Occasionally I like to tell the world what it should be doing.
And by “occasionally” I mean absolutely-all-the-time. It’s not actually my fault that I’m always right. It’s actually a great burden to bear. So when I saw Lisa and Becca @ Lost In Literature doing the Totally Should’ve Book Tag * I thought “I WANT TO DO THIS TOO.” So here I am. Stealing it. ** And gracing the world with my wisdom.
Basically I’m going to be saying what books should be doing. Even if they’re not. Shame on them. They’re leading disappointing lives by not fulfilling my every wish.
I will also overload you with book photography because that’s who I am as a person.
* Which was created by Booktuber emmabooks and I usually never know who to credit for starting a tag but LOOK I’M ACTUALLY DOING IT RIGHT HERE. Someone award me. A small planet to rule or a large cake to eat will suffice.
** I’m totally not stealing it. Lisa and Becca graciously said “hey anyone who wants to do this, go ahead!” but I need to maintain my evil aura of villainy. So humour me. I’M STEALING IT ARRRR. (The “arrr” was an evil roar, by the way, in case you were unsure.)
1. TOTALLY SHOULD’VE…GOTTEN A SEQUEL
Normally I call blessings down on standalones for the sheer fact that THEY ARE NOT VERY COMMON. But I would be lying most atrociously if I said I’m not dying for more another book after Princess of Thorns. This book is (A) criminally underrated, (B) so full of sass and potato-eating-competitions that wold make Samwise Gamgee proud, and (C) absolutely epic in all aspects except for the fact IT ENDED BEFORE I WANTED IT TO BE OVER. I mean, it was satisfying??? But also: no. I need more stat.
Also FYI this was one of my FAVOURITE books of 2015 and if that doesn’t make you drop that cupcake you’re eating * and dash off to read it, THEN I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
* What do you mean you’re not eating a cupcake???? Isn’t that what you do when you come onto my cake-infested blog????
Obviously I’m going to say The Raven Cycle. There is just NO WAY I was ready for this to be over after 4 books. * They were marvellously brilliant books, of course. But more. I have questions about all the magic and the Ravens and, if Blue ever leaves Henrietta, who is going to keep the town’s demand of yogurt up? Hmm? But basically I just want more of MY BOYS.
* YES THERE ARE SOLID RUMOURS OF MAGGIE STIEFVATER WRITING A RONAN-CENTRED SERIES. But while I’m 78% sure she’s writing them, that doesn’t actually mean they’ve sold. She’s pretty famous so I’m relatively confident that they WILL sell if she pursues it. But but but…I need confirmation before my heart fangirls off the rails. (Btw, Ronan is my favourite so afjdklsafdjaklda.)
3. AN AUTHOR WHO SHOULD TOTALLY WRITE MORE BOOKS
Amy Tintera is AMAZING. And also no one seems to have heard of her and this is a tragedy I mean to fix right now. Seriously, re-read her name. Say it out loud. Write it on a stickynote and paste it to your forehead. NOW YOU’VE HEARD OF HER SO GO READ HER BOOKS. The Reboot duology is about mostly-dead people who do weapon training and end up dancing and breaking each other’s arms. And Ruined is about magical people destroying other people and also eating cheese bread.
She’s only got 3 books out AND I’VE READ THEM ALREADY. #more
4. A CHARACTER WHO TOTALLY SHOULD’VE ENDED UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE
I like to think of myself as a really mature reader who understands when authors take their books in different directions to my vision and blah blah blah — LOOK, I TRY, BUT SOMETIMES IT’S REALLY REALLY HARD. If my ship breaks, I will be bitter for centuries. Literal centuries. I actually will not die just so I can be immortal and have more time to be bitter.
* Fun fact: I just wrote “grilogy” because, you know, Grisha books and then backspaced thinking I was losing my mind and couldn’t spell. But in reality, I was making a new and awesome word. Petition to refer to the Grisha books as a GRILOGY from now on!!
5. TOTALLY SHOULD’VE ENDED DIFFERENTLY
Look I gave The Book Thief 5-STARS. But I’m just sayin’ there are things in the last few chapters that could’ve been edited out. Just a few DEATHS that were obviously typos.
I know, I know, typos happen to the best of us. But better editing is needed!! Because I am 100% unokay with how much I BAWLED MY LITTLE VULCAN EYES OUT over this nasty beautiful book.
6. TOTALLY SHOULD’VE HAD A MOVIE FRANCHISE
I barely ever watch movies because, hello, have you met my TBR? It is a controlling slightly terrifying beast. But I’d be buying a cornfield of popcorn and settling down on a comfy bean bag IMMEDIATELY if you told me the Splintered series was being made into a movie. As long as Tim Burton is directing, Danny Elfman is doing the music, and I am the producer.
7. TOTALLY SHOULD’VE ONLY HAD ONE POINT OF VIEW
Well well well…ah Allegiant. I mean, I did love it. I have ZERO problems with the ending. I just don’t think throwing Four’s POV into the last book was a good idea at all. If it had been dual from the beginning? YAY. But tossing in POVs at the last minute? NAY.
Plus, actually, come to think of it…if we’d had Four’s POV from book 1 we could’ve been saved all those endless pages of Tris’ special boring snowflakeness and had many more chapters of Four punching people and eating cake. WHY DID NO ONE CONSULT ME ABOUT THIS, GEE.
8. TOTALLY SHOULD HAVE A COVER CHANGE
If you haven’t heard me talk about the Every Breath series much before this is because THE COVERS ARE HORRENDOUS AND HOW CAN I PHOTOGRAPH THEM???? But they’re an Australian teenage Sherlock retelling, with Watson being a girl, and they’re incredible. Just…try not to judge them. *
* The USA editions are slightly better but also really not. People all over the world are crying at the injustice of this glorious series getting such horrendous covers.
I shall pick Legacy of Kings for this because HELLO I LIKE THE BLOODY SWORD. A weird key-hole shaped thing is a no go. Clearly the designers should’ve stopped and asked me if they should destroy the nice bloody sword they’d already started with. Like what even is with the keyhole???? No one is peeping through keyholes in this book! They are hacking each other up with bloody swords!! Stop swirling the font and pretending this is a nice book BECAUSE IT IS NOT NICE.
10. TOTALLY SHOULD’VE STOPPED AT BOOK ONE
I’m so opposed to the way the Blood Red Road trilogy ended, I genuinely avoid thinking about it. Let’s just pretend it’s a standalone, okay? Okay. It’s now official: RAGING STAR DOES NOT EXIST. Which is a shame because I’d recommend the first book to everyone and their mother and their aunt’s cat and their extraterrestrial friends and just everyone. But that’s where you stop, fiends. Believe me. Save yourselves.