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book review

Please Don’t Hug Me by Kay Kerr – The Ownvoices Autism Book I’ve Been Craving!

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The way this book was so real and raw and beautiful!!

It is exceptional. I am struggling with words for how much it means to me. It’s the kind of book you pick up when you want to see autism truthfully captured on page, the hard parts but also not turning it into a tragedy to be fixed. Erin is ERIN and, as Rudy says, she’s limited edition. She should never want to change that. This is the kind of #ownvoices story I wish more people could read so they’d understand autism.

I’m just tired of hearing all the ways I’m getting stuff wrong. I’m always ‘miscommunicating’ or ‘misunderstanding’ or ‘overreacting’ or ‘underreacting’. Maybe other people should put as much consideration into their communications with me as I do with them. It’s all I freaking think about sometimes. Did I say the wrong thing? Did I misread the situation? Should I have asked that person more about the thing they are upset about, or do they not want to talk? Is sharing my experience of a similar thing helpful or making it all about me? It’s exhausting. I am exhausted.

The way it talked about autism burnout, how we lose sense of self due to masking so hard, how we are trained to cater for the neurotypical world while they don’t cater for us. The longing to belong, but constantly standing on the outside looking in. The moment when Erin describes that watching social situations is like seeing them through a glass wall — like YES.

It’s told in letters, and it’s also a story of dysfunctional families, grief, finishing school, and the future.
It’s very coming-of-age. Erin’s navigating some intense things, but in a roundabout and also suppressed way, so we as the reader don’t know all that’s happening up front. I do love letter formats! I missed that it didn’t have much dialogue (Erin is writing to her older brother, Rudy) but the stream-of-consciousness style was perfect for the story.

It had so many neurodiverse teen feels. Erin is scared and dreading Schoolies (this is such an Aussie thing omg) and figuring out her future. There’s friendships deteriorating and confusing feels about romance. It’s definitely a slice of life sort of story, and I loved that about it. My heart also got solidly hit, and it’s impossible to leave without feeling emotional.

This story is introspective, utterly realistic, and full of heart.
It’s everything I hoped it would be. And now I want a donut and NOT a hug and I love that Erin would understand.

I’ve got rocks in my stomach and I’m only half-tuned in all the time. Things seem to be happening behind a pan of glass, so I can see them but I can’t reach out and touch them.

A funny-serious own-voices story about what happens when you stop trying to be the person other people expect you to be and give yourself a go.
Erin is looking forward to Schoolies, at least she thinks she is. But things are not going to plan. Life is getting messy, and for Erin, who is autistic, that’s a big problem. She’s lost her job at Surf Zone after an incident that clearly was not her fault. Her driving test went badly even though she followed the instructions perfectly. Her boyfriend is not turning out to be the romantic type. And she’s missing her brother, Rudy, who left almost a year ago.
But now that she’s writing letters to him, some things are beginning to make just a tiny bit of sense. 

goodreads | book depository | booktopia

How the King of Elfhame Learned to Hate Stories by Holly Black (#3.5) — Illustrated, Whimsical Perfection

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Being back in Holly Black’s Cruel Prince world was absolutely everything I needed right now.

I’ve always said I craved Cardan’s perspective for this series. We get slivers of his backstory, his making, so slowly that we are left gloriously starved for it. So being gifted a novella purely from his perspective? A TREAT. We thank the faerie queen so deeply. 😭

What To Expect…
This is a novella (I always wish novellas were longer 😪) and it’s several stories told by Cardan ranging from when he is small, right up till post-Queen of Nothing timeline. So no, don’t read this before The Cruel Prince trilogy! It’s also illustrated and must admit the art is just gorgeously stunning (done by Rovina Cai). They are just that little bit ethereal and whimsical and smoky and exactly how I pictured both Cardan and Jude. From their faces to their body language.

“Why didn’t you hate everyone?” he asks. “Everyone, all the time.”
“I hated you,” Jude reassures him, bringing her mouth to his.

Do you ever just read something and sigh because it’s so perfect…
This was exactly what I wanted (EXCEPT I NEED MORE) and had those snippets of Cardan in our world (him trying to interact with mortals is hilarious 😂) to some of his childhood backstory. More insight to how he became the feral, toothy beautiful little villain he was so proud to be…until he wasn’t proud. Until it wasn’t enough and he wanted more. It also had all the lines that made me soft-happy-sigh.

And Cardan was just in PEAK CARDAN MODE, so dramatic and very self-satisfied at how beautiful he is 😌 But also glimpses into his lonesome life and jealousy longing for love.

It also is told in a thoroughly whimsical style. It feels like the trilogy’s writing plus a fairy tale all in its own.

“It is a mere nothing. No need for dramatics.”
“I am nothing,” Cardan said, “if not dramatic.”

I throughly loved this…
Whimsical and lovely, full of anger and sharp edges. Just that little bit of indulgent “what happened after” feels that makes my  reader/fan heart so happy and satisfied. I’m so glad it exists. Gorgeous inside and out.

