The bookworm life is fraught with peril. Anyone who denies this fact is either a) not deep enough into the dark jungle that is bookworm culture, or b) in denial, or c) trying not to scare you away. But will I cushion the hard, cold truth for you? NO, I SHALL NOT. I am here to give you FACTS and tell you how it IS and warn you of aaaall the dreadful things that are likely to happen if you read too much.
“What do you define as ‘too much’, Cait?” you ask.
Which is an excellent question so my lordliness will allow it. According to the internet, the average person (I think this is actually an American statistic, tbh) reads 6 books a year. So if you’re reading, like, even just 7 books a year — YOU ARE AT GRAVE RISK.
1. YOU DEVELOP A TERRIBLE HABIT OF THINKING.
The unfortunate part of submitting your little grey brain to tons of author’s ideas is — you’ll think about them. IT’S REALLY RATHER HORRID IF YOU COME TO CONSIDER THIS DASTARDLY PHENOMENON. People who think too much always die. They do. Look at history. Tons of marvellous, innovative thinkers who changed the world. And where are they now? DEAD.
Plus thinking too much is rather stressful because you notice people who don’t think and it bothers you a lot. You can’t stand people who don’t think for themselves. You end up throwing books at them and — GASP — risk damaging books. (Maybe risk damaging people? But let’s face it, that’s not a really worrisome issue.)
2. YOU ARE DEVELOP A HORRIBLE HABIT OF HAVING OPINIONS.
This is directly related to thinking too much. Don’t do it. No one is kind to those who have copious opinions on all the things. I mean, how dare you really.
3. BOOKS OFTEN CRUELLY TRICK YOU INTO BEING PASSIONATE ABOUT EVERYDAY ISSUES.
If you are a perceiving of bookworm, you’ll notice how books often subtle critique society in the form of an exciting fantasy story. So you might be reading along, enjoying a dragon eating a village or girl kissing a frog … and then suddenly — BOOM — you’ve been knocked in the teeth by real feelings about real issues. Discrimination. Sexism. Normalising violence. Wars and genocide. Slavery. Plagues. Illness.
BOOKS WILL MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEEP ISSUES WHETHER YOU ASKED FOR IT OR NOT. #rude
4. BOOKS COMPROMISE YOUR SAFETY AND GENERAL HEALTH.
This is a rather obvious one, but it bears saying copiously. Because you know that harmless looking to-be-read pile you have? HAHAHAH. NO. It’s most likely plotting your demise. And even if it’s not gotten to the animated state yet (it will), then you’re still at risk from the mountains of unread books just spontaneously falling on your head.
Bookshelves could topple in the night. You could get a papercut. You could drop a book on your foot. You could try to lie on your bed only to realise it’s covered in books and therefore get a backache.
Books are BAD for general health.
5. TBRS GROW WITHOUT PERMISSION.
Have you ever seen ONE book? No. Books do not live solo. They are pack creatures and they specifically go around hunting for more of their kind to join them. WORSE: they force us into helping this pack-mentality.
At first you’re like, “Well it’s a series, so I really ought to buy the entire set.” And it’s all fun and games. And then — BOOM — 2 years later you have 500 books and MORE BANGING AT YOUR DOOR SCREAMING TO BE LET IN.
6. YOU WILL WILL ALMOST ENTIRELY DEFINITELY LOSE SLEEP.
“One more chapter?” the book whispers deviously. You give in. You are in its clutches till 2am.
And even staying up late aside, what about those times the book just gets into your brain and you can’t stop thinking about it? And you end up thinking about it FOR DAYS AND NIGHTS AND YOU DON’T SLEEP ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT THIS LIFE DESTROYING BOOK.
7. ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS WILL DIE.
Your fictional friends, definitely. No bookworm can stand before me without battle wounds and emotional scars from losing a BFF (best fictional friend).
But also your actual-flesh-and-blood friends? They’ll probably die too. OF NEGLECT. Because of the 9383 times you said “You know, Marge, I’d really love to have coffee with you, but there’s this book I have to finish…” Whilst poor Marge withers and dies with no coffee. #PoorMarge
8. YOU WILL MAKE BAD LIFE DECISIONS WITH YOUR MONEY.
At first it’s simple things like “I don’t need that $30 shirt when I could by that $30 book…I mean, I already have one shirt? How many more do I need?”
