When someone shouts “WRITER!” a lot of stereotypes immediately come to mind.
Most of them are to do with fear, and we tend to fling salt and then make for the hills to get away from these types of creatures. HAHHA JUST KIDDING! (Am I tho.) But writer stereotypes can be quite a lot of fun and always somewhat accurate. They didn’t evolve from nothing after all. Someone started it.
Now there are a sheer bucket load of stereotypes out there and obviously we won’t fit them all, so:
Today I want to list some common writer stereotypes and see if I fit them or not!
I actually tweet a heck of a lot of these on a regular basis and people seem to reply with “hey im bein attacked” a lot. So I think I’m onto something. Now let’s see just how much of a walking cliche I am.
1. WRITERS STAY UP LATE AND WORK BEST IN DARKNESS.
✓ ✗ Look I’ll go ahead and cheat for the very first one, which sums me up entirely. I’M SORRY. But I’m torn for this because (a) I do stay up late because I am an insomniac, so hello I will wear this stereotype’s hat, but (b) I actually work best in the morning! But night time I want to dissolve into the mud from whence I came. Being an upright human is hard.
2. WRITERS DRINK A LOT OF COFFEE + GO TO COFFEE SHOPS TO WRITE.
✗ Soooo false for me. I do not fit this AT ALL. I barely drink a coffee every six months?!? I mean it tastes nice and all but it does absolutely 0% for me so I find it a pointless drink. Like I’d rather consume blood of my enemies or whatnot. Instead coffee makes me sleepy. THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT IT’S SUPPOSED TO DO SGHJSF GHSGH.
And I can’t concentrate with even the slightest noise. I c a n n o t. For goodness sakes, I put on noise-cancelling headphones because the clock ticks. So no coffee shops. HILARIOUS.
3. THE WRITER UNIFORM IS: PYJAMAS.
✗ Again! So false for me! I actually hate wearing pyjamas?! I usually wear the clothes I’m going to go for my morning run in so I can save time (the level of over achiever here is wow). And if I do bother to have pyjamas on my bed, mY DOG LIVES TO EAT THEM. I cannot win here.
I am the writer who gets dressed + eats breakfast + brushes my hair = then curls up in bed to take a nap while dictating to my dog because he’s pAYING for those pyjamas he just ate.
4. WRITERS ARE ALWAYS CRYING OVER HAVING TO WRITE.
✓ I was going to say “oh! no definitely not!” because I really enjoy writing and it makes me so happy!
I still always cry over it. Only internally though, because I have the emotional range of a loaf of sourdough bread. But my schedule is basically:
- begin the book = cry because it’s hard to get the rhythm of it
- write the middle = cry because middles so often suck so you gotta work 50 x harder
- write the ending = cry because it’s OVER and you aren’t ready to say goodbye to your smol cinnamon murder children
Although to be truthful it’s not so much “cry” for me as “cranky whiner”. I’m super good at it. Frowning is my resting face.
5. WRITERS ARE PARTIALLY MADE OF CRUMBS OR ARE SIX DRAGONS IN A TRENCH COAT.
✓ This is true. No one should ever be surprised with how fantastically writers fake things. We write
stories lies for a living, c’mon! Of COURSE we can fool you into thinking we are indeed human. And I’m definitely made of crumbs because wherever I go, there go crumbs before and after me. My most loyal followers and friends.
6. WRITERS ARE OBSESSED WITH STATIONERY.
✓ IT’S NOT A PHASE, MUM. IT’S TRUE LOVE AND I WILL MARRY THE JOURNAL I JUST MET. NONE CAN STOP ME.
Now you’d think being a writer and working entirely on a laptop would mean no stationery needed right??? RIGHT! I absolutely don’t even need a single pen or a scrap of paper to write a book. Do I collect stationery anyway? Absolutely. Does this make sense? Absolutely not. Will I stop? Again, absolutely not. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Also no no I can’t use my 1 out of 184 unused pretty journals. My handwriting is horrible. Obviously???
7. WRITERS HATE EDITING.
✓ ✗ I’m going to claim true/false for this because there are some of my books I freaking LOVE editing. Every time I get edits back I actually do a happy dance * because I loooove spending time in that world.
But when there’s plot holes that look a bit like rips in time in space…haaaaaaa. rESCUE ME, OH PLEASE.
And I hate line-editing / copy-editing because I’m a little bit dyslexic and catching typos is a nightmare.
* This is a phrase here which means: I give a very small smile and blink twice to signal delight because I’m Vulcan.
8. WRITERS WILL CORRECT YOUR GRAMMAR.
✗ Faaalse false false faaaaalse. I won’t even correct my grammar, so yours is totally safe here, mate. I do not understand grammar. I swear I did some of this stuff in school (BUT THAT WAS 8 YEARS AGO) and promptly blocked it all because it was apparently traumatic. These days I write with very bad grammar and then slam some word art onto the page to distract my editors from the nightmare that is: me.
9. WRITERS WANT TO DRINK READERS’ TEARS.
✓ I WANT NOTHING MORE. My #1 goal in life is for people to say “I CRIED” and I’ve actually been achieving that with my upcoming debut, A Thousand Perfect Notes. And if you think you’re crying for that…hooooly heck, you just wait until my 2019 book. You’re going to BAWL. * I’m so excited. I’m so so frikkin’ excited.
* MY EDITOR CRIED.
10. WRITERS HISS AT PEOPLE AND LIVE ALONE IN A COTTAGE IN THE DEEPEST MOORS.
✓ True. I mean. Just true. Do I fit the antisocial writer stereotype, who has been in the same pair of jeans for 5 years and shrieks at sunlight and avoids actual Humans whenever possible? Oh yes, so much yes. Although the saddest part here is that I do wear my jeans forever because I HAVEN’T GROWN SINCE I WAS 14. I’ve just bought a shirt made for a 12 year old and my mum was like, “Ohh is that too big?? Want me to hem it??”
So yes, I’ll be in my Hobbit Hole if you need me, clearly with my people.