Bookworms are peculiar creatures who often struggle to communicate. This is probably because they’re forever buried in books. Why talk when you can read? Hmm? That is why I am kindly here to help. I have a list of phrases your resident bookworm might splutter from time to time — along with this incredibly useful translation guide.
I KNOW. I KNOW. HOW KIND AND THOUGHTFUL AM I????
You might remember my translation guide for writers that I published last year? Brush up on that, too, if you have a writer creature lurking nearby.
Now behold! Read! Understand your bookworm creature! And don’t forget to occasionally pet them (because they need hugs; they’re usually traumatised) and feed them chocolate fudge brownies.
“I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO READ AND I’M DYING.”
This is a difficult phrase and you must take into account tone inflection and whether or not the bookworm is lying face down on the floor sobbing while they say it. If they utter this phrase while staring at their bookshelf, it probably translates to “I have too many books and I cannot decide and I have no idea what I’m in the mood for help me I’m dying”. But if they’re lying face down on the floor…it probably translates to “The only book I want to read in this universe is not published yet and I’m dying”. Both are equally distressful times.
“THIS IS MY FAVOURITE BOOK IN THE HISTORY OF EVER!”
Some bookworms utter this and you can accept it at face value. But for most bookworms this translates to, “I have at least a dozen books I would marry at dawn but this is my favourite of this particular second and I’m willing to talk about it for 54 minutes so just stand there yes.” Try to humour them if you can. Don’t twitch too much or have a stroke during the oncoming 54 minute monologue.
“I THINK I NEED A NEW BOOKSHELF.”
This is just the bookworm trying to be polite and not overly needy. It 100% translates to “I absolutely need a bookshelf, I have zero percent of room left. This is actually AN EMERGENCY SITUATION BECAUSE I CAN’T EVEN SEE MY FLOOR ANYMORE.” When your bookworm utters this phrase do not, and I repeat DO NOT respond with “get rid of books then” because you will die and do you want to make your poor little resident bookworm responsible for murder??? Be considerate. Safety first. Buy them a shelf.
“MY HOBBY AND PASSION IS BOOKS, BASICALLY.”
This translates to, “My life is consumed by books, I eat books for breakfast, my brain is constantly going BOOK! BOOK! BOOK! and I am in love with fictional worlds and people and omg all the books.” Sometimes bookworms act cool and nonchalant about it around people who might not understand, but this is ACTUALLY what they’re saying. Trust me. I know what’s up.
“THAT BOOK MADE ME CRY.”
For those who don’t know better, this usually translates to, “This book RIPPED OUT MY HEART AND STOMPED ON IT and gave me such intense emotions that I ran about under the midnight moon in polka dot socks screaming my love for this fantastic beast of a book and it is precious beyond everything and look my face is leaking.” It’s so important to read between the lines here or else you’ll just think the bookworm got sad over a book. It’s so much more than sad. “Destroyed” is also a handy word. “Permanently feels damaged” is another. And somehow they enjoy it. Don’t…just…just don’t ask. Accept.
“I’M ON A BOOK BUYING BAN.”
This translates to “I’ve got too many books to read and am feeling slightly overwhelmed so I’m attempting not to collect to many more EXCEPT FOR LIKE ONE OR TWO HERE AND THERE so basically I’m like on 6% of a book ban.” I think like 4% of bookworms actually STICK to their book-acquiring bans. If they tell you they’re on one, what they actually want you to do is give them cake for the effort and then more cake to comfort them when they fail.
“I WOULD SELL MY LEFT KIDNEY FOR THAT BOOK.”
This just translates to, “I would sell my left kidney for that book.” If you’re worried about your resident bookworm’s imminent lack of kidneys (they actually need at least one), I suggest you make sure they’re not selling anything on ebay. The danger is real, folks.
“BOOKS ARE BETTER THAN PEOPLE.”
Sometimes this phrase seems confusing because aren’t books about people??? Well my deluded pineapple of a friend, let me explain all. This phrase clearly translates to “Books are very low maintenance and don’t require energy from me, just love or indignation. Also if they get too annoying I can throw them at a wall, whereas humans are slightly too heavy to complete that feat with.” Plus you can tuck your favourite books in your bag and take them EVERYWHERE as a delightful security comfort and it’s slightly illegal to do that to people too. This is why books are better.
“I’M ACTUALLY GOING TO CONQUER MY TBR! LOOK AT ME! ALL CONQUERY!”
This absolutely translates to “I’m going to read like 2 backlist titles I’ve had forever and then I’m going straight back to my bad habits of acquiring more books then I can read and then complaining about it.” Most bookworms who fancy themselves Literary Napoleans just should be petted lightly on the head and given encouraging (but pitying) smiles. Let ’em at it. Hopefully they won’t hurt themselves.
“I WANT TO LIVE IN THIS BOOKSTORE.”
This actually translates to “I want to OWN this bookstore so that every book is mine mine mine and I shall set up my bed in the middle there and live in this nest of books and let no one else in ever.” Because while we bookworms would (and do) make good booksellers, behind the smiles, the bookworms are actually thinking of absconding with ALL THE BOOKS OF EVER. Some bookworms are good at sharing. Most are not. If you’re local bookstore ever vanishes, this is what happened. Just sayin’.
