything they want on their quest #lactoseintolerance. Also what is with short heroines acting exactly like tall people and doing everything they can do? Nope this does not happen lawl
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I know right?!? We need more quests where the hero/ine is like “yeah thanks for the food but I actually can’t EAT WHEAT OR I’LL DIE so yeah”. #relatable And like the only allergies I read about are either like really intense ones (Everything Everything) or nut allergies. There are more than that?!? C’mon books, get it together!
Oh my word, Cait, you just nailed this so perfectly! I feel like I need to jot these down and incorporate them into all my writing. 🙂
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OH GOOD. MY WORK HERE IS DONE.😂 Tbh I need to put them more into my writing too haha. I’ve got the hair woes down pat though, and also being #hangry. It makes for writing very entertaining scenes, let me tell you.😂
I actually hate it so much when characters say that so and so’s eyes told them “we’re going to escape this tower by using that sand-in-the-sparkling-sun-coloured rope in the corner and tying it to the third hook on the wall and dangling it 27.9 metres down the outside wall of the tower and then travelling at 83 mph to the bottom to land in that little patch of weeds there” and it’s like WHAT NO HOW. And then jimmy falls from the tower to his death because I did not understand the glimmer in his eyes. It’s a glimmer omg how am I supposed to see it.
Also – no one sneezes in books? I sneeze like 24/7 and I just don’t get how book characters don’t sneeze. It’s actually scientifically impossible.
And I agree that characters must stink so bad it’s like, how long have you been wearing those clothes? I’m surprised people don’t die more often of suffocation by the stench, or just starvation/lack of sleep/holding in pee too long/never ever sneezing. Just how.
I completely feel ya on parents never knowing their kids’ names. I have four older siblings and, I’m not even kidding, my dad will sometimes list all of my siblings IN AGE ORDER before getting to me. Our names aren’t even that similar?
I’m pretty much always suffering from colds/hayfever and so I’m very upset that there is basically no representation of these in books. And also diabetes? Fur allergies? Lactose intolerance? Where you at.
Simi
Omg I’m laughing so much right now, Simi.😂😂 YOUR COMMENT IS PERFECTION. We humans have enough misunderstandings when we actually TALK let alone all this nonsense about talking through one’s eyes.😂
So true about the sneezes! Or they only sneeze when they’re about to be found by badies…
And I hear you with the listing-siblings-in-age-order-before-reaching-the-actual-child-in-question. I relate, oh I relate. Sometimes the parentals go through the dog’s name too…😂
(We obviously need a medieval book where the hero is allergic to his hors.e😂)
This post. THIS POST. So many yes. Bless you, good soul, for putting it into words.
Did you just BLESS ME???? What is this day. Who is this person using my sister’s username. Is the world ending. Has the sun been sucked into the void. Are the zombies night.
Thank you for writing this, you have no idea how grateful I am that someone other than myself has noticed these things, especially the love triangle thing. There needs to be more stories of Dragon’s being awesome but also being “Pfft, why would I notice you pesky humans, let alone eat you, I have far better things to do.”. Keep up the good work.
YAS! I’m so glad it’s not just me thinking some of these things need fixing.😂
Thank you for giving me such wonderful ideas to fill my book with! 😀
And this was such a fun post to read, it’s easy to tell you went full out on this one which I love! I also agree on every single part, there are loads of unrealistic moments in books that makes me want to cry in frustration! Glad I’m not the only one feeling that way!
I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Books are wonderful but they can be a little ridiculous. 😂
Well, Mrs. Weasley never could get Fred and George’s names right. But yes, my parents are the same way with names. Once or twice she’s called me the dog’s name and we don’t even have a dog. Don’t ask,
BUT I WANT TO ASK.😂😂 That is the most hilarious thing omg.
Love this!!!
I’m so glad!
Hilarious as usual! I love the parents one! My mom sometimes calls me Ben or Leo, which are my brother’s names. And I look at her like, really? And it’s so true about being short! Whenever I go to the store to buy something, the thing I want is always on the top shelf that I of course can’t reach and it’s either climb up the shelves like a weirdo or search half the store for an employee who can help me reach it! Ugh. lol
~Sara
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And climbing the shelves is kind of embarrassing right?!?😂 Also my mum used to mix up the dog and my brother’s names. Now THAT was hilarious.
