Paper Fury

You know that moment when you wail, “This book is good but IS IT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE 5-STARS?” and melt into an existential crisis?

Yes, hi.

Look only a few things in life deserve that coveted and illusive 5-star rating, and those things include: the invention of cheesecake, floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, and the actual existence of myself which lights up your entire life. 5-stars to me. But books??? Books are hard to be so firm and clear-cut with their ratings. 

A book might make you feel so happy that it’s 5-stars. Or maybe it ruins your heart and soul so it’s 5-stars. And these are two vastly different feelings — SO HOW ARE THEY BOTH THE SAME RATING?! Honestly this is why 98% of bookworms are softly crying and climbing up the walls and will not come down.

I’m not sure if it’s just me, but lately I’ve noticed a massive rise in seeing 4.5-star ratings.

And not just on other blogs, but for myself too! I actually don’t use half-stars because Goodreads refuses to (disagreeable Goodreads…) but I’ve wanted to use a 4.5 rating several times this year. So I don’t feel like it’s just me thinking about 4.5 stars more often?!

So clearly I need to massively overanalyse it just in case you weren’t having a crisis about it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Now you can.

MAYBE WE READ SO MUCH THAT OUR STANDARDS ARE NOW UNATTAINABLY HIGH?!

I mean, when you read 100+ books a year, you firstly (a) GO A LITTLE NUTTTTS, and also (b) you do get more picky about finding that “perfect” read! I have books that are ultimately absolutely “this is my everything” favourites, and it’s hard for other books to meet that let alone beat that?!

COMMITMENT IS HARD OK, DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. 

Is it 4 stars??? Is it 5??? I don’t know I gET SO FLUSTERED. If I’m not entirely sure if a book is 5-stars, but it’s not 4-stars, then…??? What’s left but to pack a single rucksack of cheese and goat meat and take to the mountains to live in solitude for our failing to make a decision? *

* Am I extra??? HA. … yes.

YOU’RE SAVING THE 5-STARS TITLE

Because then it carries WAY more weight if you only give them out infrequently right!? Like if I see someone who barely ever goes over 4 stars and then they suddenly dish out a 5? I pAY ATTENTION.

THE BOOK WAS PERFECT EXCEPT FOR THAT…ONE LITTLE THING

Which is valid! Like a smoosh of an ending can ruin an amazing book. Or maybe a book took too long to get super good?! Or maybe the book was going along great AND THEN THE DOG DIED AND WHY CAN’T THE HUMANS DIE, NOT THE PRECIOUS DOGGOS.

MAYBE WE’RE GENUINELY TOO FUSSY????

Look I want to point out that MAYBE this is the case?! Are we demanding the “perfect” book? Like, if a character does one small thing we don’t like…do we knock off stars?! Is it even fair? I’m asking myself this too! Because I’ve dropped a book’s star rating, while I sat grumbling like a dark gremlin in the deep going, “Eh I wouldn’t have done that if I’d been writing it.” But like…I’m not writing it. It’s not my brain child. So maybe it’s unfair to ask a book to read my mind instead of me enjoying reading the author’s mind? *

* Honestly…that sounds way creepier than I thought it would.

At the end of a day: you should rate a book what you want.

We’re book bloggers and bookworms here! We have opinions and there are no right vs wrong ones when it comes to books. Unless it’s my book then the only response is 10/10, c’mon now, you love me, I’m fragile and also see everything and look at me I’m so small and cute so love me properly ok. (PAUSES TO BREATHE AFTER RUN ON SENTENCE OF THE CENTURY.)

But I do wonder if life isn’t too short not to go the whole way and just give books the full 5-stars?! I’ve actually gone back and upped some of my 4-star ratings because…eh, there’s no real reason they didn’t get there. And, personally, I’d rather spread the love. Not telling everyone to do that, but if it makes me happy — why not!?

Although I still won’t give 5-stars to just anything. C’mon. It has to be like the cheesecake of cakes to get the 5-stars from me still.

when do you give out that elusive “5-star” rating?! does a book have to be absolutely PERFECT to get it?? is life too short to be too fussy? tell me about a book that just missed that 5-star rating for you??

As much as I love YA epic fantasy, I have to admit it’s very rarely perfect.

It’s nothing personal, see, it’s just that I know what epic fantasy should be doing since (as queen) I know all the things. And after devouring hundreds of fantasy books every year, spending my youths in Narnia, and sometimes wearing a fluttering magical cape in the darkness — I am most definitely qualified * to talk about what the PERFECT epic fantasy would look like.

I’m going to focus on Young Adult epic fantasy because, mate, it has some holes.

And there’s nothing I like better than perfection (except, perhaps, for a particularly delicious chocolate mud cake) so let’s all sit down and talk about the art of writing the best epic fantasy of them all. **

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE…

* Ha haha HAHAHA HAHHA…okay fine. The only thing I’m “qualified” to do at this point is arrange books in colour-organisation because my First Aid certificate expired so I AIN’T QUALIFIED FOR ANYTHING. Although to be fair, I hate touching people and I am also Slytherin, so please don’t nearly die around me. I’d probably just watch.
** The obvious disclaimer is “this is just my opinion”…and I obviously it is not law. It will be however, probably next year when I rule the world. So I’m just sayin’ you can get used to it now if you want…

MUST BE CONCISE AND TELL THE STORY WITHOUT WAFFLING ALL OVER THE PLACE. ✓

I only have a few fears and they are (1) a world without cake, (2) somebody asking me to eat a lettuce, and (3) really really really loooooooong books. After 500 pages I just think we’ve gone into waffle territory.

And in case the term “waffling” isn’t highly used * what I mean is “extraneous rambling writing that needed to be cut out like yesterday.” Concise !! books !! are !! life !! And books that pay deep attention to not rambling on also have the pleasurable side-effect of having less-info-dumps or tedious dull scenes.

I just die a little inside at super mega-long fantasy books. Because there are ALWAYS some scenes as interesting as a dead cabbage. Also if you’re looking for some place to trim: try that super long TREK THROUGH THE FOREST fantasy’s looooove to do because I swear, if I have to read one more boring roadtrip I will hit someone with my plate.

