Book blogging is often horrendously misunderstood.
Various clueless humans just think we sit around all day with tea and nice paperbacks and occasionally type a witty review which earns us a gazillion pageviews and free books from publishers. Very relaxed. Quiet. A small, calm hobby like crochet or flower pressing or bone collecting.
But actually — NEWSFLASH — book blogging is a very very INTENSELY CONSUMING LIFESTYLE which requires the strength of a raging fire and usually a fair bit of mysteriousness like that dark moon.
No more shall those various humans misunderstand the enormity that is the Book Blogging Realm! Because TODAY I’m listing all the things we book bloggers do. And just how much we do! So you can a) print this on shiny floral paper and mail it to all your relatives so they take your book blog very very seriously, and b) you can read this and be reminded just how awesome you are. Because you are pretty awesome, FYI, do not forget this. *
* Although as your Dragon Queen And Ruler Of All, I just want to point out that I am the most awesome. It’s just a fact, nothing to be alarmed about.
BOOK BLOGGERS SPEND COUNTLESS HOURS READING, WHICH IS ACTUALLY QUITE A LOT OF WORK ON THE BRAIN.
Do you know how much brain power it takes to read a book?!? You have to focus and analyse and interpret! And you have to STAY AWAKE. When I’m super tired and collapse into bed after a ginormously long day training dragons and maliciously ruling planets (as I do) sometimes I open a book and my eyes say “HAHA NO WE WANNA NAP”. It would be easier just to watch TV. Reading is definitely an effort.
Plus, as I’ve mentioned before, all this reading and brain work is actually quite dangerous for us. We run the risk of paper cuts and thinking for ourselves and DO YOU REALISE HOW DASTARDLY THAT IS?
BOOK BLOGGERS HAVE TO BE VERY CREATIVE WITH THEIR TIME AND MONEY AND SHELF SPACE BASICALLY.
Book bloggers actually don’t have anymore hours in the day than the average hedgehog. We want to read all these books. BUT WE ALSO HAVE TO DO 69139 OTHER THINGS. Hence we book bloggers end up reading in cars, trains, on the backs of wayward camels.
Not to mention how good we are SNIFFING OUT SALES! Books ain’t cheap, folks, and to upkeep our voracious appetites, we are basically
bloodhounds bookhounds for good prices. How many books can I fit into this book voucher? Can I get free shipping here? Should I buy locally there? IS THIS BOOK HOMEGROWN AND ORGANIC??? Do we take a risk on that 2nd hand book? CAN I SELL MY SPLEEN TO AFFORD THESE HARDCOVERS????
Our creativity levels are to be admired.
THE ACTUAL “BOOK BLOG” IS ONLY THE BEGINNING, FIENDS, BECAUSE WE ACTUALLY HAVE A GAZILLION THINGS THAT SPIN OFF THAT.
Most of us start out by blogging and then we GROW LIKE GORGEOUS PINEAPPLE FRONDS to many other creative outlets.
- bookstagram — which is photography of books on instagram
- website design
- selling bookish merchandise, like opening a Society6 or Etsy store and designing/creating masterpieces
- upkeeping a twitter or facebook or tumblr or ALL OF THEM
- guest posting on other websites
- designing fanart and promoting it
- writing books or composing music or JUST ABOUT ANY OTHER CREATIVE TALENT that can still compliment your blog and give you a topic to rattle on about
Some of us do just keep a blog. But many of us keep MANY OTHER THINGS because what’s life if you’re not overwhelmed amirite?!?
BOOK BLOGGERS HAVE TO CREATIVELY PRETEND WE KNOW WHAT WE’RE DOING 1000% OF THE TIME, WHEN WE REALLY KNOW WHAT WE’RE DOING 4% OF THE TIME.
We also get super good at pretending we’re just naturally good at these things. No I didn’t spend 4 days over that post, hahahah, it was EASY. And of cooooourse I didn’t spend all night thinking up a clever tweet. And I definitely know why that particular post was be popular. Totally.
BOOK BLOGGERS ACTUALLY SELL BOOKS SO BASICALLY WE’RE ENTHUSIASTIC FANGIRLING MARKETERS WITH NO TRAINING AND PROBABLY NO PAY BUT DEFINITE RESULTS.
