Subscribe to get a little Fury in your inbox!

Join 2,978 other subscribers.

Paper Fury

book review

The Surprising Power Of A Good Dumpling by Wai Chim (Ft. Oh This One Stole My Heart!)

by 25 Comments

Oh I am here to tell you I just read the most WONDERFUL story.

The Surprising Power Of A Good Dumpling was absolutely incredible. I’m so full of emotions right now! You know a book is special when you (a) can’t put it down, and (b) cannot see a single flaw in it, and (c) just want to hug it to your chest and give all the love to the characters. It’s such a sweet but also heart-wrenching story that talks about the darkness of mental illness with such nuance and respect. I bawl softly. with love.

As always I have such a deep respect for #ownvoices stories

You can tell how much love and heart went into this! Anna is Chinese and has grown up in Australia to immigrant parents. She struggles with diaspora at times, feeling she’s not a “good” Chinese daughter since she speaks very basic Cantonese and doesn’t fit in with the other Chinese kids at school. Anna just wants to cook and she’s upset that her parents AND school dismiss her passion.

(Also side note: freaking LOVED how the book talked about how there was nothing wrong about aspiring to work, not go to uni. You aren’t less for not “aiming to your full potential”. I mean, who’s saying what “full potential” has to be anyway?!?)


discussion on mental health

As someone who struggles with depression, I get super emotional reading books where the rep is good. And this? This is GOOD. Anna’s mother has undiagnosed mental illness (possibly bipolar) — she can’t get out of bed, she goes into rages, she sometimes has psychotic episodes. She was hard to love, she could be unfair and cruel to her kids. Anna got the burnt of so much blame. And her dad just ignored what was going on. I think there was a lot of cultural perspective to be had here too, with how some Chinese families approach mental illness (ie: ignoring it).

We also have it contrasted with Rory’s (Anna’s boi) depression. UGH I LOVE RORY. He is slowly rebuilding himself after being in an excruciatingly dark place; and his sweetness but honesty that he’ll never be “normal” again, but he can be okay — I adore for those breadcrumbs of hope.

The fight is worth it. You are worth it.

can we talk about Anna??? I would fite for Anna

She is the absolute Softest™ and broke my heart with her dedication and desperation to be everything she “should” be. Keeping her siblings going. Filling in her mum’s shoes. Helping out at her dad’s restaurant (she wants to do this though!!! her passion). Lily is 13 and Michael is 5 and I adored them too.😭💛Lily is a fire and Anna is sweet and Michael is an angel and WILL PROTEC THEM.

Anna also carries a lot of invisible emotional trauma through the book. Just having to deal with it all, but silently…it’s a huge thing to bear. She gets snipey a few times though and omg I love her. Her arc? 100% perfection. She grew into herself so so much and I love that moment when she realises the stigma of pretending to be okay is harmful. It’s OKAY to NOT be okay.

please buckle up for the cutest romance

Rory + Anna = the ship I NEED. Anna meets Rory at her dad’s restaurant (he’s a delivery boy) and he is the Softest just like her. I loved how their relationship grew. It was just so so wholesome and tentative (and not angsty!!!).

and hi, i just couldn’t put it down

At all. I mean, I planned to do other things this afternoon, and I looked up and I’d just read 3/4 of a book and the afternoon was gone.😂SIGNS of an excellent novel. It was easy to read, addictive, and really well paced. I loved all the scenes: at the restaurant, at home with the siblings, anything with Rory… 🤗

look, this is just the kind of contemporary to put on your tbr immediately

I have read the most wonderful GEM and I want the whole world to know!! It made me feel warm and it filled my heart. The sibling strife was relatable (oops haha) and their love for each other was incredible too. The arcs! The loving discussion of harsher darknesses. The pain. The aching. Anna’s soft strength. All so so excellent.

thank you Allen & Unwin for the review-copy! The Surprising Power Of A Good Dumpling by Wai Chim came out in August 2019

Anna Chiu has her hands pretty full looking after her brother and sister and helping out at her dad’s restaurant, all while her mum stays in bed. Dad’s new delivery boy, Rory, is a welcome distraction and even though she knows that things aren’t right at home, she’s starting to feel like she could just be a normal teen.
But when Mum finally gets out of bed, things go from bad to worse. And as Mum’s condition worsens, Anna and her family question everything they understand about themselves and each other.
A nourishing tale about the crevices of culture, mental wellness and family, and the surprising power of a good dumpling.

Goodreads | Booktopia | Book Depository | Amazon | Allen & Unwin

| what do you think? |

what food always makes YOU feel better? 🤗 is this one on your TBR? tell me your thoughts if you’ve read it!

 

Sword And Pen by Rachel Caine (Ft. Epic Giveaway, Excerpt, & My Feels About This Finale!)

by 8 Comments

It’s time to celebrate the finale of the Great Library series!

And to capitalise on the pun opportunity I have been given — it was great. 😂🤭Ok I’m good now, I’m fine…

But truly this series is exquisitely incredible, thrilling and heart-wrenching and full of violent Ravenclaws (which, quite frankly, is amazing to read about). I don’t often stick with long series because I have the attention span of a gnat. But I’ve craved every book since Ink & Bone released back in 2015!

Today I’m part of the blog tour for Sword and Pen.

It’s really sad to say goodbye 😫But it was also a stunning ending.

Keep reading for some immensely epic giveaways + my review + and an excerpt from Thomas!

 

(And huge thank you to Berkley Pub and Rachel Caine for having me as part of the tour!)

➢ Catch up on my reviews of the first 4 books:

Goodreads | Booktopia | Book Depository | Amazon

With the future of the Great Library in doubt, the unforgettable characters from Ink and Bone must decide if it’s worth saving in this thrilling adventure in the New York Times bestselling series.
The corrupt leadership of the Great Library has fallen. But with the Archivist plotting his return to power, and the Library under siege from outside empires and kingdoms, its future is uncertain. Jess Brightwell and his friends must come together as never before, to forge a new future for the Great Library . . . or see everything it stood for crumble.

Rachel Caine is the New York Times, USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestselling author of more than fifty novels in a diverse range of genres and categories. She’s been honored with multiple awards from RT Booklovers Association and the Texas Library Association, and was honored with two spots on the 2012 “Most Favorite Books of UK Schoolchildren” list. In 2006, she created the Morganville Vampires series in young adult, and premiered the TLA-listed novel Prince of Shadows in 2015, and the new Great Library series with Ink and Bone in 2016. Rachel and her husband R. Cat Conrad live and work in Fort Worth, Texas.

Twitter | Instagram | Website | Facebook

Open for an excerpt

Open For excerpt from THOMAS

“No, not like that,” Thomas said, and elbowed the Artifex Magnus aside. He was sweating, stripped of his jacket, and he hardly recognized that he’d just shoved a member of the Great Library’s Curia out of the way until it was far too late. “Sorry,” he mumbled, but not with any real regret. “We have little time.”

“Yes, I know that, son,” Artifex Greta Jones said. She was American, which was a curiosity in and of itself—a round, pleasant woman with more than enough talent at engineering for nearly any task set before her. A rich, slow accent like melting butter. “Easy now. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.”

