Writers are peculiar creatures and often incomprehensible. What is that they’re babbling? Is that in English? Sheesh. Whenever they emerge from their writerly projects, it’s like trying to get through to someone who left their brain on another planet.
BUT I AM HERE TO HELP. (I am so kind.) Being a writer myself, I have inside-info on what those “deranged babbles” actually mean, and how, basically, to translate the various phrases and actions your resident writer-creature commits. It’s vital to understanding them. Writers are such delicate beasts, remember. They need understanding and cake.
Behold! My incredibly helpful translations!
“I’M WRITING A BOOK! I’M WRITING A BOOK! IT’S GOING TO BE SO AWESOME AND I’LL SELL A MILLION COPIES AND HUZZAH!”
This can be roughly translated to mean, “Hello, I am a writer. I have 2 and a half ideas and they look pretty together so I’m going to pin them with the delicate strength of hope and longing but they probably suck.“ The best response to this is to nod and smile and agree. Always agree, okay? Always agree. <– crucial step right there
“I’M AN ASPIRING WRITER.”
This basically translates to “I want to be a writer so so bad, but do I deserve to be a writer??? Is there like a writers badge you can apply for??? Do I look like a writer? If I don’t drink coffee can I still be a writer? Idek all the answers so I’ll tack ‘aspiring’ on there and wait and see.” Ignore this. Call them “writer”.
“CAN YOU READ THIS AND GIVE ME FEEDBACK? GIVE IT TO ME TOUGH. I CAN TAKE IT.”
This is very easily translated to, “Please read this scrap of my horrific writing which I’m paralysed to give into your hands, but I need to grow as a writer, so I’m doing this thing — nunngh, hold me, I’m about to faint — and also say at least one nice thing please I’m dying here.” Even if they say “give it to me tough” always start with something nice. End with something nice too. Also put nice things in the middle.
“I’M WRITING TODAY, STRAIGHT AFTER I FINISH VACUUMING THE CEILING.”
This is translated to “I am procrastinating not writing ha ha ha ha why would I write when the ceiling could be vacuumed, ugh, do you know how hard writing is? It’s so hard. A blank page is scaring me. I cannot go on. THERE IS ONLY DOOM AHEAD.” Basically if a writer is supposedly ‘working on a project’ and then you suddenly find them doing something oddly useful, like cooking dinner or cleaning the bathroom or training their pet gerbil to skip — this is what they’re really saying.
“I’M DOING NANOWRIMO THIS MONTH, SO I MIGHT BE A BIT PREOCCUPIED.”
This translates to “I’m doing something insane INSANE INNNSSAAAAANNNNNE. Don’t expect to see me for 30 days. At all. Ever. Leave my meals at the door.” I suggest making sure there is chocolate in the house because have you seen a writer meltdown when they need chocolate during November?? YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE IT. Stock. Up. On. Chocolate. Also “bit preoccupied” is a gross understatement. Be nice when they tell you this, though. Don’t laugh in their face. Laugh uproariously behind closed doors.
Also perhaps hang a memorable photo of them on the fridge because that’s all you’re going to see of them until December.
“I HAVE A SMALL PLOT HOLE THAT’S GIVING ME SOME TROUBLE.”
Easy translation: “I have a plot hole(s) as deep as the Mariana Trench and I’m crying and I think something in my brain just died and turned to mush and how do I fix this and how do I live and I can’t I can’t I can’t.” Give them chocolate. NOW. Do not delay. I also suggest dragging them away from the computer for a while and maybe taking them on a relaxing bungee jump for a few hours.
“WRITERS GET INSPIRATION EVERYWHERE.”
This is terrifying and translates to “Anything and everything you do or say in my presence can be held as inspiration and is totally going in my novel and will be preserved forever so bow to me and be kind and go fetch me coffee, miscreant, or else do you know what I’ll write about you? Mwhahah.” Don’t do ANYTHING memorable. Don’t even sneeze. Don’t say anything funny. Try to wear grey and blend with the carpet.
“THIS IS JUST A ROUGH DRAFT YOU KNOW. DON’T JUDGE ME. HA HA HAHA.”
This basically means “This is not a rough draft and has been polished within and inch of my life but no doubt you’re going to find mistakes and think I’m a horrible writer when my braaaain is dying from writing so intensely. Ergo I’ll say it’s rough. But it’s not. Please love it.”
It’s really funny to respond to this with “Good luck with edits! I see you’ll need it!” very cheerfully. It’ll probably kill their poor little soul and that would be funny but — WAIT WHAT AM I SAYING??!? Don’t say this!! BE NICE. Tell them it reads like a polished gemstone.
“IT’S A WRITER THING AND YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND.”
Which is another way of saying “What would you know, tiny stunted gnat? Not everyone can do what I’m doing. I’M DOING GREAT THINGS between looking at cat gifs AND IT’S REALLY HARD WORK. Hard. work. I. tell. you.” And it’s hilarious that they’re saying this and I’m helpfully translating it for you because now you understand! HA!
“THIS BOOK IS BASICALLY MY BABY.”
Which obviously means “If you insult this novel at any stage I will cut you.” Think of a mama bear and then imagine if it had the internet and — boom. You have a very good visual of a writer and their darling manuscript.
“I GOT A REJECTION, BUT AT LEAST IT WAS A NICE REJECTION.”
