This book is so fatally sarcastic that I JUST LOVE IT.
The full title is Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent’s Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse and there are two VERY important things you should know: (1) the author is the famed twitter account @XplodingUnicorn which is so funny I can’t even, and (2) you don’t even need to be a parent to enjoy this. I mean, I’m not a parent and I absolutely adored it.
So I pretty much recommend it to people who:
- love humour
- are very keen on the apocalypse and possibly surviving it
- have ever battled with a baby stroller and knew only one of you was coming out alive
- have ever encountered a small human under 3 feet high
- are kind of dead inside
- cover up this deadness with sarcasm
Wow IT’S LIKE A BOOK FOR ME.
+ Parents and non-parents alike are going to adore this.
I originally assumed it’d be a parenting book with a lot of zombie metaphors. Which makes sense right? Parents must be zombies because they never sleep and live on coffee, and after about the first two years of that, they start chewing their own arms off. BUT YET. This is a genuine guide on how to survive the apocalypse and keep your children alive! It contains all sorts of tips about where to hide (put your kid in a trash bin so they can at least have a snack while hiding) and what weapons to use (umbrella strollers are fatal) and how to practise and prepare (like hide from your kids to teach them skills from hiding from zombies and also you can check your phone for a minute).
This is actual genius that I am here for. If I ever have kids (GOD FORBID) then I’ll probably keep them alive for 3 minutes longer than I would on my own.
+ It’s extremely hilarious.
The sarcasm is wickedly on point. Honestly if you like tumblr posts –> this book is for you. And I love tumblr posts. I go on facebook to look at tumblr posts, so if that doesn’t sum up my love of this style of humour, what will. Also the author is DEADLY FUNNY on twitter and here we don’t have the tweet limit! Pages of witty commentary!
+ It’s also illustrated!
With the kind of comics you could make on Paint which makes them thoroughly endearing and I’m fond of them. And there are flow-charts and spreadsheet boxes as well as the occasional zombie poking up on random pages. This is GREAT and highly needed because who wants to read books without pictures??? Not me. I swear I read 500pg fantasy novels when I was 12 and these days, dude, don’t leave me with a 280 character tweet, I can’t handle that. So 10/10 to illustrations.
+ I also learned nothing about parenting which is how I want it to be.
I mean YOU might pick up some great tips, but I’m an aunt of several goblins under the age of 7 and being an aunt is great because you can hand them back. And you can also eat the annoying ones.
(WAIT I’M NOT A ZOMBIE THAT WAS A TYPO.) But I appreciated that this was full of practical advice.
+ No seriously So much practical advice.
Like the section on where to hide our toddler during a zombie attack. For example:
On A Tree Branch:
Pros (your kid probably won’t jump down)
Cons (If you can reach it, so can the undead. It’s an elevated zombie feeder)
Pros (kids love these)
Cons (you might be tempted to add stamps and mail them)
+ But don’t FEAR! The book does want you to keep your family alive!
There’s only a few instances were we’re tempted to mail them elsewhere, but doesn’t everyone feel like that about their family?!? I try to mail myself to Antartica at least twice a month. The book also will coach you through what to do when your kid is doing the dying swan tantrum in the middle of the apocalypse. Tips include crying, I think.
+ Are you dead inside? Don’t @ me. You know you are.
I mean who isn’t these days. If you’re online, you are dead inside. So I highly do recommend this book so you can laugh, rekindle the light inside our soul, and then snuff it out because the apocalypse is coming. AT LEAST WE CAN HOEP IT’S COMING. I’ve been training by running for nearly 6 years now. Dangit, someone please get me the apocalypse. Anyway I loved this one! It’s less than 300-pages and such a fun read!
Huge thanks to the author for sending my an eARC! Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent’s Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse by James Breakwell was published October, 2017!
It’s not easy being a parent these days. There are bills to pay. Kids to feed. And hordes of undead monsters to keep at bay.
There are plenty of guides out there about how to survive the zombie apocalypse. All of them assume readers are young, fit, and unencumbered by children. In that scenario, the only living humans left will be smug, outdoorsy Millennials. That’s hell on earth, even without the zombies.
Only Dead on the Inside is the answer for the rest of us.
Written by professional comedy writer and amateur father-of-four James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn), Only Dead on the Inside blends traditional parenting advice with zombie survival tips, bringing together two totally unrelated genres in a book no one asked for but everyone needs.
This step-by-step manual teaches you how to raise happy, healthy children in a world overrun by the undead. Motivated moms and dads want it all, and that won’t change at the end of the world. There’s no reason you can’t be a zombie killing machine AND parent of the year, but you have to work for it.
If you want to make sure your family is apocalypse-ready, Only Dead on the Inside is your best–and only–chance at survival. No pressure, but if you don’t read this book, your children will die.