Then suddenly it’s all “I DON’T NEED A HOUSE. I CAN JUST LIVE IN A BOOK IGLOO.”
Some people find themselves even sacrificing food money to use it for more books. I would like to inform you that I wouldn’t fall to this. You need cake to survive, people.
9. YOU WILL HAVE A LIFE CRISIS OVER SMALL BUT HIGHLY STRESSFUL THINGS.
For instance:
- Whether your series are matching.
- Should eat and read? Because food = yum. But potentially getting crumbs on your book = no.
- Ebook vs physical?
- Can you still socialise with people who dog-ear books or must you kill them and bury their body under the full moon of the autumn equinox?
- Can you buy that bag? Is it big enough for books?
- If you go to an author signing, how do you function? Do you take flashcards to remember WHAT WORDS ARE?
- What do you do when your bookshelves are full?
- How tall can you stack your TBR before you risk Eiffel Tower height?
The stress levels of the bookworm life are astronomically dreadful.
10. YOU WILL UNDOUBTEDLY FALL IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE AND PLACES THAT DON’T EXIST AND THIS THE MOST DREADFUL OF THEM ALL.
I mean, raise your hand if you TRULY have never wanted to go to Hogwarts? Or Narnia? Or Wonderland? Or Neverland? Or Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory?? BECAUSE I CAN SEE THE WANTING IN YOUR EYES.
And how about the terrible, horrible moment when you relate to a character so so much that you either want to be their best friend, marry them, or adopt them (or all three, like, simultaneously) only to be punched in the feels with the realisation that THEY’RE NOT REAL, KATNISS. NONE OF THIS IS REAL.
(Cue gross sobbing.)
However! No matter how AWFUL and DREADFUL these things are…you can definitely avoid them.
Just don’t read too much! Simple! Be very careful about how many books you read and try not to be too emotional. Probably be a Vulcan. Take up another hobby too, like crocheting winter mittens for sharks. That’ll be best.
Safety first, fellow bookworms! Don’t let the books win this war or crush you flat!
I’m actually super relieved that it comes across as funny and not offensive. ;D YAyyyy!!! hehehhe
…..Thank you.
And I’m a kid who learns spelling feom reading and to write without stopping. But this idiot who make this stupid arrival is trying to make kids become stupid to make books unwanted!!! Reading helps build creativity and imagination it makes you not feeling afriad to be weird cause that’s me hehe
If you can’t be polite, don’t comment. Great rule to live by.
hehehe……..
I don’t know for how long I can go on.
Ahg everything.. ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS WILL DIE….. yep, well almost, there are some friends that I socialize with by sitting in the same room with and reading different books together. Friends you can do that with are the best kind. and Can you buy that bag? Is it big enough for books? oh yes, if that bag cannot fit at least one book in it then what is the point of it!
But I want a book igloo…..
That is the perfect way to socialise tbh. Those are the kind of friends I aspire to have!!
And seriously buying things is SO DIFFERENT when you have books. Or not-buying-things, as the case may be so you can afford more books. THE STRUGGLES ARE REAL.
You need to get a life publisher or whatever stop judging people who like to read
You need to get a sense of humour or maybe not read my blog because I write comedy and you obviously don’t get it!
I agree with you even though it is humour and comedy.
I thought this was actually real, like a real blog about the dangers of reading. And I laughed a lot when you said the average American reads 6 books a year, I read 6 books a week!
r/whoooosh
Did you really take this blog seriously? Maybe you need to read more satire…..
Her article was a JOKE people! She was hilarious throughout the whole thing and put it so beautifully! I loved every second of it. Great job, blogger.
Haha these are all so true! I’m honestly guilty of all of them. Especially #8. Like my mom and older sister would hang out at the mall and go clothes shopping while I am being forced to tag along thinking “WHY CAN’T I JUST SHOP IN A BOOKSTORE INSTEAD.” Obviously that is more awesome to do.
Oh and #6! Eep. Don’t tell my mom I don’t actually sleep at 10 PM. SHHH.