This adorably means, “I’M A SUCKY ARTIST AND NO ONE LOVES ME. I’ll be rejected forever. They hate me. They hate my work. They hate my choice of socks. This entire novel is rubbish. How could they not love it??? How could they not love me?? I am not a writer. I am a lemon.” You should probably pat them on the shoulder and take a moment to rant to the tune of “that publisher is obviously clueless” because this will make the writer feel a bit better and maybe even less like citrus.
“I JUST FINISHED WRITING MY BOOK!!”
This is very easily translated into “CELEBRATE ME NOW!” and you should do that. Immediately. Do not delay. Break out the ice cream, the coconut truffles, the planned holiday in the Bahamas, and promise to bake a cake bigger than Slovenia for them (this isn’t too ridiculous,Slovenia is very small).
“AGH JFDK AJDSKAL JKDF IUQIWUQIQQQQWR.”
This has several potential translations and it’s more about circumstance. For instance, if they’re jumping up and down waving a book deal contract, it’s safe to assume they wish you to jump up and down with them and flail. BUT. If they’re howling whilst committing this strange string of “words” … I honestly suggest throwing more soft waffles at their face and perhaps patting them softly on the back and crooning Kumbaya. Don’t ask reasons. Because there probably is no exact one reason. This is just the writing life.
This was hilarious and I adored it. I would say that I’m a part time writer because I do a lot of other things as well, and becoming a published writer is one of my many goals for my life (and then I feel guilty because so many people work so hard all the time and write brilliant things and I dabble… ergo part time) Your gifs though 🙂 I’m still laughing. You need something for editing though. “I’m going to edit this month= I’m going to edit some time in the next ten years please don’t talk about it” (<– that's me sadly) also with the ideas thing
Shanti recently posted…Newt’s Emerald; a collection of recipes
OMGG YES!! Your editing translation is. the. best. So accurate it hurts. I say I’m “editing” like 9 months before I start just to try to warm up to the idea. XDXD
These are all. So. True. And I’m totally using the vacuuming the ceiling excuse from now on, because it sounds like something horribly complicated and time consuming but still productive, unlike, oh, rearranging my bookshelf for the third time that month.
And my writerly communication tends to invoke phrases like this “she uses the thingie to do the…you know…the thing” with vague hand gestures.
I use words like “ineffable” and “ephemeral” and “quintessential” in my writing, but in real life I used words like “thingie” and “the squarish blobby sort of thing”.
The squarish blobby sort of thing was a square of Brie cheese I needed for a recipe, FIY. I WANT TO BE A PASTRY CHEF AND I FORGOT THE NAME OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHEESES.
Aine recently posted…The Winter Launch Party
I can so relate to the “ineffable” vs. “thingie” dichotomy. :O I always feel so inarticulate in real life, and sometimes I wonder if people doubt my writerly eloquence based on how I speak… haha!! It’s a relief to know I’m not the only one!! xD
Brianna da Silva recently posted…7 Tips for Killing Writer’s Block
@Aine: OMG I AM DYING RIGHT NOW AT THE BRIE CHEESE THING. XDXD Okay, but I totally relate to this. I DO. In actuality I stammer and stumble all over the place and take like 9 minutes to say a simple sentence…but thenI can write a thousand words in a blink. SO IT ALL EVENS OUT RIGHT!??
Everyone should understand what “thingie” means anwyay. Sheesh. What is it with those non-writers giving us blank stars when we holler about thingies and whatsits.
It must be a general writer thing!! It HAS to even out. Our words are so fabulous on the page; they can’t be fabulous ALL the time, right?? xD
Brianna da Silva recently posted…4 Ways to Write Faster
You are so insanely correct about all of them! I can’t stop laughing, how do you do all this!! Seriously an awsome post girl! 🙂
AJFKDLAFSD THANK YOU POULAMI. <3 THAT MEANS SO MUCH. I'm so glad you liked it!! 😀
Great list! I have many “small plot holes right now.” *Laughs madly*
I always call myself an amateur writer rather than an aspiring writer because there’s a common concetion that aspiring writers WANT to write but never actually do it. 😉
I’d add, “I will finish NaNo if it kills me.” Which means, my novel went totally wrong, has fractured into a billion pieces, and I’ve had to start again, but I will reach 50,000 words if it kills me.
Midnight Rain Dragon recently posted…Ten Quotes for Tuesday
Only “small” plot holes? hehe. LUCKY YOU. My last year’s NaNo project was so damaged by the end I just scream every time I think about it. XD I still think all writers should just call themselves WRITERS, because we are!!! Even if we’re not writing perfectly yet. *nods* But I agree, “aspiring” is worse because it’s almost an excuse not to write at all. 😛
Bah ha ha ha, that was brilliant. You made me chuckle. The cat gifs! The cake! The life of a writer = vacuuming the ceiling.
YESSSS. My memoir probably should be titled “Vacuuming the Ceiling – aka the writers life”. XD hheheh
I understood every word. AND YES OMG PLOT HOLES ARE THE WORST.
But inspiration from everywhere is awesome. We took a “detour” on our mountains walk today and ended up turning up in a completely different part of the mountains, necessitating a three-hour walk out of it. Definitely ending up in a book someday.
(also…47k…nearly there…*collapses*)
Emily @ Loony Literate recently posted…Ten More Books I’m Anticipating in 2016
AREN’T THEY THOUGH!?!? I can handle so many problems with writing but plot holes…nunnngnh. They do my head in and just leave me banshee shrieking.
Oh YES definitely a book. xD
AHHHH BUT ARE YOU DONE NOW?!?!? ARE YOU? I AM CHEERING FOR YOU IN PREPARATION!!