This was hilarious. Also ‘I have too many books’= I’m lying, I don’t think non bookworms can understand the pain. Then again, I guess some people have other obsessions like music or cooking or something, but what is the point of that?
Nonbookworms need EDUCATING. *nods* That’s why we must kindle pass them posts like this so they understand the bookworm culture.
(Tbh, the only other useful hobby apart from books is cooking. I mean, THAT I understand. But everything else??? Pfffft. Why.)
When I say ‘I need a new bookshelf’ it usually means I need two new BIG bookshelves, and several clones of me so I can read more than one book at once. I tried dropping this hint to my family the other day. It didn’t work. (I should send them this) I also use the saying ‘this book made me cry’ way too often, but your definition is perfect, There may or may not have been tears but the book definitely ripped out of heart and shredded it into a million little slivers. And I probably loved it. 😀
True, true. Or better yet “I need a new bookshelf” can also translate to “I NEED AN ENTIRE HOUSE DEVOTED ONLY TO BOOKS” < --- meeee righ tnow.😂 Ahem. I actually suggested to my family that we could sell furniture to fit in more bookshelves OR we could get rid of my little sister. They said no to both suggestions! SHEESH. I don't even know what's wrong with them. *pouts*
Cait knows what’s up, as per usual. x) Ahahaha this is genius and oh so true.
CAIT KNOWS EVERYTHING. HOW DOES SHE EVEN MANAGE BEING SO FABULOUS ALL OF THE TIME. *FLIPS HAIR DRAMATICALLY*
HAHAHAHA THIS IS FABULOUS CAIT !!!! The one I use the most would have to be ‘I have absolutely nothing to read and I am dying’ 😂
But to be honest I am barely reading this year ?!? It’s so weird. I have about 25 books that I have bought but I haven’t got past them. I think it’s because I have this marvelous, simply grand plan to binge write a first draft THEN reward myself by reading all the books. And when I finish reading all the books…. I will go to editing the first draft. That basically means never, because I will never finishing reading the books so I won’t edit. 🤘🏽
SAME! I’m pretty sure I say that at least 989 times a week.😂 (Why is choosing the hardest thing though!?!? SERIOUSLY. NOTHING IS AS HARD AS CHOOSING.)
Oh oh good luck with your writing!! I actually can’t balance reading AND writing either, so I totally understand.😂 And it’s good motivation to write/edit, eh? When you’re rewarding yourself with books!
All of this. All of this so much. All the time. All of this.
I don’t actually have anything to say but all of this so much all the time yes.
YAY TO ALL THE YES. *gives you cake of happiness and understanding*
Surely I’m not the only person ever who doesn’t say any of these? Lucky ol’ me 😀 Well I am very lucky in the sense that I’m normally very late to book series – so late that I get the entire series all in one go! I have pretty much one book that is yet to be released and I’m not even really all that fussed about it! But I’ve been known to stay up waaaaaaaaaaay too late reading – and I wouldn’t mind a spare bookcase right now, anyone!
I’m pretty sure every bookworm in the existence of EVER needs more bookshelves.😂
Once upon a time I took a picture of my rearranged *very tiny* bookshelf and posted it on facebook. My cousin suggested I could made a lot of money by selling. She emigrated to Norway. Coincidence? I think not.
🙂
OMG R.I.P. THAT COUSIN. I mean, well, not quite RIP since she only moved countries. But I hear ya. And good on you for being controlled and instigating immigration instead of body burying. *awards you cake*
😂😂
Cake is yummy, thanks.
Well… I would have lot of help hiding the body after I’d share her look of distaste when referring of someone giving her first Harry Potter that she cast aside WITHOUT OPENING:
I guess being stuck inside the house because of snow half of the year and bored to dead because she’s not a reading person is enough punishment… maybe… Jury is not in agreement.
This is my life. Basically all of these points. I really need a new shelf, I just have a mini shelf and no space in my room to buy an actual gorgeous bookshelf, guess I have to build one in the wall… ( definitely I’m not the one building because that would be just disastrous as how much accident prone I am…) And basically aaaaaall of these are soooo true!!! <3 Loved this post!
AHHH ALL THE SHELVES!! Basically every year for my birthday I ask for new shelves.😂 Last year I just stole two of my sisters, because, well, HEY MY NEED WAS GREATER, OKAY?! YES.
Hilarious post! Everything basically resonated with me. I don’t say I need a new bookshelf, though. I NEED A FREAKIN’ LIBRARY! And I keep telling myself that I WILL have a library. One day. Hopefully. So I can see my floor again. And my walls. And daylight …
AHHHH YES. SO TRUE. Let’s just skip the whole silly thinking that a few shelves is going to help here. WE NEED ENTIRE HOUSES FOR OUR BOOKS. THE END.
Lol… funny as always. Aside from how absolutely correct your translations are, I personally am extremely possessive of my books. I may borrow from you, but you shall never lay eyes on mine *MUHAHAHA* (continues evil laugh). This is the translation for… OMG… I just can’t seem to remember where I put that book! I can’t seem to find it! OMG I am sooooo very sorryyyy …
ME TOOOOO. Like I have zero qualms borrowing other people’s books, but I never lend mine??😂 I don’t even care that I’m hypocritical. IT IS HOW IT IS. WE BOOKWORMS MUST PROTECT OUR PRECIOUS BABIES.