“when the love interest throws a glorious picnic for their OTP only to find their allergic to bread and die in their arms. #beautifultragedy”
I need that book in my life please write it
*Tries not to look evil and murderous*
Yes yes it’s immediately on my to-do list to write.😂
Totally agree with so many of these. Except, I mean, my parents did know my name, but there were only two of us, and one was a boy and one was a girl. I have definitely yelled at my kids by the wrong name though, and again, only two of them so… maybe you are onto something 😉
The hair and smells thing though, SERIOUSLY. No, you smell like GARBAGE because you have been in the desert/woods/random apocalyptic locale for months on end. You’re disgusting. The only thing that could possibly be working out for anyone is a sturdy hair tie, tbh. Braid that mess, Katniss was onto something. (Speaking of, props to Suzanne Collins for discussing how gross they were on the regular- AND how hungry and tired and such, too.) I just finished a book that talked about underwear AND periods, several times. Not an annoying amount of anything just like… a regular, human amount. And it was GLORIOUS. Because come on, who isn’t pissed off at their period and annoyed by their bra?
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My parents literally only had 2 kids left for the last 3 years AND YET THEY STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’VE NAMED US. I get called the name of whatever sister my mum was talking to last.😂And she calls my dog the name of my brother’s dog who’s been dead like 7+ years. SO. Bad naming skills may be why I call all my followers after random fruits? One can never know.
Omg but a million props to Suzanne Collins! Like Katniss wasn’t automatically neat-haired or had shaved legs or anything. It was so realistic GAH PROVES THOSE BOOKS ARE THE ULTIMATE BESTS YET AGAIN.
I have wondered about why no one stinks when they dont take bath for ages. And also, why do people hug and kiss when they are so stinky, not taking a bath. You might be right about them using a lot of creams. Haha. Also, those adventurous stories where they eat a potato and travel for days. HOW?
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I know right?!? It’s so so gross.😂 No one really wants to snuggle up when they’re all totally sweaty/filthy/gross. And OMG I WOULD DIE OF STARVATION IF I WERE IN A BOOK. I get ravenous and I just scuttle about my house. Imagine like trekking all the way to Mordor with just that one potato. *shudders*
First of all, now that I know that YOU ALSO HAVE A FREAKISHLY LARGE FAMILY (although mine is considered small with 5 children because my mom actually wanted 13 and my Grandmother has 10 soooo….) I CAN SO RELATE TO MY MOM NOT KNOWING MY NAME. Sometimes she even had to name everyone twice (including me) before figuring out which one was my name. The impressive part though is that she always does it in order of oldest to youngest (but still can’t remember which one I am???). *Shakes head knowingly*
I honestly can’t say I relate with short people problems but I HAVE SO MANY FOOD ALLERGIES. They aren’t deadly, mind you, BUT THERE WOULD BE SOME SERIOUS BOWEL ISSUES IN THAT BOOK IF I WAS THE MAIN CHARACTER AND ATE THINGS I WAS ALLERGIC TO. I mean, sure, I can write about that if you REALLY want………. ………..
…………………………………………
I’m not going to write about it.
BUT YES TO THE HAIR. And also to the love heptagon. NO. Just N0.
Also I actually did write a book that has two wonderfully snarky dragons who are acutally squishy and I love them so much. SO YAY.
But also I don’t know what you mean. My main form of communication with my little sister is eyebrow wiggling. HOW DARE YOU INVALIDATE THAT. Eyebrow wiggling is legit. SO LEGIT:
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YAY FOR OUR TWINNING AGAIN. *hi fives* Although, like we discussed on twitter, I win because I also have a brother. Although, ew, I’m happy to pretend I have not a brother. My mum basically just calls me the name of whatever child she talked to last. Which is slightly logical but I also feel like I have no name. Ahem😂
And SAME! My allergies aren’t going to kill me but they’re downright annoying.😂 Try going out to eat and it’s like “woah yeah I can’t eat anything let me just drink water now”. I want to read that in books?!?
Your eyebrow wiggling is OBVIOUSLY WRONG AND GOING TO BRING DOWN THE UNIVERSE WITH CONFUSION. My main form of communication with my sister is hitting her with books I want her to read next. THAT is the true way to go about it.
OMG, THIS LIST IS SO ACCURATE. Tbh, I always smell like I’ve run a marathon even though I hardly do any physical activity because #lazy.
AND SHORT PEOPLE PROBLEM REPRESENTATION NEEDS TO BE A THING. I’m 4’10.66 (every centimetre counts) and I have so much trouble reaching things and I hate it when people use my head as a arm rest. I’m only a teenager, so I hope I’ll grow more, but probably not by much. My mum’s 5’3 and my grandma was 5’2.
My hair always seems to be greasy af, even though I wash it quite often and regularly.
AND PIMPLES!!! Why don’t heroes/heroines ever get pimples? They’re the bane of my existence, I tell you. The bane of my existence.
MORE REPRESENTATION FOR SHORT PEOPLE FOR SURE!! I’m 5’1 so just a littttle bit winning on you, but seriously I still can’t reach the cupboards. *weeps for self* (And three of my sisters are around 5 to 5’2 as well haha. While my brother is 6ft. How is that even fair.)