Personally, I think, “I’M WRITING A BOOK! I’M WRITING A BOOK! IT’S GOING TO BE SO AWESOME AND I’LL SELL A MILLION COPIES AND HUZZAH!” could ALSO mean something along the lines of, “I think I’m writing something awesome and I need reassurance–tell me it’s going to be awesome!!” XD
I agree 100% on the aspiring writer one!!! Like, I WANT to do it, but CAN I?!!?
Same with the “THIS BOOK IS BASICALLY MY BABY.” one! Except that it can also be translated to, well, “This book is basically my baby.” Hah.
Loved this post, Cait!! Pretty sure I understand you 50x more now. 😉
Aimee @ Deadly Darlings recently posted…Review: How to Be Brave by E. Katherine Kottaras
Omg, YES. That is also an accurate translation. XD The “give me reassurance” is basically a translation for 99% of what we writers say anyway, right?! 😛 AHEM. Being an artist is so full of peril. *collapses dramatically*
CRYING-LAUGHING because this is so on point. Especially the plot hole one OMG. Fixing them forever hurts my brains I just cannot. So yes, chocolate would help!!!!! Oh and that rough draft bit = RELATE. I’ve repeated that line so many times these past few months when asking for feedback from people and critique partners and still, there’s so much to work on. Revisions will be the death of me. *pulls hair out* I just want to be done with so I can continue my new WIP, finish that, THEN break out the ice cream.
Hazel @ Stay Bookish recently posted…The Jock And The Fat Chick by Nicole Winters
SAAAAMe. I have abandoned so many drafts, half edited, because I fell into a plot hole I couldn’t climb out of. XD Why are they such the worst of ever?!? Break out the ice cream now, I say. ICE CREAM MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER.
The rejection gif is perfection! No reply needed. 😀
La La in the Library recently posted…TELL ME TUESDAY
XD YOU ARE FABULOUSNESS.
I love this post!! Seriously, when I finish NaNoWriMo and hopefully finish writing my book, there will be major cause for celebration. I am 97% sure that 20,000 of my 38,000 words are total crap, but at least my husband has faith in me. He is counting on me becoming a famous writer and buying him the Ferrari that he has always wanted. Ha. Okay, no pressure, right?
Cynthia @ Bingeing On Books recently posted…Top Ten Tuesday – Favorite Quotes!
Absolutely no pressure. SURE. YOU’LL BE OUR NEXT JK ROWLING FOR SURE. XDXD (My dad keeps asking me when my book is going to be a movie and I’m like…”ummmm, it’s not even a published book yet, but hey, we can always hope” XDXD)
Your blog always makes me smile. Thank you. =)
Omggggg, this comment makes me smile a million percent. *sprinkles cake of happiness in your hair*
HAHAHAHAHAHA I’m lucky to have writer friends, (and I write a little bit, too) so I’m well acquainted with these definitions. I’m going to bookmark this and send it to the next person who asks me what it’s like to be a writer.
Marianne @ Boricuan Bookworms recently posted…{Movie Review} Cinderella (2015)
HEHEE. THIS COMMENT MAKES ME FLAIL, BASICALLY, MARIANNE. XD THANK YOU!!!
I may or may not be guilty of these phrases as a frustrated writer. *looks away*
Thank you so much for enlightening the clueless creatures that hear these types of babbles from these writers (like me).
Aren’t we all at some point?!? hehe. I’m like guilty of the last one ALL. THE. TIME. I think my family has fairly given up on teaching me to communicate properly. XD
My goodness Cait you basically translated perfectly what a writer actually means when they say these specific things! I can totally relate because… I’m an aspiring writer… 😉
BUT SERIOUSLY YOURE A GENIOUS! I loved this post so much 💓😌
Josephine recently posted…Book Chat | The Elite by Kiera Cass
yeESSSS. That is what I’m here for. To bestow upon the world my marvellous intellect and grand translations. *waves really to the populace*
ASPIRING WRITER. OMG. XD You are a writer. 😉 I’m gonna stand by that.
This was awesome article! I must say that I found myself in many of them and you got them right. It was perfectly writen and I found myself laughing a lot 🙂
Simone recently posted…Byť knižným blogerom znamená…
*FLAILS FOR 900 YEARS* Eeeeep! Thank you, Simone!! 😀
This is awesome, I love this post.
Skye recently posted…Beautiful Books #2// The Process
AHHHH I’M SO GLAD, SKYE!! <3
It’s so sad but true! Especially about “you may not see me for a while” being a gross understatement. The first time I did Nanowrimo, my bf (now fiance) was like “I haven’t seen you in like.. a month. I mean, I believe in you and all but are you sure you’re not taking this a little too seriously?”
The answer was no. No I’m not. But I still cut back for him.
Someday I plan to actually WIN a nano!
(When I have no job, kids, or duties to take care of. That can all happen someday. Like… the two of us want me to be a housewife. Maybe we can start now!)
Danni Mae recently posted……Or Not!
