It’s time to take a look at what it truly requires to be a book blogger.
Because not everyone can do it, you know! We book bloggers are rare, slightly psychotic creatures of the darkness and some humans would look at aaaaall the things we do and just FAIL INSTANTLY. For instance: frogs can’t do what we do. Neither can the carpet. * Neither can a tree. We are better than all of them when it comes to book blogging. **
But apart from not being a frog / carpet / tree, there are other very legit and very serious requirements for being a book blogger that I’m going to share with you today. You might not meet all the criteria and yet still be a book blogger, but pfft, GIVE IT TIME. And if you never meet all the criteria I’m about to magnanimously list, then shhh. Don’t tell the internet. They cannot know I’m not always right. ***
Today I’m linking up to Top Ten Tuesday for the prompt “Required Reading Freebie“. I’m taking, ahem, a lot of creative license with the prompt, but that’s who I am, Bob. A rebel. I see a rule and I just… gotta …BREAK IT. It’s who I am inside.
* Unless it’s Aladdin’s magic carpet I guess???? Then who knows what it could do. I DON’T MEAN TO PUT YOU IN A BOX, CARPET. Fly! Be free! Run a blog! I will say nothing against you!
** Unfortunately we’re not better than them when it comes to other things. For instance, trees are generally taller than you. They are winning. You are not.
*** In case you were getting worried, dear small Bob, DO NOT BE. I AM ALWAYS RIGHT. Keep calm now. Sometimes I cast the illusion that I make mistakes so the human mortals can feel closer to me. But we all know the truth. #PerfectCaitIsPerfect
HAVE A BLOG VAGULEY DEDICATED TO BOOKS
Raise your hand if you call yourself a book blogger AND have a blog!
Good. You’re obviously doing something right.
Also: I also say “vaguely dedicated” because goodness knows most of we bloggers have small attention spans. I mean, books are great and we love them but — OMIGOSH CAN WE BLOG ABOUT THAT CUSTARD TART AND THAT PRETTY SHIRT TOOOOOO???? So “vaguely” allows us room for custard tarts.
FIND YOURSELF HAVING A MILD BOOK ACQUIRING PROBLEM
Some book bloggers are very reserved with their book collections. Others are…not. Very not. ALL THE NOT. But whether you acquire 1 book or 10 books or 873 * books per month (and whether or not they’re ebooks/physical or borrowed) YOU STILL ARE GOING TO HAVE BOOKS PILING AROUND YOUR EARS.
And I use the word “problem” loosely. I mean, is it really a problem that you can’t see the floor because of all the books???? It’s not. There are worse problems to have, for instance (A) you could be eaten by a zombie, or (B) all your hair-ties could break on a day when you really really need them. Those are real problems. Not being able to get out your door because books are in the way is not a real problem in comparison.
But I know for a SOLID FACT: that I collect WAY more books now that I’m blogging. Blame it on the blog.
* If you do acquire this many books per month, PLEASE ADOPT ME??? I’m very quiet. I will be like a quiet pet Cait and live in your bookshelves and read all your books and the arrangement will be perfect. Take me.
YOU FIGHT WITH YOUR BLOG ABOUT FORMATTING AT LEAST ONCE IF NOT 93 TIMES AN HOUR.
This is honestly how the blogging process goes:
ME: This is a really nice gif, I want to add it to my post.
ME: *uploads gif nice and easy*
ME: *tries to place it in nice position*
BLOG: Yeah but no. How about you put it this other place?
ME: No that was not the plan.
BLOG: Well then how about we SCREW UP THESE LETTERS AND EXPLODE THE PARAGRAPH AND AUTO-DELETE HALF THE POST AND EXPLODE 9 PLANETS, YOU FOOL. HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE.
I fought with Blogger so much I wept. So I moved to WordPress which is kinder in letting me put things where I want them to go. But do planets still explode? Yes. Honestly I think blogs take vindictive pleasure in screwing up post formatting.
YOU PANIC OCCASIONALLY ABOUT PUBLISHING A BLOG POST
That controversial opinion? That low-star-rating on an ARC? That post where you’re not sure if you got your opinion across clearly? OR ALL THE POSTS IN GENERAL!!!! BECAUSE MANY OF US BLOGGERS ALSO HAVE ANXIETY!!! PANIC!!!! JUST PANIC!!!!
