Being an avid bookworm, sometimes I feel like I’ve seen it aaaaaall.
Which is obviously a dangerous side-effect of being a notoriously hungry bookworm who must eat books for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and snacks beside, and would probably get through more than 200 a year (which is my current yearly goal) if I didn’t spend so much time building book thrones and ruling from them majestically.
Will that change? Well…no.
REGARDLESS. The fact is, I read a voluminous amount. And it sparks this dangerous side-effect of finding myself hankering for books that don’t exist. I’ve proved this with my list of 10 Classic Retellings I want and 10 Historical Retellings I would traverse the seven seas and eat a sea monster in order to get a chance to read. The fact that all the NYT bestselling authors don’t immediately drop everything and start working on my wishlist definitely peeves me.
Will that stop me making lists? Well…also no.
SO IT’S TIME FOR A FANTASY-THEMED EDITION. Aka the best genre of them all. And we can live in hOPE that publishers and authors will take my blog for the genius it definitely is.
I clearly need to create a wishlist of 10 types of fantasy books I want so I’m linking up with Top Ten Tuesday for their prompt “Ten Things On Our Reading Wishlist.” And I will admit doing these lists is a TERRIBLE EVIL NO GOOD REALLY BAD THING because it always ends up with me having 10 more books I need to write.
I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS, JONES.
BUT I WANT THEM SO BAD AND IF NO ONE ELSE IS WRITING THEM, THEN I WILL, DANGIT.
1. BOOKS ABOUT CUTE, LOVEABLE, AND HELPFUL GHOSTS (WHO MIGHT ALSO OCCASIONALLY TRY TO KILL YOU BUT WHATEVER).
The only cute ghost books I’ve found so far are The Raven Cycle and Timekeeper and I CANNOT EVEN EXPRESS HOW MANY MORE I NEED. I need at least 9 per week. I’ve even written three of them myself in pure desperation.
I want books where ghosts are cute and shy and just want to be noticed and will hold the door open for you and make your sandwiches and be your personal air-conditioner in summer. Why can’t we bring back imaginary friends who are possibly also super dangerous? Why can’t chivalry be dead? It sounds like a lovely idea to me.
I have an actual disturbing level of love for ghosts. Don’t mind me.
2. IMMORTALS WHO LOOK LIKE TEENAGERS BUT ARE SICK OF FAKING BEING A TEEN AND NO ONE TAKES THEM SERIOUSLY.
Oh we all joke about the 400 year old vampire, back in highschool again, and go “But whyyyyy would they waste their life like that LOL!”
But seriously, what else are they supposed to do.
I want books about baby-faced immortal vampires, monsters, wizards, and deities who are just so freaking sick of highschool for the 47th time and want to go on adventures, but (A) they keep getting told they’re not old enough to drive, and (B) no one will let them check into a hotel without YOUR MOTHER, DEAR, and (C) they’re so sick of acne like what the heck did they do to deserve this eternally, and (D) they’re trying to destroy the world after a 50-year dark plan of evil but their 14th adopted dad keeps grounding them on weekends.
3. MAGICAL BAKERIES
I’ve come across this like…ooh, once or twice? BOTH TIMES FAILED ME. What I need are magical bakeries where it’s all enchanted like Beauty and the Beast’s kitchen, with flour and sugar everywhere, and people who deliver boxes of cakes that change to whatever flavour you were expecting.
But let’s be real here. I just need magical. bakeries. all. the. time.
4. PRINCESSES IGNORING THE PRINCE AND FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE DRAGON.
There are other epic variations on this too, like the princess is the dragon. Or the prince tries to fight the dragon to get to the princess but the PRINCE falls in love with the dragon. Basically we need more dragon representation in books because everyone deserves to see themselves in a story. AKA me. I am a dragon.
And I won’t lie, I just want to see old tropes overturned. And preferably beaten to death with an egg whisk. Be creative with the murder of old, tired tropes. I don’t mind.
5. EPIC FANTASY LOVE TRIANGLES THAT GO COMPLETELY THE WRONG WAY YOU EXPECT THEM TO.
Like two characters are fighting for another’s hand and then they decided their rivalry is ACTUALLY LOVE and they run off together to fire arrows into the sunset. Hopefully all of them have hair like Merida’s. Because #hairappreciation.
Or — better yet — the three of them realise life would be better WITHOUT EACH OTHER and they stay single and adopt magical chickens and get careers.
It’s almost like I’m NOT a romantic. OH DEAR. I’M CRYING. *
* Not really.