* IT SHOULD BE. Waffles are a gift to this earth. Unless they’re an excuse for talking to much about boring things.

NO KEYBOARD SMASH NAMES. ✓

Look if I can’t pronounce it or spell it or remember it, there is a 500% chance I WILL NOT TALK ABOUT THIS BOOK. I get the cathartic appreciation of keyboard smashes. By all means! Hit that laptop of yours! Let those keys know you have passion and fury and the alphabet shalt not stand against you!

But don’t turn “AFLJDKSA’JFSKLA” into “Afly’la rin-Doklyunii” into the main character’s name.

Don’t you like your readers??? HAVE MERCY????

Also changing all vowels to “y” doesn’t make the name sound fantastical. It makes the name sound like it just got stabbed in the eye with a spork. I’m just saying Melissa being Mylyssya makes me see the bright white life of death.

NOT INTRODUCE 78 CHARACTERS ALL AT ONCE. ✓

Big casts are fine…IF YOU DON’T INTRODUCE ME TO EVERYONE ALL AT ONCE. You expect me to handle those keyboard smash names, then at LEAST feed me one character at a time. So I may chew my food. Or my people. Or…

Okay I am not a cannibal.

At least not on Tuesdays. *

Oh stop fussing.

I believe starting off a book with 3 characters in the opening scene is quite enough. Possibly four. Preferably two. You need to set tones, personalities, goals, and voices. Don’t hURT yourself. Go slow, dangit Jim. ** You’re telling a story, not a group chat.

* And it’s your LUCKY DAY because it’s Tuesday!! You get to live!!
** BOOM. Star Trek references. I hope you saw the nerdom there. I hope you appreciated I’m putting sci-fi into a post about epic fantasy and probably should be stopped now.

MUST HAVE WORLD BUILDING! WHEREFORE ART THOU, MY LOVE, MY WORLD BUILDING. ✓

This is my #1 complaint with YA epic fantasy, and I have mentioned it a few times. BECAUSE I’M PASSIONATE ABOUT THE PLANET. As long as it’s not my planet. My planet has issues and most of them are to do with humans. Ugh humans.

Anyhow.

It is vital to my life and happiness the good of all epic fantasies if they actually take a second to stop and give us an interesting and clearly defined world. It makes aaall the difference when I can SEE the world. AKA Ketterdam in Six of Crows is so visual for me. But yet take 2 seconds with Truthwitch and see that a tub of yogurt has more culture, mate.

GREAT WAYS TO BUILD CULTURE AND WORLD BUILDING:

• tell me about the economy (if everyone exports, say, chopped wood…you have a lot of visuals and effects to work with right there)
• the history
• who or what they worship + superstitions + myths or legends
• what kind of holidays they celebrate
• the weather
• which leads to what they wear
• the geography
• rules for the magic system
• the FOOD because nothing builds culture like talking about food

KILL SOMEONE OFF. OR MOST OF THEM. ALL OF THEM??? ✓

All I’m saying is that in a HIGH ACTION FANTASY WORLD where everyone is getting stabbed or dying of the flu, people need to get offed. When books start saving and coddling all the favourites…eh.

I want to panic okay? I want to be invested and care and be gnashing my teeth in hopeless desperation as people DIE.

I’m also a Slytherin and INTJ. It’s hard to tell.

SHOULD NOT RELY 100% ON OUR SOCIETY’S RULES, PREJUDICES, AND HISTORY. ✓

YOU’RE A FANASY. USE YOUR GOD GIVEN IMAGINATION.

I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS I NEEDED TO YELL, OKAY? OKAY. I’M GOOD NOW. I’M DONE.

But seriously, I am so sick of reading about sexist epic fantasy worlds. Or worlds where there are the SAME rules and prejudices as our world. I mean why??? Why? How come we can have dragons, magical swords, prophecies, and telekinesis — but like LOL @ me for thinking we could have something other than a patriarchy or racism or homophobia. It’s ridiculous, okay?

I want to read a book where women DON’T have to prove themselves because no one has ever thought they couldn’t do something. I mean why would they??? What basis does this random fantasy society have for sexism?

And that goes for all types of diversity that our society squashes or is terrified of.

I CAME HERE TO FANTASY TO EXPERIENCE SOMETHING OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD.

I’M WAITING.

IF INFLUENCED BY REAL-LIFE CULTURES…DON’T APPROPRIATE. ✓

I don’t feel really qualified to talk about this one in depth…but it is important and needs to be said! I think “influence” and “appropriation” are different! But if you want to base your fantasy world on a pre-existing society that you don’t belong to — you need to a heck of a lot of research, talk to many people of that culture, and be very very careful.

It’s always disheartening to read, say, an Indian inspired fantasy and then to go onto Goodreads and see actual Indian reviewers saying “Well, if this isn’t super offensive…”

But the tricky part comes with: Okay so it’s FANTASY and not supposed to be 100% like the original…but where’s the line?

Hence I shall leave this one HERE. And we can all weep and then seek out advice from intelligent humans. Or google. Or, like, send pigeon to the stars. Be creative. Ask someone who knows.

AT LEAST 93 DRAGONS ON EVERY PAGE. ✓

I’m confused if a book is “fantasy” and has no dragons in it. Then it’s not FANTASY IS IT???? IT’S JUST A BUNDLED PAPERBACK TOME OF LIES. I hope you enjoy watching me cry like this.

Also dragons are usually the biggest “cliche” of fantasy and I NEVER SEE THEM AROUND!????? My dragon-shelf on Goodreads has like 14 books on it.

Fail me, world, why don’t you.

FANTASY FOOD. ALL OF IT. PROBABLY DOUBLE AS MUCH AS YOU THINK YOU NEED. ✓

Like I said, this is an A+ way to build a fantasy society’s culture! Plus it’s super interesting. You want to give me an infodump on what your army is doing? At least make them be having a freaking meal while they’re at it. They can chat about tactics to crawl over some dull mountain and I can be sitting there going, “YES, LET’S BRING OUT THE ROAST APPLES AND PECAN TRUFFLES WITH HONEY SAUCE RESTING IN A PLATE OF DELISH.”

