Once upon a time, I decided to be brave and read an adult fantasy book. Because we all have completely deluded ideas, right? But a) I like fantasy, b) GoT is famous, and c) sometimes I feel the need to challenge myself with adult books since I am, indeed, an adultish creature.
I SURVIVED READING THE 830-PAGE A GAME OF THRONES BOOK!!!
Ohhh, this is a huge success for me, my froggish friends, because there are only a few things I’m terrified of, mainly really long adult books with millions of characters. And considering I faced ALL my fears while reading A Game Of Thrones, oh gosh. Do I get cake? I so totally deserve cake.
Since reviewing is for, you know, MERE MORTALS ha ha I’m kidding, I review stuff all the time and I just want to shake things up I thought I would take you on a small journey (with gifs, obviously) through my reactions while reading the book! Except, okay, I didn’t read it. I listened to an audio. It was a spectacular audio, with perfect narration, and took me 33 hours (basically I’ve been listening since early March) and DID I MENTION THAT I DESERVE CAKE FOR TACKLING THIS?! I am so proud of me.
Also, yes. I liked this book.
\\ I won’t intentionally give spoilers, but little ones might maliciously appear so…beware. like one about Ned Stark //
I knew I liked fantasy! I knew this is like THE most famous fantasy in the world. And I knew I liked food which, Engie promised was in A Game of Thrones in abundance. So I blame her.
Not usually, but I do my best.
The dude, ALWAYS dies! No matter which movie he stars in…he’s dead. So I figured Ned Stark would probably be offed at some point.
But nooooo, he did! HONOUR or some other rubbish. Bah.
Seriously, cue uncontrollable sobbing. Why do the faithful pets always die?!
Don’t speak to me, Dani. Your name is RIDICULOUS, even though you are 65% awesome.
Although I expected both of these so I wasn’t surprised, at all. And as the book went on, they had less time for sex because…you know…EVERYONE WAS BEING SMASHED TO PIECES IN WAR AND BATTLE AND STUFF.
I mean, there are more books, right?! THEY CAN’T ALL DIE, RIGHT???
I intensely love a lot of the characters and I intensely hate and loathe with the fire of a thousand suns some of the other characters. No matter WHO we talk about: I feel intensely about them. Which is good! I like a book that makes me passionate.
Ned’s in a dungeon. Sansa’s being manipulated and she’s so stupid. Arya’s on the run. Jon is planning to ditch his post on the Wall and therefore he’ll be killed on sight. Rob is like FIFTEEN and going to battle. Bran keeps getting stabbed by random people. King Robert is an IDIOT. Joffery is not right in the head. I’m okay if Jaime dies. Like, violently. And Catelyn Stark needs to keep her mouth shut for once and, maybe, not start any more wars before breakfast.
Someone have a snack and a nap and just think about what you’re doing.
I remember it’s a long, long book series. I say unpleasant things and throw a chicken.
This is what I’ve become. So callous. So calm.
Fire and lightning and idiotic decisions and lost children and half-won battles and hostages and mad kings and dragons. I WANT MORE BUT IT’S FINISHED.
TWIST MY ARM.
Not only did I get through this monstrous beast: I ENJOYED IT. It was hardcore fantasy and my brain didn’t explode. I didn’t get lost! I didn’t get bored! I loved so many characters (although I think there’s a lot of favouritism amongst the Stark family, like, seriously, they glue themselves to one kid’s side and FORGET ANOTHER KID EXISTS. Wut even.)
Yes it is, Mr Stark. But I blame you for 99% of the problems in this book. I DO.
Somehow I accidentally gave it 5-stars, because, even though I had issues with some parts (there’s a lot of needless description, okay?! Sometimes it doesn’t MATTER what the blacksmith is wearing or how many stitches in apron or whatnot), but I was so committed to this book and emotionally involved and — it just deserves 5-stars. I’m very attached to all the Stark children (DEFINITELY JON ABOVE ALL ELSE) and I want to see them grow up during this wild and dangerous adventure.
If they get a chance to grow up. Ha ha, who are we kidding? There’s 6 of them. George RR Martin is the author. ODDS ARE NOT IN THEIR FAVOUR.
I also, strangely, appreciate the Lannisters. They’re evil — but the book, truly, is all about grey areas. (Jaime could die, though, and I would not be sad.) I feel like there are huge parallels between Cersei and Catelyn (both wanting the best/greatest for their children) and that’s intriguing.
Peoples, I have a bad feeling about reading these books…mostly: EMOTIONAL TURMOIL. But it was huge. It was fantastical. And I survived. I’m going to award myself with small fluffy YA books now. Goodbye.