Dragons are entirely underrated and useful creatures. Yes, we sit here and say, “Dragons are great and I like them.” But do we use them often in literature?! Noooo. YA books are horrendously guilty of this. Some deluded guava brain apparently made an invisible rule that dragons should ONLY APPEAR IN FANTASY. What rubbish. Why are there not more dragons in all the books?
I CAN GUARANTEE THAT 99% OF BOOKS WOULD BE BETTER WITH DRAGONS.
And they don’t always have to be huge dragons. They can be small, cat-sized dragons, that grill your cheese sandwiches for you. See how useful that would be?
So, to prove this and to cement in your minds* how helpful I am to the universe, I have made a list of how every book ever would be greatly improved by dragons.
Please. Don’t thank me.**
* Although it should already be cemented. Whether you’ve been on my blog 4 seconds or 4 years, you should probably be adoring me right now.
** Um, totally do. You can thank me in homage or gold or chocolate or your firstborn puppy.
Katniss spent so much time being “the girl on fire” that, honestly, a dragon would’ve helped matters. She could’ve had one perch on her chariot to routinely roast the world around them, and perhaps eat President Snow. There would be no trilogy of course because the dragon and Katniss would sort out Panem in like, two chapters. Also Katniss would risk being “the barbecued girl on fire” but it would be worth it. BECAUSE DRAGONS.
2. HALF BAD
Although I maintain this book is basically absolutely perfect — I am sad that there are no evil dragons for the witches to ride into the sunset. And failing the “riding” thing. They could’ve at least shape-shifted into dragons. Some of the witches had shapeshifting powers, after all. SO WHY NO DRAGONS?! There is also quite a huge list of people I would have a dragon eat in Half Bad. Everyone was so mean to Nathan, okay? I have rage.
A dragon could’ve lurked in the graveyard and made it really scary. A lot more scary than teenage boys drinking and jumping off cliffs for lolz. It could also put people in the cemetery permanently and therefore help the town, help the title, keep funeral homes in business, and allow people to occasionally shriek “NIGHT FURY. GET DOWN!” which is a fabulous phrase we all should truly have the chance to say.
Tris had a lot of fears, yes. So imagine adding in a dragon as another fear?! Perfect right?! We could’ve had dragons roaming the simulation world and Tris could learn to embrace her “inner dragon”. Or better yet, “divergent” could’ve been code for dragon. Because look me in the eye and tell me Four didn’t act like a moody dragon most of the time. I’m sure dragons like dauntless cake so that would’t be a problem.
As much as this book weirded me out for many reasons…I particularly wasn’t fond of the bird-people-with-lungs-like-birdcages. BUT. If they’d been dragons, I think I would’ve handled the weirdness a lot better! They were flying around anyway and dragons fly, right?! MISSED OPPORTUNITY RIGHT HERE. Why be a bird if you could be a dragon?
Look me in the eye and say no you aren’t at all interested in a book about a girl with an affinity for comics and cupcakes who’s worried about a possible dragon apocalypse. It’s just too glorious and needs to be done. No one writes books about dragons and delicious pastries and this breaks my heart. Why is this not a thing?
This book obviously calls for a dragon. Look at the title! I mean, hello, embers?! I’m pretty sure the page about dragons-setting-the-revolution-on-fire just got lost in printing because this book is obviously desperate for dragonish influences. The evil strict military school could’ve been an evil strict military dragon school. I see only positives here.
We could even have a mechanical dragon here, which would not only be epic it’d be very unique. Cinder could bash it with a spanner whenever it malfunctioned (because that’s how she fixes things). And Lunars, with their mind control powers, could use that on dragons — which would be nefarious and awesome. In fact, can you see Thorne being captain of a dragon? Because I can.
Now, for wild John Green fans, I know it can be hard to imagine how this famous heartbreaking book could possibly be improved. BUT HEAR ME OUT. What if all cancer patients were given a dragon and as cancer treatment. It’s basically like giving sick people puppies. So instead of Hazel lugging Philip around (her oxygen tank), she could have a small ferocious dragon carrying her oxygen tank.
10. THE HELP
If you lived in the American south in the ’50s, where racism and ice tea ran riot…don’t you think adding in a few dragons to the situation would’ve spiced things up? Dragons could be fighting for equality too! There would be small dragons making toast and large dragons retiling the roofs. Rich people could use dragons to heat their curling irons and the maids could’ve used them to roast the chicken. Minnie needed a dragon.
There is no argument. Basically all authors need to get onto this and start writing their books with dragons, no matter the setting or genre. It will make me very, very happy. (That is obviously very important.) Rest-assured that when I rule, I will change the dragon-less-ness of literature. #priorities