Pizza is quite possibly one of the most glorious foods known to humankind.
This is a fact! Although, it’s greatly rivalled with things like spaghetti and guacamole and…
But wait! I actually have a reason for bringing up pizza! (Although it does make a nice thing to chat about pointlessly, doesn’t it?)
What if book genres were pizza?
This is a topic that’s taken some serious consideration. But, don’t worry. I’m not a quitter when it comes to pizza.
Meatlovers Pizza: Fantasy books
This is the boss of all pizzas, obviously, because it does not spare the meat or cheese. I feel like lots of fiction gets its roots from pure ol’ fashioned fantasy. Tolkien. Lewis. Orwell. Fantasy is the guts and glory of books (so I think, anyway).
Sausage pizza: Zombie books
There’s just something about sausage pizza that feels speckled and bloody. (I apologise.) Much like zombie books! They ooze. Brains and things, but you catch my drift.
BBQ pizza: Sci-Fi books
With that dash of strong-flavoured BBQ sauce, you do need to have a taste for this. No everyone likes it! It does have presentation appeal, though, particularly when smacked on a grill. That smokey delicious flavour with the fried onions? Beautiful. It’s like eating a small planet.
Avocado pizza: Fairy Tale Retellings books
You put avocado on a pizza?! Isn’t that breaking some sort of pizza rule…? You’re not supposed to smack avocado/retellings wherever you please. But it’s delicious. It’s addictive and pretty and unique. You always need more.
Margherita pizza: Paranormal Books
There’s basically nothing to this pizza! It’s just tomatoes, herbs and cheese…yet wickedly tasty and oh yes, I would like a 5th piece, thanks. Paranormal is similiar, I find. It’s basically romance with magic (if you’re lucky, you’ll get a bit of plot thrown in too), stalkery boyfriends, and doomed endings. Not hard on the palette (or brain power).
Hawaiian pizza: Contemporary Books
Ham and cheese? There’s no substance to this! But it’s always the first pizza everyone eats and who doesn’t rave about it secretly? EXACTLY like contemporary. Fluff and pineapple.
Veggie pizza: Historical Fiction
This is called “healthy” pizza. Duh. There’s green stuff on it. You can’t have a complete book diet without the greens on your plate. After all, HF really happened (well, mostly), so you can learn from it! Eat your broccoli, baby.
Spiced Pumpkin pizza: Horror
What is this…WHAT IS THIS? Do you swallow? Do you have discreetly spit it in your tissue?
Like horror, it’s best to trial this alone. Who knows if you’ll scream or need to clutch your teddy or make random phone calls telling everyone you do love them (and in case of an accident, your money goes to the library). But once you get going — oh, you’ll be eating this pizza until doomsday. Which is, consequentially, sooner than you think.
Hot ‘n’ Spicy Pepperoni pizza: Dystopian
You have to try this because all the cool kids are eatin’ it. BEWARE: It’s addictive! You can eat this until your mouth burns off and you have no taste buds left to speak of. Just keep eating it! You won’t feel a thing. Don’t ever let anyone tell you all dystopians are the same. It’s just because you’ve burnt your tastebuds off.
Roast Beetroot pizza: Steampunk
You try it because you have to say you tried it, but really: what is this? A little bit addictive and a whole lot odd. I don’t see anyone asking for seconds.
Seafood Pizza: Christian Books
It’s pretty tasty and you feel all good eating it and then — crunch. Was that a prawn tail? Did you seriously just read the most cliche plot twist in history?
Lamb and Spinach Pizza: Classic Books
We say we like it. Do we really? We take one piece and…no, please! I’m full! It’s just what the cultured people, eat, yes? And you do feel a better person for having tried some.
Of course I’m slightly biased with some of my descriptions.
You’ll have to forgive me. (Particularly if you like a genre I just compared to beetroot. Or if you like beetroot. WHO LIKES BEETROOT? Not me.) But all in all, books do relate to food marvellously. Imagine characters as compared to dessert! (Okay, that comes next. Because I need an excuse to compare Four to peanut brittle.)
Cait hasn’t had pizza for decades. She does so love it. Her favourite, since she knows you’re dying to find out, is mushroom pizza and cheese and cabana. That is the most glorious creation known to the inventor of the pizza-oven. Contrary to popular belief, though, Cait does NOT only think about food. Right now she’s thinking about her book the 17K she has typed.