Presently, I shall be taking over the universe. Don’t be impatient, now, these things take careful planning and time. I already have an army fuelled on cake. But, to assure the doubters that the universe is in excellent hands, I occasionally write lists of WHY I’ll be such a good world ruler. Last year I wrote a list of excellently important things (like needing warp speed, sensible postage, and cheaper nerdy merchandise) that I’ll revolutionise the world with.
We need to talk about GOODREADS.
Goodreads is basically the best site on the internet. It is entirely devoted to books. It’s like Facebook but with less faces and entirely books. Even though it’s monstrously glorious already, there are things that could be better. So when I rule the world, these things will change on Goodreads.
You can also follow me on Goodreads if you want an onslaught of reviews. Seriously, I like LIVE on there. It’s so glorious. Agjkldfs Goodreads, you are life.
1. WE MUST HAVE HALF STARS! HUZZAH!
When you’re a fanatical reader who frequently gulps books whole…five stars just aren’t enough. Because, what happens when a book is really really really good, but not 5-star-good?? Where are my 4.5-star ratings?! I also crave 3.5-stars for the books that aren’t mediocre, but not great either. It pains me there are no half-star ratings. PAINS me. Look at me, in all this pain.
2. SAVING DRAFT REVIEWS.
Sometimes, while I’m in the middle of a thousand-word-review (because I’m actually super long-winded in my reviews these days), a human calls me. Firstly, this is totally rude of them. But secondly, I can’t save my half written review! I don’t want to publish it without all my thoughts! BUT I DON’T WANT TO LOSE MY HARD WORK EITHER. And when there are sticky-fingered nephews and nieces running around who believe a laptop is 100% for watching Peppa
Horrendous Pig, I don’t trust unsaved reviews on my screen!
3. SAMPLE CHAPTERS OF ALL BOOKS.
Amazon does this, so why not Goodreads?! And Goodreads is 50% there with occasional samples from audio books, so LET’S TAKE THE NEXT STEP, FOLKS. I want to read one or two sample chapters from books, even pre-release books, yes please and thank you.
4. CUSTOMISED NOTIFICATIONS FOR RELEASES
Because THERE ARE TOO MANY BOOKS TO KEEP TRACK OF. How am I supposed to?!?! I used to have a spreadsheet for new releases I wanted to read, but dangit, there are too many. Basically goodreads should do the work for me. I want to be alerted when a favourite author lists a new book! I want a notification a few days before it’s released!
This would save lives. What if you could click through and read a super detailed, full-synopsis?! This would be perfect for series! And save sanity when I’m moaning and gnashing my teeth because I can’t remember what happened in a book that came out last year.
6. A WAY TO ORGANISE QUOTES
I’m a little quote squirrel. I get them, I hug them, I store them away for the winter. BUT THEY’RE SUCH A MESS. You can only order them in a few generic ways, but I want my own organisations. Basically I want to have folders of quotes that are easy to peruse.
7. MASSIVE WORLD-WIDE-READING-CHALLENGES
I know there’s the average “set-a-reading-goal-and-read-all-the-books” thing. But I mean like specific challenges. So you sign up and Goodreads gives you with, like, a BINGO CARD! With prizes at the end, because we need prizes. Obviously. As your benevolent Lord Ruler, I would totally give prizes. Although also as your fabulous Lord Ruler who reads so much, I would win all the prizes. But that’s the price of awesome and I’m willing to pay.
8. BOOKISH TWIN SYSTEMS
This needs happen. Immediately. You know bookish twins? The ones who basically rate and love all the SAME books as you?! WELL THIS SHOULD BE UTILISED FOR GREATNESS. So when you click “to-read” on a book your bookish-twin hates, you’ll get an alert saying “YOUR BOOKISH TWIN SAYS SKIP THIS MORONISH BOOK.” Or when your bookish-twin rates a book 5-stars, you get an instant-notification.
9. SHOW US THAT GOODREADS CARES
Like, basically, when you publish a review that’s howling with feels, Goodreads will politely ask if you need a shock blanket? Or a mop for your tears? Or a comforting olympic pool of chocolate to drown in?
I WANT THE BOOK TO POP OUT OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN AND LAND IN MY HANDS
Okay, okay, I know this is slightly unrealistic because authors do sort of need to be paid for their books. (Weird, I know. Apparently they eat and stuff??) And I don’t really want Goodreads to be a bookseller. I JUST GET SO OVERWHELMED WITH THE DESPERATE NEED FOR BOOKS AND THEIR PRETTINESS ON THE SCREEN THAT — AWK. EMOTION.
so how would YOU improve goodreads? i mean, obviously you won’t be world ruler because I AM…but i’m open to suggestions. (i am so kind.) do you like any on my list??! which one would you want the most?!?