Also I only really recall one book where a bunch of kids got trapped in a building and they did have breakouts of pimples. I was so impressed because it was so realistic.😂
You know what? I don’t think I’ve ever read a YA book that didn’t have a romance. EVER. Which is, you know, sort of weird, as I’m fairly sure romance like the kind of romance young adults read about* doesn’t ever really… um, happen…
*hot guy and special snowflake have eye contact and the next thing you know, they’re in lurveeee
Well do I have a list for you then. 😉 I have a whole goodreads shelf dedicated to YA books without romance: you can find it here. They may be rare but they exist! However falling in love with hot fallen angels from heaven or whatever? Yeah. That never happens.😂😂
I love this list. I lost it at the eyebrows part. xD
I’M GLAD YOU LIKED IT. *awards us both with cake* 😂
YAAASSSS. I can relate SOO much! When I first started blogging I loved this cliches. But as time goes on, I HATE THEM! I never really thought about the perfect hair though. Now that I think of it, I totally agree! Good post!
I think the problem is when we get oversaturated with them right?!? Like at first the cliches are cool…but reading them 339298 times is not cool.😂
OMG CRYPTIC EYEBROW COMMUNICATION LOL. I never really noticed that, but now that you mention it it’s totally a thing. And short people not having short people problems makes me jealous. Why can’t I be like YA characters and not have short people problems?! Thanks for sharing Cait and, as always, fabulous post! <3
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Our short people problems are REAL AND NEED TO BE REPRESENTED.😂 And omg to the eyebrow and eyeball communications. It happens far too much hahha.
I’m epicly short (5’1″) and I literally die everyday trying to get books from the top two shelves 😛 And the short guy in the bus is so me 😛 I can never reach anything…And I hate the everyone’s in love thing..I mean comon, there’s more to people’s than just them walking left and right falling in love and most of them fall in love with the protagonist…aaarrrgghh…And allergies! omigosh I have allergies..so many..and again how everyone looks like they’re in a shampoo commercial at all times? How come they don’t have twigs and leaves and dragon eggs caught in their hair after a trek through a wild jungle?
Awesome post as always Cait 🙂
I’m 5’1 as well!! *HI FIVES FOR OUR SMALLNESS* I mean, at least we won’t die first when the sky falls??? That’s a small relief to look forward to I suppose???😂
My hair is a hot mess after, like, 2 days where I live in a normal house and own a brush.😂 The real sorcery in books is how nice their hair stays right?!
The lack of allergies and everyone falling in love is a bit lazy in my opinion. Yes to that nigahiga gif xD (But I suspect you might not know him after reflecting on a past comment exchange).
Authors. Cut this laziness out. Please.
Haha, I mean, I don’t know if it’s laziness or just sometimes people don’t think to put in things like allergies and…general stinkiness?
Omg THIS POST ahhhh so perfect haha. The hair thing though! Hands off my hair, people. And how on earth do characters in books manage to have their hair smelling so good all the time and being in good condition all the time?? Especially in the middle of a war or something? I go a few days without showering and my hair gets so greasy like…. #notfair Also my parents mix up my name and my sister’s all the time, haha. Just at home, though. Usually they’re okay when presenting us to other people or something lol. We kind of just gave up on correcting them though. Amazing post, Cait! <3
I don’t even do that much and my hair is the WORST after a few days without washing.😂 How do these characters skip washing for like…months?!? AND STILL SMELL OKAY??!? It’s one of life’s greatest mysteries.😂
Awww, but what am I supposed to do with this eyebrow to English dictionary I made?
Lol, after reading this, my characters are going to have to end their journey so smelly and dirty I should probably just throw them all in the ocean. At least no one falls in love with anyone, though!
If you HAVE an eyebrow dictionary you should be publishing it immediately and I will by 900 copies to try and translate the books I read. #legit 😂
100% agree!!!!! It’s the same in TV and films and stuff as well (funny story – I just automatically typed TBR instead of TV and had to change it.) That’s just one of the reasons why I loved the Agent Carter series (how dare they cancel it?!) because they let her hair stay messy in the middle of a fight without stopping to make it perfect and then re-shooting.
Also, what is up with all the perfect make-up on TV people. 11th century? Have some lip-gloss! Lost in the forest? Perfect mascara! Post-apocalyptic world? EVERYONE APPLIES EYE SHADOW PERFECTLY. Just woken up? Make-up is perfect and not on the pillow as if your face melted.
I would actually like it if books acknowledged that people have to pee occasionally. No, I don’t mean every time they have to go, but if you’ve been hiding in a box for three days THEN HOW THE HELL DID YOU MANAGE THE TOILET SITUATION?!?!
(And I’m still blaming you for the All Caps.)
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WHY DID THEY CANCEL AGENT CARTER. 😭😭😭 She is actually the best superhero of them all and she doesn’t even have superpowers and she’s my like HERO omg. And I did love how realistic they made those fight scenes!! Characters need to look frazzled. Like c’mon, no one goes from having their nose broken in one scene, to no blood in the next. Realism. *slams fist on the table* I WANT.
