Paper Fury

There comes a time in every blogger’s life when they need to talk about themselves.

This time is like…all the time, honestly. Considering a blog generally equals = AN ENTIRE INTERNET SHAPED KINGDOM TO TALK ABOUT YOU AND YOUR OPINIONS. But hush. Technicalities. Today I want to talk specifically about meeeeee, your favourite book dragon, and my life and what I’m currently up to.

I also haven’t done an #AmCurrently post since, erm…February…2016. It’s possible I avoid talking about me BECAUSE I HAVE NO LIFE. But I’ll do my best, like the true warrior I am inside.

As I mentioned in my last monthly recap, I’M MOVING HOUSE.

In fact, as you read this, I am most likely in a car somewhere traipsing across Australia while aggressively listening to audiobooks to block out the fact that I hate travelling. I GET CAR SICK, OKAY? And I hate holidays, road trips, volcanic explosions, etc. etc. I like my warm hobbit hole, my daily routine…my WiFi.

Needless to say, moving house + being a rabid bookworm is a horrible decision really. I have 14 boxes of books. I’m sure I gave away or sold at least 50 too?!??? And then right as I finished sticky-taping up the last book — BOOM — the postman arrived with more books. Bless him. *

And I’m not going to lie: putting books in boxes, dismantling shelves, and trying to choose which books I’ll need to read on the way up is VERY VERY VERY HARD. I am an anxious grape, as I have mentioned, and have a diagnosed disorder (amongst other things) so moving house has been about as distressing as those gorgeous soaps people make that look like cakes, bUT NO THEY ARE SOAP. And you want badly to eat one. But no Cait. No. they. are. soap. And if that’s not distressing to us all, I don’t know what is.

I did have packing assistance from some professional packers.

Not totally sure I’d recommend this service because the smallest packer kept overloading boxes with books and the taller packer kept DECORATING THE BOXES WITH MY BOOKSTAGRAM PROPS. I can’t even. This was right after she made a “fairy garden” and unwrapped my lucky stars because “ARE THESE PRESENTS, CAIT?!” is a question that could only be answered by seeing for yourself, apparently.

I shall also be leaving my smol army (of nieces and a nephew) behind. Which is, obviously, the saddest thing.

And it’s about 2,000kms away. Here is a visual in case you’re from Jupiter and don’t know earth’s geography.

I’m the little dragon holding and evil glowing ball. I might destroy the world at some point. Or I might eat it. Options.

But there are some POSITIVES about moving: I bought a new bookshelf (!!!!!) and I’m going to have a kind of granny-flat / studio-room, which I plan to fill entirely with books and origami and dragon hatchlings. I may also turn into a granny. And I will have more time to write. I’m also bribing myself to stay sane with the promise of buying 3 hardcovers when I arrive. (I’m thinking preorders of Our Dark Duet, Eliza And Her Monsters, and The Gentleman’s Guide To Vice And Virtue??! Sounds good?!)

Is a room tour in order when I get there? LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS. **

Also my parental gave me a small suitcase and mumbled something about “don’t forget to pack some clothes for the road trip” and I misheard and just filled it with books because #priorities.

* I’m actually concerned about the local delivery man and postie…like what are they going to do with all this free time that they’re not spending carting books to my house?????
** Blatant and shameless comment bribery. I can’t even with you, Cait.

Guess what happens on the 27th?! IT’S MY 6TH * BLOGVERSARY!

“But, um, Cait,” you say, tentatively as you poke your head in the oven to check your cupcakes aren’t burning because reading my blog always drives you to either distraction, spontaneous combustion, or forced cake-baking. “Cait, don’t you generally do a big celebration with lots of giveaways and an overabundance of all caps?”

First of all, excuse you. All caps are never in over abundance.

