Everyone knows bookworms are a pretty chill bunch.
HHAHA…HAHAHA HAHAHH HA…ha…ha.
Okay no we’re not.
Many (although not all) of us are actually quite highly strung and I think this is due to it being very common for bookworms to be overthinking, analytical little freaks. That or we were violins in our last life. But the fact is many bookworms are the opposite of chill. And it just takes a little nudge to send us into crisis mode.
So today I’m going to give you that nudge. Haha, no I’m going to shove you off the Existential Crisis Cliff with 10 questions we bookworms ask ourselves that will probably ruin our lives. Because I’m nice. And I like to run a wholesome and helpful blog.
Look if you wanted a calmer time you shouldn’t have come here — I AM NEVER CALM. I WAS CALM LIKE ONCE AND THAT WAS FOR 52 MINUTES BECAUSE THAT’S AS MUCH AS I SLEEP IN AN ENTIRE YEAR.
LET’S MOVE ON.
1. BUT HOW WILL WE READ ALL THESE BOOKS BEFORE WE DIE?
There’s nothing that makes you realise life is monstrously unfair than the fact that there are just MILLIONS of books in the world and you are not, in fact, going to read them all. I particularly love how useful this crisis is to have, because it wars with my “WHAT IF I RUN OUT OF STUFF TO READ” crisis which I have every second Tuesday. Do these two crises work together? No. Do I still have them both? Yes.
Super smart. That am I.
But I honestly sometimes scroll goodreads, or peruse the library, or look at my shelves, or conquer France and steal all their bookstores — and I just get hit with this knowledge that I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME FOR THESE STORIES. And it’s important to collect all the stories of ever. What if I miss something that changes my life??
2. WHAT IF I GROW OUT OF MY FAVOURITE GENRE?
Hi. My name is HELP ME SIR and I used to read every YA dystopian that ever existed because they were the bread of life. I’m…I’m not sure what was going on in my head either except for the fact that maybe I wAS COMPLETELY DELUDED. But needless to say I would mostly rather dance on a pinecone and nest with bees than read dystopians now.
I’m wholly grown out of them. *
And this terrifies me a bit??? Because sometimes I read a type of book I THOUGHT I enjoy and then I realise I’m enjoying it about as much as a dessert without chocolate. Which is to say no.
I don’t want to grow up, pls, you cannot make me. IT’S REALLY SCARY AND DISORIENTATING TO GROW OUT OF BOOKS.
* I mean HELLO I have my favourites. I will forever be complete soup in the eyes of The Hunger Games. Not that THG has eyes. But if it did, I would be soup mush of adoration.
3. IF I NEVER REMEMBER WHAT I READ THEN WHAT’S THE POINT OF READING IT?
This is the kind of question that keeps me up at night, along with me asking why Frodo just didn’t use the ring and become the next Sauron and prove that short people can be scary too.
And I know the answer is: IF YOU ENJOY IT, THEN IT’S FINE. Because hey I don’t remember every cake I’ve eaten, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t good at the time. But yet I often look at a book and we sit down seriously for a candlelight supper and I just say, very softly, “I don’t even remember us together.”
Then I feel bad. Was our history together nothing? Were those brief moments naught? What monster am I.
4. WHERE DO BOOKMARKS EVEN GO?
Look. I sit down on my bed. I get comfy. I quickly check twitter to be sure my followers haven’t hit that “UNFOLLOW NOW OMG UGH” because I just tweeted that girls want pirate ships over boyfriends — and then I pick up my current read, put the bookmark down carefully, and begin to enjoy a
cookbook an action adventure.
And what does my bookmark do in this time?
I DON’T KNOW, SUSAN. WHERE THE HECK HAS IT GONE. IS THIS VACATION TIME AND IT’S PACKED OFF FOR THE TAHITI ISLANDS? I DON’T KNOW. BUT I AM PEEVED.
