Guess what?! I wrote a book!
Which you obviously deduced immediately like the Sherlock I know you truly are inside because of several helpful clues — like (A) I disappeared from the blogosphere for TEN WHOLE TRAUMATIC DAYS, and what else was I doing in that time if not writing???? and then (B) I am a writer so, on occasion, it stands to reason that I should actually write…just to keep the “author” title, you know? Also (C) it’s becoming a habit to do a pre-NaNoWriMo warmup novel which is insane but now tradition. And lastly (D) I actually wrote a post saying “HELLO I’M GOING GOODBYE DON’T DIE WITHOUT ME”. So. I think that last one was a bit of a giveaway.
But I’m back. Obviously.
And I WROTE MY 21ST BOOK and, due to an enormous amount of requests which — I WON’T LIE — made my small soul do a tango of joy, I decided to do a snippet post! BECAUSE YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT WHAT I WROTE!! You can’t get enough of me and you know it.
But before we dive into my glorious snippets, I’m going to do a Q & A with myself about how this writing expedition went. These are all questions that no one asked. But you probably wanted to ask them. So I’m here to provide for your unvoiced questions.
SO, CAIT, HOW DID THE WHOLE WRITING THING GO THIS TIME?
It went very well, thank you so much for this thoughtful and kind inquiry. It actually went BETTER THAN WELL because I had a lot of fun writing this book. It’s fantasy. Fantasy is my homeland. You all probably assume I grew up in Australia and frolicked through a paddock eating lamingtons and counting wallabies. BUT NO. I grew up in FANTASYLAND with dragons and stabby knives and magic. Hence, whenever I go back * to writing fantasy, I just get very very happy.
I actually got rather moodily sad when I finished writing this book BECAUSE I MISSED IT. **
* That is not to say I don’t like writing other genres. I quite enjoy writing contemporary because you can have characters who LIVE OFF PIZZA and survive because of google. It’s so convenient.
** And then I smacked myself in the face and reminded myself I hadn’t slept much FOR A WEEK and my hands had both fallen off and my eyeballs had melted and it’d be nice to have a day doing nothing except watching youtube and colouring-in. So. That moment was fleeting.
WHAT WAS YOUR FINISHED WORD COUNT?
It was 130,000-words which is DOUBLE WHAT I USUALLY WRITE. How did this happen. What idiot wrote the outline. WHAT IDIOT IS GOING TO EDIT THIS???? *
* Not this idiot. I’m relocating to Guadeloupe immediately.
WHAT WAS THIS BOOK ABOUT AGAIN? I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER.
Shame on you, little mulberry. I did a whole post on it! But since I, too, have a memory of a goldfish, here is a brief recap of things this book is about:
- evil queen origin stories
- stabby magic dryad-tree people
- stabbing in general
- so many food scenes this book would be 1/3 shorter if I cut them out, but is that going to happen?
I love food, okay?
DID YOU BREAK ANY PERSONAL RECORDS? OR WERE YOU A GRAPEFRUIT OF SLACKNESS, HMM?
I mentioned recently that my personal writing record is 22,000-words in one day. I’ve always secretly wanted to do 25K in one day…just because.
Did I achieve that?
YES. IN FACT, I WROTE 27,000 WORDS IN ONE DAY AND I AM A MAGICAL WIZARD CREATURE OFFICIALLY. I did not say they were good words. But they are words that vaguely resemble a story more than a bag of scrabble tiles. #winning
Also it was my best writing time of 130,000 words in 6 days.
PS. I take a week off from working/responsibilities to be able to do this! I mean, obviously, but I thought I’d clarify.
DUDE, DID YOU DO ANYTHING EXCEPT WRITE???
I showed up for meals. I took irregular naps. I petted my dog. I went for walks. I ATE CAKE. But mostly I just wrote and felt my brain slowly melt while I laughed hysterically at my own jokes.*
* Blessed are we who find our own humour the most amusing, amirite?
DID ANY AWKWARD THINGS HAPPEN WHILE WRITING THIS BOOK?