An illustrated addition to the New York Times bestselling Folk of Air trilogy, that started with The Cruel Prince, from award-winning author Holly Black.
An irresistible return to the captivating world of Elfhame.
Once upon a time, there was a boy with a wicked tongue.
Before he was a cruel prince or a wicked king, he was a faerie child with a heart of stone . #1 New York Times bestselling author, Holly Black reveals a deeper look into the dramatic life of Elfhame’s enigmatic high king, Cardan. This tale includes delicious details of life before The Cruel Prince, an adventure beyond The Queen of Nothing, and familiar moments from The Folk of the Air trilogy, told wholly from Cardan’s perspective.
This new installment in the Folk of the Air series is a return to the heart-racing romance, danger, humor, and drama that enchanted readers everywhere. Each chapter is paired with lavish and luminous full-color art, making this the perfect collector’s item to be enjoyed by both new audiences and old.

goodreads | publisher | book depository | booktopia

thank you to the publisher for the free copy

Elatsoe by Darcie Little Badger [Lipan Apache Magical Realism of Ghosts, Magic And Murder]

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You know when you read a blurb and think, “Oh this is going to be the best”…and then IT IS!!

I just had that moment. I’m very pleased. Elatsoe is such a brilliant delight of a book, that is both whimsical and lovely, and also has darkness and thoughtful themes to untangle. It has #ownvoices Lipan Apache rep and Ellie is also asexual (the book doesn’t talk about being aromantic but seems likely too!). My little ace heart just leaped for joy at just having casual ace rep on page. The book is full of magic and ghosts and a super sweet (ghost) dog and pistachio ice cream and deep family love and ties and…oh a murder mystery to solve.

It has it ALL.

PS. I did edit the cover into my photo as I read an eARC!

let’s tell a story of magic

I really loved the emphasis on storytelling throughout the pages. The book is packed with love for indigenous traditions, and a lot of Ellie’s life lessons come in the form of stories from her parents. Ellie is also a huge fan of her Six Great Grandma, who had the same power as Ellie: the ability to ask ghosts of animals to return from the afterlife. This magic is super fascinating (and Ellie sort of toes the line between using it safely and not). Ellie’s companion the whole way through is her little ghost dog Kirby, who died of old age but she brought him back so she’d never have to miss him. 🥺💛💛 My heart just got soft and flopped all over the place.

The world is also our world but…not. It’s this slightly alternate reality where there’s magic and vampires and ghosts and all sorts of mythology. Ellie’s still dealing with racism and white men who think they’re better than everyone else. But there’s dark magical secrets and mysteries to unravel. And sometimes Ellie sort of wakens a thousand year old trillobite too. Just everyday things you know!! This is such deft and beautifully crafted magical realism. I loved the world.

what goes down

So the premise is that Ellie’s cousin dies unexpectedly, but the facts about his “car accident” don’t add up, and Ellie knows it’s foul play. She ends up investigating this odd little town where people don’t stop staring at strangers, and when her cousin’s ghost names his murderer in a dream, Ellie will stop at nothing to figure out WHAT happened. The have the culprit, but not the why or how.

It did get creepy in one stage and I was reading at night and was just sort of shivering. The writing is excellent like that. Total fan. Freak me out, little book, I approve.

the  characters are everything!

So Ellie is amazing!! She has such a dry, wry voice and humour, and she’s so sure of herself. She’s confident about being ace and she cracks jokes about it. Her family is her anchor, and she’s definitely a little anxious too.  There’s no romance! Her best friend is Jay who is, look I’m going to say it, a himbo. 😂 He is a tall blonde cheerleader dumbass and he’s just lovely?! The whole way through he is LOVELY. Supportive of Ellie and there to help her look into the mystery of her cousin’s murder. Ellie’s family is amazing (she loves her parents!! talks to her parents!!) and there’s such a motley of side characters who are interesting and strange and dynamic. And Kirby is THE BEST GHOST  DOG I WILL CRY tHIS ALWAYS.

So you know what?! Just read this.

It’s brilliant. The whole world felt fresh and different, catching my attention from the first page with its engaging writing and characters I just want to adore forever. (There are also little illustrations!!) It has heart-aching moments, and also funny humorous parts. The BEST combination.

Thanks Levine Querido Publishing for the eARC! Elatsoe by Darcie Little Badger came out in August 25, 2020.

Imagine an America very similar to our own. It’s got homework, best friends, and pistachio ice cream.
There are some differences. This America been shaped dramatically by the magic, monsters, knowledge, and legends of its peoples, those Indigenous and those not. Some of these forces are charmingly everyday, like the ability to make an orb of light appear or travel across the world through rings of fungi. But other forces are less charming and should never see the light of day.
Elatsoe lives in this slightly stranger America. She can raise the ghosts of dead animals, a skill passed down through generations of her Lipan Apache family. Her beloved cousin has just been murdered, in a town that wants no prying eyes. But she is going to do more than pry. The picture-perfect facade of Willowbee masks gruesome secrets, and she will rely on her wits, skills, and friends to tear off the mask and protect her family.