No, don’t tell me to go read a cookbook. #rude

I’d just read cookbooks if they had more explosions and dragons in them too.

SAIL AWAY UPON THE BONNY SHIP OF DAWN FROM ALL TEDIOUS CLICHES. ✓

I think the reason epic fantasy cliches keep running RIOT IN THE STREETS is because everyone is just hanging out to make me cry. I mean, for goodness sakes, it’s not that hard to twist cliches?!? Let the dragon eat everyone and marry the princess. It’s NOT that hard. And the trouble with the super super tedious cliches is that the send a book from “ooh this is intriguing” to “omg I’ve read this so many times I know it better than my own middle name”.

SMALL LIST OF FANTASY CLICHES THAT NEED TO #NOPE:

• the chosen one
• oooh the protagonist has special powers and is a spweshul snowflake
• crazy mentor with bitter backstory who is secretly a smoosh
• trying to win the princess’ hand
• long roadtrip to find a magical locket / sword / book / teaspoon / bird cage / lasagna dish
• dreams…prophecies in dreams particularly
• prologues to show you what Evil That Does Not Sleep is doing..and to be honest, I always want to sleep
• scrawny orphan is like the king or wizard or shapeshifting pot-plant or something
• telepathic twins
• girls pretending to be boys for adventure
• instantly epic with weapons despite having seen them for only 34 seconds
• evil’s only motivation is to be evil
• really really really dumb adults so the fantastically rebellious children can do whatever
• siblings who don’t try to kill each other…because I mean. Realism please.

And the thing with cliches is they CAN be done right! Or differently! Or interestingly! I mean, A Gathering of Shadows (aka one of my favourite fantasy books…although it is Adult and not YA) has a WIZARD TOURNAMENT. Cliche? Yes. Written super well? Also yes. So don’t discount cliches, just make sure you’re doing them YOUR way.

Or should we say my way. Because we’ve established that’s the only way that matters. *

* I’m also ridiculously humble. I KNOW. People mention this all the time.

 right! your turn to speak, you little fledgling fantasticals! what is YOUR checklist of the “perfect” epic fantasy? does it bother you that fantasy worlds usually have the same prejudices as our world?? do books over 500pgs scare you? do we need more dragons??

Hello. My name is Cait and I am a self-confessed fairy tale retelling EATER EXTRAORDINAIRE.

And by “eater extraordinaire” I mean I’m totally obsessed with fairy tale retellings, okay? I just think “eater extraordinaire” firstly is pleasingly alliterated and, secondly, is way more fun to say than “obsessed”. I mean, really.

Fairy tale retellings (or just retellings in general; let’s not discriminate!) have been quite popular the last few years. We could probably blame Cinder’s gargantuan success for making this snowball POP-U-LAR. We could also probably blame Disney for raising us and for our inability to let it go * when it comes to our childhoods of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and Peter Pan. We can blame everyone, obviously, because blaming is fun. But the fact of the day: FAIRY TALE RETELLINGS ARE EVERYWHERE. Movies. YA books. TV shows. There’s probably a cafe somewhere selling Snow White’s poisoned apples and have a great old time. **

In fact, of you pop over to my Goodreads shelf of retellings, I’ve read 55 OF THEM. THAT SEEMS LIKE A LOT.

* SEE WHAT I DID THERE???? #FrozenReferenceFTW
** But I seriously hope not.

But I think there’s an art to writing a good retelling.

Anyone can write about a human-creature who goes to a ball and loses their shoes, SURE. But I have standards, folks. I have a checklist of things I need in a retelling and I am not the happiest bean when my checklist is igonred. It’s obviously absurd that not all authors come to me, asking for this checklist before they write — but I’m sure that’ll happen soon.

In the mean time, I want to discus my checklist for a perfect retelling. Oh this shall be delicious. Hold onto your pumpkins and witchy red shoes, fiends!

MUST HAVE A FANTASTIC SPARKLING UNIQUE TWIST THAT MAKES YOU WHISPER “OHHH THAT’S CLEVER.”

You might think this is a given, right? After all it’s a retelling which means it should (A) have elements of the original tale, but also (B) give it a new retold twist.

When I read a retelling, I don’t want to have the original story just laid out for me. NO. I WANT SOMETHING SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT. This is why I was absolutely bored during Ash by Malinda Lo. It is literally 100% the original plot. How is that a retelling??? I get super bored if the story isn’t evoking some dazzling imagination. Get thee some glitter onto that old plot. I want NEW twist. NEW characters. NEW storylines. I want the Phantom of the Opera to be set in a meat factory. And heck yes I want Rapunzel to be a computer hacker.

Give me something fresssssh and juicy.

GENDER SWAPS? I WOULD LIKE 1 OR 99.

I’ve complained in the past that gender-swaps need to be more of a thing. Why? BECAUSE THEY’RE FREAKING AWESOME. It’s so easy to make an old classic fresh and intriguing when genders are reversed. Plus a lot of old tales are pretty sexist (like, hello to the millionth story of a princess waiting around to be rescued by a prince) so just reverse rolls also brings in an equality twist. Because it’s totally okay to be rescued. Just let’s have girls rescue boys as well as boys rescue girls. BECAUSE #FAIR.

For instance: we have a male Cinderella in Six Impossible Things. And a female Sherlock in A Study in Charlotte. And a female Watson in Every Breath! And we have a boy battling Wonderland in Mad About The Hatter.

THIS IS GREAT. BUT MORE PLEASE.

I want to see Petra Pan and Wendall. * I want to see Handsome and the Beast. I want The Little Merman.

* Who is writing this post?? Because those names are bizarre quite honestly. Don’t call them Petra and Wendall. Please.

I WOULD PREFER IT TO HAVE AN INTRIGUING SETTING THAT SPEAKS EXCITEDLY TO MY HEART

No offence, but I’ve seen a lot of medieval European fantasy and I’d like SOMETHING ELSE. I concede it makes sense to set retellings there because a lot of the original tales came out of Germany / Denmark thanks to Grimm and Anderson. BUT RETELLINGS ARE ABOUT BREAKING THE MOULDS! Why can’t we have more retellings set in different countries???