Omg, really!? hehe. My mum used to tell me to give it a break when I’d spend, like, MONTHS (as a small newbie writer) rewriting the same book over and over. It was intense. XD I hope you do win NaNo someday!! AND YYYYYYAY for just staying at home writing!! And, erm, ya know…looking after other things. But writing being the most important. *nods* XD
First off, your post titles really know how to pull a reader in. (Or, you know, maybe it’s just the fact that you are the poster, and we, as readers, are always promised a good time ;D)
Second, I agree with all translations and think you made it a little bit more clear for me what these writing-creatures are trying to say. I celebrate you and your way of putting things! 😀
Rosie @ Rosie Reads recently posted…Is it too early to talk about 2017?
aHHHHH THANK YOU, ROSIE. *beams happily* I’m sure my post titles are horrible for SEO and google searches but PFFT. They make me happy. XD
I had a semi-intelligent comment as I was reading but then SOFT WAFFLES? CAIT YOU ARE A TERRIBLE OVERLORD. I shall rescind my vote for you as President if you talk about soft waffles. Soft pretzels, yes. Soft bread, okay. SOFT WAFFLES NOOOO AKSJLDSJASDJ
Ahem! Back to topic. These are so hilarious, though? I find myself sheepishly agreeing with many of these (although when I say it’s a rough draft, it may actually be a rough draft if I outright refuse to let you read it. If I give it to you, chances are your translation is spot on). Now you need to do one of these for bookworms …
Alyssa @ The Devil Orders Takeout recently posted…Delivery Fangirl [8]: How do you choose a favourite author? (Infographic)
I was trying to be nice!! C’MON, ALYSSA. If one throws hard crusty waffles they might damage a braincell of the poor afflicted writer, and goodness knows writers need all the brains they have left. BUT NEXT TIME I’LL SAY SOFT PRETZELS JUST FOR YOU.
And yessss, I plan to do one for bookworms. heheh.
This made me laugh SO SO SO much!
I’m pretty sure that when/if I finish NaNoWrimo I will die of laughter/happiness. If not I’ll probably just die of jealousy whilst scrolling through a Twitter feed of endless smug comments saying something like “I FINISHED NANOWRIMO!!!” or whatever.
Anyway, you’re so right about all of these! Especially the cat GIF one…
Harvey recently posted…Why You Don’t Have to be on EVERY Social Media Platform to Promote Your Blog
AHHHH THANK YOU, HARVEY. THAT COMPLETELY MAKES MY DAY!! *FLAILS MADLY* I hope you do win NaNo!! I shall send you encouraging virtual chocolate to help you on your way.
Cat gifs are part of the process right?! RIGHT?! *scrolls through random cat gifs happily*
OHMYGOODNESS!!! YES!! And yet NO ONE in my family gives me chocolate?! Or CAKE?!!
WHAT. ALYSSA. I think you need to have a talk to your family about their priorities here.
I KNOW!!!
Truly, Cait, you are a genius. Your posts always make me laugh so hard! Also these translations are extremely correct. 🙂
Bieke @ Istyria book blog recently posted…{Bieke Reviews} Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson
WHY YES I AM. *adjusts regal crown* I shall not deny the genius title.
This entire post had me giggling. I would have been laughing out loud from the bottom of my toes, but I’m in public and still have some sense of what’s socially acceptable (though that wanes progressively).
I think we all handle our writing in very unique ways, but there are definitely experiences we can agree on, which I like to think keeps us all connected like one big dysfunctional family. The “This is just a rough draft.”, “I just finished writing my book!!!” and also “AGH JFDK AJDSKAL JKDF IUQIWUQIQQQQWR.” were pretty much spot on for me! HA!
I slunk around my house last night in a real funk, mad at everything. I had just finished destroying my writing goal for the day and I went from exuberantly happy to extremely grumpy in a nanosecond. My poor husband was so confused. “Why are you upset?!” And I’m just curled up into a tight ball in my desk chair, glaring out at the world, wishing I had chocolate and maybe vodka. Brain exhaustion?
LOVED this post and I’ll be sharing it with my writing buddies (who are just as malfunctional).
Auggie recently posted…Tori Review: “Irresistibly Yours” by Lauren Layne
AJFDKLADS REALLY?!?! I’M SO GLAD, AUGGIE, LET ME FLAIL WITH YOU FOR JUST A MOMENT. *flails madly*
*composes self*
aHem. SO YES. XD I think all writers are definitely different…but we all seem to dance in a certain strain of madness, amirite?! 😛 And I totally get that “mad at everything funk” feeling too. GAh. I get this massive GOOD feel when I finish a book…but then 24 hours later I’m thinking about how horrible the draft is and how much work it needs and aghhhhh. XD
CAIT, THIS IS FANTASTIC. And so very accurate, especially the ones about plot holes (which often result in panicking and flailing about like a spaghetti windmill . . . wait, what kind of simile is THAT?) and inspiration. Although, to be honest, if someone actually did try to be as inconspicuous as you described, wearing grey and saying almost nothing, that would catch my attention. And it would be written into a book. XD Nobody escapes the eye of a writer!
(By the way, HELLO! I haven’t commented here in forever, but I have been reading and enjoying your posts. Life just has a way of . . . getting in the way sometimes, and not giving me enough time to comment on all the fun things.)
Tracey Dyck recently posted…I’m beginning to think your debts are going to cost you more than your life.
Spaghetti windmill is the SIMILE OF MY LIFE. OMG. I love it. XD But yes, so basically everyone is dooooomed to be noticed by we writers and our eagle eyes. Writers seem to notice everything around them or nothing, right?!?! 😛
Aww, I totally understand, Tracey!! I’m honoured that you read my blog anyway. XD COMpLETELY HONOURED I TELL YOU. OMG I MAY GIVE YOU CAKE.
LOL, that’s a great mental image. I suppose that simile works pretty well for fangirls everywhere. XD Oh my yes, it’s most definitely an “everything or nothing” sort of thing. I’ve been known to forget laundry and supper because of writing…
I MAY JUST EAT SOME CAKE, THANK YOU. <3
Tracey Dyck recently posted…I’m beginning to think your debts are going to cost you more than your life.