Goodreads | Book Depository | Amazon | Publisher

would you actually like to talk to ghosts or is that a pass? 👀and is this on your TBR, because it should be!!

 

Raybearer by Jordan Ifueko [Best YA Fantasy of 2020!!! Can I say?!]

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This book is just a RAY of excellence.

….And I will not apologise for using a completely appropriate title pun just now 😌 I just absolutely adored every page of Raybearer. (Well I listened to the audiobook, which was also incredible and I can’t recommend enough!!) It felt fresh and powerful, creative but also gives that comfort of a good sprawling fantasy world that you can just lose yourself in.

I suspect this will be the best YA fantasy I’ll read this year and I am here, in awe.

the characters were everything

This is generally what sells a book for me, and oh I love the cast of Raybearer so much. Tarisai is cunning and clever, soft and vulnerable. She just wants a family and to be loveeeeed. Her voice is spectacular; she has the kind of narration that makes every scene a delight to be in. She also has a very specific gift: she can see the memories of a person or object just by touching them. She can also erase or dull memories, and she actually uses this for good to take away her childhood friends’ bad dreams. 🥺

The side characters also stole my heart too. I loved Dayo (the prince) and his and Tarisai’s really tight friendship. Then there’s Kirah who was practical and clever but also that mothering friend. And Sanjeet! The one who is too tol, too intimidating…but secretly an utter marshmallow. (Also can we take a second of deep appreciation that a YA book exists where the first boy Tarisai meets isn’t the love interest 😂👌🏻 thank you.)

The complexities of the villains (are they villains 👀) were also thoroughly captivating. I also loved the coming-of-age bent to this. The prince and his Eleven are still only growing up, so while they learn politics, the adults are still busy controlling the world. Their backstory was both layered and dark and fascinating too.

This is also #ownvoices Black fantasy and all the characters (I think!) are Black too!

let’s talk about the plot

The world is so deliciously complex and huge, it had so many layers. It felt REAL. Vast and unmappable. You don’t have to remember or understand every people group or country, because it reminds you of who is who until you fall into the rhythm of the story. I genuinely appreciate a complex world and history! The backstory is amazing too. Like you could easily want a prequel following The Lady’s life?! (Or am I just craving more from this author…also that.)

The story starts when Tarisai is young: it follows her growing up under tutors and being taught to be terrifically smart. But all she wants is the love and affection of her distant mother, known only as The Lady. At 12 years old, Tarisai is taken to the palace to join the contest to become one of the prince’s sacred 11. This is how the kingdom is ruled: the king (the Raybearer) has a council of 11 and they are all completely interwoven and close and can talk through their minds and all linked by deep deep love.

Of course there are SO many twists and backstories and I’m not even going to go into it too deeply because just read it!!!! But least to say Tarisai gets chosen by the prince and the world unravels and changes from there.

It isn’t action packed and fast, which isn’t a downside, just something to know!

list of other things I loved

  • there is an ace side character!!
  • it talks intricately about culture, what the loss of it means, how controlling people so often backfires
  • it has SO MUCH FOUND FAMILY LOVE
  • friends to lovers 🥰
  • gorgeous writing on every page
  • also very morally grey 👀👌🏻
  • the ending has phenomenal twists
  • magic! so many kinds with so many impacts

Raybearer really captured my heart and imagination, and I can’t properly articulate just how exquisite this story is. It was creative and nuanced, beautiful and layered. I’m still thinking about it days later and aching with need for the sequel — because w o w that ending has left me both whole and wrecked. I love.

Thanks Netgalley, Blackstone and AMulet Books for the audiobook! Raybearer by Jordan Ifueko is out August 18th, 2020.

Nothing is more important than loyalty.
But what if you’ve sworn to protect the one you were born to destroy?
Tarisai has always longed for the warmth of a family. She was raised in isolation by a mysterious, often absent mother known only as The Lady. The Lady sends her to the capital of the global empire of Aritsar to compete with other children to be chosen as one of the Crown Prince’s Council of 11. If she’s picked, she’ll be joined with the other Council members through the Ray, a bond deeper than blood. That closeness is irresistible to Tarisai, who has always wanted to belong somewhere. But The Lady has other ideas, including a magical wish that Tarisai is compelled to obey: Kill the Crown Prince once she gains his trust. Tarisai won’t stand by and become someone’s pawn—but is she strong enough to choose a different path for herself? With extraordinary world-building and breathtaking prose, Raybearer is the story of loyalty, fate, and the lengths we’re willing to go for the ones we love.

Goodreads | Book Depository | Amazon | Publisher

tell me some of your favourite 2020 YA releases so far!! 😍is this on your TBR? do you like epic fantasy?