People get paid to market and promote. We book bloggers do it BECAUSE WE HAVE FEELINGS. Do you know how many Maggie Stiefvater books I’ve sold?!? MANY. Someone hire me.
Plus everyone knows book blogger marketing is waaaaaaaaaay more effective than anyone else’s. Because we’re trustworthy. We’re not afraid to say when a book sucks, ergo when we rave — you know it’s legit.
And our methods? They’re awesome.
Here is a brief list of our alternative yet 100% foolproof marketing skills:
- scream at people to read the book
- post about it on social media so often various followers want to murder you
- buy copies of book and give them away
- talk about them in all posts
- answer random questions with title of the book. For instance “how are you today” can be easily answered with “THE RAVEN BOYS ARE THE BEST”.
BOOK BLOGGERS SPEND 94 HOURS TYPING AND RE-TYPING AND DELETING SOME MORE BECAUSE WE LIKE TO SOUND MILDLY INTELLIGENT.
There is a LOT of writing and re-writing involved in book blogging. And scouring our brains, the internet, and books for inspiration for posts and bopping out of bed at midnight to write things down. It’s actually exhausting to write analytical posts AND fun posts. The creativity! It demands much!
BOOK BLOGGERS MUST MANAGE AND CONTROL ARMIES AND PLANETS AND GOSH IT’S TIRING.
Please don’t be that person who thinks being a world overlord is easy. PFFFT. Do you realise how taxing it is to be kindly and maliciously devious all the time? It’s work. We have to upkeep our blog and keep conquering new planets so in the end there will only be one. (By the way: it’s me who’s going to achieve that.) And then you have to sort out the minions who complain about lack of cake or want to see your face not just your adorable boot profile picture and work work work. IT’S TOUGH BEING QUEEN.
BOOK BLOGGERS DON’T SLEEP
We totally don’t sleep. No need. Hahaha. When we trade our souls to the books we just give up sleep too. Don’t believe me? Look at this list of things we have to do in a day!
- read a book, or multiple books because PUBLISHERS WON’T STOP PUBLISHING BOOKS OMG AND HOW DO WE KEEP UP
- write a review
- write a discussion post which requires brain powers probably
- take photos and edit them for #bookstagram
- tweet something hilarious
- or at least tweet something intelligent
- okay fine; just tweet something
- answer comments and visit back blogs, which can take hours by the way
- procrastinate because that’s what all the good artists do
- do other small things like go to work or school or raise small children or buy food or clean the house or cook food or socialise — I mean, these are tiny things, of course, no big deal
SO CLEARY BLOGGERS DO NOT SLEEP. THIS IS JUST A FACT.
BOOK BLOGGERS PUT THEIR OPINIONS ON THE INTERNET WHICH IS ABOUT AS DANGEROUS AS WEARING A FRUITSALAD HEADDRESS AND GOING PADDLING IN A POND OF PIRANHAS.
The internet is a very curious beast because, despite it being 2016 not 1951, people still get SHOCKED and APPALLED when humans have different opinions. And oh my sweet little piranhas, just try having a negative opinion about a highly loved fandom. WATCH YOURSELF BE BURNED.
So not only do we articulate our well-thought out opinions, we survive and deal with the rabble that come after us with pitchforks.
BOOK BLOGGERS LEARN A LOT OF RANDOM BUT HIGHLY USEFUL THINGS DUE TO BLOGGING.
I’ve learnt SO MUCH STUFF from blogging. Like how to run an etsy store, how to do basic design, how to write professional (HAHAHAHHA SORT OF??) sounding emails to publicists, how to freelance, how to write articles, how do publicity and product repping, how the book industry works, how to engage an audience, how to brainwash hundreds of people into associating me with cake…LIKE THE LIST JUST GOES ON AND ON AND IT’S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.
When you look at a book blogger, just know that they have UNTOLD VOLUMES OF OBSCURE KNOWLEDGE. From what HTML is (it stands for Happy To Make Lasagna I believe) to understanding how to sell books to knowing how cake is made because you researched it for a post that one time.
BOOK BLOGGERS KNOW STUFF. BE YE WARNED. DON’T MESS WITH THEM.