This is sooooooo funny. I agreed with so many things, particularly the “rough draft”. I don’t even let people see my stuff until I’ve re-read it like a million times. And the aspiring writer bit too! I used to called my novels a “kind of writing thing I’m doing”, until one of my English teachers got fed up and just told me to call it a novel because that’s what it so obviously was. I always felt like I would be judged somehow and that because I wasn’t published I could say I was a writer or that I had a novel, very silly, but I’m sure I’m not the only one.
Liselle @ Lunch-Time Librarian recently posted…10 Ways to Make Your Novel Stand Out – “Nuts for NaNo”
I actually got brave and let someone read an edited draft of me AND THEY DIDN’T DIE OF THE HORROR, SO OMG. WOW. XD But…I don’t think it’ll ever happen again because omg so. embarrassing.
I agree with your English teacher! xD I think the whole “aspiring” thing just makes writers feel like they’re not really doing it. But if you write = you’re a writer!! Even bloggers are writers technically *nods* We’re just writing non-fiction articles.
Hi Cait! Idk if I’ve ever commented on this blog before (Ah, the joys and sorrows of following a million blogs…slight exaggeration ) Your post are always so entertaining, and….
I JUST HAVE TO SEND THIS POST TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY SO THEY CAN ACTUALLY FINALLY UNERSTAND ME!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, CAIT! 😀
AHHHH HELLO ELIZA ANYWAY!! *gives you welcome cake* And even if I’ve given you welcome cake before…HAVE SOME MORE. (And I hear ya with following 9240829 blogs. Me too. Omg. One needs like an entire second brain to just remember all the things right?!)
Haha, this post is great! I especially like the advice to wear grey and blend in with the carpet 😉
Zareena @ The Slanted Bookshelf
Zareena @ The Slanted Bookshelf recently posted…Stacking the Shelves #81
ALL non-writers should do that. CAMOUFLAGE.
I agree with your translations 100%. Also I am laughing so much at what non-writer people are going to think of us now. I’m not sure they’ll ever be able to look a writer in the eye again! I would also like to add that, if a writer is feeling like a citrus, it may be worth reminding them that lemons make nice cakes? And chocolate orange? Because cake and chocolate are the secret to eternal happiness. But omg “it’s a writer thing, you wouldn’t understand” is something I say ALL THE TIME to my family because guess what, THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY FICTIONAL PEOPLE WHO EXIST ONLY IN MY HEAD CAN CAUSE ME PAIN. To which they reply, “you aren’t even a proper writer”
YET MY FRIENDS, NOT YET. This post is pure genius Cait, I think you deserve some chocolate 😀
Rebekah @ Wings Made Of Words recently posted…Review: The Opposite of Loneliness by Marina Keegan
BUT IF YOU MAKE A LEMONY WRITER AN ORANGE CAKE, ARE THEY EATING THEMSELVES? #Iaskthedeepquestions *Ahem* I actually really like orange cake, omg, I’m having a craving.
HAHAHAHA. yes. I’m sure this will just confirm to non-writers that we are, in fact, insane. But strangely proud of it.
*gobbles chocolate because doesn’t need to be told twice*
I LOVE this so much! Hilarious. And true. 😉
Especially the one about rough drafts. I have a hard time letting the people I see day to day read anything I write. It doesn’t help that those people aren’t writers, and some of them don’t even read the kind of stuff I write. So when they volunteer to give feedback I have to take it all with a grain of salt. . .
Oh, and that feedback one. XD Spot on! The gif and everything.
“Writers get inspiration everywhere.” “Don’t even sneeze.” Really though it’s amazing how many everyday things inspire what I write. Someone could do something as small as a sneeze and I’m suddenly thinking, “Oh wow! I think a scene just hit me! And my plot hole is resolved. There’s a whole other set of characters and more dragons! THANK YOU GOOD FRIEND FOR SNEEZING!” For the sake of good friend’s sanity, I don’t actually say this to them. They might have a heart attack. . .
Ashley G. recently posted…in defense of “the tropes”
ohhh YES. I actually have learnt not to take all the feedback I’m given for that reason. >_> When I first got feedback I literally did EVERYTHING they suggested aaaand, then had to change it all for the second person. hehe. It’s a learning process, right?!
BAH. YES. Humans can be so inspiring sometimes…
But the ceiling REALLY needed to be vacuumed, I SWEAR.
Kate Marie Conroy recently posted…Copygirl by Anna Mitchael & Michelle Sassa // Cookie Cutter Plot Didn’t Cut it for Me
IT DID. It was there begging for attention.
haha this is fantastic, and quite accurate, m’dear. You did very well explaining the crazy that is a writer!
ShootingStarsMag recently posted…Corrupt by Penelope Douglas Release Day Blitz
HEHE. THANK YOU. It was deviously fun to write. 😉
I LOVE this! Honestly this post gives me happiness. I love your blog, all your posts are so accurate but hilarious at the same time!
AFJDKSLAD THANK YOU, MAYA. THAT MAKES ME ENORMOUSLY PLEASED.
Response to Comment on My Blog- I see why you have this opinion on TBRs. Interesting to see what you think. Preach! I am on a fantasy binge lately.
This Comment: This is excellent, Cait!!! As a writer, I am quite entertained.
I’m on a fantasy binge now too! 😀 I just read two epic fantasies in a row and now I’m on a sci-fi…my brain is going to need a rest soon. 😛
So. True. Like all of it.
