Two of my top fears in life are (1) rotting exploded pumpkins, and (2) very very long books.
Don’t even get me started on my pumpkin explosion story ok, because it’s traumatic and I’m still withering from the disgusting smell. Also it happened while I was home alone, therefore dousing the pantry with cleaner to try and get rid of the odour while considering renting a kayak and disappearing into the mountain river system.
We’re actually here to talk about books, believe it or not (since apparently I DO run a book blog). And I have said it quite a few times but: I AVOID LONG BOOKS. It is a bit ridiculous because I’ll read two 300-page books in 2 days but I hate reading one 600-page book in 2 days. Does it make sense? No. Will I eventually out grow this and get some sense? Also no.
(ILLOGICAL) REASONS I AVOID LONG BOOKS
- I actually have lost my attention span as I get older wow were did it go.
- I like ticking off my TBR fast ah ahah, sorry, this is a terrible confession. But I can tick off 2 smaller books faster = makes me feel industrious.
- Most long books just seem to draaaag. Like if you can’t say it fast, then I WANT TO KNOW WHY.
- They’re huge and my hands are so smol.
- They’re DAUNTING.
- Seriously, it could’ve been edited much shorter…
- If I don’t like the book = I’m stuck with it forever because I finish everything I read ugh.
- If I drop one on my face while reading, I will die.
However I DO like a lot of long books and I DO have a lot of long books on my TBR that I want to read!! But am avoiding them!! Which leads us to:
Let me just list 10 Really Long Books that I haven’t read yet, but WANT TO SOMEDAY.
Probably. And also yes I’m aware 500pages is probably not “long” to some people, but it is to me so laugh at me, ok, but softly as I am delicate.
Top Ten Tuesday [Longest Books I’ve Ever Read]…I’m twisting the prompt just a little. REBELLION ARRIVES.
Page Count: 490
Okay laugh at me, because this isn’t even 500 pages sO WHAT AM I WHINING ABOUT??? Well, sir, I whine about everything. Just give me a chance and I will come through. But I also just find epic fantasy really daunting at the moment. Getting into worlds and staying focused…ahhhh. Watch my brain fritz.
However I fully intend to start some Hobb books soon because my friend adores them!!
Page Count: 600
So I’m not even sure I’d like this because it’s adult and kind of literary isn’t it??? But I’ve heard it’s about dysfunctional teen squads and the blurb also indicates they all end up betraying and corrupting each other which is honestly what I am here for. SLYTHERINS??? DO I SEE YOU???
I’m so so undecided about this one bUT YET…
Page Count: 520
I actually got this one at a library sale for 50cents!! And it is so huge…so so huge. I actually love a love/hate relationship with Lauren Oliver books so I will probably just look at this one and scream vaguely at it for the next 15 years.
Why must it be so long though.
Page Count: 1,006
Why are adult book covers so freaking boring though. It’s like all the cover designers got together and were all: “Ok adulthood sucks so let’s make sure book covers reflect that so no one thinks there’s any possibility of fun.”
Anyway. This is about books isn’t it? I’m 99% sure it’s about books and magic and that is what I aspire to in life. BUT AT 1000 FLIPPING PAGES LONG. what the heck and why the heck.
Page Count: 670
Now I’m just being a little wilted daisy here because I love Shadowhunter books. ALL OF THEM. I’m so obsessed with Lady Midnight and that series is clocking well about 600 per book.
But yet (sobbing) I’m just finding it hard to start this one because it’s so looooong.
I shall procrastinate a little more until it, perhaps, gets smaller over time. This seems logical.
Page Count: 533
I mean look at that freaking cover!! LOOK AT IT!! This book is so pretty you would name your kid after it! Or, like, your goldfish or something. But moving forward! I was so excited for it until I got an ARC in an Illumicrate box and…it…is…huge.
I keep waiting for it to magically transfer its words —> to my head —> without me stressing over the page count, but it has yet to happen. Rude.
Page Count: 592
Look at these adult covers go again. DO WE NOT DESERVE GLITTER WHEN WE ARE OVER THE AGE OF 25???? But regardless, I was so lucky to get sent a surprise ARC of this and … I’m only slightly panicking that I haven’t read it yet. I was going to read this via audio (I find long books much more manageable that way) SO THIS CRISIS ISN’T EVEN MY FAULT.
Also my ARC says “most anticipated book of the decade” and pfft, um, excuse you? My book was the most anticipated of the decade. I mean, for me and my dog and my mum probably. But still. Settle down there, Clay.
Page Count: 480
I could’ve sworn this would’ve been like seventy billion pages long because the hardcover sure looks like it? Anyway. Apparently not. Apparently I’m panicking over nothing.
I actually got this in an Owlcrate box and it’s about DRAGONS so whyyyyy have I failed my own good name and not read it?! It’s not even over 500 omg.
Page Count: 570
Ok to be fair, I actually (1) used to think this was YA but it isn’t, and (2) I realised reading a retelling of King Lear might not make sense if you don’t know the original, um, at all. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’M SMART, I TELL YOU. So I was going to buy this one, but it’s being pushed further and further to the bottom of my list.
I don’t know if I’ll ever read it?? Or if I will just complain recreationally.
Page Count: 840
Now this isn’t out till February 2019!! So It’s not like it’s on my TBR actively yet. But I’m so torn?!! I didn’t like The Bone Season but tHIS HAS DRAGONS. And the author is awesome on twitter, making me feel like an overturned codfish for not liking The Bone Season. I realise I don’t make sense, shh.
When I get back from panicked sobbing about the fREAKING PAGE COUNT I will probably try and read this! It has DRAGONS and hopefully oranges which are delicious. I don’t actually understand the title at all…? But I do love orange.
And psst before you go, just know that I DO love some long books incredibly much! I’m not a total limp seaweed spiral! So here are some I’ve read and adored and wouldn’t miss a page.