Love this post!! Thanks for bringing a smile to my face because I can relate to all of it :).
AHHH THANK YOU FOR THIS NICE COMMENT, CINDY. <3
🙂
So true! I love them. Especially the “I have nothing to read and am dying’. I can so relate. Sometimes I’ll start two or three books because I can’t decide which one to work on.
Also, I love the ‘I’m on a book ban-‘…oh look at that cool cover. And someone recommended this, so I really need to buy it. Ooooo, look! *squeals* A Sale!
AGH THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. *dies with you* Why is choosing so hard? Omg. It’s literally the HARDEST part about being a bookworm, I think.
And book buying bans…AGH. WHY DO THEY EVEN EXIST.😂
Nope, you got it down. xD This list was amazing! *hands you the French frie award*
*eats all the French and fries* WHAT CAN I SAY? I’M JUST PERFECT.
I can so relate to ” I dont have anything to read” and ” I am on a ban” and ” I will conquer the TBR”. Do you know once I went through a ban for two weeks? TWO WHOLE WEEKS- no library books, no deliveries, no new books, no borrowed books. Only books already on the shelf.
AFter those two weeks, lets say there was a major dent in the purse and some spilling books from the shelves because the monster was set free !
WOW TWO WEEKS!?!? I BOW TO YOU! I was on a ban for like, um, 2 days before I went to the library. And GAH, I just couldn’t do it. I mean, those books looked at me with their sad little eyes and I had to borrow them. IT’S NOT MY FAULT. (It’s 100% my fault *sobs*) Ahem. So I admire you for sticking to yours!!😂
*sigh* it would be most marvellous if I could own a bookstore but never worry about silly things like stocktake and making profits. I just want to buy all the books and lie amongst them, is that so bad? Lmao, book buying bans always turn out badly for me – I either don’t adhere or I just go crazy and overspend at the end of one. LIFE IS DIFFICULT. But I am glad you have this to decode to bookworm ways for lesser mortals. I’ll have to link this to my BF XD
YES. It’s not that much of a weird goal, right??? Just a bookstore that buys all the books of ever and has no customers and doesn’t go broke. :’) SOMEONE GET ME A GENIE I KNOW MY WISH. Ahem.
How about this: When asking a book worm what they are reading at the moment and they say they’re not actually in the middle of anything, translate as: I read way to fast and am incapable of putting a book down for long in the middle of it. I probably just read half a dozen books and have a dozen books more to read soon. But you caught me in one of the in between moments.
That happened to me. Except I’m kind of in the middle of a book that my friend randomly sent me, which I forgot existed because it didn’t stop me from putting it down for too long.
I’ve had the same few favouritest books for 9 months now. There are the others that come and go quickly, but a few I stick to.
DUDE, YES ABSOLUTELY. I have so much trouble doing the “currently reading” tags on instagram or whatnot because I never am currently in the middle of a book long enough to take a photo, and get it posted before I finish the book.😂 Ahem. ALSO YES to being caught between books! OR OR when they say “what are you reading” and you just finished one but have a mental blank so it looks like you’re not even a reader. *facepalm*
100% accurate!
YAY I’M GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT. 😀
All these are so true……. and the crying over books! Book bans yes I should be on a book ban now with a tbr list large enough to kill someone…………..
Yep.
//hannah
furiouseverafters.blogspot.com
I should be on a book ban too WITH MY TBR BEING THE SIZE OF JUPITER AND ALL. But nope.😂 All the books. *cuddles the precious novels*
Okay, first of all, I am NEVER on a book buying ban. N.E.V.E.R. That would be blasphemy.
“I have absolutely nothing to read and I am dying,” can also mean there is nothing in your TBR pile (currently containing enough books to build a to-scale model of the Eiffel Tower) that you actually feel like reading.
Also, bonus –
“Libraries are essential/still relevant.” – You think it’s okay that they’re talking about closing libraries?!? FIGHT ME!
Is it bad that I have actually had this conversation?
GOOD. You are the wisest one of all of us. *nods* Bans are just ridiculous and panicky. WHY WOULD WE WANT THEM? *runs away screaming* Ahem.
GAH. I hate it when people say that no one uses libraries. I MEAN, WUT. Every time I go to one it’s full of people. If people close libraries THEN THEY NEED TO JUST STAHP BECAUSE THEY’LL SHOVE US INTO A DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY IF THEY’RE NOT CAREFUL. *stamps foot*
Note: if a bookworm randomly tells you insistently something that seems to have a few fictional factors, this is probably something they figured out about their current book, AKA love of their life who they will ignore all social niceties to be with. It could also be something they just found out about in their book and never expected. Or they could just be babbling because the feels have broken them.
Example: Me saying to all my friends, “The Lunars have a cure to letumosis!” is an example of the first. Then it turned out that one of my friends had actually read the Lunar Chronicles series! Yay! (except she gave me a spoiler. Sad face.) And now I’ve finished Cinder and may be in love with a book.