And agreed about the peeing…especially in those kind of situations. I just once read a book where they like narrated every time the characters peed and it was pointless and really gross and tedious hahaha. But like YEAH I have questions when they’re in prison. Or what about these characters who are in comas for like 3 days? Because they ain’t holding it for that long.
(I can be blamed for a lot of things tbh.😂)
I was scrolling through the comments [I’m creepy, I know] and I caught the words Agent Carter!!! I adored Agent Carter and I was so upset when they cancelled it because Peggy is one of the most badass women in TV ever. And the fight scenes were so much more realistic because she looked a little messed up afterwards and not everything was in place.
I loved that show so much. Okay, bye!
I RELATE TO THIS POST ON SO MANY LEVELS, I CAN”T EVEN TELL YOU!!
First of all Legolas’ hair is so bloody perfect all the time! I mean, I appreciate your lucious locks Legolas but you have just been fighting Orcs and the rest of you looks like you’ve gotten into a massacre but your hair is still so pretty and perfect. TEACH ME YOUR WAYS!! Honestly, I love Legolas to death but so unrealistic.
And why do characters always smell so nice. I don’t understand. What do rose petals and moonlight and spring smell like in real life? Help!
Why do they never mention characters having to go to the bathroom. Like, they are on a long quest and nothing. Excuse me but I’d have to be like, “Let’s find a cute little tavern.”
“Why?”
“CAUSE I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. ANY MORE IRRELEVANT QUESTIONS”
Another thing is why do girls never have the struggle with having a period. They are honestly horrible and none of these girls ever get one. Do they go on a quest at the time when they aren’t going to get their period or what???
And allergies. This one bugs me because I’m allergic to dust and nuts and these people never are. I need to relate!!!
I agree with everything else too. Like why are they always in love? And what is this eyebrow communication???? AND MELTDOWNS!!!! THESE ARE THINGS THEY HAVE TO EXPERIENCE. AND MY PARENTS ALWAYS GET ME MIXED UP WITH MY SISTER AND THEN MY CAT AND THEN SOME RANDOM PERSON I DON’T EVEN KNOW OR MAYBE THE NEIGHBOR.
Okay, I’m done. But thank you for this post.
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Legolas’ hair was a thing of PURE BEAUTY but only dark magic kept it so beautiful. It should’ve changed colours to like ugly brown with all the travelling and bloody fighting they did.😂 But we gotta cut the guy some slack. He only had like 3 lines in the movies too.
Bahahha I’m dying at your tavern comment there. YES. Or like when they’re locked in a box for 3 days or something and no one mentions anything about needing to pee. And pfft, of course girls don’t get their period. We can’t talk about that can we. *rolls eyes* That would REALLY Be something I wish books would talk about more too. Like how is our heroine fighting ogres with stomach cramps?? Let’s add these things in!
I’m really glad you liked the post!😂
The hair thing is actually one of the things that I like about The 100…they started the show clean, then got progressively grimier as the time goes on. Still free of body hair, though, because god forbid a woman has actual hair on her arms and legs.
AND YES, NO OVERTIRED MELTDOWNS. I’ve had overtired meltdowns when I’ve only been awake for eighteen hours. Like, I don’t know why I’m crying, I just am SO PLEASE STOP TALKING TO ME OR I’M GOING TO HIT YOU.
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Ooh go The 100! I haven’t seen the show because I can’t look at the book without feeling like flinging myself into the void.😂It was THAT BAD. hah. Ahem. But omg yes please don’t even mention the word LEG HAIR because obviously women in the apocalypse don’t grow it.
I get overtire meltdowns when I’ve been awake for 5 hours, let’s be real here.😂 And the whole “STOP TALKING TO ME OR I’LL HIT YOU” is so relatable?!? And like just being generally horrible because you NEED SLEEp. Or food. Or alone time for the introverts. *stamps foot* Get it together, books. We need correct details!
Ohmylord this is hilarious. My favourite was the last one about how bitter humans are c’: I adore the way you write, it’s always such a treat to be able to indulge in your posts. And whenever I’ve seen an allergy in a book it hasn’t been like a small thing on the side, they seem to base like the whole story around the allergy which is just insane. ALSO I remember before you were a .com, were you on blogger orrrrr? Because I want to go over to a .com domain but by wordpress but I’ll lose all my posts, right?
Amy;
Little Moon Elephant
Oh thank you Amy!! THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY HONESTLY. <3 And yES the allergies all seem to be like "you can't walk outside or you'll die" or "if you even look at nuts you'll die". What about all the lowkey allergies? Like being lactose intolerant (ok that's not ALWAYS lowkey though) and hayfever and like mould allergies or dustmites or something. There should be more references to those too!!