There was no time to be polite, or easy. Thomas knew he could do better. That wasn’t modest, but it was true. He quickly unscrewed the bolts holding the gigantic crystal in place and gently lowered it to the worktable nearby. Everything looked fine, but he could read from the power consumption curve that it was not fine at all. “It’s not performing as expected,” he said as he unbolted the platinum casing that held the crystal. “The power cycle should have been longer, and recovery shorter. There’s something—”

As soon as the casing was off, he saw it, and his heart sank. Something had been off in the measurements, just the tiniest bit, and the distribution of stress must have thrown the calculations off and caused vibration. Vibration had caused a flaw.

The crystal was useless. The crack within it was tiny, a flaw that would have been meaningless for any other purpose … but not this one. It could be recut and the flaw eliminated, but he’d custom-built the casing for this stone to exacting specifications.

And they didn’t have time to machine new parts and cut a new crystal now.

The Artifex looked at the crystal, and he could tell she saw what he did. “It’ll crack straight through the next time we use it,” she said. “You were right. I’m sorry I doubted you. We could recut it, but that will reduce power …”

“It will,” he confirmed. “I’ll have to have the jewelers cut another crystal while I make a different kind of casing. One that can adjust to different crystal dimensions, in case we must change it more frequently. Put this one back, reduce the power output, and pray that they don’t force us to use it again more than once before the replacement is ready.” The Lighthouse ray was, in effect, a giant bluff, a gamble that he and the Artifex had decided was worth the risk. Now more than ever it had become more threat than reality.

Sword And Pen was stressfully brilliant, powerful and absolutely destroying.

I actually had to take a moment to breathe after I finished because, like Jess, I spent most of the book gasping and dying between paragraphs that were obviously designed to spear me right through the feels. This books was so so intense and it delivered everything I needed in a finale. Including making me not know if a single character I liked would get through. I was tHAT stressed!! I was so stressed!!!!

things I did while reading:
(a) pressed the entire ARC to my face and scream/cried at Santi calling Jess his and Wolfe’s son
(b) panicked about Jess’ life expectancy
(c) said I hated it and loved it in a single breath
(d) took too many photos for my bookstagram
(e) died and came back as a library haunting ghost of appreciation

Last books are always hard to review because I don’t want to give spoilers! 👀

But this totally delivered with a tight-action-packed plot, that was full of war and battles, super high stakes, and valiant sacrifices. It also had tons of stupid teenagers thinking they’re invincible (I love them) and Wolfe getting grey hairs because his kids are irresponsible about their health (I love him). It had so so so many satisfying plot twists. I was just beaming by the end.

It managed to be painful on the feels, heartbreaking at times, and also intensely right and satisfying. That’s a hard balance to pull off in a finale, and I applaud the entire series for constantly delivering to my super high expectations.

A little run down about what the characters were up to…

  • Jess gets himself seriously seriously hurt and I definitely ached for him through the entire book. His ptsd and depression spiral is gut-wrenching. I love him so much ahhh.
  • Wolfe and Santi didn’t have a lot of chapters in this one but I loved every scene they were in. Their devotion to each other is incredible; gay dads of the century. We stan. 😭🙌🏻I also love that Santi gave up hoping people would be sensible and just started pairing everyone off so at least the hot-heads had someone to temper them down.
  • Thomas is off solving lots of puzzles; also being a super weapons genius while being the softest bean ever.
  • Dario is such a snake I love him. Tbh he bad more chemistry with Jess than Morgan/Jess did but ok.
  • Khalila no spoilers but AHHHH SHE IS A QUEEN AND I LOVE HER. She really just proves herself in this one and I adored her arc.
  • Glain has always been like the smallest part of the squad but she is badass and I do like her.
  • Morgan was super powerful and kinda scary with it, but I did appreciate her whole storyline for this finale.

 

Spoilers About The Finale

(seriously DON’T click until after you’ve read it!)

open for finale SPOILERS
I very very much thought it was setting up Jess to DIE. I was freaking out.😭😂 I always feel like a journey is pointless if the protagonist doesn’t make it sooooo…I was worried. But my son, my love, Jess got through. His emotional pain and ruination over Brendan dying in his arms really followed him through this book and I broke with him. Grief = exceptionally written. 

I just wish there’d been like a “5 years later” epilogue showing us what everyone is up to!!!

→  Also Wolfe and Santi being at his hospital bed at the end, threatening to murder his dad, saying TEHY WERE HIS NEW DADS??? 10/10 best moment of the book. My HEARTTTTT.

→ Morgan’s death was super sad, but it also felt well handled and right. And tbh she was never my favourite and I never felt she and Jess fit perfectly. So she’s in a bodyless dimension being free and I’m just like! Ok!

→  And YES that Khalila got to be the Archivist. SO deserved. Best and most satisfying ending.

I also love how the book balanced destruction, violence, and hope.

Ultimately, the series is about fighting for what you believe, for making sure no one person has the ability to dictate the spread of knowledge through the world. The book is about knowledge being power…about found-family being the truest part of your heart…and about freedom. It got so so dark in this book. But it gave us those slivers of light that we needed to cling onto.

It was perfect. Freaking perfect. I’m NOT over it and will be melting inside for at least 600 years.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

And click here to enter an exclusive giveaway just for my followers!

| what do you think? |

have you read this series or is it on your TBR?? tell me which cover is your favourite too!! (mine is Paper & Fire because I love orange so much)

 

Ghosts of the Shadow Market by Cassandra Clare (Ft. Short Stories If You Miss Your Old Faves!)

by Leave a Comment

It’s always a satisfying pleasure to be back in my favourite Shadowhunter world.

I just adore it all so much, ok? I’m in deep. I love that we get backstory and extra time with favourite characters. I love the indulgence of seeing characters grow up over the course of all the series and get married and have kids. Like, ok sometimes it’s totally sappy. But I don’t CARE. I am a soft leaf of grass these days. Let me be happy with my kids.

This is a collection of 10 short stories.

They’re set from the 1900s to 2012 and all sort of incorporate the Shadow Market. Most are through Jem Carstair’s eyes (when he’s a Silent Brother and when he’s free) and dude is a miserable eloquent mop and I love him so much. I was #TeamJem the whole way ok (he deserved better), so this was just nice to be back with him as he searches for the lost Herondale line as a tribute to Will.

TL;DR version of my feels

  • love love love because it’s Shadowhunters ok
  • the Shadowhunter family tree is convoluted and exhausting
  • I resent everyone in TID growing up to name their children all after each other. I cannot tell anyone apart or know who belongs to who.
  • I really don’t like the Thule!Jace storyline I just…thought I’d get onboard but I am not. That’s my only criticism for the whole series oops.
  • Freaking HERE for a certain couple having a baby at the end.😍
  • Magnus/Alec are a GIFT; eternally.
  • I’m so glad Clare keeps gifting us with little in-between moments and giving these domestic scenes + action and relaying important info. (But the domestic scenes make me heart eyes.)
  • I really loved the art starting each story!!