AHHHH I HIGHLY APPROVE OF BEING IN LOVE WITH THE LUNAR CHRONICLES. *nods* That series is amazing. (Although less great that your friend gave you spoilers. ARHG!!) ;D
This is perfect! I particularly liked the point on conquering the TBR because that’s me to a T. I manage to convince myself regularly that I’m actually, finally getting onto those books I’ve been meaning to read forever and therefore that means that my TBR is metaphorically zero and therefore it’s totally fine for me to go to a bookstore to buy
maybe twentyone new book. I don’t think my TBR has every gone down in my life.I’m actually attempting to not buy any books this month (*laughter in the distance*) because it was just my birthday and therefore I have many books I must read/should read now because that’s polite (seriously, have you ever had that conversation where people are like, oh did you like that book I bought for your birthday last year? And you’re like, oh, um, actually I haven’t gotten to it yet. Like, friendship over). BUT I’M SURE I CAN DO IT. I only nearly bought several books today but I did manage to leave the bookstore empty handed so screw the cake and give me a thrown, I’ve achieved the impossible. *sits on throne made of TBR books*.
My TBR actually got down to 3 books once! I KNOW. IT WAS A TRAGEDY AND VERY SCARY AND HASN’T HAPPENED SINCE. (There’s like 60+ at the moment. Which is a little overwhelming I admit.😂) Although I too am pretending not to acquire any books this month. LIKE THE TROUBLE IS: LIBRARY. I go every week to babysit my nephew/niece and hooooow can i be amongst all those books and not adopt one or two or twenty???? It’s impossible.
(What’s worse is if you hate a book someone bought you.😂 My sister bought me Wicked and UGH that book was so boring I DNF’d it. I still think I haven’t told her. *hides*😂)
I currently have both the first ‘I have nothing to read, I’m dying’ problem and the second. But I feel like that’s basically every other day. As for more translations, for me, ‘let me tell you this thing about this book’ means: let me convert you to a bookworm creature/fanperson of this book/author/series.
Meee toooooo. I swear picking one’s next read is THE hardest part of being a bookworm. And YES TO THE CONVERTING TRANSLATION. Yes and yes. Although sometimes I think non-bookworms know that translation already?? Because they ALWAYS RUN AWAY DANGIT. *chases them with piles of books*
ALL OF THESE. YES.
‘my brain is constantly going BOOK! BOOK! BOOK!’ <— this was like scarily accurate, cait. {and also made me laugh extremely hard, thank you for that. xD}
The book buying ban + tbr ones are also extremely true. I think I lasted maybe a week without buying new books last month?? And then there was a sale at my bookstore and it was like WHELP THERE GOES THAT ENDEAVOR. *buys all the things*
Thanks for another lovely, and hilarious post! ^-^
YOU ARE MOST WELCOME FOR THAT LAUGH.😂 And yessss, the “BOOK! BOOK! BOOK!” is literally what my brain is doing all the time. WE JUST NEED TO READ ALL THE THINGS AND NO REGRETS EVER. AHHHHHHH. Ahem.
Yes to all of these. And, also, I’m totally guilty of the facedown on the floor thing because I have nOTHING TO READ. Mildly frustrating to my family, who have to step over me in order to get to the bathroom. And I would want to live in a bookstore, provided that they keep getting in all the new books, but that no one is actually shopping in it. I think I would sleep on the beanbags in the children’s section, eat from the little cafe, and steal the free wifi from the Starbucks across the street.
YES to your bookstore requirements. Particularly needing to get new books in all the time. Like ALL THE BOOKS. And then the store can also sell the books we hate, because, ya know, we don’t have time for those kind of beastly books. *nods sagely* And hopefully the bookstore would have food delivered. Preferably cake. #priorities
This was so funny and yet extremely accurate! It made me recall all the times those exact phrases have come out of my mouth and I regret nothing! A++++ commentary!
Ahahaha! This is all so very true! And you used a Merlin gif! That alone made my day because why did they have to end it?! *cries silently* I actually just broke my book buying ban day before yesterday. I managed to last a couple of weeks though. That’s good, right?! I have to get everyone I know to read this now so that they can understand what I’m talking about. Pity those who don’t read and therefore aren’t able to understand us bookworms! Their’s must be a sad, sad world without books.
*whispers* I haven’t seen Merlin yet. I AM SO SORRY. I want to though!! It’s like on my endless need-to-watch list.😂 Ahem. BUT YES. Omg I’m very proud of your book buying ban. 😉 YOU DID GOOD FOR SURE. Now you get to reward yourself with….BOOKS, RIGHT?!?! #sensible ;D
Yes, books and CAKE. It makes total sense yes?!?! P. S. You will LOVE Merlin because it’s the BBC and one of the best shows OF EVER.
This is truth.
You can’t forget the, “I couldn’t fall asleep last night.” Which translates to “THE BOOK WAS SO GOOD AND I READ IT UNTIL 3 AM AND MY EYES WERE BURNING.”
That one is my personal favorite. I am very familier with it. XD
THAT ONE TOO. That one is very true and we must make the non-bookworms understand our language. WE MUST.
This was awesome!!! I need a bookshelf is my most used sentence this month and no one in my family is listening to me!!! Or they don’t understand my language. I’ll make sure to give them your translation and hopefully my books won’t be homeless anymore. 😀
YES. Definitely pass this through to your family ASAP. THE NEED FOR A BOOKSHELF CANNOT BE OVERLOOKED!! (My family doesn’t listen to my pleas either…sheesh, what even is wrong with them all? THE BOOKS MUST BE CARED FOR.)
