On occasion I have been known to abandon all things and HIATUS.
Hiatuses are actually very hard for me because I detest neglecting my blog and the internet realms. What’ll happen if I’m not here to oversee everyone?? THE WORLD WILL BURN, MOST LIKELY. THE END TIMES WILL COME. Can anyone even function without doses of my daily magnificence???? *
But all bloggers need breaks so abandoning you to the darkness is a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
I’ll be gone for 7 – 10 days. And by “gone” I mean, I’ll still be 100% on twitter and instagram because I AM OBSESSED BASICALLY. And there is no way on this side of the apocalypse that I’d go a week without internet. The blogging world may collapse without me, but at least I’ll be a vague shadow in the distance, repinning cute duckling gifs and tweeting about my novel’s rebellious teenage years.
But because I just know you’re going to miss me AND are curious about my hiatus, today I’m listing 4 things I’ll be getting up to while I’m on hiatus. All average holiday things that normal ** people ***do I’m sure.
* The answer to this is: no, no you cannot function. I assume you will all potatofiy while I’m gone.
** Except that I don’t even know what “normal” is. Like sometimes I pretend to be normal? But it’s usually a severely awkward 4.6 seconds and then I revert back to climbing my bookshelf in my Batman socks and yelling at my dog to make me a sandwich.
*** I’M NOT EVEN “PEOPLE”!! Who is writing this post because they are horribly misinformed. I am the immortal dragon queen.
1. I WILL BE WRITING A MARVELLOUS BOOK FOR A PRE-NANOWRIMO WARMUP BECAUSE WHY NOT.
The first truth is: I haven’t written/edited anything for nearly 3 months. I’m super lazy, which is like general lazy but I get to wear a cape. And the second truth is: I have way way too many ideas and if I don’t splatter them onto the page occasionally, I GO A LITTLE WILDLY PSYCHOTIC. *
But what is this marvellous project I’m working on? OH OH I’M GLAD YOU ASKED. ** Here is a brief list of facts about it:
- It is an epic high fantasy that is actually ADULT. ***
- YES. ME. WRITING. AN. ADULT. BOOK. It’s equal parts terrifying and worrying. But the reason I chose to go with adult (despite being a 100% YA author up until, like, today) is because people keep telling me “Noooooo Cait you can’t kill all the characters you must have a small message of hope!” and also “Nooooo Cait that’s too dark and violent and we thought you were a nice kind gentle hearted bean!” Well. NO. I am stabby dragon-soulled hellion. And I will write a stabby book. I WILL.
- Also fun backstory: I’m going back to the fantasy series I started writing at 15. (I can’t seem to let go?? I have attachment issues?) Back then it was a 7-book series with talking horses and everyone got married at the end AND THEN DIED. Oh the drama. This time it’ll be much much darker and it’ll only be a trilogy. But possibly everyone will still get married at the end and then die.
- We’ll see what mood I’m in.
- The working title is: The Kill Season. Isn’t that comforting?
- I have a 17,000-word outline so #help. This book is going to be a square cube.
- I have a gorgeously aesthetically-pleasing pinterest storyboard too, by the way. PINTEREST IS VERY VERY CRUCIAL TO THE WRITING PROCESS. This is no exaggeration.
- BUT WHAT IS THE STORY ACTUALLY ABOUT??????
- Here is a list of basic ingredients: hellish dragon queen + very stabby dryad-ish tree people + war and war and war + carving people’s flesh and bones into wizards + forbidden hate-love romance + jungles + princess kidnappings + an unfortunately height-challenged protagonist.
- Yeah…no. Who even knows what this book is about.
- I’m also quite keen on the amount of diversity in here. Because half the cast will be POC and as the series goes on there will be blindness, ADHD, and Autism representation (because I believe fantasies need to represent more disabilities). I’m totally nervous about it all BUT THAT’S OKAY. Nervous = you care and will work hard to get it right. And, like, there will be dragons so that’s also diverse.