And secondly, YES I’M SORRYYYYYYYY. **

After I’m all moved, I’ll do a proper giveaway and celebratory post! However I do want to do a Q&A post! Except the only questions you probably want to ask me is is my aLL CAP KEY STUCK ON FOR GOODNESS SAKES TURN IT OFF, CAIT. And also maybe you want to inquire if I actually have a face. (Spoiler: I don’t. I’m a stack of books on legs.)

However if you do have questions (ABOUT ANYTHING!!) let me have at ’em! Queries about writing, blogging, bookstagram, or questions about meeeee and if I have hair, or my opinion on bread, or if I know where left socks disappear to.

I’ll answer them helpfully.

There’s a google form to submit questions below but if it doesn’t show up, link is here!

Until then I’m just going to eat cake.

I’d share but yet…

no.

* Wow. I suddenly feel really old in blogging years. I can literally feel my bones turning grey and my hair developing rheumatism.
** Okay. I see what you mean.

• How my books are just multiplying while I sleep. And this is a marvellous feat in itself because I barely ever sleep. But seriously, I stay in my Hobbit hole all the time??? WHERE ARE YOU ALL EVEN COMING FROM???

• My 2yo niece keeps micromanaging my life. Like if I’m fixing her a snack, she’s walking behind me going “BUT GET A BOWL CAIT. BUT CUT THE APPLE CAIT. WHERE IS MY BISCUIT CAIT.” Like I don’t know how to fix a snack, omg. She makes up for it by complimenting me though. Every time she sees me she says, “I like your shirt, Cait.” And if that doesn’t melt my cold dead heart, what will.

• Speaking of nieces, there’s a family resemblance, don’t you think? I think so.

• People keep asking me for writing tips and I dON’T KNOW HOW. No seriously. How do you write. I have no idea. There is no way for me to blank faster on any tips I’ve learned than to be asked “can you tell me how to outline???” DUDE. I CAN’T. Hats off to all of you blogs about writing advice. I’m about as coherent as a dead turtle in soup trying to make a bid for freedom.

• You know how people say “things are better shared with someone you love”?? They obviously didn’t mean cake.

• There are only SIX books on my “best of 2017 shelf”. That seems pitiful considering it’s already nearly June???? 2017, please step up your game. However, they are:

I can’t even with how much I love them though. CAN’T EVEN.

ME + A BOOK I’M IN LOVE WITH

• I’ve officially read 111 books this year! Because I’m stress-reading and have no life!!

• I was interviewed on Bookstr which was pretty exciting!! They gave me a pretty lovely write up on how #FABULOUS I am, which I was sooo not expecting and it kind of made my day. Plus 3K shares on facebook?!?????? Dude. I’m famous. I don’t even know why but I accept.

• Contemporary novels are WAY harder to write than fantasy. Pfft to whoever says fantasy is hard. HAHAAHHA. No. You try writing a contemporary when you homeschooled, have never been to hospital, aren’t romantic, a wild night equals losing your book amongst your bed covers and having to search for it, and 86% of your humour is derived from Lemony Snicket and tumblr memes. Someone pls remove me from being an author before I damage something.

• I’ve also been thinking about…how the more followers I get, the less people think I’M A REAL PERSON. Which is nonsense. I don’t have a face, but I’m still real and I have feelings. I have at least 3 of them. Maybe even 4 on a good day, like Tuesdays. Having a lot of followers shouldn’t equal people assuming they can be rude. I care about you all just as much as I did when there were 5 of you.

• Why don’t people like pineapple on pizza???? I…do?? #EqualLoveForPineapples

• My bullet journal is sTILL not writing itself. I’m so done with its rudeness. And it’s also getting monstrously thick, even though I’ve done like 10 pages all up…because I keep using scrapbook paper to hide the fact I can’t art. Or write. What is handwriting. How does one do it.

Me: *zentangles half a thing*
Me: *gets tired halfway thru and abandons ship*
Me: *tries to do a rainbow page with watercolour pencils*
Me: *goes to paint it and realises they were not watercolour pencils*
Me: Ok that’s my art quota filled for the next 65 years.