And yes I did use to be on blogger! I'm zero help though, because my sister's husband is a web designer and did it all for me.😂 But I didn't lose any of my posts!! Have you checked out the blog nosegraze.com before? It has tons of amazing tutorials for moving to wordpress!
Oooh, these are some really good points!
Personally I’m sick and tired of people never eating in books. Like, I get they all want to be skinny… but where are the people eating frosting out of the container and shoveling spoonfuls of ice cream into their bowls? Because that is far more realistic than people never eating, like, ever. Or if they do eat… it’s like, they order an entire thing of pizza to eat by themselves because that’s #relatable according to writers. Where are the people who eat like normal human beings? Not in novels, that’s for sure.
Also, yes: if I were a dragon I would spend all of my time counting the jewels in my beautiful treasure hoard and/or eating chocolate. Maybe I would just hoard chocolate. Hmm.
It’s so true!!😂 And plus I want characters who DO EAT to not be super skinny too. Like I find I read a lot of books with characters who eat all the stuff but seem to all have these magic metabolisms. Erm. Not relatable.😂 We do need more realistic eating in books *nods*
I’m dying of laughter right now. My gravestone’ll read “Death by Paper Fury Post.”
Yes, so much to allergies. And people catching the flu. There are all these people trekking through snowy mountains and not one of them catches a cold?
Or when the weather is bipolar, and it’s in the 80s one day and the 60s the next
Tall people. Tall people issues exist too.
Or eating-in-public problems. Or when someone asks you a question after you’ve put food in your mouth.
I rather like it when someone has to sneeze at the worst time. (Is that awful of me?)
I’M SO GLAD. Except…wait. Don’t die, Ashley!! I’LL MISS YOU.😂
and omg yes to the flus too. Like all that traipsing around?!? It is the recipe for flus. Plus we need quests where one person gets sick and then EVERYONE gets sick and they all collectively want to murder the person who passed it around.😂
Oh I definitely agree tall people issues exist too. But at least you can reach things.
(Dude, eating in public is like the WORST THING EVER. I avoid it at all costs. AKA I would starve in a zombie apocalypse survival group setting. Eating in public is so awkward.)
Okay, my favorite line was — “Look sometimes humans don’t even understand when people use their mouths for talking.” So true!! All this communication being done by eyebrows is just plain impossible!
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Isn’t it totally true!??😂 Misunderstandings with actual WORDS are 100% common and omg don’t even make me try to understand someone’s eyebrow language.😂
Haha, I would like to see a book that doesn’t do the whole cheesy perfect smell thing for romantic emphasis. Eww. And not classy. Or realistic. Or believable at all, frankly. Even if you obsessively love the guy, you can’t convince yourself that he smells of amazing cinnamon perfume after being camped in a war zone for two weeks. Just yuck. 😛
It’s more realistic to acknowledge mostly everyone stinks that’s for sure.😂😂
My mother has two children, but it seems our names are both “Aurie Linda”. Not to mention my sister’s name always comes first which means she is my mother’s favorite. Ha ha. And yes, my sister has a cool name because I got to name her. My name was just about every girl’s name when to school. If there wasn’t at least three Lindas in a class the Twilight Zone music started playing. Although, I could always find my name on keychains, jewelry, and things and she couldn’t. I also now know that Linda is a popular name for dogs in Spanish speaking countries. XD
My pet peeves about unrealistic moments in fiction… When a human can keep up with a super or magical being for the sake of moving the scene along, Noooooooope! Humans have to be humans when they are human! A normal everyday person with no previous training or experience being able to climb the Statue Of Liberty, or jump in a schooner and immediately know how to sail it in stormy seas is ridiculous to me.
People winning competitions solely on natural ability when knowledge of the subject is part of the competition. I once read a story where the MC was beat in a piano NYSMA Solo Ensemble competition by someone who played piano by ear when part of the completion is sight reading and knowledge of theory. Or when an untrained dancer get’s a spot in a famous ballet company just because she watched tons of balket videos on YouTube, and believes in herself. I think it sets up young people for misery thinking self-confidence and a natural talent can 100% take the place of dedication and serious practice and study. 😛
I recently read a blog post about an author event for a Contemporary YA book that was co-authored, and one author questioned the fact that a well known annual festival, they were writing the MCs attending, was a three day event not a one day event and that it takes place in a different month. The other author said “who cares it’s fiction”, but you know what, I think people do care and the story would have been just as interesting if they made up a festival. Great discussion post!
That’s what I tell my mum too!😂 She always calls me Rachel which is my oldest sister’s name, so I keep saying that’s her favourite…bahah. Although truth is she’ll call me whatever name of the last sister she was talking to. It’s kind of hilarious honestly.
