Hello. I am a bookworm. I like to have a book with me at all times.
Some people might call this ridiculous or obsessive but BAH. I am here to laugh in their faces and give you an excellent list of reasons why you should ALWAYS take a book with you. They are fabulously logical reasons and you’ve probably experience many already.
Ignore the haters. Always bring a book.
- YOU MIGHT GET BORED AND NEED ENTERTAINMENT. Don’t underestimate how crippling it can be to be bored and stranded without anything to do. If you have a book, you can redeem the time, keep your brain busy, and let people around you know you’re literate. Which is always nice.
- YOU MIGHT NEED TO REACH SOMETHING ON A VERY HIGH SHELF. If you are short, like me, and something is out of your reach — well — VOILA! A book will solve all your problems. Simply stand on it and be taller. It’s handy to carry around books by George RR Marin or Brandon Sanderson for this purpose. Both those authors are intent on writing books that are cubes of thickness.
- YOU MIGHT GET ATTACKED BY ZOMBIES AND NEED TO DEFEND YOURSELF. This happens all the time and it’s so annoying. Take a book. Be weaponised intelligently.
- THERE MIGHT BE “WANTED” POSTERS FOR YOU AROUND TOWN AND IF YOU PUT A BOOK IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE, IT DOUBLES AS AN EXCELLENT DISGUISE. I’m not prying about why you’re wanted, but these things happen, and I’m 99% sure the world still uses posters like in Tangled. A book is grand disguise and will cover your face most efficiently.
- NO ONE CAN ACCUSE YOU OF BEING WICKED. Because you know that good ol’ Lemony Snicket quote…
“Wicked people never have time for reading. It’s one of the reasons for their wickedness.”
You are not guilty.
- IT CAN HELP YOU STOP WASTING WORDS. When you’re strolling about with friends/family/poisonous-reptiles and they irritatingly say, “So what are you doing this weekend?” you don’t need to waste a single breath. Simply whip your book out and smack it in their face so they can read the title. Ta da! Question = solved.
- IT CAN SIMPLY BE AN ACCESSORY. People carry around phones all the time, and small bags of snacks, and even pet pocket crocodiles. Why can’t you carry a book?
- IT CAN SAVE SEATS! If you’re in the cinema or a restaurant, you can put a book on a chair to save it for someone — or simply to stop anyone sitting near you because that’s seriously annoying. Personal bubble. C’mon, humans.
- IF YOU GOT CAUGHT IN A BLIZZARD YOU COULD SEW CLOTHING OUT OF THE PAGES. I’m not sure how warm this would be and you’d also need to carry scissors and thread, but you could do it. Don’t be a doubter.
- AND IF YOU WERE REALLY DESPERATE YOU COULD PROBABLY EAT IT. I don’t know?? Could it help you survive?? I think so??? I’m not sure how tasty it would be, but giraffes eat trees and books are trees and I refer to many humans as giraffes so I can foresee this working.