Again, I’m going to point at Cinder and shriek because HELLO. Cinderella + dystopian China = I am a pleased crumpet. And I think the reason I was rather bored of Ella Enchanted is because it was the dry/average/medieval setting.

Can I ask for Sleeping Beauty in India? Hansel and Gretel actually in Germany? Little Red Riding hood with an affinity for sushi???? The Snow Queen in Australia!! *

* Um, okay, I concede this might not work so well. But she could be evil down south for half the year and then travel up north to have Christmas in the tropics. It could be awesome. Don’t deny it till you try it.

NO SNEERING AT THE ORIGINAL STORY, YOU UNDIGNIFIED ZUCCHINI

Oh this is SUCH a pet peeve of mine. But I hate hate hate when a retelling puffs out its chest and spurts phrases like “WELL, LEWIS CARROLL GOT IT WRONG, BUT HERE’S THE REAL STORY.” Um, rude??? That’s like me saying the inventor of bread was an idiot for not coming up with toast first. TO HAVE TOAST = YOU MUST HAVE BREAD. You can’t dis bread while eating toast, okay??? Okay.

I still hold a grudge against The Looking Glass Wars for not only (A) calling Lewis Carroll and idiot, but also (B) casting him as a character in the book and making him totally stupid! #no

MORE OBSCURE RETELLINGS

Because if I read about Cinderella one more time, I’m going to start throwing shoes and then lose them and then I will be Cinderella and that will go badly. I’d probably eat the pumpkin instead of riding in it to a ball. And if, by some miracle, I did get to the ball, I would be in the corner reading a book about how to get away with murder to deal with that bothersome stepfamily myself. SEE HOW THIS WOULD BE A TRAGEDY? So. More obscure retellings and save the world from me as Cinderella. *

I’ve also clamoured for more historical retellings too. BECAUSE THEY ARE SO MUCH WIN. Fairy Tales are awesome but technically Alice in Wonderland isn’t even a fairy tale but still it is everywhere. So why not more classics like The Secret Garden, The Jungle Book, Anne of Green Gables, Treasure Island, Black Beauty, and Tom Sawyer!

I loved a gender-bent Vlad the Impaler with And I Darken. More like this!!

Also: just put zombies into any of those and you have a winner.

* On second thoughts….somebody write this omg.

JAUNTY FROLICS THROUGH DIFFERENT GENRES, IF YOU PLEASE

Just from perusing through my Goodreads shelves, I’ve noticed that the majority of retellings take place in either a contemporary or fantasy setting. WHICH IS FINE. I like both those settings! But today is all about me making righteously indignant demands and thumping my fist on the table until my needs are met, basically.

So it’d be nice to see some more retellings mixed with thrillers! I mean, if The Gingerbread Man isn’t a murder mystery waiting to happen, THEN I AM A CODFISH. Also apocalyptic settings would be nice. I could see The Wizard of Oz in the apocalypse. And I’m just putting it out there that more disability/mental-illness representation would be awesome too. While I kind of accidentally loathed Reign of Shadows, at least it featured a blind Rapunzel! And, of course, Marissa Meyer did it AGAIN with her magical genius and introduced us to a mentally ill (possibly schizophrenic?) Snow White in Winter. *

* Okay I think we’ve estalished Marissa Meyer is QUEEN OF RETELLINGS AND ALL SHOULD BOW TO HER and if I keep fangirling like this over all her books I will probably combust. Someone tell me to calm.

I’m not saying every retelling needs to check off EVERYTHING in my list.

Obviously. That would be tedious. But I do think we’ve been rather inundated with retellings over the last few years and it’d be nice to see them taking some fresh new twists! (So we don’t crash and burn in horrific fire like vampires did… And now everyone stabs themselves in the eyes with silver and eats garlic whenever someone talks about a vampire book. Ahem.) And I’m not saying my list is flawless, I’m just saying there’s a 99% chance it is and all books should probably adhere to my wishes because I’m always right.

And obviously, a book’s TRUE PRIORITIES are: (A) to be written well, and (B) to have complex interesting characters, and (C) to tell a good story. But I can still make loud demands because that’s who I am, Bob.

Retellings will always remain a favourite of mine though! It’s so special to see a classic story I grew up with reimagined into wars in creepy forests with dashing protagonists and witty dialogue and a whole lotta stabbing. IT IS SO MUCH WIN.

do you like the retelling genre?!? name me a classic / fairy tale you think needs to be retold!! do you want more gender swaps? or more obscure tales? and how closely do you think retellings should stick to the original story??? LET US DISCUSS ALL THE THINGS.

It is most probable that we’ve all encountered a book with a “special snowflake.”

And no, my fiendish pineapple frond, I am not talking about THE WEATHER. Although we can discuss that later. I’m talking about the delightful trope that features characters like (A) Chosen Ones, (B) characters no one can survive without, (C) characters everyone of ever, even that pine tree yonder, is desperately in love with, and (D) characters with stunning hair and eyes like the sea after the storm on the 5th of April during the Blood Moon. THEY ARE SPECIAL AND THE WORLD NEEDS THEM.

“Special Snowflakeism” is a not a bad trope, per se. Because I don’t believe any trope is bad if it’s done well! But it is a very very very very very used trope. And this can make it quite tedious. I often wither a little inside when I encounter the special snowflake trope, because I’ve just read it SO MANY TIMES MY BRAIN IS HURTING WITH ALL THE SNOW.

Signs There Might Be A Snowflake Special In That Book

• The character is irreplaceable.
• Like, seriously, the apocalypse is coming if they get bopped on the head, ergo everyone must protect them with their life 1000% of the time.
• Due to the aforementioned reason — EVERYONE AROUND THE SPECIAL SNOWFLAKES DIES.
• You might say they’re Snowflakes Of Blizzard Destruction.
• THEY HAVE POWERS NO ONE ELSE HAS.
• They don’t fit in with the crowd because THEY HAVE POWERS NO ONE ELSE HAS.
• Rules don’t generally apply to them because THEY HAVE POWERS NO ONE ELSE HAS.
• The fate of the world rests on their shoulders, or hands, or perhaps on their knees if they need to sit down while they hold the world. We ain’t all Atlas, folks.
• Despite being called “snowflakes”, they are actually not part of the weather.
• I agree that this is disappointing.