THAT STRUGGLE IS SO REAL OMG. *weeps for the hours that could’ve been spent with books* Plus when you DO actually need clothes but you end up buying as cheaply and sparsely as possible because that money could be spent on books??? <--- my life.
OMG I'M TELLING YOUR MUM, MARA.
Oh dear, I believe I may be in the mortal danger of reading more than six books a year! Number ten is just…yup. The amount of times I have wished I could marry/become besties with/and have as my very own preciousss a character is not healthy. I caught the disease of bookdragon-ness and there is no cure. And if there was, pft, I wouldn’t take it for the world!
YOU ARE GOING TO BE SUBJECT TO THESE DREADFUL SIDE EFFECTS THEN, JANE. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. *nods*
*tries to imagine what it would be like to read just 6 books a year* . . . . . . . . *fails*
I’m beginning to think that I’m a catastrophically careless reader, I always have a paper cut on my hands. I mean, I never really thought about it but now I’m like, well how else did all these scars get here?! BATTLE SCARS.
And the amount of times I’ve been in a terrible mood because my BFF died or there were no dragons in a book that I was expecting there to be, gah. I find myself wallowing in misery, eating too much chocolate (and wondering how many books I could have book instead of this chocolate), and crying like a sad little seal because my feelings make no sense (but they do. Fictional people are real).
I find that the quickest way to annoy my family when shopping goes a little something like this:
Sister: “Hey Kirstie, what do you think of this dress?”
Me: “Ooh yes, that is a nice item of clothing, in fact, I fancy it’s just as nice as the previous-”
Sister: “Yes but this is THE dress.”
Me: “Erm, well alright. Sure this one is better. How much is it?”
Sister: “Only $200.”
Me: “GASP. That’s TEN WHOLE BOOKS you just decided not to buy.”
Sister: “Wha-”
Me: “WHY DO YOU NEED CLOTHING? JUST WEAR BOOKS. IN FACT, DON’T LEAVE THE HOUSE. MUCH MORE LOGICAL. I CAN HEAR THE BOOKS CRYING, THEY’LL NEVER BE ADOPTED NOW.”
Well, you get the gist.
SOMETIMES I READ 6 BOOKS IN A WEEK. WHAT DO THOSE PEOPLE DO FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR?????
But at least we can call them battle scars and they are proof of our valiant struggle to STAY aLIVE against all bookish odds. *nods* And omg, I have been in terrible moods because of books. Plus, woe on whoever takes me away from a book during a climax. IF LOOKS COULD KILL…HONESTLY OMG.
Omg, you MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH THOUGH.
And that is honsetly my thinking too. Everything is in books. My parents ask me if I want coffee and I’m like “three coffees equal a book”. I’m sure they’ll appreciate us EVENTUALLY, Kirstie.
Damn Cait back at it again with an amazing blogpost. Why are you so incredibly relatable??
The worst thing I probably ever experienced is NOT being able to sleep at night because I finished a book so incredibly much that it just left an acing hole in my chest so bad that I could not sleep (I just had that with A Court Of Mist And Fury).
Some book just leave me not being able to think about anything other than that book (Again ACOMAF) and I’m just like: what is homework when I have to wait a whole year for the next book? What do I do with my life now?
I have also indeed experienced quite some situations that had a certain opinion because of a book I read. For example, I once read a book about a girl who suffered from anorexia and depression and someone in my class made a joke about having an eating disorder and I got so mad because ”they didn’t know what they were talking about”. In my opinion I did because I had read about the effects and mental struggle.
x Amber, http://thenamelessbookblog.blogspot.nl/
*bows regally* YOU ARE WELCOME. I WAS JUST BORN THIS FABULOUS. Ahem.
And yessss…just lying there thinking and thinking about a book?!? I mean, IT’S SO ANNOYING. We could be up reading, but noooo we must pretend to sleep because our silly little eyeballs are weak. *cries* Or the books that like consume WEEKS of your brain? Sheesh.