Oh and I totally agree about humans needing to be humans! I haven’t actually come across that happening a lot in books? But it’d annoy me if I did find it for sure. The problems with humans are that we’re so weak and pathetic and have allergies and need naps.😂
LOL that Niga Higa GIf for the win XD And erm, I’m pretty okay with boys smelling like pine and cinnamon in books. I READ TO ESCAPE REALITY, OK? XD And omg Legolas is so fabulous, he doesn’t need to shampoo. He just maintains his perfection by being Legolas #logic
Brittany @ Brittany’s Book Rambles
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Fine fine.😂 I mean, I can look past unrealistic hair expectations because #FABULOUS. I mean would I watch LOTR if Legolas didn’t have such beautiful hair? Doubtful.😂
Hi, Cait!
This was hilarious, like always. (Although I’m worried about the pigeons. What kind of pigeons do you Aussies have? And don’t say I’m not being realistic because I know that you have aggressive magpies. So….)
You know this makes me realise why “The Menagerie” is one of my favourite books ever. a) There are dragons and unicorns and griffins and stuff and the dragons eat sheep and the mother of the griffin cubs is sleep deprived and Jasmine has a really bad cat allergy and the clothes of Zoey are always a mess because taking care of magical creatures, duh.
Also, one major point: Why do these teens always have disfunctional families? What’s the problem with people? (Zoey’s parents are loving and supportive and it’s another reason why I love this book.) Also, afro-american protagonist for diversity and dragons and a mammoth and CAN WE JUST SAY THAT I ABSOLUTLY ADORE THIS SERIES AND I NEED MORE OF IT EVEN THOUGH IT ENDED PERFECTLY??!!
Okay, thank you, fellow pigeon riders. I love you. And I am not crazy. Just so you know.
LG, m
We obviously have large pigeons that we can fly on. OR AM I JUST REALLY SMALL AND POCKET SIZED AND COULD FIT ON AN AVERAGE-SIZE PIGEON??? You will never know.
Okay that series sounds absolutely perfect. IT TICKS ALL THE RIGHT BOXES?!? LIKE WOW, THE MAGIC. I’m impressed!!
I totally get the parents not knowing your name thing. I’m the youngest of four and my mom often calls me the wrong name and now sometimes adds in the nieces names too. It is so frustrating. I never thought about it in books before though. I will have to pay more attention to that. I also agree with the dragon thing.
ALL the dragon realism. That’s what we need tbh. *nods sagely* And I so need to read a book where the parents mix up their kids names.😂
Exactly. Why is everybody talking with their eyebrows. You have a mouth. You eyebrow can’t make weird annoying sounds.
Also, WHY DOESN’T BOOK CHARACTERS HAVE NOSE ALLERGIES??? Like 99% people have it. Everytime I leave my house I have to make sure I brought 10 packs tissues.
Same!! I’m kind of dependant on tissues. 😂 It’d be great to see more of that represented in books!
100% agree with all the above. I am an only child but my mum always called me chick or sweetheart so who knows maybe she had forgotten it! Never thought about it before but now im traumatised! Lol.
Why do characters never have to go to the loo either despite epicly long journeys (a lot of crossed legs instead which would make journeying quite awkward)
great post as always
Gill
It is 100% because they’ve forgotten our names. *nods* Although I can’t really talk since I forgot my own niece’s names all the time bahahah, but like calling someone “hey you” fixes the problem. #sensible
And omg yes, like when we follow the character 100% of the time and they never have a moment to go to the toilet?? Nope. I read a book where they were stuck in a crate in a ship once and did they ever need to pee? NOPE. *rolls eyes*
THANK YOU for this. I mean, so true. Wouldn’t like, all these characters going on life-threatening quests for like three months have the worst hair ever?! I mean, life happens, and that also involves greasy hair and body stank. Guys do NOT smell like the ocean all the time, and girls cannot magically have the scent of a bouquet of roses. 🙂 Sorry, sugar, it just doesn’t happen. And I cannot tell you how many times I have read, “He furrowed his eyebrows at her, and she suddenly Understood EVERYTHING.” I wish someone would just “furrow” their eyebrows at me, and i would all of a sudden understand the meaning of life, the universe and everything! (Which is, of course, 42) Then the author doesn’t even communicate WHAT the person understood. WHYYYY???? HELP ME UNDERSTAND THIS FOREIGN LANGUAGE OF EYEBROW WAGGLING!
EXACTLY. I mean, we’d like to think we all smell like nice daisies, but imagine doing hard physical walking/fighting/running and whatnot and then coming out the end with nice hair. It’d be a birds nest.😂 And like with all the eyebrow/eyeball communication…WHAT IF YOU’RE NOT EVEN LOOKING AT YOUR LOVE INTEREST THE WHOLE TIME???? Like how do they even lock eyes in battle anyway?!😂
haha the eyebrow thing is so true!!! How are book characters always able to communicate clearly with just their eyes & eyebrows?!?!! Because I know I’d be totally confused in real life. And all these questions are so true, like being HANGRY is an actual issue. I can’t go too long without food, or I literally cannot function. haha loved reading this post!