Seriously, my bookmarks have the shelf life of half-priced milk. And I know my dog snacks on them and I also sometimes eat them. But where do they all go???? It’s like bobby pins, left socks, good inky pens, and that chocolate I was saving. I SWEAR THIS IS FRUSTRATING.
5. WHAT IF I NEVER FIND A BOOK AS GOOD AS MY LAST FAVOURITE?
You know when you read a really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really good book and you have two emotions which are: (a) OMGGGG IT WAS BRILLIANT AND MY LIFE IS 50 X BETTER, and (b) omgggg what do I read now the world is a bitter dark place like horseradishes upon the cold stones. *
Yes? You know that moment? ME TOO. It’s a pure crisis.
Like I literally despair of finding a book that will hold my heart like The Raven Cycle. It’s hopeless. And I just– I-I well I…
Okay thanks for the tissue, yes it’s okay, the flood upon the floor is just my DRAMATIC TEARS.
* Is this how the youths speak nowadays???? I’m trying to relate.
6. I STILL HAVE INSURMOUNTABLE GUILT OVER THAT BOOK I DAMAGED BACK IN 1764.
It haunts me, to be honest. I often tell people I’m a good person but IT’S A LIE because once I dropped a book on my bed and it bounced off 8 walls, three continents, fell through 9 portals, and landed on the floor with a bent cover. What kind of dark evil does that?
7. WHY HAS THIS 16 YEAR OLD FICTIONAL CHILD DONE MORE IN 3 DAYS THAN I’VE DONE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE?
I mean, when I was 16…I don’t even know what I did. I think I wrote fanfic, collected Lemony Snicket books, got used to the idea I’d be 5’1 forever, ate a sandwich, and frowned a lot.
Everyone who’s 16 in books??? Yeah just rule a PLANET and smite a KINGDOM and save the WORLD or something.
I feel like an under-achiever.
8. HOW IS EVERYONE LOVING THIS HORRID BOOK??
It’s when everyone just looooooooves this book and then you read it and your entire opinions:
Most of my questions start with: “WHY.” And then I get all betrayed because the hype has obviously lied to me and humanity has lied to me…or am I just a disgruntled piece of orange pith and everyone has good taste and I’m here with BAD taste and iT’S ALL MY FAULT.
9. WHY WOULD YOU LET BOOK SPINES BE MULTIPLE COLOURS?
Now this only applies to people who organise their shelves by colour. And not that I want to tell you how to live our life buuuut…you should be organising shelves IN RAINBOW ARRAY!! It is scientifically proven to make you happier and get more likes on instagram. *
But you know that moment when a spine is multiple colours? And they’re not even the same shade. So, is this book blue? Is it brown? Is it pink? I legit have a spine that is FIVE COLOURS and I just look at it and cry and ask why it’s so disappointing. Someone wasn’t loved enough as a coverless manuscript and is now having a teenage rebellion on my shelf.
Also yes. I admit. I totally disown spines with multiple colours on them. They can go sit somewhere else where they’re not ruining my aesthetic.
* The important thing, obviously. We don’t really care about your happiness. BUT LIKES (!!).
10. HOW DARE YOU LOVE MY FAVOURITE BOOK MORE THAN ME??
This pains me EXCRUCIATINGLY. Most people get nervous that they’ll introduce someone to a book and that person will hate it. then you have to bury the body and blah blah — it gets messy. Not to mention wastes hours of your day when you could be eating cake or learning Latin so you can speak to the trees.
HOWEVER. It is almost worse when this person because a Super Extremely Intense Fan™ and leaves you and your enthusiasm in the dust. Look, friend, I’m trying to be chill here and you’re making me look bad. You’ve read the book 76 times. I’ve read it once. You’ve collected merch. I’ve collected dust. You’ve named your first born after the protagonist. I’ve named my fish after the protagonist and then the fish went and died and now I just like even more super bad.
IT’S NOT A CONTEST, OBVIOUSLY!!
But my heart is a sneaky little black hole and likes to think it is. And why would I give up the chance for a bookworm crisis, hmm? THESE ARE FUN.