Let’s face it, humans are a hot mess of bad decisions and likely to bring on the apocalypse.
We can always hope anyway.
And I can critique openly because I, personally, am not human-shaped but rather a dragon * and therefore can think sadly about your kind and offer creative alternatives to the human situation. Like why would you be human when you could be MAGICAL?! This is the true question and I hope you put down your cupcake ** and think long and hard about alternatives to your humanness.
It’s OK. I’ll wait. But don’t hurt yourself because thinking looks painful on humans.
Actually nevermind I can’t wait. I am about to slap you in the face *** with 10 of my favourite non-human shaped types of characters that we should all aspire to be. And then because I am literally your favourite person of ever, I have a quiz that will scientifically figure out what non-human shape you SHOULD be.
This is going to be so much fun!! I am rearranging and bossing your life!! Aren’t you glad to be here!!
* Or it has been surmised, possibly part Nazgul but jury is out on that one. Probably because I ate them.
** I will eat it if you put it down though, fyi. But don’t whine because you were warned.
I’m linking up with Top Ten Tuesday for their prompt “Ten Books That Feature Characters ___“ and either this means we fill in the blank or write about characters who can draw in a straight line. I can’t even do that. So it seems an unrealistic expectation???? Let’s talk about magic and demons and faeries instead.
1. SLIGHTLY MAGICAL ONES
My favourite type of boy is the kind that are magical. Same with girls, to be honest. Same with everyone. (WHY CAN’T WE ALL BE MAGICAL???) The more whimsical and magical a book is, the more heart eyes I get. I have at least two heart eyes, maybe even more.
- Ronan Lynch from The Raven Cycle who can pull things out of dreams and is a bitter snark of pure gold
- Cluck from The Weight of Feathers who has feathers in his hair because somehow he’s a bird (??? IDK either but I love it)
- Sam from When The Moon Was Ours who can paint LITERAL MOONS and why can’t I do this
- Cassel from White Cat who lives in a magical Mafia family who can give curses with a single touch
- Sam from Gone who got hit by alien gamma rays and now lightning shoots out of his hands it’s fantastic
- Nix from The Girl From Everywhere who can time travel and 10/10 would use this power to go back to yesterday and eat that cake again
- Lee from Walk On Earth A Stranger can sense gold which is so useful????
2. MAGICAL ANIMAL DAEMONS
If you fail being a magical creature and are suck in humanhood — I will put forth that magical companion animals are the reason to breathe in this world. THEY’RE SO LOYAL AND I LOVE THEM. Like the daemons in The Golden Compass or Mister Kindly the not-cat in Nevernight. *
I’m trying to get my dog to be more like these but he only follows me around if I have food???? Very disappointing.
* Which is not YA but shhhh. He’s so sassy and condescending and I love him and relate.
I actually cannot get ENOUGH of ghosts. And they are strangely hard to find (har har…punny because they’re invisible right?!) in YA books and it pains my soul. I love reading about Soft Smol Ghosts™ who died tragically and are just trying to live as best they can.
I also write so many ghosts books because there’s nothing more fun than STARTING your book with everyone being dead.
The Girl From the Well is chilling and FABULOUS and Gap Year in Ghost Town is about hunting ghosts. Yellow has the smollest saddest ghost whom I love. And of course…THERE’S THE RAVEN CYCLE. My precious.
4. SENTIENT BUILDINGS
All I aspire to have, really, is a house with opinions. Or be a house with opinions.
My absolute FAVOURITE is the one in Cruel Beauty which changes rooms and doors at will so it can completely confuse you and then you die. Like isn’t that great?!? I love it!
I’m also fond of the library in Ink & Bone which is kind of evil and controlling and magical. Libraries are tons of fun, but just imagine if your TBR pile had opinions and feelings??? We’d be so dead, so so so dead. And it would be crying due to neglectful parenting.
5. PRECIOUS AND PURE DOGGOS
Shout out to authors who DON’T kill the dogs off!! All two of you!*
But see dogs are just too pure and too precious. They are the ultimate cinnamon rolls. And I don’t understand them at all because they keep loving humans even if humans are dumb.
Some dogs I love include:
- Manchee from The Knife of Never Letting Go
- Maggie from The Inexplicable Logic Of My Life
- Legs from Aristotle & Dante Discover The Secrets Of The Universe
- Tito from The Art of Feeling
- Groovy from Afterward who was a therapy dog and like sHOUT OUT TO THERAPY DOGS and omg I think I’m going to cry
- Sam Roth from Shiver who is actually a werewolf but don’t fight me on this he is a precious pupper too
I recently started following this facebook page called The Dodo which is about rescue dog videos and I SWEAR I HAVE MORE EMOTIONS OVER THOSE THEN I DO FOR ANYTHING ELSE EVER. Unless someone spontaneously buys me ice cream. I get a bit emotional over that too.
* I’M BEING SARCASTIC…except not really.