I would definitely sell my kidney for Empire of Storms by Sarah J. Maas. Have you seen the beautiful cover?! I NEED IT NOW! Oh, you left out “Just let me finish this page.” Which translates to I’m finishing this book now leave me alone. I also feel like if your not a bookworm you won’t understand this list. You have to be a bookworm to understand a bookworm. You know?
YES THAT ONE TOO. THAT IS A VERY CRUCIAL TRANSLATION. *nods* But we must try to make the non-bookworms understand us! WE CAN’T GIVE UP! (Although it’s true…you don’t really get the bookworm culture unless you’re in it.😂)
I really do want to live in a bookstore or a library, preferably one with a cafe.
SAME. Immediately. I actually want to have an entire house of books and each room be a different genre *nods*
This is excellent. Perfect list. I have nothing to add. You aught to teach this in a language class.
That is also an EXCELLENT IDEA. We shall get allllll the non-bookworms understanding us ASAP. *nods sagely*
I think I need to go share this with everyone I know ASAP, because this is so accurate!
YES DO SO. LET US GET ALL THE NON-BOOKWORMS UNDERSTANDING US AND OUR NEEDS.
Haha, this is epic! And I seriously need to send it to every non-bookworm I know because they don’t get me at all.
Saaaame. We should honestly print these handy translations out and give them to every non-bookworm EVER. AND MAKE THE WORLD UNDERSTAND US.
This is so much fun Cait! Only fellow bookworms will understand the struggle which is real lol! Yess I actually think book buying bans make this worse because after not buying any then got to crazy and make up for lost time.
YESSS EXACTLY. Book buying bans are just…nope. They just create panic honestly.😂 I do that with library-bans and omg I end up IN SUCH A MESS IT’S JUST NOT WORTH IT😂
Ha ha – absolutely awesome post 🙂 This really made me smile. I can relate to all of those things – The books are better than people one especially. Thanks for sharing!
YAYYYY. BOOKWORM HI FIVE. (And I’m super glad it made you smile! *twirls happily*)
I’ve had such epic dreams about living in a house literally piled with books! And in that particular dream I could go into the books and have adventures. That was one of my bestest dreams ever. 🙂
Also, the phrase ‘I want to live in this book…maybe’ can be translated to mean: ‘if I was as epicly clever as the main characters and didn’t freak out at the first sign of danger…come to think of it, I think I’d probably run away screaming if I saw a dragon, so…’ 😀
ME TOOOOOO. I have this dream to have like an entire HOUSE LIBRARY but like each room will be a different genre. :’) (Although that’s like a daydream not an actual dream. ahahahah. BUT STILL #GOALS)
omg YES to your translation.😂 Because as often as I say I want to be inside a book, I would almost always die.
This is PERFECT! Your posts always make me smile. My additions to bookworm translation:
– “You should read this, it’s really good” means “I will NEVER shut up about this book until you finish it, and by the way it will probably shatter your heart, too.”
– “Can we look in this bookstore for a minute?” means “I’m going to drag you into this bookstore and when you’re inevitably bored in a few hours or so you’ll have to drag me back out.”
AHHH I’M SO GLAD THEY MAKE YOU SMILE. 🙂
And omg your translations are A+ also. Particularly the second one.😂 Omg, a “minute” easily translates to “forever” quite honestly. Non-bookworms better watch out. *dashes into a bookstore and never comes out*
I. AM. DYING!
I sent this via link to the husband, who just said, “I am very well-informed now. Thank you.” So, there’s that too. You helped my hubby translate everything that is me. YAY! >.>
But seriously. You and I? Same humor in two souls. I LOVE all of your everything, which sounds super creepy but I really don’t mean it that way!
YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND ARE SO VERY WELCOME. I HAVE SAVED LIVES WITH THIS TRANSLATION GUIDE PROBABLY *twirls happily*
AHHHHH, it’s not creepy!! IT’S ACTUALLY REALLY NICE TO HEAR. *hi fives*
*shares cake with you* 😂😂
This is amazing and so are you!
WHY THANK YOU THERE. 😀
Great post, very funny! My husband says I live in a book store. Every free space in my living room is being filled by books :). I often let my food go cold or forget I should eat altogether, unless the book is about cake of course :P. I’ve stopped giving book bans because I noticed that it costs me less money when I keep shopping at a normal pace than when I have the after the ban shopping spree.
You are LIVING LIFE RIGHT THEN CLEARLY. *nods* And bahahha, I totally love your non-book-ban logic there because so true, right?!?
LOLOL YES
I NEED TO SEND THIS TO ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS BECAUSE THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND.
