When a new Patrick Ness book comes out, I always want to read it.
This one is a novella that packs an emotional punch about a 15-year-old queer boy struggling with internalised homophobia and what it means to be intimate. It contrasts physical and emotional intimacy in a thoughtful yet sometimes sad way. I always like how Ness books take on quite big topics and then show them through the factual and raw view-point of a teen. (A Monster Calls did this with blistering poignancy.)
I loved how the novella was illustrated. The style felt perfect: scratchy and wild at times, and just really seemed to capture the narrator’s tumultuous perspective. There are also lots of blacked-out words when talking about swearing and sex — because, as the narrator points out, he’s too young to read it but he is old enough to live it. It was a very good way of pointing at a problem in censoring literature.
“Certain words are necessary because this is real life, but you can’t actually show ’em because we’re too young to read about the stuff we actually do, yeah?”
Ant is fifteen and life is complicated. His best friend is Charlie who has a difficult home life and is boiling under the surface with a lot of rage and unresolved internalised homophobia…and then Ant’s old friend Jack is seated next to them in class again. Jack is described as “campy” and it immediately sets Charlie off. He goes from being clearly jealous that Jack might take Ant’s attention — to being outright abusively vicious as casts slurs at Jack for being gay. The irony? Charlie and Ant have sex, quite often, though both claim they are not gay.
And that’s the Charlie no one knows but me. The one who grins like that. And I want to kiss that grin so bad I could cry.
Since it’s such a short novella, it’s just a peek into this situation Ant is tangled in. I liked how it felt like just looking through a window. Ant is clearly in pain; struggling with admitting who he is while also dealing with the toxic love/hate whiplash Charlie gives him. I just wish it had explored why Charlie was doing what he was doing and unpacked the patriarchal toxic concept of virginity. I love the power of a short novella, but feel this could have been longer to delve deeper into all the tough topics it brought up.
A short but emotional story of a boy forced to take apart self-denial of his own queerness and ask himself what is the difference between physical and emotional intimacy.
Thanks to Walker Books for the review copy!
Date Published: 8th of March, 2023
Genre: YA Contemporary, Novella
Publisher: Walker Books
Purchase: Book Depository, Dymocks
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A poignant and moving LGBTQ+ story that explores sexuality and masculinity with a touch of humour, by twice Carnegie Medal-winner and bestselling author Patrick Ness.
Ant Stevenson has many questions, like when did he stop being a virgin? Are there degrees of virginity? And is it different for boys? Especially for boys who like boys? Ant tries to figure out the answers to his questions as he balances his relationships with three very different boys: Charlie, who is both virulently homophobic and yet close friends with Ant; Jack, whose camp behaviour makes him the target of Charlie’s rage; and finally Freddie, who just wants Ant to try out for the rugby team. From the bestselling author of the Chaos Walking trilogy comes a timely and important story about inclusivity, prejudice and friendship.
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