• Writing is all fun and games until your family asks to read it. It is 6000 x easier to query and sign with an agent and work with professionals than it is to pry a book out of my cold dead paws and hand it over to my family to read. I LOVE YA, FAMILY, BUT THE PRESSURE. DO I LOOK LIKE A RICE COOKER TO YOU? NO. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN AND ALSO ME, THANKS.

My writing life has been INSANE this year.

I’ve been escapism-writing because THIS YEAR HAS BEEN STRESSFUL. So far I’ve written: 8 outlines and 3 novels for a collective of 500,000 words. How? We don’t know.

And I’m so so so so excited for a project I just finished outlining. I’ve mentioned it here and there in monthly recap posts but it’s basically the BIGGEST project I’ve ever tackled. It’s an adult fantasy 5-book series about two con artist brothers who decide to rob 5 countries to distract everyone from going to war. Which goes about as well as you’d think with MEEEEE being the author. [insert evil author glee here] It’s huge, peoples. It’s huge. The 5th book outline was 40,000 words and I think my brain removed itself to Guadeloupe to recover. It’s sassy and full of heist plots and it’s super super dark and I’ve never been more proud of something since I learned how to say “gnat” without pronouncing the “g”.

NOW I NEED TO WRITE IT SO SO BADLY. I’M 99% SURE IT IS THE KIND OF PROJECT THAT WILL NEVER SELL. BUT I’M SO SO PROUD OF IT AND I DON’T EVEN CARE.

And I 100% believe it’s okay to write things for yourself. Because, well, WHO KNOWS if a miracle might happen and you become a bestseller and HBO turns it into the next Game of Thrones 6-season show. But also: everything you do improves your writing. And also helps you to discover just how mean you can be to your characters.

Spoiler: I can be very mean.

I’m considering doing a full post to tell you about so let me know if you’d like that too. SO MUCH COMMENT BRIBERY TODAY. WOW, CAIT.

OTHER PROJECTS I’M HALF WORKING ON:

• I’m editing my contemporary Goldilocks retelling. It’s going about as well as pouring honey on my head and running into a wall.
• Possibly working on another contemporary. This one about a boy who nearly dies, only to return to his hometown and discover his BFF wrote a book starring him, but killed him off at the end and she’s now famous for it and this is severely awkward.
• Half toying with the idea of an immortal who is 50000% sick of being a teen. I mentioned this idea in my recent IDEA BRAIN EXPLOSION POST and it’s caught me so bad.
• Slightly despairing because these are all the ideas I have to write:

I need a holiday from myself.

And before you ask whether I’m a writing machine, or never sleep, or how do I find time? The answer is: exactly.

But the important part? Writing makes me happy [insert me strangling part of brain that is screaming about lies] and excited. SO SO EXCITED. I can’t even with how excited I get about my projects. So I know I’m doing something write. HA HA GET IT? RIGHT = WRITE???

Yes I’ll show myself out.

Hiatus? Just a smidge.

I may have posts scheduled??? But I will be sparse online until I’m moved in. Feel free to comment, email, message — ALL THE THINGS. I’ll get back to you! I’LL MISS YOU, ARGENTINA. Try not to burn down the moon while I’m going because firstly: rude. And secondly: that’s my job.

woah enormous post, oKAY SO I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT LIFELY UPDATE. and let me know if you move house often??! also to the writers: do you have any upcoming projects that you’re BUSTING OUT OF YOUR BRAINS with excitement for? what has been everyone’s top reads of 2017??? and is soap shaped like cakes a tragic insult: yes or no?

It is high time I gave you a tour of my natural habitat.

I call it my “evil lair” because of being a nefarious dark overlord of all, obviously. But the unfortunate fact is my room is also an explosion of colour and rainbow arrays. This is obviously to throw people off. Keep my dark identity a secret. Ensure that when my enemies come, they will get confused by my shiny pretty collections and leave in bewilderment so I can smite them all later very efficiently.

It’s not because I am secretly a colourful piece of shiny dragonish sparkle.