(But to answer the “what do I do now” questions, that is always — FIND MORE BOOKS TO OBSESS OVER AND BREAK YOU INTO TINY FRACTURED PIECES. #healthy)
But, omg, I DO THAT TOO. 0_0 Like I’ve banned my family from making any jokes about mental health. If they dare, they get a lecture and 9 book recommendations. #noregrets
6 BOOKS A YEAR ? WHAT IS THIS CURSE ?
We all should be dead by now, we are kust the lucky ones left standing against all odds !
I DON’T KNOW. Seems like villainy to me. BUT YES! Stand strong, Fadwa!!! STAND WHILE WE STILL CAN! *rises valiantly from the bookish demises*
THIS WAS EPICALLY ACCURATE. Especially since I was on a plane ride last night and I devoured Not If I See You First (Have you read it?). I slept for an hour after finishing it, and the second I woke up I thought about how I’d rate it (number of stars), how I’d change the ending, and imagining how my life would be if I was blind. Flash forward a day later/today, and thinking about it is turning me a bit crazy. Now I need to get back to Front Lines but I’m 110% sure I’ll do a lot of thinking on that too.
I’M VERY GLAD YOU AGREE. And yesss I have read Not If I See You First! Did you like it?!? I thought Parker was a bit irritating, but I did like her character development.
BUT SERIOUSLY BOOKS SOMETIMES CONSUME OUR BRAINS. It’s such a peril. Sheesh.
Sleeep! I stayed up till ten thirty reading, and I know it’s not that alte, but I wake up at 5:45 am every morning, so if I don’t sleep well, then I get tired. But sleeeeep!
OMG YOU ARE AN EARLY RISER?!? *HI FIVES* I wake up at 5:43am every morning. Um, yeah, don’t ask me why the 3. BUT I DO THE 3.
And I usually end up still up at midnight blogging and reading. I SUFFER GREATLY.
*pats head*
The lack of sleep. Gets me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. And it’s hard, because I get up at 2 bloody AM and if a book has hooked me, I can go without sleep for two days and then pretty much fall asleep in my dinner. Some books are impossible to put down and the only time I can read is in bed at night. I’m on a massive book buying ban at the moment. I can only spend $20 a week because budgets are a bit strained so I have to purchase wisely. Even being older, reading still opens up a whole new world for me.. New places that I’ll never explore or probably see and surely there’s no such thing as reading TOO much. Maybe we need to stop doing other things like brushing our hair or exercising so we have MORE time to read.
I’m entirely agreeing with you here *nods* DO WE BOOKWORMS LOOK LIKE QUITTERS????? No. The risks we take should be admired, probably given medals to. Why isn’t reading an olympic sport, might I ask?
And who even needs sleep anyway. Pfffffft. What we truly need is for our dogs to start pulling their weight and doing the cooking/cleaning.
I like to read but I like to play sports to. Also I think reading isn’t an Olympic sport cause reading isn’t a sport.
But at least a medal
. PREETTY PLEASE. PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE. I SAID PLEASE
*stares* people only read an average of 6 books per year?! What kind of sane-ness is this?! I pity those poor people with their safe book-trauma free lives. HOW DO THEY SURVIVE IT?
I’d like to add to number 4. Books can give you heart attacks.
I DON’T KNOW HOW THEY SURVIVE???? Like what do they do with all that time? Rob graves? Start revolutions? Steal helpless victim’s cakes???? SHEESH.
Also very very true about the heartattacks. Small strokess. Brain hemorrhaging too.
This is so true! All my favourite characters are DEAD. Is it so much to ask for a happy ending for at least one of them? Yep, there are so many subtle social critiques in books now. Especially about war, governments, and all that good stuff. Haha, so true – my TBR pile is basically a mountain of books. I have trouble choosing which one to read next! Great post
Also, I tagged you in this post here: https://morningsandepilogues.blogspot.hk/2016/05/infinity-dreams-award.html and I hope you join in
WHY DO ALL THE GOOD CHARACTERS DIE THOUGH? WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERV THIS TORTURE FROM AUTHORS.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
This post is the greatest!
6 BOOKS A YEAR??? I do NOT understand some people…
Oh, yes, the massive TBR pile…huge safety risk. Also, books are a major trip hazard. They are spread all over the floor of my room and they are DANGEROUS.