You are saving all of us fellow bookish people’s lives
you deserve more cake <3
I DO DESERVE MORE CAKE. MY KINDNESS IS MOUNTAINOUS. *sends this to every non-bookworm ever* 😂
When a bookworm says ‘That’s a good book. You should read it’ they actually mean ‘THIS BOOK IS ONE OF THE MOST PERFECT BOOKS IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE HISTORY OF EVER AND I HAVE TORN MYSELF AWAY FROM MY CURRENT PLOTLINE TO TELL YOU TO READ IT SO IF YOU DO NOT I WOULD THROW IT AT YOU BUT THAT WOULD HURT THE BOOK.’ my advice: just read the book. When a bookworm says ‘I don’t read all the time’ they mean ‘sometimes I have to sleep and eat but otherwise yeah my life is alllll the books.’ You do not want to incur a bookworm’s wrath. Also the book choosing gif was funny because I just watched that Book Nerd Problems video with Shanti.
YES YES AND YES. These translations are absolutely perfect, particularly the “that’s a good book you should read it”. We bookworms are actually hugely considerate to just try and be polite and calm WHEN ON THE INSIDE WE’RE SCREAMING BECAUSE BOOKS! BOOKS! BOOKS!!!!!!! *collapses in piles of books*
(Epic Reads gifs are THE BEST.😂 I wish there was more gifs of their videos because they describe the bookworm life so so well.😂)
Yes Yes and Yes. Especially living in my very own bookshop surrounded by books that just magically appear (along with cake of course) as soon as they are published. Then my only problem will be I won’t have a thing to read and I’d need more shelves – maybe the bookshop expands to fit the new books… That could work.
YES YES THAT WOULD BE PERFECT. Magical deliveries…and also the books you hate can magically disappear too. That would be helpful. *nods*
YOU SPEAK MY LANGUAGE. XD Yes, I am forever talking like that and how my TBR stack fell over and attacked me in my sleep. Normal humans just don’t understand how dangerous the life of a bookworm is!!!!
NORMAL HUMANS NEED EDUCATING IMMEDIATELY!! We live such perilous lives! WE NEED CAKE AND CONGRATULATING FOR THIS.
This is the absolute truth, and also hilarious. Bless the day I discovered your blog because it’s been a never-ending laugh parade ever since!
AHHHHH THANK YOU, CYRIELLE!!!! *flails happily* This is honestly the nicest to hear. 😀
AHHH THESE ARE ALL SO GOOD. You’ve literally translated everything, so I don’t think I could add anything lol. A++ JOB ON THE TRANSLATIONS!
WHAT CAN I SAY. I JUST KNOW HOW THE BOOKWORM MIND WORKS. :’)
(hehe thankyou!!!😊)
ALL TRUE. ALLLLLL TRUE. Especially about book-buying bans. So you know what? I’ve given myself a ban on book-buying bans. Best thing I’ve ever done.
It’s book-buying-ban INCEPTION! (And pfft, come on now, I’m always full of wonderful truths. *flips hair majestically*)
I totally feel ya on the bookshelf thing. My walls are already covered with things but I NEED ANOTHER BOOKSHELF AND I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO PUT IT. Do you think they make, like, ceiling bookshelves? With bungee cords to strap the books in. And then at night the books like fall on your face and . . .
Oh. Maybe not.
When I read the “books are better than people” I totally heard that in my head to the tune of “Reindeers are Better Than People.” 😂 So, the eternal question remains (and this is where algebra II comes in handy) . . . IF BOOKS ARE BETTER THAN PEOPLE AND REINDEERS ARE BETTER THAN PEOPLE, ARE REINDEERS BETTER THAN BOOKS????????? *flails on ground*
I think the ceiling bookshelves sound like a FABULOUS idea. I mean, what can even go wrong??!?? Maybe glass panels though, so at least you won’t get a faceful of books in your sleep. *nods* I keep suggesting to my family we just get rid of other useless furniture BUT THEY SAY NO AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH THEM.
NO. REINDEERS CAN’T BE BETTER THEN BOOKS, BUT THEY DEFINITELY ARE BETTER THAN PEOPLE BECAUSE KRISTOFF SAYS SO AND HE KNOWS WHAT’S UP.
Why is this so true? Great post Cait.
BECAUSE I AM THE QUEEN OF WONDERFUL TRUTHFUL SAYINGS. *flips hair majestically*
😂
Ah I love this! Whenever I say a book made me cry and people are like “Oh. Shame.” I’m like NO REALLY, IT TORE MY HEART OUT AND I CRIED AN OCEAN AND I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER RECOVER but I don’t want to scare them so I just nod and let myself think back to the emotional turmoil said book caused me. ALSO, when I say I love books and people are like “Cool. Reading. Nice.” and I’m like NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, I HAVE A BOOK BLOG AND SEVERAL BOOK BOYFRIENDS AND I COLLECT BOOKS AND HUG THEM AND SMELL THEM, DO YOU KNOW HOW GOOD BOOKS SMELL?! So yep, excellent translations, Cait! 😀
yes yes I SO RELATE TO THAT!! And also when a book makes me cry it’s more SPECIAL somehow??? Because it takes a lot to move me that much, so I think the book probably has magical powers. :’) And yes, omg, it’s not just a “cool nice” thing when we confess our love of books THEY NEED TO UNDERSTAND HOW THIS AFFECTS EVER INCH OF OUR BEINGS.
A “friend” suggested I get rid of a couple of books recently. I questioned her character, the universe, and our entire friendship. I’m also currently on a book buying ban, so I only bought, like 3-4 books the last few weeks. 5 tops.
This was hilarious to read. 😀 What would the general public do with these handy translation guides of yours?