Is this trope DONE LIKE A DEAD DOORKNOB?

I frequently see people moaning in their reviews about tedious flakey snows. I whinge about it myself! Should Special Snowflakes please retire and melt somewhere? Should we calmly bury it 20,000 leagues underground and beseech the universe for some normal characters to come save the world? OR. Does it just need to be overhauled a little? Is it still entertaining?

DO WE STILL NEED SPECIAL SNOWFLAKES IN LITERATURE???

Lucky for you, today I am here to write a Pros & Cons list for special snowflakes. And then naturally I want your opinion, but not yet, Bob. Sit down. I have so much to say first.

T H E   P R O S

• IT’S EXCITING. I mean, c’mon, look me in the eye and say it isn’t exciting to realise the fate of the universe rests in the hands of a 16-year-old with no battle training whatsoever??? DEFINITELY EXCITING. Everyone is basically guaranteed to die! Fun times!
• IT MAKES US FEEL SPECIAL. Because, really, who doesn’t read and sort of quietly probably maybe think they’re particularly special sometimes??? It happens to the best of us, don’t fret. Most teenagers feel WEIRD or like an ODDBALL as they grow into their adolescent bones. And when your hair just won’t lie flat, don’t you catch yourself thinking, “Maybe I’m a wizard? THE LAST OF MY KIND????” So reading about Special Snowflakes can make you feel like special snowflake.
• IT RAISES THE STAKES OF THE STORY. Because without the Snowflake, this planet is going dooooooown, my friend. WE NEED THEM ALIVE. Ergo it adds a lot of tension to the story to get this piddly little teen to save the world and not die and not kill everyone and still have time for their afternoon nap. *
• THEY RUIN EVERYTHING AND THAT’S NICE. I mean, one minute your world is being nice and dystopian and then — KABOOM — you get a Thomas or a Tris who trots in and ruins everything. Which is fun! And you have to admire this capability for destroying things too! They break everything they touch! #talented

* No I’m not confused. Teenagers need naps. I think the world would be a much happier place if EVERYONE took regular naps.

T H E   C O N S

• IT’S OVERDONE. Well this is mildly obvious. There are tons of tropes out there that aren’t done as much so therefore don’t make one’s head bleed when encountering it. I think a whole lot of the problem here is just that WE’VE SEEN IT TOO MUCH.
• IT’S INSULTING TO EVERYONE ELSE. Because without the Special Snow of Flakes the world would END. And everyone else is…oh, who are you again? Just a minor character. Special Flakes tend to DROWN EVERYONE ELSE OUT. #rude And you know what? No one is that important. Lives shouldn’t be worth more than other lives because you have superpowers. C’mon now.
• THEY CAN BE UNRELATABLE. I mean, sure, like I said: most of us envision ourselves as special once in a while. But most of the time? WE ARE ALL POTATOES AND WE’RE OKAY WITH THAT. I mean, would you really have fought Voldemort??? I would’ve tried to appease him with snacks, probably, and then just died of anxiety on the spot. When the Flakey Snows dash around for 36 hours without sleep/food and fight a bazillion bad guys and HAVE PERFECT HAIR THE WHOLE TIME and never lose sight of their ultimate goal….I mean, GAG. It’s irritating.
• THE SURROUNDING CLICHES ARE OFTEN UNREALISTIC. I mean, not ALWAYS. Never always. But often times a Special Sowflake appears with cliches like (A) they become epic swordmasters in like 3 days, (B) they have perfect bodies but spend a lot of time saying they’re ugly, (C) and usually are orphans, and (D) everyone in the story is in love with them while we readers want to kill them, (E) their mistakes are never truly ruination, and (F) they can sometimes be so good that they’re truly boring to reading about. We need a little maiming and evil escapades here, thanks.

And I do have Special Snowflake characters that I LOVE.

I quite adore Harry Potter, whom dear Voldey had to kill or else. And there’s Aragorn of LOTR whom the world needed to sit his royal butt on the royal throne if he’d just stop frolicking across the country with pretty Elves. And Nathan from Half Bad is an adorable tragic hero AND ALSO a very special snowflake considering his powers alone could end the war. Then there’s Kell from A Darker Shade of Magic who is one of the only two magicians left who can walk through dimensions. And Kell is an adorable moody creature whom I adore monstrously so.

I personally think Special Snowflakes CAN be done well! Provided the average cliches are baked into delicious pies and served on pretty plates.

Sure, let the character be the special last wizard of their kind! But also let them be morally complex and please oh please don’t let them take themselves too seriously.

But generally? I’m tired of characters being selfishly special. I want to see the save-the-world-responsibility shared! I want to see mistakes that you can’t bounce back from. I want to see Morally Grey Snowflakes. I want characters to NOT be so special that nothing ever touches them. Like I said A LITTLE MAIMING AND BRINGING DOWN TO THE REAL WORLD FOR THESE FLAKES WOULD BE GREAT. Please and thankyou.

i definitely want your opinion on the specialist of snowy flakes! do you like the trope? tired of it? name me a Special Snowflake you think was done well?? AND one you hated!? oh and important question: do you relate more to a snowflake or a potato?

I am very very very passionate about YA books.

You probably are too, since you’re reading my blog and it’s basically an ode to YA and my adoration for it. (Actually my blog is an ode to CAKE, but sometimes I talk about books too, just to even things up.) Today I want to talk about who YA is actually for. Because I am 22. I am not a teenager. And yet YA books 100% appeal to me and I basically want to stuff them all in my mouth immediately with zero regrets.