It’s so ridiculous. 😂 I mean, half the time I’m talking WITH MY ACTUAL MOUTH and people are like “what do you mean tho” because humans are dense little pumpkin scones. All this eyebrow waggling just…nope.😂 And omg I know right, with the food?!? Like there’s such a thing as low blood sugar, books!
Can I just say that number eight is perhaps the most relevant thing I’ve ever read in my life? *hurries to add it to recent story* I swear I get called the dog’s name more often than my own! XD
I’m so glad you agree!😂 And omg my parents used to mix up my brother and the dog’s name all the time. It’s an international parental problem.😂
Oh my word, Cait, this is SPOT ON. Seriously, every single girl in YA fiction has hair that smells of strawberries. MY HAIR DOES NOT SMELL LIKE STRAWBERRIES. Granted, I do use a fun smelling conditioner, but it DOES NOT SMELL LIKE STRAWBERRIES. I suppose my dream of being a stereotypical YA heroine is just not meant to be.
And I literally died at the eyebrows. As someone who writes about jumping eyebrows all the time (and as someone who is going to have to spend approximately 3 billion years editing it all out) it really hit home with me, haha! And it is SO true. And sad. Because there are about 49 other things that my characters could do, but what do I pick??? Eyebrows. Always the eyebrows.
#eyebrows4ever
And why is it always strawberries for the girls anyway?!? AND LIKE WHAT SHAMPOO IS THAT STRONG SMELLING THAT IT LASTS FOR WEEKS ANYWAY!?? I wash my hair with almond shampoo and no one mentions that I smell like an almond??😂
I have written eye and eyebrow communications too don’t worry.😂 But it’s such a cliche, right?! AH EDITING WILL BE FUN FOR US ALL. #not 😂
The masculinity smelling like cinnamon and trees had me dying of laughter. It’s so true though. I don’t go around actively trying to smell people and pintpoint what nature scent they radiate.
I’m glad I’m not alone with thinking that the smelling-thing in books is ridiculous. 😂 Although I suppose it is funny when everyone is frolicking about smelling like cinnamon in the jungle?😂
I’m glad it’s not just my parents who don’t know my name. My mum frequently goes through my siblings, six pets and eighteen Greek gods before she gets to “Emily.” And I mean, really, it’s not that difficult a name.
BUT YES TO ALL OF THESE. More #hangry rep in books pls.
I hear you with all the Greek gods too. I mean, why did our parents even bother naming us if they didn’t plan to use the names???? Hmm. Books definitely indulge in this fantasy of remembering people’s names.😂
Oh my gosh, I totally agree with you on #9. This is basically The Academy series by CL Stone. Completely unrealistic. Also, definitely the hunger thing, And #6, because some books have the two main characters/love interests and they freaking entire scenes of conversations with their eyes and eyebrows!
It’s iMPOSSIBLE to talk with one’s eyebrows and eyes! C’mon books! Be realistic for us!!😂
How about “the hero always gets the girl”? I call b.s. on this one! In real life, sometimes the girl just isn’t interested in the hero. #shesjustnotthatintoyou Sometimes she wants the hero’s best friend instead. Sometimes the hero wants his best friend instead. Sometimes it’s both, and then they fight over said best friend, who then has to choose between them, ensuring someone’s leaving with a broken heart, and also setting us up for a possible sequel. Sometimes the girl decides to join a convent, or a secret society of ninjas, or a convent of nuns who are secretly ninjas. #Ninjanuns #Itcouldhappen
I agree with all of yours, especially #s 1, 5, 7, and 10. Especially #7. Really? No allergies? At all? Baloney! I personally have several: latex, plastic (from working in a factory that makes plastic car parts and casket parts—some of them wound up on the casket used in the cemetery scene of Terminator 3), iodine, penicillin, acrylic/synthetic anything but especially clothes (like anything with Spandex in it, or orlon/nylon/pretty much any other “lon”), wool (so no scarves or winter hats for me), and a fun recent one which isn’t so much an allergy for me as it is an intolerance: casein (it’s a protein found in cow’s milk). Therefore, if I eat any dairy products or drink any milk, I will become so congested (in my chest) that I can’t breathe properly, and as I already have asthma (and was diagnosed last year with emphysema as well—yay, me!) this does not help my breathing situation one bit. I’ve switched to soy milk (vanilla flavored usually, and the chocolate cashew milk is really good too), but it is the only soy product sold in my entire hometown. Period. No cheese, ice cream, butter, or any other soy-based “dairy” product in the entire town. And I don’t drive, so I can’t go out of town to look for some. It’s very frustrating, as I love cheese and ice cream, and use butter in lots of things, and also eat lots of pizza, so naturally whenever I do any of those things it just builds up in my lungs until I get completely congested and have to use Mucinex to get rid of it all. So naturally, knowing how much I love cheese, a couple of the ladies from my church decided to bring me four blocks of cheese a couple Sundays ago when I stayed home because my asthma was acting up. Thank you, ladies, I love the cheese and I love you guys, but the cheese doesn’t love me anymore, and how am I supposed to get rid of this huge block of Swiss when I’m the only person in the house who likes Swiss cheese?!? You guessed it, by eating it all myself, and hang the consequences (a little at a time, though, so I don’t get too overwhelmed).