The general public would PERISH without me, let’s be honest now. I am here to keep the world spinning basically.
Omg, your “friend” NEEDS TO QUESTION THEIR LIFE CHOICES IF THEY SAY THINGS LIKE THAT.
Love that last one! When I graduated high school, my parents would ask me what I was going to do and I would just tell them I was going to live in the library (we don’t have a bookstore. . .).
Also, if we ever say that our TBR might squash us, we mean if you hear a loud crash, please come dig us out, BUT be careful with the books! Don’t break any spines.
Awesome post!
That is an EXCELLENT answer for that question though!! I need to use that omg. It’s such a good life goal and more people need to appreciate it *nods*
And YES. when we say we’re scared our TBR is going to murder us, people think we’re joking. WE ARE NOT JOKING. LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION HERE.
THIS POST IS ONE OF THE MOST GLORIOUS AND HILARIOUS OF EVER AND BASICALLY I LOVE YOU CAIT. <3333
WELL THIS IS GLORIOUS NEWS AND A GLORIOUS COMMENT AND PINEAPPLE CAKE FOR YOU.
LOL
I’m glad you liked it. 😀
Truth to the “That book made me cry”. It’s always more complicated than that! It’s more my heart will never be whole again!
EXACTLY!!! Those kind of books totally change us and usually in the best possible way. *hugs the books*
Yes. 1000% yes. My book buying bans usually end two minutes after declaring it because LOOK AT THAT SHINY NEW BOOK THAT IS NOW IN PAPERBACK.
And also the classic “aoijsdf[ij;.l” which can be roughly translated into: “how can I words?!?!” Mostly. Sometimes. Maybe.
I actually think about buying books LESS when I’m not on a ban. BANS JUST MAKE ME NEED BOOKS OMG.
this post stole all my words so i’m just gonna scream “ACCURATE” and re-read it a million times. 🙂
I ACCEPT THAT QUITE WILLINGLY. *shares cake with you*
This. Is. Hilarious. And disturbingly accurate. Because I have said these things… and people have had the same responses… and your translation was the real truth! Like, I said the other day that I needed a new bookshelf. Because there are literally books on every single surface of my room! They’re in piles of (clean, at least) laundry, on my printer, stacked on a dresser, and of course, shoved in non-pretty ways on a shelf. No one likes that. So what did I do? Bought a bookshelf. But ONLY after people tried to tell me that I had “too many” books. That isn’t a thing!
The having nothing to read one is my actual life. I do the bookcase stare. I also freaked out when I couldn’t have Corruption… until I found it on Amazon UK and spent an inappropriate amount of money having it sent to me. I’ll also have to procure the US ARC though, when the time comes, because I have both copies of Disruption. Corruption had better be good, Cait! Um, I think I went on a bit of a tangent, I have no idea, I think I need to read. Obviously. But this list? On point, my friend.
I am like the queen of fabulous bookish truths, YOU KNOW THAT’S HOW IT IS, SHANNON. *nods* I need new bookshelves too. Like badly. There are 60 books on my TBR and zero place to put them when I’ve read them. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??! *frets* My mum suggested getting rid of my bed, but come now. I love books, I do, but I also love my bed.
OMG CORRUPTION IS GLORIOUS. At least I think so.😂 I’m so in love with that series and that ship. Omg Quentin and Maggie *ships aggressively*
CAIT! I LOVE THIS POST!!!! Yes. Do you know how often I have to explain to the fiance that “I have nothing to read” doesn’t mean what he thinks it means. He always wants to point out I own over 1,000 books and haven’t read half of them. But that is half the problem. It’s like walking into my very own bookshop or library. You want to read everything and yet that is overwhelming and you can’t seem to decide which one of those 500 you should read. That’s a big decision!!!! AHHHHHH!!!
Yes, I say the ‘I’d sell my kidney for that book!” far too much! And, yes, I totally mean it. If I could sell my kidney to get an early copy of thw next book in my favourite series… I TOTALLY WOULD!!!
AHHHH!!! I’ve missed your blog. When I become a total lacking blogger and disappear, I don’t really miss much except your blog. My life has kind of been taken over by Bookstagram, haha.
AHHH WELL I UNDERSTAND YOU, CHARNELL. *pats shoulder* The “nothing to read” struggle is real and huge and we bookworms must support each other through it. aND EDUCATE THE NON-BOOKWORMS WHO JUST CAN’T UNDERSTAND. *nods*
I sometimes rotate from “I’ll sell my kidney” to “I’ll sell my sister”…and the last one is SO much easier to consider. And I have so many sisters SO IT WORKS OUT NICELY. Ahem.
Awww. *hugs you* I always miss when you don’t post too!! YOU ARE SUCH A FABULOUS BLOGGER!! I’m 100% enjoying your bookstagram posts though. <3
*nods aggressively* *gives self whiplash* I have indeed uttered ALL of these phrases many, many times. Nothing to read AKA overwhelmed by ALL the CHOICES, not sure which fits my mood…or the much worse: book isn’t out yet and I AM DYING. AND I SHALL CONTINUE TO DIE UNTIL IT COMES OUT. The need for bookshelves? Is real. LOL I often tell publishers I would sell my mother for a certain book…but my mother didn’t think it was funny. Shhhhh!