I read this article posted on The Guardian titled “Most YA Fiction is Grown Up Fiction In Disguise“. Now this is a topic WE HAVE DEFINITELY BEEN OVER BEFORE IN THE BLOGOSPHERE! Multiple times. Shaming adults for reading YA and saying teens aren’t intelligent enough for adult books is pretty obviously dumb. But this article gave me like 9 EMOTIONS AND NONE OF THEM WERE HAPPY so I wanted to talk about it. (Plus I never do response posts!! I think this is a first?!) I want to discuss misconceptions about YA and I want to point out all the problematic statements in the article.

THEN WE CAN ALL EAT CALMING CAKE AND CHAMOMILE TEA AND GO BACK TO READING WHATEVER THE HECK WE WANT.

Now obviously everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The author of the article is. I am. GOOD TIMES.

The basic thoughts of the article is that YA is not for teens anymore and this is a massive diabolical issue with society.

Do we…laugh??? Is that the way to handle this??? It really bothers me that some people think that the “age recommendations” on books must be law. If adults shouldn’t read YA, then maybe teens shouldn’t read Middle Grade? Adults probably should not read picture-books to their children? Please stop that 12-year-old from reading classics because those are adult books. What’s next? BANNING BOOKS??? When you start telling people what they should and should not be reading — you are saying that we do not have rights to choose our own reading material. THIS IS SO VERY WRONG.

So I’m just going to go through and list all the problematic statements in this article.

“Figures from Nielsen show that 80% of YA literature is read by people over 25. It’s a pretty astonishing and, to me, disturbing statistic. It strongly suggests that something has gone horribly wrong in publishing. (And, possibly, with those readers…)”

I clicked over to the article he’s referencing and do you know what it actually says? “Nielsen’s figures show that 80% of all the YA books that are selling are being bought by adults.“ BOUGHT and READ are two hugely different words! Because you know what? Teens don’t usually have a lot of money. Their parents buy them books. #astounding And teens go to libraries. Because the books are FREE and the options are ENDLESS.

I only got into YA when I was 16 (because prior to that I’d just been reading a lot of MG historical-fiction because that’s what was available in my house…and it was good quality literature and amazing!) And you know what else? 100% of my YA diet came came from LIBRARIES.

And can we take a moment to notice how the article writer says “something has gone horribly wrong…with those readers”?? How can you judge someone for reading? How can you say that you know what they should be reading and if they don’t, then there’s something wrong with them? SPOILER ALERT: There is something wrong with a person who wants to tell others what to read.

There is honestly NOT ENOUGH CAKE IN THE WORLD TO HANDLE THIS ARTICLE.

“many children stop reading when they reach the teenage years – especially boys. Could this be because the books that should belong to them, inhabiting their hearts and brains, are actually (consciously or subconsciously) directed at older readers?”

Oh dear. This is so absurd.

Actual Reasons Kids Stop Reading:

• School devours their life and they have NO TIME FOR READING.
• Their parents weren’t readers so their house is not full of books so they didn’t grow up with a bookworm mentality.
• They develop other interests and hobbies which, again, take up their time.
• They don’t find joy in reading because reading is difficult for some people.
• They never found the kind of books they enjoy. (When I was a teen, I leant my non-reading-friend an action/survival book and they LOVED IT despite hating all other books. Sometimes people don’t know what they want to read and have no idea where to find their niche.)
• Their friends don’t read so they feel silly for reading. (This is VERY real. My friends used to laugh at me for reading and I didn’t read as much between the ages of 14 to 16 because of this.)
• Boys are TRAINED NOT TO READ by this culture of “oh boys don’t want to read that book; it’s too girly”. Boys are conditioned to only pick up masculine looking books. Boys are not given books about girl protagonists because “that’s too girly”. I think society is very much to blame for this. My 5-year-old nephew will just as happily read a pink book about ballerinas as a blue book about trucks. Why? Because NO ONE TELLS HIM WHAT TO READ.

“I’d contend that at least some of these books appeal to me, as an adult, because they are not teenage books at all. They are adult fiction. The themes, the style, often even the characters belong in the world of adult literature.”

It is condescending and insulting to assume that teenagers don’t want to read about real-world issues. BECAUSE THEY DO. Remember how I said I was 16 when I got into YA? Why was that? BECAUSE I WANTED TO LEARN ABOUT THE WORLD. I grew up quite sheltered and, as a teen, I wanted to know all the things. I distinctly remember feeling like that as I devoured as many YA books as I could fit in my library bag. I remember reading Sold by Patricia McCormick when I was 16 and being ABSOLUTELY AGHAST because I didn’t even know the sex trade existed. Yes that book is about the sex trade. Should teens be reading it? Should teens KNOW what kind of world we live in?

Yes. Heck yes. OH LET ME YELL ALL THE YESES.

You are a teen for about 8 years of your life. Then you are an adult. Then you have the opportunity to change the world. (Although you can totally change the world when you’re a teen. Get started early. Rule all the things, I say.) Education is super important. How can we expect the world to change and develop if we want teenagers to know NOTHING about the world?? And it is ACTUALLY VERY EXCITING AND GOOD to be “educated” in the form of a story. It stays with you! It affects you! It makes you think!

People have told stories for thousands of years to share knowledge. Stories make us care.

Also ANOTHER THING THAT IS VITALLY IMPORTANT TO NOTE: YA books are relatable to adults because we have all been teenagers. Sometimes it’s hard to envision life in 10+ years time. But remembering 10+ years ago? Easier. And homey! And while, as adults, we sometimes have collected more life experience and know ourselves better…we still have a lot of the same fears and struggles that teens have. BECAUSE TEENS (GASP) ARE HUMANS TOO AND HUMANS OFTEN STRUGGLE WITH THE SAME THINGS THEIR WHOLE LIVES.

“And much YA is a lazy, disheartening mush of false problems, fake solutions, idealised romance, second-rate fantasy, tired dystopias. Easy to read; easy to forget.”

Quotes like this just show that the author of this article doesn’t even read YA. Because when are generalised statements EVER correct? Not ever, my friend. And also, FYI, dystopians are rarely published anymore. I think the last time this guy read a YA book was in 2013.

Let’s have a QUICKIE LOOK at some popular YA books and see if they have “false problems” and “fake solutions”.