The procrastinating one, the “rough” draft one, and the plot hole one are so accurate they’re painful though. I have been known to do really, really complicatedly-useful-ish things and then when asked what I’m doing say “oh I’m just writing a book” and then get looked at with shifty eyes because obviously I”m noooooot, soooo…yeah.
Also, plot holes/writer’s block: “Oh yeah it’s just a teensy weensy problem, it’ll be fine” = “NOOOOOOOOO WHAT DO I DO SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO–what? I’m the writer and you’re not you say? I’m the one who should know what to do you say? WELL OBVIOUSLY YOU KNOW NOTHING THEN THAT’S NOT THE WAY IT WORKS NOW FIX MY PLOT FOR ME OKAY.”
It’s so weird how people don’t understand that “writing a book” DOES involve vacuuming the ceiling. IT’S LIKE A PART OF IT, OMG. So with this handy dandy list of interpretations that one can print and pass out to all family members — all communication problems will be solved. #youarewelcome
Also YES to your writers block translation. xD YESSSSS.
I can confirm that this is the truth and nothing but the truth.
Vlora recently posted…Why I Read Young Adult
I ALWAYS speak truth, come now. When do I ever exaggerate??? *nods sagely*
I loved this! It made me laugh muchly. Specifically the cat gifs, memorable photo and relaxing bungee jump. I am now amusing myself imagining what makes a photo “memorable”. (But please never take me for a relaxing bungee jump, I would not appreciate it.)
Emily @ Ink, Inc. recently posted…Language and Fantasy // Welcome to Ink, Inc.
Omg never take ME on a relaxing bungee jump. I WOULD DIE. I WOULD PROBABLY HAVE A HEARTATTACK AND JUST DIE.
So basically, you know my life. Pretty sure you could re-title this post, “How to Translate What the Olivia-Creature Is Trying To Say,” and you’d be spot on. (also, that last gif of Jimmy Fallon is legit how I do life on a day-to-day basis.)
I laughed my way through this — so much of it is so true! Especially “this book is my baby” – because yeah. No touch. Look, no touch. :p
Olivia S recently posted…NaNo week 2 // recap
I DO. Writers unite in our knowningness and understandingness of each other. HUZZAH. (And isn’t that Jimmy Fallon gif everything??! It sums up my existence basically.)
EXACTLY! No one dare calls your baby/book ugly. *nods sagely*
Yes. These were fabulous. 😀
WELL THANK YOU. <3
Yes, yes, yes! Maybe we need a longer post though? Or part two? Oh, oh, oh! I know it. Maybe “How To Translate What The Reader-Creature Is Trying To Say” because we all know that feeling when we’ve read a deliciously wonderful book and we try and tell someone about it and they give us a blank stare.
I’ll just be easy and say why don’t you actually do both. A part two for the writing creature plus a full post for the reading creature? That way the rest of us can just point all of our friends and family members to this blog and life should improve significantly. (Having a bilingual household is not the easiest thing in the world, especially if only one member speaks “writerness.” Maybe a dictionary could go along with the post, too?)
P.S. I mean, you DO have the time to write a full dictionary, right? 😉
Aidyl recently posted…When “National Novel Writing Month” Turns Into “Eat All the White Chocolate I Want Month”
I obviously have time to write a full dictionary. *nods* It’ll be definitely on my to-do list. Then I can put in the true definition of “Pineapple” (which is more than just a fruit obviously…I think it’s an entire race of internet beings, tbh)
AHEM.
I WANT TO DO A READER OR BLOGGER VERSION TOO. hehee. Both?!?! Both is good *nods* XD And basically you can just print it out and give it to people as a translation sheet to understand you better. We must educate the world. We must.
Hahaha this was just the laugh I needed today. Ohmygoodness yes. You nailed this. Especially the first three for me. It’s like you read my mind lol.
Kristen Burns recently posted…Top Ten Tuesday: Top Ten Words of Wisdom from Books I’ve read This Year
AHHHHH THANK YOU, KRISTEN. 😀 *beams and flails in mad pineapple circles* My goal = complete then. ^-^
The world is better educated on the ways in which to treat the strange species that call themselves writers! From the writing I’ve done, all I can say is yes yes yes. Guilty of the “aspiring writer” thing, though, to be strictly honest. Though now I feel like I can’t claim the “writer” title because I don’t do enough of it. I guess that makes me “sometimes writer”? Is that a thing?
HECK YES YOU DON’T WRITE ENOUGH OR READ ENOUGH OR BLOG ENOUGH. I MEAN, WHAT EVEN ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE, SISTER????? SERIOUSLY OMG.
HAHAHAH this was legit funny. I do have seen several writers say some of these stuffs. *discreetly points at you too* AND NOW I KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN MUAHAHAHAH. I no longer need to smile politely and awkwardly at every weird conversation they say HEHEHEHEH. Also, woah, I just realize that being a writer means CHOCOLATES 24/7. YUMMMMEH.
Maryam Dinzly recently posted…Review: Until The End (Sea Breeze #9) by Abbi Glines
WHAT? MEEEE?? NO. I always say exactly what I mean.
(cackles evilly)
AHEM.
But yes, yes, you definitely have that correct. Writer = needs chocolate. It’s basically our life source.
OMG, Cait! I’m very glad there are no writers in my household, then, they seem to be extremely high maintenance :p All I want is for those writer people to write amazing books so that I can spend time enjoying myself …
Kidding aside, all of this is just a little part of why I’d never survive if I tried to actually write a book. Where I had to make things up. And have several characters interact and things. I’m sure just thinking about it, a part of my brain stopped working there right now.