Cast Long Shadows

This was the hardest to follow because we have like ALL the TID kids here and holy heck I could not keep them straight. Fairchilds and Herondales and Lightwoods galore. They all had so many kids hahah. Anyway it was sad? But rather made me think Matthew was an idiot for trusting a faerie potion instead of talking to his parents.

Every Exquisite Thing

Butch lesbian appreciation. We stan. I also just loved this quiet love and acceptance of queerness by Anna’s parents!! Also Jem being badass and solving Shadow Market mysteries.

Learn About Loss

Brother Zachariah (cough*Jem*cough) and Sister Emilia go to a carnival to discover more about the Lost Herondale line. And look, Jem has a dream where he and Will run hand-in-hand across a moonlight rooftops and u tell me that’s very heterosexual.

A Deeper Love

Oh wow this one was STRESSFUL. Jem gets hurt and Tessa freaks out and it’s set in WWII and also features Catrina Loss! I really liked this one. Nothing like some good wretched feels.

The Wicked Ones

This was like…ugh [throws up a little] a 17yo shadowhunter crushing on Stephan Herondale (23yo and married) so much that she’ll do anything to make him fall in love with her. These are Jace’s parents! And it shows more how Valentine controlled his inner circle.

Son of the Dawn

ok this one made me laugh because it has Raphael in it (LOVE Raphael) and Lily Chen, who ends up calling Jem “Brother Snackeriah” which ya know. She is not wrong. They also go pick up baby!Jace (he’s like 10 or something, but a baby) from being shipped to the Lightwoods on a boat loaded with drugs. Also Jace is so deeply damaged. Also BABY ISABELLE AND ALEC. They’re adorable.

The Land I Lost

100000% my favourite story of the book. Laughed out LOUD. Wanted to cry. Omg. This is when Alec finds and adopts little Rafe and I just!!! Ok I am a mess for Alec/Magnus domestic scenes and while this was mostly Alec being badass alone in Buenos Aires and finding the Institute there is super corrupt…it still had the most ADORABLE scenes in it. Also Rafe was such a feral little thing and every time Alec was just holding him comfortingly. 😫💛 Also Magnus’ line of “you left for 3 days and adopted a child…imagine if we let you roam for a week.” I LOVE THEM.

Through Blood, Through Fire

Jem and Tessa are still looking for that Lost Herondale kid. They are not good at this hide and seek. This one is angsty but I appreciate Jem/Tessa together. Aw.

The Lost World

Finally we get some BLACKTHORNS. This is mostly by Livvy, but some of Ty’s POV. I really miss Ty and I’m crying…he is so sad. He refuses to acknowledge he has a hole in his life without Kit. Shows more of what Livy can do now…I liked it but made me SAD that we don’t get Wicked Powers for so so long….I want it now.

Forever Fallen

Ok this was soft sweetness with Baby Carstairs and Kit stopping being an abandoned orphan. LOVE the Carstairs family 100%. Also more of Thule!Jace who I do not understand and do not want to see ever again 🤗 I assume this is warning that there will be lots of Thule storyline in Wicked Power and bleh. Do not want. But I do want Ty and Kit and will die for them. So. (Yes, I’m chill about it.)

Also the last sentence is: “This evening, the whole sky was bronze, as though to summon wicked powers.”

SCREEEEAMING

Thank you to Walker Books AUS for the review-copy! It released June, 2019.

Goodreads | Booktopia | Walker Books | Book Depository | Amazon

The Shadow Market is a meeting point for faeries, werewolves, warlocks and vampires. There the Downworlders buy and sell magical objects, make dark bargains, and whisper secrets they do not want the Nephilim to know. Through two centuries, however, there has been a frequent visitor to the Shadow Market from the City of Bones, the very heart of the Shadowhunters. As a Silent Brother, Brother Zachariah is sworn keeper of the laws and lore of the Nephilim. But once he was a Shadowhunter called Jem Carstairs, and his love, then and always, is the warlock Tessa Gray.
Follow Brother Zachariah and see, against the backdrop of the Shadow Market’s dark dealings and festive celebrations, Anna Lightwood’s first romance, Matthew Fairchild’s great sin and Tessa Gray plunged into a world war. Valentine Morgenstern buys a soul at the Market and a young Jace Wayland’s soul finds safe harbor. In the Market is hidden a lost heir and a beloved ghost, and no one can save you once you have traded away your heart. Not even Brother Zachariah…

| what do you think? |

tell me your favourite Shadowhunter series! and have you read these short stories yet? are they on your TBR?

 

Kingdom Of Souls by Rena Barron (Ft. Western African Inspired Dark Fantasy!)

by 9 Comments

Kingdom Of Souls was such a deeply complex, richly dark fantasy.

It me intrigued from the very first page. 👀 I do like my epic fantasy daaaark and this definitely delves into that side of magic, with witchdoctors gone rogue and demons breaking free and unsolved murders. It’s both badass and chilling, powerful and empowering. And though it’s very dark it’s not hopeless! Arrah has no maic and she’s spurned by her mother and treated as less by her clan — but she’ll stop at nothing to defeat this darkness.

We stan a Gryffindor heroine. 😭🙌🏻

// #ownvoices West-African inspired mythology

Kingdom of Souls fiercely focuses on Arrah and her relationship with magic (aka she has none) and her mother (a powerful witchdoctor with ptsd from being tortured for years by her predecessor) and how children start to go missing and no one seems interested in looking into it.

I always find fantasies overwhelmingly intense at first as you find your footing amongst the world building. I do admit this had a lot of characters and as someone who struggles with names (dude, I don’t even remember my nieces’ names), I did falter keeping everyone straight. Plus there’s a lot of gods and tribe names.

The whole story is packed full of witchdoctors, dark magic rituals, years-being-traded-for-magic, dangerous curses and gods gone rogue. The whole story was woven with love and care, depth and heartfelt magic.

// it packs a lot in

The plot is super, super intense! It’s not always action scenes and there’s lot of focus on the world and the politics of Arrah’s people. It crams a lot into the 500pgs.

// characters

Ok Arrah was precious and I did love her so much. She strives so hard to be enough but is always found lacking by her mother who is an infamously cold and powerful woman. I also loved her friendship with Rudjek. It has a bit of a Romeo x Juliet vibe, since Rudjek’s father is Arrah’s mother’s enemy. I shipped them but…it is not an easy ship eeep. The book also hugely focuses on family…and I can’t give spoilers but I love how it explored this.

And can we take a moment to appreciate a book featuring FEMALE VILLAINS!??! Best. Love. Thank you so much.

// a dark epic fantasy to capture your soul

Definitely try this one if you love YA fantasy with complexities, dense worlds, and evil that does not sleep. 🤗 It does take a lot of concentration because it’s meaty, and I do admit to being lost at the end. It’s a hardcore adventure full of cultural pride and messy families and a girl who dares to believe she’s worth something despite being different.

 

Releases on September 3rd, 2019!

thank you to the author for the ARC!