• THE FAULT IN OUR STARS: The problem = battling terminal cancer. (That sounds pretty real to me.) The solution = making relationships and taking risks like pursuing the dream of meeting a favourite author despite declining health. (Doesn’t seem fake either, to be honest.)
• THE HUNGER GAMES: The problem = a girl wishes to save her sister from murder. (This premise is very real in some countries.) The solution = trades places with sister. (The most noble loving sacrifice there is.)
• PERCY JACKSON AND THE LIGHTNING THIEF: The problem = boy is accused of stealing something he didn’t steal. (And this happens like, a lot.) The solution = attempts to catch the real thief and clear his name. (Sounds super logical to me.)
• THE RAVEN BOYS: The problem = several teens want to lead meaningful lives but have no idea how to, or who they should be. (Um, do we not all face this?) The solution = the find a network of likeminded people who will support them as they look for their identities and destinies. (If finding friends to help you through life is a “fake” solution than humanity is doomed.)

“Many writers hate the idea that they are writing “for” a particular audience. They like the idea that their books are somehow universal. They also subscribe to the idea that a work of art is a solitary, internal process, like laying an egg. The egg they produce is a reflection of their own, adult tastes.”

Seriously where is this information coming from? I invite you to open ANY YA BOOK EVER and look at the acknowledgments. Every single one will mention people in the back they wish to thank. A ton of them have phrases like “I couldn’t have have done this without so-and-so”. I always read acknowledgements because I’M A NERD AND THEY’RE SUPER COOL. And I’ve never come across one where the author claimed writing is a solo-job.

But yes, it’s so true that authors like the idea that their books are “somehow universal”. Why? Because many wonderful authors subscribe to the idea that THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT FOR GOOD LITERATURE.

There is this quote I adore by C.S. Lewis:

“A children’s story that can only be enjoyed by children is not a good children’s story in the slightest.” ~ C.S. Lewis

“And that means focusing on the readers – the teenage readers that YA fiction doesn’t serve – finding a language to engage and entertain them, a literature that talks about their lives, their hopes, their fears and their dreams.”

Teenagers are not stupid. Teenagers do not need things to be watered down. Teenagers do not need things to be carefully explained so they “get it”.

And you know what else? Teenagers are very aware that they’re growing up. LIKE THAT’S TERRIFYING, DUDE. As a 16-year-old I felt woefully underprepared for adulthood but at the same time scared of it? YA was awesome because it gave me characters who I could relate to who were facing HUGE issues and yet tackling them successfully.

Why do I (a 22-year-old adult) read YA?

• Adulting is scary and confusing and who else thinks that way? Oh yeah…TEENAGERS. I relate so much to their struggles.
• I like books with concise plots and quirky characters and fun writing. YA fills a lot of these needs! Plus oftentimes adult books are, quite frankly, ginormous and that’s terrifying.
• I adore engaging writing.
• I LOVE HOW FEELS-STABBY YA IS.
• Teens in books are passionate about changing things. They’re not too tired yet of the world. I LOVE THIS.
• YA books are my passion and I don’t see why age has anything to do with that.

Do YA books sometimes feature very mature characters?

They do, it’s true. Sometimes I look at a character and think they’re not really being a teen. Other times I’ve said in a review that a book wasn’t very YA. SO SOMETIMES I DO THINK YA IS GETTING VERY MATURE. Is this a problem though? Nope. Most people would rather read about characters who are too mature instead of immature. (Do you know how annoying immature people are? ARGH. You’d rather stick yourself in the eye with a pineapple frond then be around them.) I think YA needs to be aware it’s writing about teenagers, of course! But we ALSO need to be aware that EVERYONE IS VERY DIFFERENT AND REACTS DIFFERENTLY. My sister and I were at completely different maturity levels at the age of 16.

People need to staaaaahp thinking that there is only ONE WAY to write a human.

No one should ever tell people what to read.

Nope. Just…do not do it, Marge. You are immediately on the path to book banning culture. Teenagers are not stupid alien creatures who need the world sugar-coated. Adults are not stupid alien creatures who shouldn’t enjoy certain types of books.

Books are for everyone.

Adults read YA because we enjoy it. We feel at home reading it. And we don’t even need reasons. Plus I would like to also point out that the words “young adult” are not synonymous with “teenager”. I am 22. I think I’m a young adult. AGE IS RELATIVE ANYWAY.

YA is exciting and addictive and passionate and very very honest and changes lives — of teens and adults. And if we’re reading anything, we are expanding our brains, so WHAT EXACTLY IS THE PROBLEM HERE?

Who are YA books for? Anyone who wants to read them.

why do YOU read YA? if you’re an adult reading YA, what makes you keep coming back??? do you think YA is marketed towards adults and the characters act too old??? let us discuss ALL THE THINGS, PINEAPPLE FIENDS.

Finding a new favourite book is delicious. Finding a new favourite AUTHOR is doubly delicious. It’s about as fantastic as eating the last chocolate sandwich in the universe — only to find there are potentially more chocolate sandwiches out there. Potentially with added sprinkles. JOY DOES NOT DESCRIBE THE DISCOVERY.

Because favourite author = more books (!!!!) from them in the future (!!!)  for us to obsessively devour, discuss, and howl over.

But what happens when an author’s books all feel very similar? Is this a GOOD or a BAD thing?

Most authors have trademark voices or styles that you can expect. I mean, you can sniff a John Green book a mile away, right?! And no one would confuse a Rick Riordan book with a Rainbow Rowell, despite their names being alluringly alliterated. (Seriously they should co-write just because it’d look awesome on the front cover.) Most authors have a voice we come to expect and recognise. Although some are definitely more trademarked than others.

Also, authors tend to stick to one genre. NOT ALWAYS OF COURSE. (And I do whisper quietly to you, fiendish pineapples, that publishers often want authors to stay within one genre to build their brand. That’s why sometimes authors will write under a pseudonym when they switch genres. FUN TRIVA FROM CAIT MOMENT. Ahem.) But you usually pick up a book by a certain author and expect certain things. It’s logical!