6. DRAGONS IN A MILLION DIFFERENT WAYS, IN ALL TYPES OF BOOKS.
Because look, everyone likes Smaug. I like Smaug! I like the idea of eating people who disturb me when I’m chilling in my cave full of gold. But that is a very narrow way to imagine dragons. * IMAGINE MORE:
- smol pocket sized dragons
- OR JUST BABY DRAGONS BECAUSE THEY’RE SO CUTE
- dragons in modern settings that cook your toast and act as flammable cats
- shape-shifting dragons who aren’t good at shifting and often have scales or wings or horns still
- dragons in fantasy books every time you’d use a horse
- dragons who live for 900 years so are sources of ancient intelligence; forget libraries and psychics — ask the dragon
- dragons who plan complex heists and are con artists because they’re SO ATTRACTED TO SHINY THINGS
Enough of KILLING DRAGONS FOR GOODNESS SAKES. Use them to their beautiful shiny scaly advantage. #RightsForDragons2K17
* FEEL FREE TO START SINGING BELIEVER OR I BET MY LIFE OR THUNDER OR WHATEVER. I’LL WAIT. They’re a good band though. I like.
7. WIZARD IN SEARCH OF IMMORTALITY SO THEY CAN FINALLY GET THROUGH THEIR TBR PILE.
Bonus points if it’s a modern story, but I will take a medieval story too. Especially when a dark king calls on their wizard to strike down a country with an evil spell — and the wizard goes to do as told BUT THEN FINDS A LIBRARY AND GETS SO DISTRACTED.
This is the kind of romance I’d be on board with.
Also I just fail to see how you could be an all-powerful possibly-immortal incredibly-badass wizard and NOT be using your dark powers to read more books. Where are your priorities?????
8. DARK FANTASY
It is a truth universally acknowledged on this blog that Cait is rather fond of dark and stabby tales. I mention it occasionally. * But see the trouble is I rarely actually find them. Books keep frolicking into my life and promising they’re dark, but then they actually are smooshy cupcakes of prettiness. I like fantasy that actually makes me fear for everyone’s lives. Because good books should be traumatic!!
Ahem. Moving forward.
I want to read about assassins who actually ASSASS. And evil queens who do more than peg rotten apples are pretty girls. I want princes to actually turn dark side. I want princesses to transform into badass warriors and not just cry into a teacup. I WANT TO BE SCARED WHEN I READ FANTASY. **
* ONLY EVERY 2ND POST, SERIOUSLY, CAIT, JUST CALM DOWN.
** And not just because the book is the size of a small moon, and if I burnt it for firewood, I’d have light until I was 94 years old and telling my grandchildren of that one time when a book blocked out the sun. I’m looking at you Sanderson. Also Jay Kristoff. Also GEORGE RR MARTIN. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE. FIND THE BACKSPACE KEY.
9. PERSONIFIED AND ANIMATED BUILDINGS OR TREES OR OCEANS OR ANYTHING REALLY, DUDE.
I was forced to write one because they are just so scarce. How rude is that?? Sheesh. Nevertheless, I would like to petition for their to be more personified beings in books. Like animated castles and trees with opinions and what if the West Wind was a person? What if a book only showed you words if it liked you? What if the library was a boy? What if the sun and moon where LITERAL starcrossed lovers?
Enough about people. We’ve seen plenty of them and they keep falling over and making terrible decisions. They’re everywhere. They bleed a lot and contract diseases and it’s most tedious.
Please let’s have books about animated buildings.
10. DIVERSITY…JUST…ALL OF IT IN EPIC FANTASY BOOKS PLEASE AND THANK YOU AND IMMEDIATELY.
I do say this a lot (and I think many of us do!) but I want to pick up an epic fantasy and not see an entirely white, able-bodied, straight cast. I WANT TO SEE DIVERSITY VERY MUCHLY SO. I want asexual princes and Autistic princesses and wizards managing mental health issues. These things didn’t just appear recently. They just have names now.
I also want to see diverse societies. WHERE ARE MY MATRIARCHIES?!?? Why can we imagine goblins and griffins but not a fantasy society built with gender equality?!
I go to fantasy to escape reality’s nonsense. Give me cake and dragons and powerful deaf queens.
arise fantasy lovers. tell me what YOU long to see in fantasy books?!??? do you agree with any on my list?? do you think there are “gaps” in fantasy that need filling? do we need more dragons? (or some other underrepresented creature?) feel free to recommend me any books that might fit my wishlist. OH! and link me to your TTTs so I can stop by!