I am not.

I am fierce.

So while you’re keeping that in mind, WELCOME TO MY ROOM. I do such a scant amount of life posts anyway, so this shall be a fun and wild rabbit trail from my usual shouting-about-books schedule. Although I’m still going to be shouting about books here because, spoiler: my room is one big book.

Now my room is entirely my favourite place on this earth.

This is for many reasons including:

• IT’S MIIIIINE ALL MINE AND I DO WHAT I WANT.
• I spend a lot of time in my room because I work from home so it’s like my tiny house, my office, my workspace, my relax space, and my hobbit hole all in one.
• As I might have mentioned, I have severe social anxiety amongst other things, * so my room is also my safe space.
• It’s full of books so why else wouldn’t I love it.
• And I also write all the books of ever here so basically words. Words everywhere. Eventually (WHEN I’M A FAMOUS PUBLISHED AUTHOR) this will be my career space.
• But it’s unfortunately devoid of food??? So I do have to exit it on occasion.

* Which is why I work from home and hopefully will eventually make a career out of writing to fully support myself so dON’T assume my life is all pineapple pie with hoooours to simply read and write. I show you my hAPPY SELF as is my right and preference. Effie Trinket would be proud.

Right so here is where you walk in.

Basically you enter my room and — BOOM THERE’S A BOOKSHELF AND A CELLO. Two incredible things. The cello is in a dire state of disuse due to me realising that preforming made me want to fling myself into the void of space and be eaten by whatever monsters lurk in Illuminae, basically. I would like to keep practising. But. Time. Where is it. Why have I none.

If you close my bedroom door you get to see the glorious mind-map that is one of my many fantasy novels. They just look better in spiderweb array, okay???? I want to be Sherlock when I grow up.

I’ll get there. Give me time.

Now if you’ll all just turn companionably to the left, you’ll see my PRIDE AND JOY AND ONE TRUE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

In rainbow order. Obviously.

I have people ask me “how can you even find anything???” to which I just stare at them blankly because I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE EVERY BOOK IS. All these shelves are double stacked too, by the way, and I know what’s behind them without looking. I can’t remember if my niece is named Jupiter or Juniper * but I 100% know where to find Fire & Flood or Roseblood or More Than This.

bOOm.

Although, the shelfie photos I put on instagram do lie. Because…erm, okay fine…just look up?

* True story bro. It’s…it’s not a proud moment.

I don’t have enough shelves.

But who does?

I was trying to get those stacks to reach to the ceiling but then I started to ask myself “Cait. Do you want to DIE BY BOOKS???” and the answer was no, so I’m being a little less ambitious with how tall I stack them.

Right! Now if you look straight ahead…

MY GLORIOUS BEAUTIFUL DESK!

Okay. #Lies. This desk was my little sister’s. I stole it from her due to her leaving home for uni (to study flute; the nerd) and I scampered through her room and stole things. Like this desk. Also see those two tall thin bookshelves next to it? Also hers.

THANKS, SMOL SISTER!! I LIKE YOUR STUFF!!

Anyway, this is the first time I’ve ever had a desk that hasn’t been recycled through 4 other siblings first. Like wooo! Only second hand!! I’ve moved up in the world!!!

#ActualGoals: own a new desk someday all mine own.

Since my new acquisition of this desk, I actually spend a lot of time typing at it instead of on my bed!! Look at me being and adult or something!!

All the books in the desk-shelf are…erm…my TBR. Don’t judge me. In February last year I won 29 books so that didn’t help matters. Then there’s library sales — WHICH I AM TRASH FOR. If a book is 50 cents you better believe I need to adopt it.

The skinny bookshelves are like 98% hardcovers so basically I’M SO HAPPY I COULD CRY. Two years ago I never bought a single book for myself. Then I got hired to do freelance book reviews and paid in vouchers…and my life began. #MomentOfHappyScreeching

My parental feeds my #bookstagram fake flower addiction with super cheap flowers from garage sales.