Goodreads | Booktopia | Book Depository | Amazon

Arrah is a young woman from a long line of the most powerful witch doctors in the land. But she fails at magic, fails to call upon the ancestors and can’t even cast the simplest curse.
Shame and disappointment dog her.
When strange premonitions befall her family and children in the kingdom begin to disappear, Arrah undergoes the dangerous and scorned process of selling years of her life for magic. This borrowed power reveals a nightmarish betrayal and a danger beyond what she could have imagined. Now Arrah must find a way to master magic, or at least buy it, in order to save herself and everything she holds dear.
An explosive fantasy set in a world of magic and legend with a twist you will never see coming.

 

| what do you think? |

tell me some black authors’ books you’ve read and loved recently!! and is this one on your TBR? what do you think of dark fantasy?

 

[Double Diversity Review] The Million Pieces of Neena Gill by Emma Smith-Barton & All The Bad Apples by Moïra Fowley-Doyle

by 3 Comments

It’s time for a double-review of two books that are dismantling stigmas.

And w o w they are powerful. I feel in a total whirlwind of thoughts and feels right now, because they’re very thought-provoking and hard-hitting books. Both were very different, but centred around mental illness, feminism, abuse, and queer history. So be ready for a tangled knot of FEEEEEELINGS.

I also am putting them together because they’re both Penguin books AND set in the UK! I bought All The Bad Apples for myself (apparently it’s out Oct 1st in Australia? I must’ve bought the UK version), but The Million Pieces of Neena Gill was an ARC gifted from Penguin Teen Australia. Thank you!

 

The Million Pieces of Neena Gill by Emma Smith-Barton

This is such an aching story of loss and mental health spirals. Neena is a really unreliable narrator so as you get deeper into the story…you really second-guess everything. It’s so intensely in her perspective that you can’t help but ache with her. Her decisions are so problematic, but at the same time…you get it?! Neeeeena, don’t DO IT. 😫

➢ #OwnVoices Rep

I really appreciate #ownvoices books because they bring a layer of power and intimacy; you can feel the heartache on the page. I have an ARC and the author wrote this incredibly heartbreaking letter, talking about how she had severe anxiety and has been in dark places, as well as helped someone else through a mental breakdown. It’s also #ownvoices for Pakistani-British rep! It really explored that too: Neena’s own assumptions about her culture as well as how her parents viewed mental illness as weakness. It was hard to read their dismissal of her illness…but overall there were solidly good learning arcs.

➢ it had a messy disorientated style — which suited Neena’s mental state perfectly

Her brother is missing and she loved him so much. Neena is just not…coping. She’s a wreck; drinking and sneaking out to parties, having massive anxiety spirals and being erratic. It was so sad.

➢ healing as well as heartbreaking

It did focus on rebuilding too. It wasn’t just a mental illness spiral — which I think is important to show all sides. “Sometimes you need to remind yourself who you are, don’t you?” The book also discussed problematic tropes (ie: Nina thinking romance would fix her, she viewing her parents’ Pakistani strictness as her villain, all the drinking etc.) and unpacked them really well! It’s about dismantling stigmas and being honest with yourself. I appreciated the whole book a lot, even though overall the style wasn’t my favourite.

Goodreads | Penguin | Booktopia | Book Depository

Published July 16th, 2019

How can I hold myself together, when everything around me is falling apart? 
Neena’s always been a good girl – great grades, parent-approved friends and absolutely no boyfriends. But ever since her brother Akash left her, she’s been slowly falling apart – and uncovering a new version of herself who is freer, but altogether more dangerous.
As her wild behaviour spirals more and more out of control, Neena’s grip on her sanity begins to weaken too. And when her parents announce not one but two life-changing bombshells, she finally reaches breaking point.
But as Neena is about to discover, when your life falls apart, only love can piece you back together.

All The Bad Apples by Moïra Fowley-Doyle

This is the kind of story that will make you ache and RAGE all at once. It was bitterly and deeply moving and you end wanting to choke  on angry tears as well as feel deeply empowered. It’s a feminist book, and it also dives deeply into the abuse and trauma suffered by queer people and women in the 1900s.

➢ this is no fluffy read

It’s beautifully written; gorgeous words and style (I was obsessed with The Accident Season back in 2015!! so I was excited to read another book from Fowley-Doyle), but I thought (wroooong) that it was about a girl finding her sister. Like maybe some creepy woods, idk. It was much darker and harder hitting than that.

Deena is 17 and basically raised by her older twin sisters (who are in their mid-30s). Their mother is dead, their father the strict horrible old religious type who is a threatening force but also absent in their lives. Mandy (the troublesome sister) vanishes and it’s assumed she killed herself. But Deena refuses to believe and goes searching. Overall the book is like set over 3 days. But it’s also half set in the past. Deena reads these letters detailing what happened to their great-great grandparents how the family Rys “curse” started. All the “bad” troublesome girls are cursed apparently and they need to break it.

So the historical part is set in the 1920s+ in Ireland and…wow it was hard to read. Like there so much viciousness in the Catholicism and just how they treated women and queer people. And just how society destroyed women. It talks about rape and abuse, about how unmarried women were stuffed into these workhouse/nunneries and worked basically to death. Had their children ripped away and put in schools where they were maliciously beaten. All the abuse was coded as “cleansing your sin” and it’s sickening. Queer people were murdered. Midwives were called witches. Like…all this stuff truly happened and it’s so brittle and brutal to read. 😫 So. much. suffering.

The story is HERE to do that though: to make us think and burn with the injustice.

“…the past will only keep repeating itself as long as we’re kept powerless by our silence.”

➢ favourite vs least favourite things

Ok so truly the book was super thought-provoking AND important. At first I wasn’t super engaged because all the back-story scenes were just telling-telling-telling. It felt like a family history and I was just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ As I read on, I saw the messages it built and the structure it was taking. So I enjoyed last 50% a lot.

And I loved loved LOVED Deena; our soft queer teen of heartache as she uncovers her family secrets. She meets Cale on their journey (also queer girl who Deena is 😍) and her best friend Finn is bi and black. I really loved the diversity.

➢ I’ll be thinking about this one for a long long time…

I won’t lie: it was difficult to read. It isn’t pleasurable to read about queer pain, abused women, or destroyed lives. But the book is speaking out on these things. The tagline is literally “shatter the silence” and I’m so glad it exists to add to this conversation.

“Like Ida said, sometimes you have to feel the past to believe it.”
“It needs to be told like a story in order to be heard,” I said.
“Right. Exactly.” He shoved his hands into his pockets, shrugged. “It’s the story itself that’s fucked.”

Goodreads | Booktopia | Book Depository | Penguin

out Oct 1 in AUS // August 1st in UK

When Deena’s wild and mysterious sister Mandy disappears – presumed dead – her family are heartbroken. But Mandy has always been troubled. It’s just another bad thing to happen to Deena’s family. Only Deena refuses to believe it’s true.
And then the letters start arriving. Letters from Mandy, claiming that their family’s blighted history is not just bad luck or bad decisions – but a curse, handed down through the generations. Mandy has gone in search of the curse’s roots, and now Deena must find her. What they find will heal their family’s rotten past – or rip it apart forever.

| what do you think? |

do you read a lot of UKYA books? are either of these on your TBR because I’m super curious to share thoughts!!

