You know what is endlessly amusing? SEARCH TERM RESULTS.
These are random phrases that
creatures of the darkness people type into google and google suggests they read a Paper Fury post. (#nice) You can find them in your stats section for both WordPress and Blogger. (You’re welcome for that gem of information.)
Sometimes they make sense….like people googling how to start a bookstagram account will find their way to my post about being fabulous on bookstagram.
But sometimes I have more of a “LOOK, MATE, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE BECAUSE NONE OF US KNOW” reaction. But at least it’s amusing.
I usually answer some crazy search term questions in my end-of-the-month-recap posts (BECAUSE IT’S FUNNY) but I haven’t done a recap for two months because (A) lazy, (B) cake distracted me, (C) I fell into my bookshelf and can’t get up, and (D) I just did a yearly recap post and there’s probably only so much recapping you can take before you STRANGLE ME WITH AN ANTIQUE TEASPOON. So today is for a crazy weird random post of marvellousness and I shall be answering my search term results.
I know everything. My answers are serious. I would not lie to you.
“write tag all of us like chocolate”
Chocolate is actually the only reason a lot of writers can write. I mean, SOME don’t use chocolate, but they’re probably either (A) not human, or (B) in league with the darkness and not to be trusted.
“types of wroters”
This is a very good question and I’m glad you asked. See there are many types of
writers wroters. I’ll do a brief list for you just now, because I’m super helpful:
- There are wroters who can’t spell.
- There are wroters who procrastinate a lot and end up googling for other types of wroters instead of actually WROTING THEIR BOOK AS THEY SHOULD BE. #burn
- There are wroters who make little typos and that’s okay because we all make typos. Sometimes I call myself Paper Fry instead of Paper Fury and this means that I’m a potato and not a force of blogging darkness and rulership. But do I let that stop me? No. Be a wroter, friend. Be a wroter and live your dreams.
“lunar chronicles skulduggery pleasant fanfic”
That’s honestly not something I’m sure should exist. And if it did exist, you won’t find it on my blog because not only do I not write fanfiction, I’m concerned that Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Caine would just stride in there and explode the Evil Queen Levana after chapter 5 instead of being as diplomatic as Cinder & Co were and taking 4 books. It would be a very short fanfic. Perhaps three pages.
I like to think of my personality as more “chill” instead of “firey” but you know what? There was this one time where I misplaced my cake and had to burn down 9 continents, 2 galaxies, and 43 garden beds to find it again.
Oh now you’re just being silly. My blog name is literally THE EASIEST THING TO TYPE. WHY ARE YOU STRUGGLING.
Look, mum, I’M A FARY.
You know what? I probably shouldn’t whinge because I’ve spelled my name as “Paper Furry” (or was that my secretary dog catching up on comments for me?) and also “Paper Fry” like I said earlier because I am not human apparently. I am potato.
But still. Is it truly this hard?
“fury of the paper”
This suits. I want this on a teeshirt. THE FURY OF THE PAPER™ IS COMING FOR YOUR SOUL.
“eating paper fury”
Look I’ve done some things I’m not proud of. I’ve had poor choices of gifs and reused the same jokes and I’ve stolen my sister’s bookshelves and I told someone I read Lord of the Rings when I really just skimmed it because Tom Bombadil made me want to join #TeamSaurman and smite all the things out of sheer boredom.
BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN EAT ME. I WOULDN’T TASTE GOOD. I’M ALL EVIL AND STRINGY AND BITTER AND THAT’S CANNIBALISM.
“enjoy and romance 16 year”
Well actually most 16 year olds don’t enjoy their romances. Because, I mean, at FIRST it’s all gooey eyes and exchanging flowers and that little fluttering in your chest which could be love or an oncoming stroke.
But then you realise the horrible things that come with romance and you DO NOT ENJOY IT AT ALL. For instance: your significant other suddenly wants you to share your chips with them??? They want to pick the movie???? They want to run during the zombie apocalypse and not throw knives???? They are actually the chosen one and that means you’re probably going to die a grisly death just hanging around them????? Enjoyment is just gone.
Stay single. Raise goats.
“what happens to the body when one reads too much”
- Your brain starts thinking for yourself — very bad. Do not recommend.
