A book blogger’s life is, on occasion, sprinkled with the oddest of happenings.
This is the internet after all. This is where all the oddballs conglomerate. (Yes, I’m looking at you, but before you get all defensive I AM HERE TOO.) Honestly some absurd things have happened to me in 5 years of blogging and it is definitely time I compiled them in a post of Absurd Absurdities. Life is not all logical pinecones and sensible cupcakes! Although it should be. I think we should strive for a cake-orientated society. #priorities
- I’VE BEEN ASKED TO PROMOTE A MATTRESS. You know those annoying emails you get from people who’ve only been on your blog solely to find your contact details, and they spout emails like “promote my company”???? I GET THOSE A LOT. It’s entirely irritating because why would I use my blog which I alone have worked hard on to promote their stuff for exactly no benefit to me???? Please explain. BUT MOVING FORWARD. I was once asked to blog about their mattress company. Their reasoning was “there’s no better place to read then in bed”. I won’t argue. It is true. I asked if they were sending me a bed to promote? They did not email back.
- I’VE HAD THE MOST POLITE SPAM. Spam comments are actually hilarious. I sometimes get ones that are like: “Your blog is an inspiration to me never stop your genius and check out my random sketchy car insurance website” INSERT WEIRD LINK HERE. But, I mean, I’ll take the compliment. Thank you.
- THE RUSSIANS LOVED ME. Back when I was on blogger, most of my pageviews came from Russia. Whyyyyy? Why did the Russians find my blog so interesting??? I mean, I’m not knocking pageviews BUT IT’S VERY ODD. (Apparently the Russians despise WordPress because we are no longer friends.)
- PEOPLE HAVE INTRODUCED THEMSELVES BY TELL ME I’M WRONG. No, really. I’ve gotten messages that are like “Hi I hope this isn’t offensive, but your posts have so many typos”. Or “hello for the first time I like your content but your blogging voice is so irritating.” Well, mate, firstly (A) hello to you too for the first time, you’ve made a grand impression, and (B) go awaaaaay if you don’t like me, and (C) typos don’t actually kill anyone! I don’t care if I have typos! I try to correct them, but I miss some! I am the Typo Queen! (Seriously though, just ask my critique partners and my agent…the first thing they always says is “Well, Cait…typos…” even though I scour that darn manuscript, gah.) If you’re going to say hello to me FOR THE FIRST TIME don’t let it be “and now let me list your faults”.
- I’VE BEEN TOLD TO RE-READ A BOOK BECAUSE I “READ IT WRONG”. Hahahhahaha…this is honestly absurd. Which makes it, at least, kind of hilarious. How can you read a book wrong!??? Why would I re-read a book I hated? WHO WOULD DO THAT?
- I STARTED OFF AS A TRAVEL BLOGGER. Can we just take a moment to snort together? Because meeeeee???? I hate travel. Why go outside when you can read about it. The only thing that you should experience instead of reading about is — cake.
- I ORIGINALLY DNF’ED THE RAVEN BOYS. Now hooooold on and let me explain. If you’ve been here for any length of time (aka: two minutes, probably) then you know that I am a rabid Maggie Stiefvater fan. AND that The Raven Cycle is the #1 series of my soul right now. But back when it first came out — I read one page and sent it back to the library. I AM ASHAMED OF MY 2013-SELF TOO OMG. But to be fair, during that time I (A) only read dystopian really, and (B) was more interested in writing than reading which is absurd because they NEED to go together, and (C) I just ran out of time to even properly try it. WE ALL HAVE OUR DARK PASTS OKAY???? Least to say OBVIOUSLY I tried The Raven Cycle again and my love for it stretches across nine galaxies and shines brighter than an orange Camaro. (Of which I want one, by the way. I can’t even drive a manual car but pfft.)
- I’VE WANTED TO QUIT BLOGGING. Don’t we all go through this? I’m sure we do. I’m not immune to the overwhelm and uninspiring zucchini gloop that we book bloggers occasionally turn into. I’ve put this down on the “absurd” list because, seriously??? BLOGGING IS MY LIFE. I spend so much time blogging. What would I do without it???? Go outdoors? Socialise?? ugh.
- I’VE BEEN TOLD I HAVE NO RIGHT TO HAVE AN OPINION. Yup. For real. A human bean has honestly said this to me on Goodreads. (Honestly, just hang out on Goodreads for a while if you want to catch a few trolls.) But because I reviewed a book about a minority group that I was not part of that meant my review was wrong and void. And I just…seriously???? Everyone is entitled to an opinion. I think what I want. (I AM ACTUALLY LOKI.) It always surprises me when people are too immature to realise WE DON’T AND WON’T ALL AGREE.
- I PLAGIARISED A POST…FROM MYSELF. Yes. I literally have to search my OWN ARCHIVES before I blog now because I literally wrote a post TWICE. I’d written it originally in 2014, forgotten, and then wrote a new version. After a strong sense of deja vu…turns out I’d done it before. I’m so embarrassed of me sometimes.
- MY BOOKSHELF USED TO LOOK LIKE THIS. I mean, that’s just absurdly hilarious, okay??? How did I ever have so little books in 2014??! It looks so so ridiculous.
I mean look, THANKFULLY I FIXED IT.
- MIXING-UP BLOGGERS’ NAMES. And therefore grandly embarrassing myself. This has happened…several times. I wrote a mammothly enthusiastic comment to someone who I thought I knew only publish the comment and realise — NO THEY JUST HAVE THE SAME NAME AS MY FRIEND BUT ARE NOT MY FRIEND. Excuse me, I am dead. To be fair though, it’d be easier if none of you shared names. Work on that, yes please?
- WHEN PEOPLE ASSUME I LAZE AROUND ALL DAY READING. I had to tell myself this is absurd, so I don’t get annoyed. I read fast, okay?! I don’t watch TV or movies = I read. I don’t really, erm, go out with friends = I read. I read a lot of 300-page books which you can easily knock over in an evening! I AM AN ANXIOUS ANTISOCIAL HERMIT CRAB WHO WORKS FROM HOME AND USES FREE TIME WISELY TO READ MUCHLY. But it doesn’t mean my life is holiday mode! Don’t judge, you frond. An unbelievable amount of people have indicated that I must live a truly lazy/easy life if I read so much. Just no.
- I THOUGHT PEOPLE WITH A GAZILLION FOLLOWERS WERE IN LEAGUE WITH THE DARKNESS. Honestly this could still be true. But once I passed several thousand followers I realised that (A) big bloggers are just book loving dorks too, and (B) they probably have not sold their soul to the darkness but are just very good at convincing people they’re fabulous. Those people with “big blogs” really aren’t that scary! I mean, except for me. I’m nefariously terrifying, so don’t go getting comfortable and thinking I’m a cuddly popsicle. I AM FIRE. I AM DEATH. Generally. I have a schedule for evil. Fridays to Mondays, 6am to 11am so I can knock off for lunch. #priorities