Look at all this representation of my darkness.

I’m so fierce though.

And I probably shouldn’t have a portrait of me on my own desk. But at least I’m looking at something lovely.

FYI you can get the “Reading Solves Everything” mug at my Society6 store. #UnashamedSelfPromo

Hey WHAT IS THAT YOU SEE????? A BULLET JOURNAL!!

I keep telling myself I want to art more. And look. This year I’m doing it. With much encouragement from Lisa, bless her. I am by no means doing very much or very well and it bothers me immensely to be arting and always unhappy with it. Because you’re a beginner, Cait, and beginners suck so practise, mate. Egh. Practise. EGHHH.

But here…have some more bullety photos. Also I think it’s called a “bullet journal” because by page 3 you kind of want to fill it with actual real bullet holes. No??? Just me???

I’ll most likely do a bullet journal post eventually. When I am a little less horrified at my own handwriting that is.

Now next to my desk is my Wall Of Penguin.

Because what else do you do when you buy a box of 100 Penguin Postcards??? I mean I could send them to people but my name is actually Scrooge and also I want to keep them.

Unfortunately they’re warping in the weather because the nickname for my town is The Wok, meaning it’s as humid as a greenhouse and transforms most of us into limp noodles in a stirfry. The other nickname of my town is the Rainbow Region because of the large local LGBTQIA+ community and also because it rains SO FRIKKIN MUCH that there are lots of rainbows to try and make we limp noodles a little happier. But we’re not.

I digress.

OH LOOK!! MY BED WHERE I DO NOT SLEEP BECAUSE INSOMNIA!!

Or should I say my dog’s bed.

He spent the first 4 weeks after we bought him crying in his little bed on the floor. I GAVE UP. What was I supposed to do????? Now I get 13% of one edge and he gets the rest.

Heinous little beast of floof and cutedom. He’s a Schnoodle, by the way = schnauzer x poodle. And he doesn’t like to get his paws wet on grass or take baths or go for walks or be cuddled unless he decides to be or have anyone tell him what to do ever.

So basically I own a cat who sits like a frog.

Also before we move COMPLETELY away from the photo of my bed…I hope you saw my Stiefvater and Schwab shrines up there. THEY ARE MY PRIDE. The Scorpio Races doesn’t fit on the Stiefvater shelf, but that’s okay because eventually I’ll have two Stiefvater shelves and my life will be infinitely better. I need to work on my Schwab hardcover collection but they’re so freaking expensive??? Like yes please I’d like a hardcover of Vicious and also just let me sell my soul real quick and my sister’s left kidney and my non-existent first unborn son and all his future friends.

I’m also currently reading Gemina at this time. Because I want to hurt.

Also this is my view from when I sit on my bed.

Now you know the secret of how I write so much and so fast. Because I spend a huge amount of time looking out this window since my job description is Author Who Stares Vaguely Out Of Windows 90% Of The Time. ISN’T THAT INSPIRING?!?? All the trees are a koala reserve so nobody lives there (#YAS) because who likes people around. Haha no way.

We have a lot of wildlife out there too. In the 6 years we’ve lived here, I have seen:

• bazillion wallabies (basically an every day occurrence)
• koalas quite frequently
• kookaburras and lorikeets which my dad feeds on our verandah
• blue tongue lizard which I thought was a snake at first and thought about never leaving the house again
• actual huge goanna, and I’m talking METRES LONG. In fact my older sister’s husband is American and he thought it was a crocodile in our yard. Hahah. Americans. So funny.
• python…yeah. an actual snake. but haven’t seen it in years
• other birds like finches, kurrawongs, willy wag tails, owls, king parrots, honey eaters blah blah etc etc
• I ACTUALLY HATE BIRDS FYI I GOT ATTACKED BY A KOOKABURRA AS A CHILD AND AM #DAMAGED
• the neighbours chickens
• foxes
• bunyips
• evil that does not sleep