 

[Blog Tour] Beasts Of The Frozen Sun by Jill Criswell (Ft. INTL Giveaway + Badass Brutal Fantasy Love)

by 19 Comments

I have just read a fantasy of badass and most brutally epic proportions.

And I must say, I am a fan.

Beasts of the Frozen Sun is every bit as epic as its cover and it had complex world building (slight Scottish-fantasy vibe from it too), characters to fall in love with, and brutal wars between monstrous men. I like my fantasies from the dark side and this definitely delivered there. It was so immersive too. When I finished, it felt like coming up for air because I was so deeply into it.

let me tell you all about my FEELINGS here…but before I do…

this is part of the blog tour hosted by MTMC Tours and I have an epic INTL giveaway running on my instagram right now! I also have made some iphone wallpaper in honour of the book!

This book honestly had a checklist of things I love.

Which, I mean, shout out to it catering specifically for my epic fantasy needs. 🤗 There are some tropes that just make my heart flutter and this ticked off so many of them. Such as…

  • boys who are turned into weapons so they become monstrous…but secretly they’re soft heartfelt marshmallows inside
  • girls with SWORDS and they get very angry when the sword is taken off them (#aminlove)
  • gods that sometimes walk the earth and mess about with humans
  • when people go to war against the enemy who they think are “beasts”…but they’re every bit as monstrous
  • basically the whole analysation of “what makes you a monster”; legit my favourite discussion
  • magic powers (they had soul-reading!!!! I really liked this!!!!)
  • the whole “oh you’re SICK and we’re ENEMIES but we’ll CUDDLE just to stay warm” 😏 ok sure, you go on.

Be still my beating heart. I just had such a good time with all of this.

The world was incredibly intriguing.

I definitely got Scottish vibes from it, with the clans and weapon styles and some the language. So that was fantastic. There is also a lot of god lore that’s pertinent to the plot. Our heroine, Lira, is “god-gifted”. This is a rare thing and only happens to usually one woman per clan. She’s a daughter of Aillira and can read souls and determine truths. Her father, also the clan-leader, basically “uses” her as a lie-detector but she’s 17 and has the choice to go study in the temple or get married.

But what if there was a third choice?

The plot was go! go! go! action!

We have EVERYTHING from village raids to wars to men from the West coming in to slaughter and pillage the small villages of Lira’s people. It’s intense and seriously SO much is packed in it will leave you a bit exhausted. I was really grateful for the brief moments when they got to pause and, like, snuggle. 10/10 for snuggling in epic fantasies too ok.

It’s also dark and quite brutal.

This is super fine by me 😌I like my fantasies from the dark side and while it didn’t get graphic/gruesome, it also did NOT spare the characters and the vicious beast-men did horrific things to their captives. Reyker goes through hell and back, he truly does lol sob, my poor boy. It’s bloody and heartbreaking; it’s about people who refuse to let go of hope and each other.

Look, Lira and Reyker are everything and I love them.

SO SO love them. Usually I wave a hand vaguely at epic fantasy romances for not contributing to the plot but THIS?! This is superb. I ship them so hard. They’re star-crossed lovers for sure and everything conspires to keep them apart.

Reyker is the beast, the boy who nearly drowns and is saved by Lira even though she know she shouldn’t help the enemy. She fights off death for him, she teaches him her language, she holds him when the rest of the world has declared him fit only as an animal to be put to death.

Lira hates being used and caged. She hates being property by her horrible uncle and father, men pitted in darkness while ruling their clan, and she refuses to believe Reyker isn’t worth saving. And she is so frikking powerful. Gah, I loved that.

*:·ﾟ✧ Beasts of the Frozen Sun is a bloody fantasy of beasts and soul magic and fierce belief that redemption is possible if you cling fiercely to rebuilding yourself *:·ﾟ✧

Action-packed with high stakes and brutal fights and monstrous men and powerful women and meddling gods.

Blackstone Publishing | Amazon | Book Depository

Burn brightly. Love fiercely. For all else is dust.
Every child of Glasnith learns the last words of Aillira, the god-gifted mortal whose doomed love affair sparked a war of gods and men, and Lira of clan Stone knows the story better than most. As a descendant of Aillira and god-gifted in her own right, she has the power to read people’s souls, to see someone’s true essence with only a touch of her hand.
When a golden-haired warrior washes up on the shores of her homeland–one of the fearful marauders from the land of the Frozen Sun–Lira helps the wounded man instead of turning him in. After reading his soul, she realizes Reyker is different than his brethren who attack the coasts of Glasnith. He confides in her that he’s been cursed with what his people call battle-madness, forced to fight for the warlord known as the Dragon, a powerful tyrant determined to reignite the ancient war that Aillira started.
As Lira and Reyker form a bond forbidden by both their clans, the wrath of the Dragon falls upon them and all of Glasnith, and Lira finds herself facing the same tragic fate as her ancestor. The battle for Lira’s life, for Reyker’s soul, and for their peoples’ freedom has only just begun.

About the author:

Jill Criswell is a writer of Young Adult Historical Fantasy. She was born and raised in the swamps of northeastern Florida. She earned degrees in English and Psychology and an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Central Florida. Her greatest passion, besides reading and writing, is traveling the world; she’s visited fifty countries across six continents, falling in love with places like Iceland, Namibia, and Cambodia. She works as a university English teacher and lives in South Carolina, near the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains, with her husband and daughter (who is named after a volcano in Iceland).

Website | Goodreads | Instagram | Twitter

| WHAT DO YOU THINK? |

what was the last epic fantasy you read? is this one on your TBR? 😍

 

Wilder Girls by Rory Power (Ft. Feral Forest Aesthetic and Creepy Mutations!)

by 30 Comments

This was sufficiently compelling and creepy; a story of corruption and desperation.

Also I have SO much appreciation for the cover design now that I’ve read the book. It fits 10005% amazingly (plus is just altogether one of my favourite covers of 2019; I am always here for the murdery forest aesthetic). I got a lot of Maze Runner x Aurora Rising vibes from this book (throw in a bit of Stranger Things and monsters). It was fascinating and, often, disturbing. The cliffhanger left me feeling “???!?!?!” so least to say I hope there’s a sequel. Otherwise I feel like we only skimmed the surface of this world of Tox.

// welcome to Tox; an island boarding school corrupted by a disease and the girls left there to rot

The aesthetic was just incredible — it weaves together this undefinable sickness that mutates the girls with this island basically got to rot and ruin. It’s supposed to be just a “normal” boarding school. But it’s been 1.5 years since the outbreak and they’re in quarantine. They’re dying. They’re being eaten alive and ripped inside out. Rory has something growing under her eye. Reese has a silver hand. Byatt has a second spine. The forest is wild; the wildlife is feral and rabid. They can’t get off the island. They don’t know what’s killing them and they’re waiting for the government to find a cure.

(cue hysterical laughter from everyone who’s watched a single sci-fi movie because when does the government!!! ever !!! pull through!!!!)

