Science turns you evil. Everyone knows this! I don’t know why it’s still an acceptable career path. It should be outlawed along with pickpocketing and making unsalted peanut butter.
I never had a chance with science when I did school (the book was heavy and awkward to look at, so of course I wasn’t going to like it). But I’m concerned for Mime’s safety. She is still doing school (which is so dangerous) and happens to enjoy the evil subject of science.
This post is for you, Mime.
1. You will be ugly.
Now I don’t want to be rude, but come on! A lot of evil scientists are ugly. Really ugly. And I’ve seen quite a few. For instance, let’s extract a specimen from the movie The Green Lantern.
His name is (was?) Hector Hammond and his dad was tampering with outer-space world and…all that stuff. But that’s not important! THIS is important.
He went from this (what I would call ugly anyway):
To this (what I would call horrifically freakishly ugly):
I’m not the kind of person to think beauty is everything. It’s not. But THIS (look above, in case you forgot) is not okay. He needs help. Science has destroyed him.
2. No one will remember your name.
I had to google Mr. Hector Hammod up there, because I couldn’t remember his name. (I couldn’t remember the protagonist of the movie’s name either. Hal, wasn’t it? Hector and Hal? Oh wow…) I digress. So! What’s the point of pursuing science if no one will even remember your deeds?
Take Frankenstein for instance. I grew up (well, kind of, but that’s not the point) thinking that “Frankenstein” was a hideous green monster with bolts in his neck. Well, that’s not true. After reading the book for English, Frankie turned out to be the scientist.
You intelligent munchkins probably knew that from day dot. (Did you?) But I didn’t. I consider this a great failing.
PS. After reading the book Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley, I realised a lot of things I had been mistaken about. The names were one thing, but did you know that Frankie (the scientists) was really rude? And the monster had lovely manners? And that Frankie made the monster a friend/wife/thing and then KILLED her? Okay. We’re good now.
3. You will (eventually) embarrass or murder your children.
Does this look like a happy family to you?
(Spoiler: The answer is no.)
Meet Doctor Stryker, blogglings, from X-Men. This dude popped up in every second movie with a different backstory and a different kid he was mutilating, but STILL. The fact was, his family was doomed because he was an evil scientist (also, his kid was mutant, but we won’t go into that now. We’re mutant and proud are here, just so you know). If you want a happy family life: don’t be a scientist.
4. Even if you’re not evil (yet) you will be mutated.
Just look at Hulk. (We all know I have a soft spot for Hulk, since, well, I am Hulk over at YAvengers.) But he tampered with science and BOOM — turned into, well, Hulk.
5. No one likes you.
This is really quite obvious. Think about all the evil scientist characters you know. How do they end up? Certainly not in prison. DEAD, blogglings, just dead.
Do you recognise this dude, from the Marvel movie, Captain America? Did anyone like him? Hands, hands, do I see hands?
Or this delightful chap from The Amazing Spiderman (by the way, that title is really conceited):
Or Crane (that’s Scarecrow Crane), had no friends. They didn’t even like him in Inception (and he wasn’t even wearing the dorky mask).
NO ONE LIKES THESE PEOPLE/THINGS/SCIENTISTS. Okay?!
To conclude: science just isn’t worth risk. Is it?
cait has realised that most superhero movies involve evil scientists. she is concerned about this. she hopes this post has convinced millions of poor souls across the universe to quit science. your thanks is heeded. she is currently reading hate is such a strong word by sarah ayoub and wanting to watch ironman 3.