I’m very glad you
didn’t ask because I have a list.
- Autocorrect had a LOT of fun. It kept changing “demon” to “lemon” which made my super scary dark book rather like a lemon meringue pie. Which keeps with the foodie theme, but I think readers are going to be a mite bit befuddled.
- Autocorrect also changed “fiery” to “fairy” which made several torture scenes really not that scary.
- I kept writing sentences like “Mikael went to stand next to Mikael”. Editing is going to be a dream. Everyone is beside themselves with joy waiting for it. (Hahahahhahhhahha.)
- At one point I did take a writing break to make gaucamole for lunch on request of my parental. I ended up staring at the fridge looking for a spoon. This is ridiculous for many reasons including: we do not keep spoons in the fridge. And also I didn’t need a spoon???? I needed a fork to mash the avocado with??? WHAT IS MY LIFE.
- Tired. My life is tired.
- Toward the end I cut out two important scenes because I was sick of writing this beast of a book. FYI that is not a good reason to cut out scenes. But who even cares when you’ve been writing for 8+ hours for 6 days? NOT ME ANYMORE.
- I wrote several lines that made me laugh out loud at my own stunning wit. In retrospect this is either awkward or I’m entirely narcissistic. Analyse as you will.
CAN I READ IT?
Okay this is actually the one LEGIT question that has been asked by LEGIT PEOPLE *. And the answer is: no. No you cannot. Unless you buy me a second bookshelf filled with books because then, good fiend, you have also won my heart forever. <3
It needs (A) editing copiously within an inch of its life because a book should not be 130K…maybe 100K but even then that’s too big no no no, and (B) I will most likely beg an opinion or two off a beta reader; but really (C) it’s just a “for fun” project because it’s adult fantasy and I’m mostly a YA author.
But obviously I would like it to be published one day, hit the NYT bestseller list on it’s first day, get a TV show deal, and make me more famous than Game of Thrones. (But probably not.) SO LET’S JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS, RIGHT?!? I won’t say you’ll “never” read it…but just not yet. Patience, my pets.
* Maybe??? Are you all actually PEOPLE?!? I don’t want to discriminate against aliens and very intelligent computer-using cats who are reading my blog. Welcome. I love you too.
IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WISH YOU’D DONE DIFFERENTLY FOR THIS DRAFT?
Eh. I mean, I followed the outline pretty well. I was very disappointed in myself over the action scenes. I DO NOT WRITE ACTION SCENES TO MY SATISFACTION. Leave my characters alone at dinner time with their witty banter = I gotcha. Put them in a battle = there’s only so many times I can say “everyone got stabbed and it hurt” while trying to sound convincing.
Plus I kept exploding everything because it was aesthetically pleasing. No other reason.
Pls send help for these edits. I can’t even.
I’ll try to put these in chronological order but otherwise HERE ARE RANDOM SNIPPETS! I hope you enjoy them. I enjoyed writing them. #humble
And yes THERE ARE TYPOS. I am just the Typo Queen. And also if my OTP is not obvious…it is Mikael x The Princess.
ALSO I’M SO NERVOUS RIGHT NOW. AH. AH. AH. WHY IS SHARING SNIPPETS SO INSANELY HARD?
MIKAEL HATES EVERYONE
THE SUGAR RUSH
HAIR CUT TIME, GOOD SIR
CONDESCENDING TO-DO LIST
PLS LET ME PUSH YOU OFF NOW
POOR LITTLE THING
DANGEROUS FINE DINING
Now for a quick break before NaNoWriMo!
And possibility of edits on another Secret Important Project before that! While my TBR just grows and grows with no permission at all. Oh the life of insanity I lead. #goodtimes
And also pleeeease remember, I don’t share any of my successes to make you feel bad. IT IS NOT MY INTENT. I wasn’t always able to write long and fast…I worked up to it in the last 5 years. And it’s my process. It doesn’t have to be yours. But I had a good time writing this book and even if it is a HOT STABBY MESS that needs so so much editing...the first draft is done. Cake and sprinkles for all. But mostly cake for me because I am the queen.