I’m so very, very happy there are many people who aren’t afraid of a lot of hard work, though. Because in a world without new books to read, what would I do?
Thanks for these funny translations 😀
Lexxie @ (un)Conventional Bookviews recently posted…Review: Rock Chick Rescue – Kristen Ashley
Oh YES you wouldn’t believe how high maintenance this lot is. *sighs* *resigns self to life of high maintenance because there is no other way* XD
But I know right?!? Like sometimes I want to kick writing forever, and I know most authors feel that way at some point but OMG they must remember how much bookworms need them!! XD It’s actually quite encouraging. *nods*
SQUEE THANK YOU FOR THIS FABULOUSLY WONDERFUL COMMENT.
Lol. XD Tiny stunted gnat. Yes these are very very true.
Victoria Grace Howell recently posted…Beautiful Books:The Writing Process – Subsapien: Hybrid
SQUEEE. THANKS, VICTORIA. 😀 I’m glad you liked it. *flails madly*
YES, YES, AND YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!
“I have embarked on a perilous journey of writing 15,000 words A DAY (oh no, wait, that’s YOU, Cait :P) and I have a strong feeling that my novel WILL BE AMAZING BECAUSE I’ve worked so HARD, you know?”
Hahahahaha I LOVED every inch of this! It is SO APT *nods*; you must get into psychology sometime. It shall help bridge the gap between them normal humans and us writer creatures. You can make them UNDERSTAND, Cait, that we are fragile and sensitive and deserve PAMPERING and CHOCOLATE and KISSES (Hersheys) because that is the LEAST they owe us after we slave day and night to provide them with this BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF ART that is our story! THY MERE MORTALS – tremble as the power of we writer creatures gorges your eyes out with cool and delicious words like anachronistic.
Madiha @ Paper Skies recently posted…Review: Heir of Fire (Throne of Glass #3) by Sarah J. Maas
BAHHAHAH. YES. Omg, but you have no idea how much I wail and moan about how bad my book is after writing it in, like, 4 days. XD My family has given up on me when I write. They just feed me chocolate and leave me be. XD
Yessss. I should write an entire book on this. Or at least a dictionary. A translation guide? I’LL BE FAMOUS FOR IT.
this was such an epic post, may i borrow some of your brain humor? mine is tots lacking.
I LOVED THIS
” Even if they say “give it to me tough” always start with something nice. End with something nice too. Also put nice things in the middle.
Lily B recently posted…Review: Soundless by Richelle Mead
HHEE. I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT LILY!! *dances about madly*
I LOVED THIS POST. *hugs post* OMG. I’m going to share it everywhere. RIGHT NOW.
“Don’t do ANYTHING memorable. Don’t even sneeze. Don’t say anything funny. Try to wear grey and blend with the carpet.” <–– This made me laugh! xD
OMG. :’) WELL I AM HONOURED. And I’m also glad it made you laugh, heheheeh.
This post has been tweeted, pinned, and Facebooked. *nods firmly* *spreads arms in dramatic giving gesture and scuttles away*
Brianna da Silva recently posted…4 Ways to Write Faster
AFDJAKSLFDJK YOU ARE SO MARVELLOUSLY AWESOME.
NO YOU ARE, THAT’S THE POINT. xD 😛
Brianna da Silva recently posted…4 Ways to Write Faster
Absolutely hilarious…and so, so true.
“AGH JFDK AJDSKAL JKDF IUQIWUQIQQQQWR.” is an accurate description of most of my life. I mean, sometimes you just have no words right??!!
Also you have the classic : “I cannot believe I just…I just…I just…they were just a kid…and now they’re…..GONE” *collapses on floor sobbing*
Everyone around you starts freaking out like, “Aaagghhh! Who died!? What did we miss? Is she ok?”. They don’t get that sometimes if a character dies you just CAN”T DEAL. What do they mean ‘ They’re not real’. HOW DARE THEY. THAT WAS ONE OF MY BABIES!!
http://starlightonthewesternseas.blogspot.co.uk/
Joanna recently posted…Benedict Cumberbatch’s Hamlet…
EXACTLY! I mean, who even needs words when you can commit a verbal keyboard smash, yes? It sums everything up admirably.
And yesss to that classic moan of despair and loss. EVERY WRITER KNOWS THAT FEEL.
“I’M DOING NANOWRIMO THIS MONTH, SO I MIGHT BE A BIT PREOCCUPIED.”–> YOU’VE TRANSLATED IT WELL!!!!!!!!! I am so outta my depth and outta my mind ’cause I am still stuck in chapter 9 and I think I’m going crazy.
Jee Ann recently posted…Countdown “Thirty Days to Thirty” by Courtney Psak
*gives you cake* I UNDERSTAND THE CRAZY FEEL. I DO. Embrace it, fellow writer. EMBRACE THIS CRAZY.
I’m so so horrible at commenting on blogs, but my love for this post cannot be contained. This is the best thing. 😀 😀
Awww, I appreciate this comment so so much, Hannah! 😀 AFJDLKSA THANK YOU FOR THE NICENESS TOO.
THIS IS ALL SO TRUE!!!! You are a genius for translating this so accurately. The only thing I can’t agree a 100% with is the rough draft one, because I’ve been posting chapters from my NaNo-novel this year and I just couldn’t get my brain to edit them first. They truly are just what I wrote the first time around.
Still, gaaaah, why are your posts always so perfect!!?!?!