YOU’RE MORTIFIEDLY EMBARRASSED ABOUT SOMETHING YOU’VE DONE IN YOUR BOOK BLOGGING CAREER.
I’m sure we’ve all looked through our archives and thought, “Well, gosh darnit, Susan, what was I thinking maybe I should consider just BURNING THESE WITH HOLY FIRE” because your first blogging attempts were horrendous. Or last week’s. Or, like, yesterday’s.
YOU’VE STARTED DOING WILD THINGS IN THE NAME OF BEING A BOOK BLOGGER.
Like at first it was “I’m just gonna write a book review!” and then suddenly it was “I need to travel to Italy to get the Italian edition of Cinder and now I need to rocket to the moon to take a #bookstagram photo of me with it”. TRUST ME. THIS IS THE NATURAL PROGRESSION.
YOU HAVE 3 HEADS AND 8 ARMS.
You are OctoBlogger because there’s no way you can blog AND reading AND upkeeping social media AND doing all those other piddly things in life like, well, work / school / family / sleep without at at least 8 arms.
If you don’t have 8 arms, you are weak and what are you doing???
SOMETIMES YOU SPEND MORE TIME BLOGGING ABOUT BOOKS THAN ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, READING THEM.
Despite being a book blogger, there ARE TIMES in our precious lives of organised evil where we actually spend so much time blogging it’s hard to squeeze a chapter in there. Like what is this??? Are our blogs not centred around books? How did I just spend 15 minutes reading and 3 hours answering comments??
WHAT IS MY LIFE.
(Spoiler: Also some days I spend more time photographing my books than reading them. I’d be sorry, but…I’m really not. Books are so pretty omg.)
YOU’VE COLLECTED A FEW EVIL GOBLIN TROLLS.
For this “requirement” I’ll be honest: I HOPE YOU FAIL IT. Because trolls suck like nothing else. I’ve actually dreaded checking goodreads notifications before which is THE WORST because goodreads is my favourite place of ever. But regardless: at some point you’re going to meet a troll that wants to eat your opinion up and spit it in your face. And steal your chocolate. And call you mean names. And despite not even knowing them IT STILL REALLY HURTS WHY CAN’T A METEORITE JUST DROP ON THEIR HEADS OMG YOU DON’T EVEN ASK FOR THAT MUCH.
List Of Troll Activities:
- Attacking you because you hate their favourite book. It’s like they think they own it or something??
- Attacking authors because they don’t like their book. Like “I don’t like your book” somehow equals “I want you dead”. How? Why? Sit down with your animal crackers, little child, and learn some maturity.
- Stealing content from you.
- Writing snide comments on your things so you can never figure out if they’re joking or sarcastic or want to sacrifice you to the spiders.
- Sub-tweeting or sub-posting about you.
If you’ve never encountered a troll yet: GOOD. Their opinion really doesn’t matter because who are they??? Some random sour grapefruit. You are a Pyjama Blogging Queen Extraordinaire.
YOU’LL FIND SUCH AWESOME BLOGGISH PEOPLE YOU REALLY ADMIRE AND WANT TO BE BFFS WITH IMMEDIATELY AND MAYBE KIDNAP / ADOPT BECAUSE THEY ARE CLEARLY YOUR BOOKISH TWIN.
The only annoying part about online friendships is you can’t spontaneously say “hEY I’M SENDING YOU DELICIOUS WARM PRETZELS” it’s more like “hey I’m sending you mouldy / cold pretzels” and that doesn’t really make you think FRIENDSHIP does it? Hmm, no. But moving past that: BLOGGING HAS GIVEN ME SUCH GREAT FRIENDS. I’ve found bookish twins and brain twins and writing buddies and other oddball creatures I can flail with. Blogging lets me be around MY PEOPLE. I admire them. I sometimes want to steal their brains. But they are, solidly, awesome.
I’m totally putting down as a requirement that you’re going to meet epic people. For instance, you are on my blog, so there you go! You’re welcome for the gift that is ME.