The setting was compelling and chilling and definitely the standout. However I needed more information? Very little backstory and I just felt the whole thing needed to be deeper.

It is violent (not overly graphic) and the girls are desperate, bitterly competitive, and hardened. They’re just trying to stay alive in this school-turned-apocalypse-setting.

// the characters

They’re all fighting tooth and claw to survive and I really ached for Hetty. I didn’t understand Byatt tbh. It was insinuated that “more” was going on with her character (like she was a compulsive liar or…something?) but I’m still confused. Also her chapters were disjointed and confusing — possibly for a purpose but they just left me like thrown from the story. I understood why Reese was angry and cold — but being cruel to people because you hurt wins zero points from me. Especially when she never apologised.

I loved how Hetty and Reese fell together, those quick stolen kisses. Overall the romance is light but powerful.

What I loved about the characters was: how deeply and inexplicably they needed each other. They weren’t just friends, they were so caught up in each other that they needed each other like a heartbeat. Complex and codependant messy relationships driven by love are just 😭💛 Their need was so well written.

// it leaves you with so so many questions

The eerie setting, the parasitic disease, the vines growing out of people and mutations and hunger and trapped aloneness — it was amazing to read. You FEEL this book, you do.

But I don’t understand the Tox and I felt the book needed to be deeper and have everything explored more.

thanks to Pan Macmillan for the ARC! WILDER GIRLS by Rory Power came out July 8th, 2019.

Goodreads | Book Depository | Booktopia | Amazon | Pan Macmillan

The Power meets We Were Liars in Rory Power’s compelling, visceral and completely unputdownable YA debut about survival and the power of female friendships.
Everyone loses something to the Tox; Hetty lost her eye, Reese’s hand has changed, and Byatt just disappeared completely.
It’s been eighteen months since the Raxter School for Girls was put in quarantine. The Tox turned the students strange and savage, the teachers died off one by one. Cut off from the mainland, the girls don’t dare wander past the school’s fence where the Tox has made the woods wild and dangerous. They wait for the cure as the Tox takes; their bodies becoming sick and foreign, things bursting out of them, bits missing.
But when Byatt goes missing, Hetty will do anything to find her best friend, even if it means breaking quarantine and braving the horrors that lie in the wilderness past the fence. As she digs deeper, she learns disturbing truths about her school and what else is living on Raxter Island. And that the cure might not be a cure at all . . .

| WHAT DO YOU THINK? |

have you read this one? is it on your tbr? let me know if you like books with creepy sci-fi illnesses or if it freaks you out!

 

Hungry Hearts Anthology (Ft. Me, Living My Best Life Reading Foodie Fiction)

by 15 Comments

As soon as I heard about the Hungry Hearts anthology, I knew it had been written, very specifically, for me. 😌

So sorry if you thought it was yours; because no, it is mine. It is a love letter to FOODIE FICTION which is the best sort of books in existence. There are 13 short stories (including ones from authors I adore like Anna-Marie McLemore 😍) and the heart of each is = food. How it can be magic, or healing…or destroying. I am just thriving here after devouring (PUN) each story.

I got so so hungry at one point I had to stop and make pumpkin soup.

Basically I thoroughly recommend this and is definitely my favourite anthology of all time!

 

(Also I actually BOUGHT THIS and it’s not an affiliated review oooooh…)

Things To Know:

➢ The short stories aren’t all contemporary OR fluffy. Haha. I just mention this because I assumed it would be the fluffiest wholesome anthology, and while some of the stories are…some are also kind twisted. I loved that. I adored the diversity of genres.

➢ Gotta say how disappointed I am that like…1 out of 13 stories was specifically about DESSERTS. Smh. You say food, I hear “DESSERT” and the cake representation was not high. Clearly I should have been invited to contribute.

➢ The entire anthology is set in a street called “Hungry Heart Row” and I freaking loved this?! All the stories are connected by setting and often characters will cameo in between stories despite them all being different authors. The stories interlocked so majestically I had to stop and very very ask the authors: “how did u all do this so seamlessly??” MAGIC??? I assume so. I loved how there was this shy Latina girl appearing in every story with magical baked good that would fix your life (10/10 to this concept) and then the last story was hers! Coincidentally my favourite. Just the whole set up of the anthology was excellent.

➢ I’m just going to straight up say it: this is food porn. 😌 It will make you hungry and it will describe dishes with such intricate respect that you will be ashamed for the time you ate that weird piece of chocolate that’s probably been in your bag for 12 years. WAS IT MADE WITH LOVE aND SOUL AND MAGIC?? ಠ_ಠ  It’s not food. Stop eating it.

➢ Every story is delightfully and incredibly diverse. I think they’re all #ownvoices too! So many ethnicities are represented. There are Chinese restaurants (with gang connections), a Muslim foodtruck with the best halal meals, a Native American restaurant with something sinister beneath the surface, a Latina bakery that may be magical, a black boy making soul food for a cooking contest, a Jewish deli, a Filipino shop with magic soup, and an Indian food blogger, and MORE…

I won’t go through every story! Some left me a little eh. But my favourites were definitely…

Panadaría ~ Pastelería by Anna-Marie McLemore
Because bakeries ok and Lila was the softest shy thing who struggled with words so baked her feelings into cakes and hoped you could understand. Also there is the sweetest trans boy and a quiet love story. I just!!

Kings And Queens by Elise Chapman
I have a deep love of food AND crime stories and this combined them both. Also the plot twist at the end was freaking BADASS…and also chilling. It’s about revenge, family, and Chinese food. These siblings have each other’s backs and I wanted this to be a whole 300pgs novel tbh.

The Slender One by Caroline Tung Richmond
This one was just soft 😫💛It is about a Chinese boy who is just 15 and his family can see ghosts. He’s scared it makes him too weird to the girl he likes (erm, am side-eyeing this girl). It just was really sweet and 10/10 would do anything for Charlie who is so polite to ghosts.

The Missing Ingredient… by Rebecca Roanhorse
Ok I put this here because I HATED IT aND IT FREAKED ME OUT and this is a stellar recommendation by the way. 🙌🏻 I was just…here for a good time and I think you fully terrified me into avoiding restaurants with low star ratings. It had Native American magic too.

The Grand Ishq Adventure by Sandhya Menon
This was about an Indian anonymous blogger who gives love advice and she does a challenge to go to restaurants by yourself to be brave. That is a terrifying concept. But anyway, it was SUCH a Menon romcom story 🤗 I just loved how sweet it was and wholesome!! I stan.

From some of your favorite bestselling and critically acclaimed authors—including Sandhya Menon, Anna-Marie McLemore, and Rin Chupeco—comes a collection of interconnected short stories that explore the intersection of family, culture, and food in the lives of thirteen teens.
A shy teenager attempts to express how she really feels through the confections she makes at her family’s pasteleria. A tourist from Montenegro desperately seeks a magic soup dumpling that could cure his fear of death. An aspiring chef realizes that butter and soul are the key ingredients to win a cooking competition that could win him the money to save his mother’s life.
Welcome to Hungry Hearts Row, where the answers to most of life’s hard questions are kneaded, rolled, baked. Where a typical greeting is, “Have you had anything to eat?” Where magic and food and love are sometimes one and the same.
Told in interconnected short stories, Hungry Hearts explores the many meanings food can take on beyond mere nourishment. It can symbolize love and despair, family and culture, belonging and home.

