Have I been quiet around the blog lately? Yes? All reviews and no discussions? Yes. Well, I have reasons, which I will throw at you nicely. It’s time for a more lifely (totally a word, don’t knock it) kind of post, isn’t it? A catch up post! A bit of an #amcurrently post.
Do you know what happens when I try to write a contemporary? BAD THINGS. Sad things. Imagine a world without swords and dragons and magic. Help. It’s very hard for my little brain to attempt. Plus I am not well versed in “contemporary teenage living” since I didn’t live an average teenage life. My soul is my more suited to dragons than high school. Plus I’ve never been to high school, so that’s awkward.
But contemporary I must write.
It’s a Beethoven retelling. It’s called Tremolo. It’s about a broken German pianist forcing his son to live his dream. I tossed it all up on my wall with sticky notes and string and hoped it’d work.
At least it looked pretty.
Then I started writing my Tremolo catastrophe.
Lately, writing has been entirely too difficult for me. My thoughts have died on my keyboards, I’ve had a slew of rejections in the publishing world, my ideas have seemed like guava soup, and all my characters sounded the same. DOOM. Lots of gloom, but mostly doom. I’m nothing if not dramatic. Hello?! WRITER.
And you remember my NaNoWriMo project? The Dead Boy and the Paper Cut? Which I wrote in 7 days and has been THE best thing (in my opinion) that I’ve ever thrown onto paper? WELL. IT WAS SO EASY, EVERYTHING ELSE IS NOW SO HARD. The first 10,000 words of Tremolo made me cry. Pfft. Made that wail. I asked myself how I could fix it. How could I make this book better?
- Stop being so serious.
- Be the Joker? Not Batman?
- Please add in more references to cake.
- The protagonist is not nearly sarcastic enough.
- Stop trying to write sensibly and exaggerate. Say her eyes are made out of stars and there’s an ocean of nerves in his throat.
- Give the little 5-year-old sister a larger, and more comedic, part.
- Please add in more lasagna.
And you know what? It worked. My writing is flowing (it’s still horrific first-draft-rubbish, of course) and there are funny bits and it’s not nearly as agonisingly emotional as it started. Maybe I just CAN’T write emotion? Maybe I can only write sarcasm and awkward relationships? Maybe that’s okay.
Beck (my protagonist) and August (the friend/love interest) are well on their way to being another of my OTPs.
Then I got a cold.
If there’s one thing that kills my writing for me, it’s stopping. I CAN’T STOP! I’m like a train wreck that must go, go, go before I lose the plot. Literally. When I drop the plot there is no picking it back up again. This is why I write fast, peoples. My memory is so awful I can literally reread my past writing and go, “Ooh, plot twist! Didn’t see that coming!” Despite, um, having…written it myself.
And yet, all I could do was lie in bed, sneezing, and listening to A Clash of Kings on my iPod.
GOOD NEWS: I’m nearly finished A Clash of Kings. Only about 80-pages to go!
BAD NEWS: I hate, like, 87% of the characters. But mostly Theon. All of Theon. LIKE I REALLY DO NOT LIKE THEON, OKAY?
So I sneezed and raged at Theon and lost a whole day of writing.
Having a big internet presence isn’t actually all glitter and chocolate cake. I sort of new this? And I sort of didn’t. While I was struggling with Tremolo and sneezing and feeling guilty because I’d just received 5 unsolicited review copies (which all look really good! But I wasn’t requesting books while I was trying to write! ARGH)…things got a bit nasty on my Goodreads. Just the ol’ “your opinion sucks, how dare you disagree with me” and then a few epically negative comments on my blog.
Suddenly all my scheduled blog posts looked…flawed.
Suddenly I thought, “TAKE IT ALL DOWN. DON’T POST ANYTHING. BE CALM.”
So I’ve only been posting reviews (which not many people read, although I’m endlessly thankful to those who do…let me hug you or at least smush cake in your face) and bookish photography. Safety.
Is this ridiculous of me? YES. Should I be worried about disagreement and negativity? NO. Haters gonna hate. Shake it off. You know the drill. Which I will. But I also thought, “Let me hide and just write for a while.” So I did.
Well, I tweet a lot. I tweet and people say such nice things to me and are encouraging. So shoutouts to the tweeters @Oh_thestories @jessellev @speculatef @IrisjeXx @divainpyjamas @YAindulgences @HappyIndulgences @LaLaT0adSt0ne @ChasingFaes @BrettMichaelOrr @angel_reads who were all just plain NICE to me. YOU PEOPLES ARE THE BEST AND THAT IS ALL.
But let’s end on a positive note, yes?! The internet easily gets drowned in negativity and mean comments and people being insanely crazy hooligans because there’s no consequences on the internet. I mean, there are. But you can be rude and it seems like there’s no consequence.
So I #amPleased because:
- Instagram is a freakishly lovely place and the bookworm community on there is SO NICE. Plus epic photos. I mean, what is not to love?
- Tweeting nice things to people and leaving nice comments is…NICE. Writers say “nice” is a mediocre word to use, but, humbug to them. NICE! NICE! NICE!
- It’s actually been kind of excellent not reading books. I usually swallow one a day, and right now I’m only reading comics. Breaks are good.
- And, I’m not complaining about my unsolicited ARCs, because they’re pretty and I can’t wait to get to them. BOOOOKS.
- Despite being a royal pain in the beginning, Tremolo is treating me better. We’re nearly even friends. I’m at 37,000 words and only need 13,000 more!
- I have really nice friends who leave INCREDIBLE comments, and — you all know who you are — so thank you. You make crummy days better, okay?!