Discussion time! Woot! We’ll be talking about The Wolverine (2013) with GIFs and chocolate and a little disagreement of opinions (which is rare, of course).
MIME: The Wolverine in fourteen words: I want to die! AAARGGHH! I want to live! AAARRGGHH! Ooo! Pretty girl! AAAGRRGHHH! I don’t mean to be cynical, but I like a bit more plot than that.
MIME: I am an X-Men fan. I loved the first Wolverine when apparently nobody else does. I adore Last Stand, which gets flack for being an epic let-down (I 100% disagree.) But seriously. They had plot and emotional arcs for the characters. The Wolverine? I’m sorry, but no.
CAIT: Wow, somebody put their umbrellas up to stop rain-cloud up there from drenching us. It was awesome! I loved it! It’s Marvel! Therefore it’s awesome! Everything Marvel is awesome! (Except for, maybe, Fantastic Four…okay, don’t kill me. But how can Chris Evans be Captain America AND The Human Torch in the same fandom??!)
MIME: The logo at the beginning of a film is no reason to give a movie 5 stars.
CAIT: Yes, it is.
MIME: To say it plainly, the plot consists of gory fight to martial arts fight, chopping up ninjas with a roadworks machine, stabbing, shooting, and Logan operating on himself. Because he has a little spider-psycho inside him.
CAIT: Where did that little spider-psycho come from, anyway? I don’t like spiders. It’s gross.
MIME: I’m not a stickler opposed to all violence, as I’ve said, I love X-men and Avengers and all that. But I just don’t like movies that are one big fight scene. I guess that’s my problem with it.
CAIT: You keep saying “I love X-Men.” I don’t think that means what you think it means. SO. Now, dear blogglings, you need to forget Mime’s opinion (it’s wrong) and hear mine (it’s right). The Wolverine isn’t one big fight scene. Ha! No way. It’s maybe, well, 88% fight scenes. That’s not ALL. So there. The rest? Well, there’s a lot of Japanese speaking. And wounded looks. And betrayal. And ninja Hawkeyes. Oh! And there was Yukio!
MIME: Yes, Yukio was cool. A bit sadistic by the end, but very cool. She did the last fight scene (actually, the last four or five, they all happen so rapidly) in a stripy jumper and a skirt. Awesome.
CAIT: I also liked Mariko! She was a bit weak…but, she was nice. Even though I had no idea what her name was until the end. Come on! Logan said her name with an Aussie accent. Everyone else said it with a Japanese accent. I don’t know. I thought her name was Michael.
|Logan and whatever-her-name-is|
MIME: The basic emotional arc was this: Logan is done living forever. He’s shellshocked from the Last Stand, he misses Jean (who he killed), and he’s done. So now he wants to die. But it’s very hard to kill a admantanium dude, and so he basically needs a point to life, which he doesn’t have. The whole movie is Logan trying to find either mortality or a point to life. He doesn’t find either.
He did! He found both! So there! It was amazing! It was very emotional (if you have emotions, that is, which Vulcan-Mime maybe does not). It was like Iron Man 3. We got to see Logan without his immortality. And it was sad! And I cried. Well, I didn’t really cry. I was eating chocolate, so I was kind of distracted. But it was very emotional.
MIME: Oh, and the finale featured a random Iron Man suit.
CAIT: If the iron monster in Thor married and Iron Man suit they would have this:
|From Iron Man|
MIME: In the end, I wish I’d loved it. I wanted to. But I just didn’t. Three stars from me. And many tears of bitter sorrow.
CAIT: Tears? You’re showing emotion!
MIME: I am expressing multiple emotions simultaneously. To which are you referring?
CAIT: Never mind, Spocky. So! It’ll be a 5-stars from me! And lots Marvel fangirling! And I can’t wait for Days of Future Past!!
MIME: Me too. Katniss is in it.
CAIT: And Mr. Tumnus! And Gandalf! It’s the ultimate fandom mash-up!
MIME: Here is a GIF of our overall opinions of The Wolverine:
|You can guess which is Cait and which is Mime.|