OMG BEING OVERWHELMED BY BOOK CHOICES IS LIKE THE BOOKWORM LIFE CURSE. *collapses howling* It’s just SO HARD to pick. *pets all the books* I keep offering to sell my sister for books. I have no regrets.
This post is so accurate. I feel like I should print it out and use it as a handout for friends and relatives so they can understand me better. Especially the one for being on a book buying ban and having nothing to read. They just don’t understand how I feel. I don’t feel comfortable unless I have too many books to read, but then deciding what to read is an impossible task so it’s better to have lots of choice, right?
YES I THINK YOU SHOULD DO THAT TOO. We need educate the non bookworms. Get them understanding of our culture. *nods* And yes yes, too many books is better than not enough, OF COURSE.
I especially enjoy the TBR conquering one. Ha. Ha. Ha. Also the book buying ban. “I’m not buying any books — oh but look at that one! Cait’s been shrieking about it for years!” “Emily, you just said no books.” “Yeah but look it’s on special offer! When am I going to find THAT again? I’ll just pick it up … OK but buy one get one half price I gotta take advantage of that …” And suddenly my friend is helping me decide which other book to buy, based on cover aesthetic. I have often bought books I know nothing about because BUY ONE GET ONE HALF PRICE. Who could pass it up? Who, I ask you!?!
And then you can blame it on me so IT’S NOT REALLY YOUR FAULT RIGHT???? IT’S THE BOOKS. AND ME. SO YES. DO THAT. *nods* I like to blame other people for my TBR problems too. #winning
Mine is, ” If there is a book package on the porch make sure you bring it up before you leave.” Which means if Sebastian is on his way to somewhere he has to turn around and come all the way back up stairs (we live on the second floor) with my treasure before he can continue on with his travels. It could be worse, we could live on the seventh floor. He has occasionally been lazy and texted me that there was book mail on the porch and he set it inside on the stairs. XD
Omg, YES!! NEVER LEAVE BOOK PACKAGES UNATTENDED!! My mum sometimes brings them in and doesn’t even tell me, omg. So I’ll appear for lunch or something and tHERE ARE PACKAGES I COULD’VE OPENED HOURS AGO. *shrieks* 😂 Although it does make a nice surprise still, so there’s that. hehe.
*FORWARDS THIS POST TO EVERYONE I’VE EVER MET*
READ AND LEARN, FOOLISH MORTALS.
The one bookish behavior I wish people would learn to recognize (and identify accordingly) the most is this: IF A BOOKISH CREATURE HAS A BOOKISH OBJECT IN FRONT OF THEIR FACE, WHAT THEY’RE SAYING IS “I’M READING” AND WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO SAY TO THEM IS:
I REST MY CASE.
THAT IS AN EXCELLENT IDEA. DO FORWARD THIS. LET US TEACH THE WORLD HOW BOOKWORM CULTURE IS BECAUSE THEY CLEARLY NEED TO LEARN. *nods*
And also YES. Just YES. No speaking. No asking. Just gooooooo when the bookworm is engaged in reading in their habitat.
i’m pretty sure I have said all of these this week alone LOL – love this post!
YAY I’M SO GLAD, CARRIE. THANKYOU!
I may or may not have said these things at one time or another, The book ban thing is a thing…I tried it once, for about 30 seconds. 😉
And they were a TRAUMATISING 30 SECONDS I ASSUME? *dies a little* Book bans are so not worth the PAAAAAIN.
I linked to this post in my Sunday Summary this week.
This post is just 100% accurate. *nods solemnly* Especially that part about calmly saying “I love books” when it really means they consume our hearts and minds. 😉
ALSO, you nailed the books-are-better-than-people phrase. A lot of people get disturbed by this when they don’t understand. I will have to start using a variation of your explanation. *tucks helpful words into memory*
This post is epic, Cait! *claps* And it is all true! Yeah, I’m on a 6% book buying ban myself. *crying laughter* I give it a day.
I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT.😂 Good luck with your 6% buying ban too.
These are all so accurate Cait you should write a dictionary so that the non-bookworms can understand us haha
This post just made my life, like this is basically me.
I AM MONSTROUSLY PLEASED. 🙂
I actually DON’T have enough books. There are (less than 20) in my possession. *cries* I want to save moneyyy. I want ARC’s but I don’t deserve them yeeeet! *wails*
Liking books more than people? Completely understandable.
My Dad asked me, “Don’t you have too many books?”
Me, “Noooo.” It’s just that I have the biggest collection in my family and the rest are more content with travelling to the library. But I want MINE. MY OWN. Not the ones people took and did God-knows-what with them. Stains, stains everywhere! All over those books!
THERE ARE NEVER ENOUGH BOOKS FOR OUR VORACIOUS BOOKWORMISH APPETITES! And books are just definitely better than people. They’re quieter and more agreeable. So much win.
My mum says the bottom of my floor is going to drop out from the weigh of my bookshelves.😂
My husband still does not understand… EVERY TIME I say I need another bookshelf, he seriously suggests I just get rid of books. Then is he baffled when I don’t speak to him for days at a time. I love this post!!
omg how DARE HE. Clearly he needs educating and you need to work on that!😂