And here’s the thing…you say that you’re not going to use food money for books…for now.
We were all there once.
And yes, cake is essential for survival, but BOOOOOOOOOOOOKS.
You will cave one day.
And HAHAHA who needs sleep?
Not me.
I KNOW. SOME PEOPLE ARE CRAZY. And, as Lemony Snicket says, people who don’t read are very likely to be evil. Just sayin’.
Cake IS true for survival though. BUT WE CAN LIKE STEAL CAKE. (We wouldn’t steal books, that would be wrong.) AND THAT WOULD SOLVE ALL THE PROBLEMS!!
I don’t think you actually mean this Cait-> “Don’t let the books win this war or crush you flat!” Because… because we are eternally doomed in the bookish realms and that to by our own choice and even you can’t deny that! Hmm… can you? Nonetheless, this was SUCH A FANTABULOUS POST!!! Because everything you said was true, especially no. 8, 9 and 10! Oh who am I kidding, basically all of them! Okay.. buh bye!! Loved this post!
WE ARE ALL ETERNALLY DOOOOOOOMED. *collapses dramatically* And I suppose we’re choosing the pain, so we must be strong and PREVAIL! Ahem. (I’m glad you liked it!!
)
Also you’ll always be late everywhere because you can easily read a couple of pages before you have to leave…
OMG THAT ONE TOO WITH THE LATE THING!! *nods* Like, you think it’s just one more page but then…half the book later, you’re completely late and might as well just stay home and read. #tragedy
I am so so glad that you live on the other side of the world right now, ’cause I dog-ear books. And I want to LIVE.
And for people who don’t read, there is now binge-watching, for all your sleep-is-for-the-weak-*snores* needs! …Though I admit, I do both…
It’s not the books that are the problem! It’s the money! It keeps escaping from my purse and hiding in the till at the bookshop!
OMG. YOU EVIL CREATURE.
*summons dragons*
Ahem. I mean, wait. Each to their own. *nods* Ahem.
(Also you are very talented to do both binge-watching and binge-reading. *bows to your skills*)
These are scarily true, especially the loss of sleep, money, and friends. But I wouldn’t trade reading for the world
OUR DEDICATION IS PURE AND AMAZING. *twirls happily*
Great post! All the points are so true, I feel deeply connected with #10, oh my gosh, Middle-earth!!!
I’m so glad you enjoyed it!!
wow. these are all so true. every single one. Especially all your friends being dead.
Hannah // twenty six letters // read. write. change the world.
*cries* WE SUFFER SO MUCH.
6 books a year?!?!? And I made reading 100 book this year my goal. I suppose I’m doomed, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.
8 is very true for me. Spend $20 on a skirt? Are you kidding? I’ll go to Goodwill. By a candy bar for a $1.19 when I can get one from scratch and dent for $0.45? Oh look, a book for $12. And I can buy this series for only $30. And I have the first book and now I need to get the rest of the books with matching covers…who cares if the library has them or I can read them on my kindle. I want all the books!
YOU ARE DOOMED. YOU’LL PROBABLY DIE. RIP, HOPE ANN.
But ahhhh me too about clothes.
I’m like “I’ll just rotate these two shirts. It’ll be fine…NOW BOOKS.”
Yes, Yes to all of this. And can I just add, the internet? Because if you have no friends IRL who love books then you must flock to the damp crevices of the evil place known as the internet in order to find other rabid fans to flail with. And when you’ve gone that far you’ve passed the point of no return.
Before you know it you’ll get a book blog, spend hours of your time on Twitter just to talk to fans, devotee your days to taking bookstagram photos and generally leave your family worried about you because you’ve officially become a recluse.
LOL all my yeses
Yes, the internet is a dark and evil place and once you’re in YOU DO NOT GET OUT. NOT EVER. MWHAHHAHAH. *collapses in a puddle of internet* Sometimes your family forgets your name and stuff, but, eh. This is the price we bookworms must pay.
I totally get number ten because when I was seven, my parents got me a Hogwarts letter off of Etsy, and, being seven, I thought it was real. I talked about it so much that my parents finally told me it wasn’t real.