- You get pins and needles in your legs because you forgot to move them for a while.
- Your wrists have broken because you tried reading a 700-page hardcover because your mother didn’t teach you better.
- You have no face because you dropped a book on it that time and now all you have is a void.
- The book might start leaking words and ink on you so suddenly you have “KILL THE INFIDELS” imprinted on your elbow which could be awkward in family friendly settings.
- You get hungry and if you don’t eat you might die.
- Sometimes you develop magical powers or perhaps hooves, or a tail, or horns. This either means you’re a book devil. Or you’re a goat.
- Most likely, if you read too much = you turn into a goat.
“my girlfriend reads too much”
But that’s not possible?? I mean, the part about “my girlfriend”. Because if you keep typing things like this into google, you’re not going to have a girlfriend for much longer. Change yourself, fren. Change your whole soul.
“what does reading soo many books disorder called”
The disorder is called “happiness” and definitely do not recommend contracting it. Ugh, no. You’ll be so uncomfortable.
“what types of jobs are there for writers?”
- Curator of The Pit of Despair
- Part Time Nervous Breakdowner
- Typo Queen
- Pro Tweeter Because You Do That More Than Writing
- Occupant of a Padded Cell
- Broke Child Of Parents Who Regret Everything
- Homeless Pigeon Under The Bridge
- Imaginary Fire Queen
- Goat Herder In Iceland
“when i imagine people they dont have faces”
Same. But why do they need faces anyway??? I’d much rather have characters frolicking about in my imagination with black pits of the void across their head instead of facial features, wouldn’t you?
“can excessive reading cause madness”
You’re not wrong. Particularly if you get involved in epic fantasy, because there’s a pact amongst these authors that they have to wait 9.8 years between novel releases so they can sit back and have a small cup of tea while watching their readers descend into madness.
“i had telepathy”
DID YOU LOSE IT??? HOW COULD YOU BE SO NEGLIGENT??? GO FIND IT.
“the weak get eaten wallpaper”
This is true. Stay away from the walls. If you touch them, they will eat you and then you’ll become a disposable extra in Stranger Things and nobody wants that. STAY AWAY FROM THE WALLS.
- Professor Moriarty
- Bruce Wayne
- Twyin Lannister
- Mr. Darcy
- Artemis Fowl
- Severus Snape
“erotic novels without romance”
I think you may need to look up what the word “erotic” means.
“paper fury oh look! ima writer!”
I’M LOOKING!! I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! LOOK AT YOU GO, SWEET DARLING!! I shall cheer like that overly enthusiastic parent watching you play very badly at a sport!!
“i fell in love with a warlock and he doesn’t know i even exist what do i do i need advice”
Sorry, I didn’t get the memo where I had become a dating-advice-service for those who are having problems with their warlock crushes. My secretaries must not have passed through that note.
Okay, dear, here’s the best advice I can give you: BECOME A WARLOCK TOO AND THEN BLAST HIM WITH YOUR NEWFOUND POWERS. It’ll win. You might both die but…I’m sure it’ll win and you’ll definitely get his attention.
“im not opionated i just disagree with yr opions”
Same. It’s okay. Not everyone can be right like we are.
“diverse sucks but sometimes diverse is way better”
I feel like you need to make up your mind because being both is confusing to all of us. I’m confused, you’re confused, your aunt is confused, your bookshelf is confused, your local brigade of ducks are all confused. Sort yourself out.
“what is celaena and sams ship name”
And no you little grape, this isn’t a spoiler. He’s dead before book 1 even starts. Romance is so hard when you’re a teenager.
“just give me a reason online paper furious”
I would be 1000% cool if someone wanted to refer to me as Paper Furious at times. It just seems like a more formal version of my name?? So, you know, if you want to be respectful while I’m doing queenly duties or something: there you go, PAPER FURIOUS.
And I’ll give you a reason: cake.
It is the reason.
“let me eat by myself pls”
I agree. So over these people who want to share food.
“good bye ha need to ha go by eat how to block”
Are you eating a block??? You might need to seek professional help??? Unless it’s a block of cheese and then, yes, you still need help — and I volunteer to help you because I love cheese.
“batman.in fury game”
I am actually batman. I have socks to prove it. Only Batman would wear socks like these so this is all the proof you need.