I always get drawn into the books I read. If I don’t get sucked right into the pages of a book so that I feel like I’m actually there with them, I quickly lose interest. I may finish the book anyway, because I really hate starting a book and not finishing it, even if the book is awful, but it just isn’t the same as when I can easily forget for the next several hours that I’m reading a book and believe that I’m right there with Harry, Ron and Hermione on their adventures, or the Hobbits, Aragorn and Legolas, or Sherlock Holmes and John Watson, or Eragon and Sapphira. (All hail dragons! I want to be a dragon rider!)
Cait, this is so good!! I had missed this post, for shame! I can’t count the number of times I have rolled my eyes about these sorts of things in stories! Especially because I’m that kind of person who is a mess 3 seconds after leaving their house, has multiple allergies and has probably never smelled nice in her life xD and the short people problems! XD
I have to say though, somehow my boyfriend’s skin DOES smell heavenly all of the time >.> and those lovely freckles DO make me think cinnamon, haha xD
And I wanted to say something else and now god knows what it was 😐
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This list. Pardon me while I die of amusement overdose.😂
Seriously though, it’s soooo true and something that drives me up a tree at points. Especially the one where everyone falls in love. And the hair. And the sleep. And the hunger. And the allergies…I’D NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE BUT IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!!!
What about their feet? Like you have a quest that lasts for months and months and miles and miles, over rock, through mud and rivers and snow and rainstorms. Doesn’t that hurt? Do they get blisters?
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The dragon in my book *does* eat someone, but only to defend his friends.
You know what I’ve ALWAYS wondered? How can they smell of strawberry or cinnamon of whatever all the time. I mean… this just seems impossible. Especially in the midst of a Zombie Apocalypse (I doubt Scented Shampoo and deodorant is on their list of things to take). Thank you so much for pointing this out. I very much needed this confirmation *nodding in agreement*.
I mean, I don’t even need to leave my house in the summer to sweat. If I don’t take a shower a day I definitely not smell great.
Maybe they’re simply hallucinating from lack of food (:
OMG LOL about parents and names :’’’)
I only have one sister and yet my parents never fail to call me first by her name and her first by mine every single time.
It’s insane.
Sometimes I’m like: ‘seriously? It’s not so hard, there are only two of us and we don’t even look alike!’
I feel sorry for people with lots of siblings… must be hard ‘^^
Awesome post 😀
Off to part 2…
*tsk*tsk* Dragons are such misunderstood beings.
This is great! You know, some of these things I never really thought about. I’ll evaluate my own writing more carefully now!
I agree about dragons! Btw, have you ever read any of Naomi Novik’s Temeraire books? Sooo good.
And yeah…. Lots of trekking around = stinky body and greasy hair.
Omg people used to touch my hair all the time too when it was really long. Or they’d look at me with puppy eyes ‘CAN I BRAID IT’. Also why do characters never hit themselves in the face with their hair?? Or other people?? That legit happened to me a lot when I’d have my hair in a high ponytail when it was still long
Omg number YES. HOW. HOW DO THEY FUNCTION. HOW CAN THEY RUN SO MUCH. HOW DO THEY NOT NEED SLEEP. WHAT IS THEIR SECRET
Oh wow I hadn’t realised that characters barely ever have allergies?? That is ridiculous considering they aren’t exactly rare.
Yesss I’m so sick of dragons wanting to eat humans. And dragons targeting villains where they kidnap the princess. Stop villainising my children 😤
AMEN DRAGONS NEED TO EAT MORE CHOCOLATE MOUSSE!
Dealing With Dragons is the best. 🙂
I mean seriously, they also have a cover version with TRINA SCHART HYMAN ILLUSTRATIONS. I lurve it.
My name has a cycle, both my parents and grandma have called me these names Sabre, Zephy and Julie; the latter being my mums name the first two being our dogs…I get used to it and answer to whatever now if I hear that is, since I tend to ignore people for books (totally not on purpose…all the time.) Haha.
Honestly I’m sure it’s in like the Rules To Be A Parent Handbook to actually call your kids after the dogs’ name.😂