Most people only read six books a year?! What? Why?! How?! Even in elementary school, I read about 150-175 books a year. I broke my school record and got a certificate. WHY would you not read?
I am having many of these bookworm crises. My bookshelves are all full, I do not make wise money decisions, and I don’t have a quarrel with the dog-earers, necessarily, but with these kids at my school that use pencils as bookmarks, and then that breaks the spine of the book.
My dad is actually scared that my bookshelves will fall on me, so I can only fill the bottom shelves until they are bolted to a wall.
Thinking is one of my proudest habits because everybody dies eventually, and the thinkers change the world for the better. BOOKS FOREVER, I SAY!
Omg! Broken hearted at 7!!
(But your parents are still really aweosme though. ahahahah. I mean, apart from breaking your heart…BUT IT’S THE NICE ATTEMPT THAT COUNTS!)
And omg I have no idea why some people don’t like to read. Especially in countries like ours which have good access to free libraries and things. SERIOUSLY. NO EXCUSE.
bhahahahahahaha! This is totally awesome. And true. #TheMoreYouKnow
I’M GLAD YOU LIKED IT.
These are all so horribly true. Especially the pack-mentality of books, especially of the TBR pack. That pack is fierce and dangerous and is most certainly plotting your demise by planning to crush you in the night when you’re most vulnerable. Or when you’re sobbing over a book you just finished, that works to. POINT IS, THEY ARE EVIL CREATURES THAT JUST KEEP GATHERING AND AMASSING AND IT GETS MORE DANGEROUS BY THE DAY (minute, ahem, if you spend copious amounts of time on goodreads). Books are evil, you’d think they’d appreciate us more for, you know, giving them attention. But nooo. Rude.
The TBR is evil and dangerous and quite vicious probably. It knows NO BOUNDARIES and can never be appeased. *sighs dramatically and collapses in a puddle* WE ARE DOOMED. WE ARE ALL SO DOOMED.
6 BOOKS A YEAR! O.O THAT’s average?! Well then I have a serious problem and some of my blogger friends are total lost causes >.<
YES ALL YOUR FRIENDS WILL DIE, OR SUFFER or go off on the wrong ship *cries* The crisis for covers that don't match in a series? THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. And speaking of struggle? Falling in love with places and people that don't exist will be my undoing! *cries some more*
Omg, I know right?!?
And if that’s averaged out, those of us who read 100+ are making up for the people who read EXACTLY NO BOOKS. *cries* And I’m pretty sure this is an American statistic, so they have no excuse for not reading!
OMG PLACES THAT DON’T EXIST!! I can’t believe I forgot that one. But agh. I am homesick for magical universes I can’t go to. *weeps piteously*
PEOPLE ONLY READ SIX BOOKS A YEAR????????? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS??
I do not understand.
#PoorMarge XD XD XD
I really need to cut back on my reading. I think I read seven books last year. I’m living on the edge, Cait. It’s bad. I think I need therapy.
ENTIRELY SAD BAD MADNESS. *cries for the universe and its literary decline*
But, dude, yes, cut back on your reading. CHOOSE LIFE. Don’t read 7 books. Doooon’t. YOU’LL DIE FOR SURE.
My friends have all died from neglect. They are gone. I think the last time I saw a human being who wasn’t a family member or a customer at work was two months ago *hides in shame* But they wanted to talk about boys? and real life things? And I just wanted to talk about books?? Books won.
Ugh, humans and “Normal” people are unpleasant. *shudders* I hide from them mostly, too. I’m not even sure why those other topics exist, tbh. ALL WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IN LIFE = BOOKS.
Housework….ya….not sire what that is…but apparently it is something that requires….not reading. Haha haha! LOVE this list!!!!!!
I am Sheldon. Sheldon is me.
But in all seriousness, I definitely relate to numbers 5-10. MY TBR PILE NEEDS TO CALM THE HECK DOWN. I’ll get to you all eventually, I promise. I’ve been debating setting up a GoodReads to keep track of it all, but I already have too many social media and a regular list on my wall will do just fine.
(ALSO. NO ONE CAN FULLY APPRECIATE NUMBER 7 UNLESS THEY ARE IN THE LES MIZ FANDOM.)