Goodreads | Book Depository | Booktopia | Amazon

 

| what do you think |

tell me about your favourite “foodie fiction” book??? and do you read anthologies very often? is this on your tbr? (IT SHOULD BE)

 

Heartstream by Tom Pollock (ft. Twisted Social Media Thriller)

by 28 Comments

Heartstream is super twisted and disturbingly addictive.

It’s a story full of unreliable narrators and convoluted secrets and the lengths people will go to get what they want. Basically let’s talk about ✨obsession✨ and how it makes humans into terrifying things. It’s the type of thriller you can’t put down because you need answers and you need them n o w.

// the story follows a split timeline and two narrators: Cat and Amy

📖 Amy’s storyline is in the near-future, and starts at her mother’s funeral. We get introduced us to the concept of “heartstreaming” — basically people connect up to a network and share their emotions. Anyone can download and feel what you feel. It was an intriguing concept even if I cannot for the life of me understand WHY this is a thing. Amy has this massive cultish following who basically believe they have rights to every inch of her life due to living through the trauma of her mum’s death with her. And yes??? It sort of feels like Amy was profiting off her mum’s death to broadcast her pain which was weird. But she was trying to cope, I guess? When she gets back from her mum’s funeral, she finds one of her fans in her house wtih a bomb strapped to her chest. She just wants to talk…

📖 Cat’s storyline is set in the present(ish) time, and she’s at in wild boyband fandom where shipping the two lead singers is a literal cutthroat CULT. It’s kind of terrifying?! People have dedicated their lives to shipping these guys (Ryan and Nick = aka “Rick”) and Cat’s BFF Evie is like the leader and a viral sensation. The secret: Cat is actually sleeping with Ryan and she’s too terrified to tell Evie who literally destroys people for even suggesting the boys aren’t in love. ALSO 🙌🏻 Ryan is an insipid jerk.

How do the storylines connect?

You don’t get to know for AGES and it’s really wild when they do. My eyes might have bugged out. It’s cleverly done and pretty wild…especially wondering if people would actually do that.

 

// it felt like a creative and unique story (but i was also weirded out)

Obsessive fandom culture, creepy online followers, and technology that is an exaggeration of what we have today are all intensely interesting topics to explore — but not my favourite to read, personally. I didn’t understand why anyone would “heartstream” suffering or obsess over a boyband to a vindictive degree. (I know the latter happens!! Peoples lives get ruined when a band breaks up and shipping can get aggressive ugh. But *I* don’t get it.) The book is well written and unputdownable (shh that’s totally a word) though and I’d definitely recommend it if you like thrillers! 👀

thanks to Walker Books for the ARC! Heartstream by Tom Pollock came out July 5th, 2019.

Goodreads | Book Depository | Amazon | Booktopia | Walker Books

I just wanted to see you. Before the end. A taut psychological thriller about obsession, fame and betrayal, for fans of Black Mirror. Cat is in love. Always the sensible one, she can’t believe that she’s actually dating, not to mention dating a star. But the fandom can’t know. They would eat her alive. And first at the buffet would definitely be her best friend, Evie. Amy uses Heartstream, a social media app that allows others to feel your emotions. She broadcasted every moment of her mother’s degenerative illness, and her grief following her death. It’s the realest, rawest reality TV imaginable. But on the day of Amy’s mother’s funeral, Amy finds a strange woman in her kitchen. She’s rigged herself and the house with explosives – and she’s been waiting to talk to Amy for a long time. Who is she? A crazed fan? What does she want? Amy and Cat are about to discover how far true obsession can go.

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE ➢ my review of the author’s book: White Rabbit Red Wolf

| what do you think? |

would you want to like…livestream feelings?! good ones maybe? obviously fandom culture CAN be super toxic, but how far do you think people would go? and is this book on your TBR?

 

How It Feels To Float by Helena Fox (Q&A and #Giveaway!!) Will It Make You Cry? Should Do!!!

by 30 Comments

Oh! Do I have a book recommendation for you today!

Some books are just so beautiful and harrowing it’s hard to find the right words to sum up how they make you feel. How It Feels To Float is definitely one of these books. 😭💛 It will make you love and it will break your heart. And you can just feel how personal it is, how much heart and soul went into it.

I’m super honoured today to have Helena Fox herself here for one of the best Q&As I’ve ever had the pleasure of hosting. And afterwards?! A giveaway!

 

OTHER AUTHOR Q&AS ON PAPER FURY…

➸ Tomi Adeyemi
➸ E. Lockhart
➸ Derek Landy
➸ Sara Wolf

Biz knows how to float. She has her people, her posse, her mom and the twins. She has Grace. And she has her dad, who tells her about the little kid she was, who loves her so hard, and who shouldn’t be here but is. So Biz doesn’t tell anyone anything. Not about her dark, runaway thoughts, not about kissing Grace or noticing Jasper, the new boy. And she doesn’t tell anyone about her dad. Because her dad died when she was six. And Biz knows how to float, right there on the surface–normal okay regular fine.
But after what happens on the beach–first in the ocean, and then in the sand–the tethers that hold Biz steady come undone. Dad disappears, and with him, all comfort. It might be easier, better, sweeter to float all the way away? Or maybe stay a little longer, find her father, bring him back to her. Or maybe–maybe maybe maybe–there’s a third way Biz just can’t see yet.

Goodreads | Book Depository | Amazon USA | Booktopia |

 

Meet the author…

Helena Fox lives in Wollongong, Australia, where she runs creative writing workshops for young people. She’s a graduate of the MFA Program for Writers at Warren Wilson College in North Carolina.
She has travelled widely, living in Peru, Spain, the U.K, Samoa, and the US. Of all her adventures, Helena is proudest of the work she has done helping young people find and express their voice. How It Feels To Float is her debut novel.

Website | Twitter | Instagram

 

 

thanks so much for visiting my blog, Helena!😍 So excited to have you! Can you tell us a little bit about your publishing journey? How it went from seed idea to published novel?

 

Biz (the protagonist of HOW IT FEELS TO FLOAT) came into my life about 8 years ago. She was this wonderfully odd, lost girl, talking to me about photos and science facts, and about her father who had died years before, but who still came to visit. I wrote about 17,000 words of Biz’s story back then, and while I knew the key elements to it, I wasn’t sure what to do with the story from there. So I waited. Six years later, in April 2017, Biz plonked herself down in a café where I was working, and said, quite emphatically, “Okay, it’s time to write me.”

With Biz’s voice bright and clear in my mind, along with a new starting point, a slight shift in tone, and the original chapters as guide points, the story just galloped out—I finished the manuscript in nine months. I think it came so quickly because having lived through some very challenging times in the intervening years, I finally knew, in a deep, gut-level way, what I wanted to say with Biz’s story—about grief, trauma, living with mental illness, and the incredibly healing nature of love.