- BASICALLY THIS IS A MUCH BELOVED STORY OF MINE AND I’M SO EXCITED TO BE GETTING BACK TO IT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I CAN BARELY CONTAIN MYSELF.
- There is a 67% chance I will tweet snippets so stalk me, fiends. That chance may rise if you, well, bribe me, perhaps.
* Which is not that…different…to…usual, I guess?
** Okay fine. I’m aware you didn’t even ask and for all I know you could be more interested in that mulberry cupcake you’re eating instead of what book I’m about to write, BUT I’M EXCITED SO I’M GOING TO FORCE YOU TO BE EXCITED WITH ME.
*** Cue distant screams and childhood crayons exploding.
2. I WILL BE RECREATIONALLY PANICKING AND SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTING OVER MY TBR AND MY BLOG.
I totally envy all humans who take hiatuses and are fiiiiiine with leaving their blogs unattended. BUT THIS IS MY BABY PRECIOUS FURY DARLING AND I DON’T LIKE TO SEE IT NEGLECTED. Watching page stats decline to the pits of Tartarus is always depressing too. Although, weirdly, I seem to get a spike in new followers whenever I don’t blog. What is this.
And that TBR? I mean, I look away for 5 minutes and it’s over there…GROWING LIKE A MUTANT HUNGRY TEENAGE BOY. I can’t even with it.
Oh and: no I don’t balance writing + blogging + reading. I JUST CAN’T. Whenever I write a book, I abandon 100% of everything else because I’m a binge-writer. Hiatus for me is 20,000 words a day + naps + vaguely petting a packet of chocolate because it’s becoming my BFF. * But I do so miss reading whenever I take a writing-hiatus.
* Does this mean I would eat my BFF if they were made out of chocolate? Yes. Yes I would.
3. I WILL SPEND A HORRENDOUS AMOUNT OF TIME LOVE/HATING ON MY WRITING.
I think this is what all writers suffer from right?! One minute, your writing is pure genius…and then 9 seconds later it’s just 26 random letters stapled together in worse combinations than a packet of alphabet soup.
Accurate Summary Of My Writing Process:
100-words: I hate this I have no idea how to start this what am I doing.
10,000-words: This actually has a smidge of potential.
25,000-words: I’M TIRED. I WANT A NAP. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS TAKING SO LONG TO WRITE.
30,000-words: You know…I could see this on the NYT bestseller list. I’m just sayin’.
40,000-words: I gotta start killing characters so this can finish up.
50,000-words: The amount of editing I’m going to have to do is murderous. I’m never going to look at this again. Where is the holy fire? I need some. I also need a new career stat.
60,000-words: I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. I’M JUST TYPING WORDS.
70,000-words: I’m ending this catastrophe before it ends me and I HATE IT WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND SUNS. But it’s also brilliant. It’s both. Simultaneously. Where is my cake and the country I’m taking over in celebration omg.
4. I’LL HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ALL THE OTHER INCONVENIENCES THAT COME WITH BINGE-WRITING A BOOK IN A WEEK.
- My hands falling off because of overuse.
- My laptop keys breaking because “B” and “O” are already on the way out, but I can get by without them, right??? As long as I can type “CAKE” my books will be fine.
- My family forgetting who I am because they never see me.
- My dog forcing himself between me and my laptop and sitting on my hands. Lucky he’s so cute.
- All my library reserves coming in at once because THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS.
- MY BRAIN EXPLODING BECAUSE OF SHEER OVERUSE BUT I’M SURE IT’LL BE FINE. WHO NEEDS A BRAIN ANYWAY HAHAHAH HAH HA.
But is writing a book worth it? It is absolutely worth it. But at least now you know what I’ll be doing while I’m on this supposed hiatus. I say “supposed” hiatus because I’M NOT REALLY HAVING A HOLIDAY HERE AM I?? But who needs holidays? Not hyper-obsessed overachievers apparently.