I did the actual calculations one and LITERALLY OVER 3/4 OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS DIE ASDFGHJKL.
Goodbye, I’m off to go have an Enjoltaire crisis.
Ellie | On the Other Side of Reality
Sheldon is too entirely relatable tbh. It’s probably a worry.
My TBR needs to calm the heck down too. I think we need a TBR support group. SOMEONE HElP US. THE TBRS HAVE THEIR OWN OPINIONS AND LIVES AHHHHH. Ahem. (omg but you don’t have Goodreads?! GOODREADS IS LIFE!! *flails*)
WHAT HORROR IS THIS THAT THE AVERAGE PERSON READS ONLY 6 BOOKS A YEAR? O_O WHAT EVEN CAIT??? THAT’S A BOOK EVERY OTHER MONTH. I WOULD DIE. *collapses*
Also yes to #5. BOOKS ARE PACK ANIMALS OH MY WORD MY LIFE SUDDENLY MAKES SENSE.
This is brilliant btw.
And that’s averaged OUT. So for those of us who read 100…there are those who read EXACTLY NONE. *screams* WHAT HAS THE WORLD FALLEN TO??? (well, America.
Since I’m pretty sure that statistic is American. Ahem.)
Loving the epic levels of sarcasm in this post. Also, I always read much of your posts in a SHOUTY VOICE in my head. This is probably not normal.
You’re going to hate me, but meh, bookish rebel and all that jazz – I don’t care about dog-ears, and I kind of purposely mismatch my series-books where possible. I like the higgledy-piggledy look, it fits in with my randomness. Plus everything I touch turns to shabby-chic, so I’ve decided to go with it.
But I def read too much. My Goodreads total last year was 200. It’s too late for me. (And those sharks will remain mitten-less, poor souls.)
Fab post
AHHAHHA OMG THAT MAKES ME LAUGH.
It’s probably the all caps? Just a little? Juuuuust a few shouty allcaps?
Ahem.
omg. yOU BOOKWORM REBEL. *gasps* I CANNOT EVEN LOOK AT YOU NOW. (Just kidding.
That’s awesome!)
Yep, it’s probably the SHOUTY ALL CAPS!
This pineapple has fallen in deep.
THANK YOU, CAIT for telling of the perils of being a bookdragon! It really is a nasty business to be in.
Oh, and, I READ THE RAVEN BOYS AND ACKKKKKKKKKK!!! The next book is in at the library, but I can’t request it in fear that we won’t go to the library soon and neglecting all my other books! #bookdragonproblems
(and only six books?! how do they live with themselves?!?!)
IT IS NASTY. Dangerous and deadly. *nods* To all we bookworms who survive it…WE DESERVE MEDALS AND AWARDS!
Omg, that is a terrible problem. *cries for you*
You really got me with “crochet winter mittens for sharks”. You’re totally right, though, I should only read six books a year. Maybe cut back further because you can never be sure, three would probably be safer. Or maybe just none so that I’m at NO RISK?? Because this list is pretty terrifying. I need to get out now while I still can.
Also Cait you read Roman Mysteries?!!!! This is another thing to add to this list, you alienate friends by your incessant recommendations, and soon you refuse to speak to them except to say “The Raven Boys” in answer to all their questions and then they hate you. And you find you need to quest far into the internet to find friends. For example, I only have two Roman Mysteries friends irl (and one because I made her), and NONE ONLINE, UNTIL NOW! I’M SO EXCITED! Those books were my liiiife, Nubia/Aristo OTP BEFORE I KNEW WHAT AN OTP WAS, and rereading them over the past year (I’ve done 6/17 so far) has been so beautiful!
Oh but come now, you can’t read ZERO books. One must live life a teeny tiny bit on the edge. 3 seems good. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T READ 7 BECAUSE OMG DO YOU WANT TO DIE, EMILY???????
Ahem.
AND YES I READ THE ROMAN MYSTERIES!! I think. I think I read 2.
And also people hating you for incessant recommendations is a very real struggle. Omg, my sister nearly strangled me after I kept throwing The Scorpio Races at her. SHE BREAKS MY HEART BECAUSE SHE STILL WON’T READ IT.