I submitted my manuscript to a small list of literary agents in March 2018. A few weeks later, my dream agent, Catherine Drayton of Inkwell Management, asked to see the complete manuscript. Five days after that, Catherine called to offer representation! It was an unforgettable moment—surreal and completely glorious!

In May, after tightening the manuscript with Catherine Drayton and her lovely assistant Claire Friedman, the book went out on submission to publishers in the US and Australia. In June, my book went to auction with multiple bidders, and was sold to Pan Macmillan in Australia and Dial/Penguin Random House in the US. That was another wonderfully surreal experience, realising I was actually going to become a published author!

Then came seven more intense, satisfying months of revision with my two amazing editors: Jessica Dandino Garrison at Dial, taking the lead edit, and Claire Craig from Pan Macmillan providing equally invaluable feeedback. In this lovely, collaborative, respectful way, we made sure Biz’s story was as good as I could possibly make it. I worked with other brilliant people along the journey to publication: talented editors, copy-editors, proofreaders, and designers. I have to say my experience as a debut novelist, working with two publishing houses, has been a total dream come true. I couldn’t fault a minute of it.

And now the book is coming out into the world! I’m nervous and happy and every other emotion there could be. I’m so glad people around the world will read HOW IT FEELS TO FLOAT. Biz’s story means so much to me.

Ok I absolutely love hearing about your journey! Can you pick a line from the book that you deeply love?

 

Can I pick two? 😊 They are:

Take it for now; take it in, Biz. Hold it, this trembling, borrowed time.

and

Life is terrible and beautiful, isn’t it? It’s the best/worst at the exact same time, all possibilities at once.

 

I thoroughly adore those lines (especially the second one 😭). Let’s talk about your character names? How do you go about choosing character names?

 

I was just talking about this with my daughter! Character names just appear in my head. In this kind of flash, the names come, and stay; they almost never change. Biz has always been Biz, like the sky is the sky and the sea is the sea. Same for every other character in the book. I don’t know how or why that is—it’s like the characters are all waiting inside me, and when I look for them, out they stroll, ready.

I love that Biz showed up knowing who she was like that. Which part of a novel do you love writing best: the beginning, middle or end?

 

Oh, I love it all, really truly. I love the fizz and freedom of writing the early draft, when the world of your book is brand new. You’re at the beginning, and you know you can try anything, reach as far and high as you want, experiment, write terribly, write beautiful lines you might never keep, and take time to know your characters. It’s a heady feeling, like falling in love.

The middle bit, the steady making and doing, the working towards the end, is also lovely, because you are in the thick of it, and you’ve got your characters keeping you company. So when it’s time to write, it’s like walking into a room where your friends are all waiting. And you’re doing what you’ve dreamed of—being a writer—so that’s a wonderful feeling too. It’s good, solid, steady work, like the building of a house.

The end bit—the edits, well, that’s another thing of beauty, isn’t it? Because then you’re sitting with the line, walking, swimming, showering, sleeping with the line, and you’re spending your days thinking, Is it the best it can be? You’re also thinking through curly problems you’ve discovered and you’re untangling the knots of them. You are so deep in the story at this point, it’s like a part of you. And you know it well enough that you can make big leaping changes—lop whole paragraphs out and chapters too—and you know that’s fine, important work; you’re making and shaping the world of your story until it’s ‘Just Right’. I think editing might be my favourite part of writing, because the focus becomes so minute, and you’re literally surrounded by people you love (all those lovely imaginary friends), doing service to the word and the world of them.

From your author’s note, I read how you also deal with mental illness day to day. Was it hard to write about Biz’s journey, how she unravelled through the book? Or was it therapeutic or comforting to talk about it openly and honestly?

I have lived with mental illness since I was a child, and yes, it’s sometimes a really challenging thing, to have to carry with you. While writing the book, I was also dealing with profound grief over the sudden loss of a very close friend, so all of that history and pain wove itself into Biz’s story. Her story isn’t mine, but Biz and I share a lot of similar ways of dealing with pain and trauma and mental illness. So in a way it was freeing, to write her story and touch on my own experiences, knowing how hard certain moments can be, and to write with sensitivity and compassion about living with serious mental health issues.

I actually wrote a lot of Biz’s story while going through a prolonged period of dissociation, which I wrote into the book, with the authority of actually experiencing it, in that moment. Instead of making things worse, however, writing the book through this muddy, difficult time was my anchor point. Biz was so real, so beautifully messy and opinionated, smart and funny, and so relatably vulnerable, I just held on to her, and followed her voice. As I wrote, I found I wanted more than anything to find Biz a safe place to land. So I looked out for Biz, and she looked out for me. I actually think of Biz as my awkward guardian angel—keeping me upright as I navigated my own hard journey.

It is deeply comforting, to write an ultimately hopeful story about living with mental illness. It is life-saving to write about the reasons you might stay, and about love and community and connection. I do think writing the story was my life-line, and helped keep me here.

Lastly, if you could tell Biz something she needed to hear right now, what would you say?

 

I’d say: Hold on, beautiful human. You are loved, deeply, truly. I know how hard this is; I understand. Here is a cup of tea, a quiet place to sit. Here is some blessed silence and some simple beauty—here is an ocean; here is the dog’s soft fur; here are clouds making shapes. Look up, look up; here you are. Here we are, walking through the whirl and muddle—all the terrible-beautiful—together.

Oh that answer is beautiful and brb just slightly crying here. I’ve adored chatting to you and your answers were incredible and lovely. Thank you so much, Helena!

 

There’s so much love to give this harrowing, yet hopeful, novel…

It’s the kind that absolutely stays with you, long after you turn the final page. It’s about grief and loss and disassociation. It’s about friends who stick by you, and friends who leave — both things that made and broke my heart to read. Biz is the kind of character who feels things so deeply and wholly, and she’s never gotten over her dad leaving. She sometimes sees him, sitting on the end of her bed, reminiscing about her babyhood. And she wants him, but she also doesn’t want to feel like she’s losing the plot like this? Then she kisses her best friend Grace (which turns into an awkward disaster) and a boy pulls her out of the ocean and her life beings to unravel and she can’t catch the threads.

Mental illness rep is so important in YA. It’s so isolating to through things like depression — and books are here to give us this safe space to say “hey what you’re feeling isn’t something you have to go at alone”. I feel like Biz’s voice was so personal, her narration so vulnerable, it was easy to feel like you were experiencing the whole book with her. And as someone who struggles with depression myself, I just found so many scenes made me want to cry. Soooo much accuracy. I think that’s the value of #ownvoices novels right here — they understand and get it right. 

I loved the style of this, how it was all a breath and a wish of poetry, and the slow unravelling of someone losing themselves to mental illness. It’s gut-wrenching and yet threaded with hope. Truly a debut I won’t forget!

 

AUSTRALIAN only

a Rafflecopter giveaway

tell me some contemporaries that deal with mental illness that you loved reading about! it’s an Aussie and American release which I’m super happy about! is it on your TBR?