Kat Impossible @Life and Other Disasters recently posted…NaNoWriMo 2015 – Dreamer Chapter 4
WELL I ADMIRE HOW BRAVE YOU ARE WITH FIRST DRAFTS THEN!! *gives you first draft cake over bravery* hehe, thanks, Kat! 😀 I’m gargantuanly pleased you liked it!! 😀
All these translations–just, all of them. And I think a cake the size of Slovenia is totally in order. I applaud your insight.
Liz Brooks recently posted…Knocking that Word Count Dead
YOU DEFINITELY DO NEED A CAKE THE SIZE OF SLOVENIA WITH ALL THOSE WORDS YOU’VE WRITTEN, WOMAN. OMG.
OH MY GOODNESS CAIT
THIS IS PERFECT
I ADORE YOU FOREVER
ALSO THE NANO ONE I JUST DIED AT HOW WONDERFUL IT WAS
<3<3<3<3<3
Deborah O’Carroll @ The Road of a Writer recently posted…The Hero Who Couldn’t Say No
AFDJKSLA THANK YOU. *flails wildly*
This is so hilarious and fun, Cait. I adore every word!
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction recently posted…How to Keep Yourself Motivated and Organized for Reading Challenges
SQUEEEE. THANKS NICOLE!!<3
Hahaha… writers do find inspiration in everything. One time my sister was actually telling me about a dream she had had the previous night, and when she was done she looked at me and said, “And don’t think about going and writing a story about this.” Hehe…
Omg, that is brilliance!! XD Humans should just learn that we are inspiration-finding-machines, right?!?! XD
CAIT THIS IS BRILLIANT! It made me laugh so so so hard, and I sent it to my friends so they’ll finally understand me…
AHHH THANK YOU, VICTORIA!! I’m glad you enjoyed it. 😛
YOU ARE SO QUOTABLE! Which means I find your writing (blog wise) highly hilarious and entertaining. I could read your posts for forever… or until I run out of material. Is “aquotable” a word? Because that’s YOU! Adorably quotable. ANYWAYS! As a writer myself (…I haven’t seriously written in about two years *flails miserably*) I THINK YOU NAILED THIS POST!
AFJKDLASDJ THANK YOU, SJ. THAT MEANS A LOT. *THROWS COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF CAKE IN YOUR HAIR* I think aquotable should be a word. Make it happen for us, okay? Make it happen. *AHEM*
LOL, this was fantastic perfection.
Alexa
thessalexa.blogspot.com
verbositybookreviews.wordpress.com
Alexa recently posted…Ten Ridiculous Things In Twilight That Kept Me From Becoming A Twi-Hard
HEHE. THANK YOU. *FLAILS*
Omg this is fantastic! Seriously I’m saving it and sending if to everyone I know!! When I share something I’ve written with you it is a sign of trust and when you say you don’t like it you will break my heart. (And I will break up with you.) Always be nice to the writer. If you don’t like something say it in a kind way, because this is their SOUL they are sharing with you!
Molly Mortensen recently posted…Dragon Coast By Greg Van Eekhout
Omg, I’m honoured. XD But yesss, I totally know what you mean with the sharing-the-writing. Like I DIE OF NERVES every time I give my writing out. But I know I need to so I can improve, but yesss. I only do it to people I trust a lot. 😛
Cait this post is so much fun! Thanks for the translation, basically I need to throw you cakes, waffles and chocolate and perhaps suggest the occasional bungee jump 😉 bwahhaha.
Jeann @ Happy Indulgence recently posted…Video review: Mockingjay Part 2 Movie
ONE DAY WE WILL ALL BE ABLE TO PRESENT THE FINAL ONE. BOOK DEALS FOR EVERYONE. Aah, seriously, that is probably what everyone will say. And before that there will be plenty of chocolate for any potential rejections. *sobbing* I’m happy that you’re another one who is all for celebrating every achievement! Me too! That’s so important and if it means cake and pie and all the glorious things like that, then I am into celebrating the daily word count.
Romi Endelmanis recently posted…Perceivable Intensities (7) Vote for a character name!
Bwhahah this is absolute perfection. There should also be a handbook about never asking why the writer creature is cranky. Because the answer is: “I have no time to write and every minute I spend answering your questions is making whatever thing I had in my head two seconds ago slip further and further away and I will blame YOU for depriving humanity of my book if you keep me in this asinine conversational hell for another moment”.
And absolutely chocolate.
Shannon @ It Starts At Midnight recently posted…This Week At Midnight (88)
Holy crap this is so accurate it hurts. I totally understood what the writer-creature was trying to say! Mostly because I am also a writer-creature and everything in my brain just sounds like *MAD FLAILING*
Thank you for the laughs.
Inge recently posted…Things I Love About The Book Blogosphere
These are all so true, especially the one about finishing writing a book.. I remember being very upset that my family didn’t freak out and shower me with glitter and cake when I told them that I’d finished my sci-fi novel….. But on the other hand, my mom is reading my Gearbound story, and is loving it, so I guess that makes up for that.
Mironiel Blokzyl recently posted…The Crown by Kiera Cass | MY HEART IS FULL OF FEELS RIGHT NOW.
I love this so very much, it is very likely my most favorite thing of ever right this moment.
(Yes, I just came from the Bookworm Translation post. Which I loved, too. But this one is better, so much better.)
OH MY WORD I need to send this to ALL my family members and friends and acquaintances! (Annnd print copies so I can hand them to strangers on the street.) Thank you for interpreting my life/attempts-at-communicating!! This is amazing.
YES YOU DO FOR SURE. We must educate these non-writers so they understand our peculiar yet perfect ways. *nods*