6. PETER PAN
Aaaaall the Peter Pan versions! I know it’s almost a cliche to do retellings where he’s creepy now but I’m all for it. He is a creepy little thing. If you read the original he’s absolutely disturbing in his babyishness + let’s MURDER PIRATES. Some kids just aren’t normal.
ACTUAL CONVERSATION ABOUT NORMALNESS THAT PROBABLY OCCURRED TO J.M. BARRIE:
J.M. Barrie: I need to write something normal.
Humans: It’s OK no one is normal!
J.M. Barrie: *WRITES ABOUT A PSYCHOPATHIC FOREVER CHILD*
Humans: So let’s talk a bit about trying to be normal.
I totally was up for being Peter Pan when I was younger. * It was my life goal. No growing up. Being slightly terrifying. Flying. It’s me. And my two favourite versions are Tiger Lily and Peter Darling (which is #ownvoices queer retelling).
* I mean, I just quit 4 seconds ago because I’m going to become a sentient castle, but like…I may return to this goal.
Preferably the dark kind who have very little chill. Like in Half Bad…and I’m still trying to piece myself back together after that series. I also love the magical realism of the maybe witches in The Graces. I also count Blue’s psychic family as fantastic witches in the Raven Boys. *
I also have appreciation for Simon Snow and his addiction to scones and inability to function when his “nemesis” was around. Like YEAH SURE SIMON. You hate your nemesis. Sooooo can see that. You are not in love at all.
I’m not saying we should hex our enemies…but I’m not saying we shouldn’t either.
* Let’s face it, I’m just trying to mention Stiefvater books as much as I can.
8. DARK FAERIES
Please pass me over the dark and vicious kinds. You can keep your Tinkerbells and your tooth faeries. I WANT THE KIND THAT EAT SMALL CHILDREN. Not because I have anything against small children…I suppose I was one once but I was forced to grow up too soon the day my parental confiscated my book because I was reading it instead of doing, you know…schoolwork.
I’m damaged??? And this is why??? *
ANYWAY!!!! I freaking adore faeries books and I don’t read enough!! I have many on my TBR but hit me with recommendations at any time, except don’t hit me. I’m fragile.
- Shadowhunter world Faeries: aka Mark freaking beautiful Blackthorn who is my favourite character of ever and I may sit here silently exploding with emotions
- The Darkest Part of the Forest: where there is a boy with horns locked in a glass coffin and also a very chill changeling named Jack who is jUST TRYING TO CHILL IN HIGHSCHOOL but is actually a faerie…wow I love this book
- Reckless: the faeries were freaky here. Am impressed.
- Tithe: more Holly Black because she is the DARK FAERIE QUEEN.
- Lament: which is Stiefvater’s debut (!!) books and totally underrated. There are snarky faeries who enjoy potato chips. #Relatable
* I was also the kid who read Tintin comics instead of participating in society.
I would not be me if I didn’t mention MY OWN KIND. I absolutely adore dragons, but sadly I have very few dragons books I even like??! I think people fail dragons so monstrously it’s actually going to be illegal to be disappointing when I rule the world. If you write about dragons = do the dragons justice.
And also stop killing them. Let them snack on people once in a while, OK???
I adore how wildly vicious the dragons are in Game of Thrones, buuuut that’s not YA. So let’s go with Seraphina (and I headcanon the dragons are autistic which is awesome) and I loved the sharp viciously organised shape-shifting dragons in Talon. And they didn’t shift in Heartstone but they rode dragons and like !!! Nice!!
10. MONSTERS, PREFERABLY CUTE BUT SCARY ONES
People think bookworms want nice books about heroes rescuing princes from towers and princesses slaying goblins. But like??? Actually we want dark monsters in impeccable suits, with nice leather book collections and violins, and also THE ABILITY TO DRAIN THE WORLD AND DESTROY IT.
Or…just me??? Might be just me.
Anyway. My greatest monster loves are August Flynn from This Savage Song (aka the most precious and definitely depressed cinnamon of them all) and all the gods and monsters in Strange the Dreamer and Daughter of Smoke and Bone. I don’t think Laini Taylor can write anything else except monsters??
Never stop, please, Laini Taylor. Never stop.
And, no, there aren’t enough monster books.
I feel bad for not mentioning ALL the magical creatures.
Like I didn’t get to hippogriffs or unicorns or mermaids or leviathans or capaill uisce (man-eating sea horses) or Amazons or creepy magical woods or even sentient computers?!???? I FEEL BAD.
So shout out to them. They are not forgotten.
This is a very unique quiz that will tell you what magical non-human shaped creature you SHOULD BE.
10/10 success rates, literally because no one has taken it until I publish this post. I love my logic. It’s astounding.
first off: humans vs magical non-humans??? your thoughts??? what would YOU choose to be? and what did the quiz give you? and feel free to link me to your TTT posts!
and feel free to throw any recommendations at me for my categories! i have nothing on my TBR pile obviously as is! (hahaha haha #dies)