As I’ve said quite often: authors are mystical beings whom I revere and therefore avoid talking to at all costs.
I should also mention two things here: (1) I am an author, so I am in the midst of avoiding myself at all costs, and (2) I misspelled “mystical” and autocorrect wanted me to go with “hysterical” and I’m like…where is the lie.
Most authors = mystical wondrous beings.
Me, as an author = hYSTERICAL
Now I’m also very very very shy. Many people don’t believe me when I say it, because I’m very outgoing online, but I’ve worked up to this! Talking to people in real life?!? AH HAHAHA HA NO. So when other bookworms are all “Oh I’m dying to meet my favourite author”…I am over here, dying to not meet anyone. (I have social anxiety eep.)
Online I am marginally better at making connections. All my very closest friends are people I’ve met exclusively online. And I WILL work up courage now and then to talk to authors. Although I most adore them from a distance. I mean that’s the obvious conclusion right??? If you admire someone you absolutely and entirely IGNORE THEM.
Now it’s time to tell you about 10 Online Author Interactions I’ve had that didn’t end up with me turning into demon smoke and vanishing. Which is a very very real thing I do.
This is actually a part 2! And you can see part 1 here, where I confess to talking to Cornelia Funke, Jennifer Niven, Derek Landy, and Leigh Bardugo on twitter in the past. (Spoiler: I DIED.)
I’m also twisting the Top Ten Tuesday prompt of “Authors I’d Love to Meet” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
1. LAINI TAYLOR
So no big deal but LAINI THE QUEEN TAYLOR congratulated me on my debut novel’s release and I just….!!!!! I mean she also follows me on twitter and this is totally unrelated to me becoming a truly dedicated fan who would be eaten by a leviathan in some far mystical realm for her. Totally unrelated.
(No but seriously. As a debut author who largely gets ignored by most writers now for reasons I am completely lost by…THIS means everything.)
2. AKEMI DAWN BOWMAN
She’s also a new(ish) author too and I know has anxiety so I thought, “Ok!! Anxious people unite!” Which is hilarious considering anxious people do not unite…we hide from each other. But regardless, when Akemi posted about some things she wished she’d known in her debut year (a totally encouraging and incredible post by the way) I actually replied and said how helpful the post was!
AND SHE REPLIED BACK.
3. KAYLA ANCRUM
Now you ALL KNOW how much I adore and love The Wicker King to the point where I’ve read it twice this year and frequently look at it upon my bookshelves and let out a high, keening wail. (This is true love, obviously.) I never actually tag the author in all my flails because I am shy. So shy. So ridiculously shy…
Anyhow, this happened:
I’M SOBBING. I LOVE HER SO MUCH. (Also 10000% respect that her author photo doesn’t face the camera either. Kinship here omg.)
(Also I find it hilarious how I’m like “Oh authors won’t see me being a flailing fangirl haha!” when I, as an author, search hashtags for my books to spy on people flailing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It’s like my logic has holidays, and these holidays are 363 days of the year.)
4. JAY KRISTOFF
He’s really cool ok and famous and I think as tall as 17 people on top of each other. I think I must’ve been fuelled by the power of the new moon (when I am at my strongest) because I replied to a tweet of his randomly. (I think his reply was just a laugh but I only screeshot this much.)
ALSO EVERYONE ELSE THINKS I’M FUNNY TOO I GUESS.
(Also the audio of Nevernight truly is fantastic but also not something you listen to while eating lunch, as I discovered while wondering why my sandwich wasn’t so appealing whilst listening to gory bloodbath scenes.)
5. NEIL GAIMAN
This is absolutely cheating because a retweet doesn’t count as an “author interaction”. But WHO CARES. NEIL GAIMAN RETWEETED ME THIS ONE TIME AND I IMMEDIATELY FOUND THE DOOR TO ANOTHER DARK DIMENSION AND GREW MAGIC BUTTON EYES.
6. RACHEL CAINE
I was super lucky to be on the blog tour for her latest book, Smoke & Iron, and might’ve fangirled quite a little in my blog post. And by “quite a little”, I mean “I splattered my flailing all over the place.”
I hopefully can work this into, like, my resume or something. SKILLS INCLUDE: MAKING AUTHORS SNORT THEIR MORNING COFFEE WHILE LAUGHING. I have peaked.
7. CJ REDWINE
Two things first: (1) this was actually on instagram and I very nearly died, and (2) if I had a glorious name like “CJ REDWINE” I would be writing epic magical fantasy too. Her name is the name of perfection, I swear.
This made me perfectly DIZZY WITH FLAILS. Seriously I can’t even say how much it means when a famous author says congrats to a little tiny newbie.!!! I’m still screaming softly. Forever!! AHH!
8. ELIZABETH MAY
We actually follow each other on twitter too and I so admire the way she doesn’t take nonsense from sexist/racist men. What a complete and utter hero omg. (Also I was super excited when she tweeted that she was on the autistic spectrum too! Absolute proof yet again that autistic authors can be traditionally published. Let none tell you otherwise!)
ANYWAY SHE BOUGHT MY BOOK, NO BIG DEAL. I’M FINE.
9. JULIA EMBER
It’s always excellent to know that I’m not the only one who thinks writing blurbs is an indignant sort of torture. I’m still waiting for publishers and agents to accept pitches via pinterest aesthetic boards and a list of what Hogwarts Houses my characters are in. BUT ANYWAY.
Julia Ember is clearly amazing!! She talked to me!!! Of course she is!!
10. NADINE BRANDES
I think Nadine is possibly the kindest and sweetest person ever?! She actually emails with me on occasion and has encouraged me so much during my debut year. I CRY. I am so grateful. Also (1) Fawkes is brilliant and I love it so much, and (2) she’s hilarious on instagram AND youtube so omg go follow her.
I mean no no no you’re crying about this afjdkslad these are definitely not tears on my face, it is just some odd reflection of the light. (But seriously NADINE IS SO KIND TO ME.)
things we can take away from this post?
★ I am a FANGIRLING DORK and I love it and I love promoting authors and books and am unlikely to stop.
★ Authors are magical creatures.
★ Whilst I am shy of talking to authors, you can 100% be sure not to be shy of me because I’m literally a faNGIRLING DORK. We’ve already established this. Come fangirl with me please. About all things bookish.
★ it is pretty apparent that saying 2 nice words to me will ensure I am a fan for life.
★ I have no idea how to be a proper professional author but I am, absolutely, very cute. So that counts for something.
★ And lastly, I will NOT be telling these authors I gushed about them lmao, so don’t you dare either.