Examples of Authorly Trademarks

• JOHN GREEN: Eloquent (pretentious?) spoken teens who like obscure things and have spontaneously BAD IDEAS ALL THE TIME. (Also everyone dies.) Themes often centre around thinking people are more than people…and this gets you into mega-big-trouble, so don’t do that, okay? Okay.
• MAGGIE STIEFVATER: Beautiful lyrical writing that you WANT TO STUFF IN YOUR MOUTH AND EAT. Complex characters. Slower moving plot. Expect magic and sarcasm…sometimes even magical sarcasm. And usually something really WEIRD: like searches for dead Welsh Kings or professional bagpipe playing. Also there will be cars.
• RICK RIORDAN: Dorky, sarcastic, and witty protagonists with a huge sidedish of mythology. Expect quests and monsters and prophecies. Intelligent girlfriends being 10000% done with their goofy boyfriends. Dialogue is the biggest awesome here. OH. And let’s not forget the random quirky craziness — like gods who watch soap operas or blue coke or magical hijabs.
• CASSANDRA CLARE: Angels and demons and stabby stabbing. Teens with epic hair and witty one-liners. And oh yeah…MASSIVELY HUGE WEAPON SIZED BOOKS. Plus obscure mythology references and biblical myths and prophecies.

I wouldn’t pick up a Louise O’Neill book and expect to laugh my head off. She writes about super tough topics and critiques society and discusses feminism. I wouldn’t pick up an Ally Carter book and expect to sob. She’s more for light-hearted fun actiony spy sequences.

….BUT. That all saying…

Does this mean we can assume author’s books are going to be similar to their previous works? SHOULD we want that? Are we going to critique their books if they’re too similar? Will we be blindsided if they’re too radically different???

HOW DO WE EVEN COPE WITH THIS? HOW. WHERE IS THE CAKE WE NEED HELP.

You know what we need right now?!

OBVIOUSLY A PROS AND CONS LIST FOR AUTHOR’S BOOKS BEING SIMILAR TO THEIR PREVIOUS WORKS.

P R O S

• YOU KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. Lots of people like surprises, but come ooooon. There are TONS of pros to knowing what to expect! Time is precious. Most of us pick up books we want to enjoy. If I loved previous Awesome Author’s books…my excellent Sherlock skills deduce I’ll like the rest.
• IF YOU LOVE THE AUTHOR’S STYLE = YOU GET MORE OF IT! Where is the downside to this?! We often get mega-excited over books because we like the author’s style.
• IT CAN SATISFY A PARTICULARLY CRAVING. Which is handy for the mood readers.
• YOU GET TO EXPLORE A WORLD IN GREAT DETAIL. Because some authors do write massively within one universe which  means you get to see moooooore of a world you might previously have fallen in love with and wish to marry at dawn.

C O N S

• THE BOOKS CAN SOUND TOO SAMEY SAMEY AFTER A WHILE. You get the deja vu moment of “Waaaaait, Bob, haven’t I read this before??????” and then you feel slightly cheated for waiting for an epic new story from Awesome Author only to feel like they’ve given you nothing new.
• IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE AUTHOR, IT BUGS YOU THAT THERE ARE 93839 MILLION BOOKS OF THEIRS EVERYWHERE. Okay! This is a kinda petty one!?? But it’s still an issue, right?! When you don’t like the author and they always right the same sort of stuff…there’s no point trying them again, right?! If they changed things up, maybe you’d be enticed to read. But as is? NOPITY NO.
• IF THEY STAY VERY CONSISTENT, YOU MIGHT GROW OUT OF THEIR WRITING. It’s sometimes a case of “Hey I grew up and you didn’t, Bob”. But it can be disappointing when the author’s writing/style doesn’t change and mature. Plus if they write things that are VERY much the same, you can get bored and decided to feed yourself to a squid for some variety in your life.

Personally? I really like knowing what to expect from an author.

I want their books to be different, OF COURSE, because I don’t want to re-read the same story. But I’m totally down for reoccurring themes and similar worlds and settings. I’m not going to throw down my chocolate sandwich in a rage because an author writes similar books. To me, it makes sense. We expect it from mortal-human-people-creatures right?! I know serious people and bubbly people — and while they have different moods and good days vs bad days…I still know WHO they are from how they act. Books are kind of like people in that way. Except less demanding for socialisation and easier to stuff into a bag and kidnap * if you like them a lot.

* What?!? You mean to tell me you’ve never kidnapped a book?! I have kidnapped books from my sister’s room and quietly never returned them. I’m like a really ninja sneaky BOOK THEIF within my own house.

Authors have to be mammothly talented to write copious amounts of books. Because they continually need NEW STUFF (especially if they want to make a career of it — and I say HUZZAH AND HURRAH to authors who are lucky enough to get multiple book deals and live off their passion!) and be NEW PEOPLE and imagine NEW SOCIETIES and put forth NEW ISSUES TO SOLVE. It’s kind of huge.

Obviously, too, we sometimes like ONE book by an author but then despise their sequel with the strength of 9 angry dragons. So there’s no “ONE ANSWER”. (Dangit. Why do all my discussions have 72 angles to view it from?? #help) But I do think it is perfectly acceptable for authors to write similar stories to their previous ones. They build a brand. They present their style. Not to say they can’t break out of the box, but I do so like to pick up a book and say “OH OH THIS DEFINITELY FEELS LIKE A BOOK BY [INSERT AWESOME AUTHOR HERE] AND I AM EXCITED FOR IT LIKE I AM EXCITED BY THE IDEA OF CHOCOLATE SANDWICHES”.

* FYI, I have never had a chocolate sandwich. Do such things exist???? Is the bread made from chocolate or is it chocolate between bread? And can I have one? Like now thanks?

what say you, fiends? do you want an author’s works to be consistent? do you like to know what to expect from a certain author? oooor does consistency feel too “samey samey” for you? ALSO! tell me an author who has a really distinct and strong trademark/style that you can’t get enough of?!?

(mine is definitely Maggie Stiefvater. I SHALL READ ANYTHING SHE EVER WRITES OF EVER.)

I am an avid Book Series Finale Procrastinator. Seriously, it needs to be a job position because I would ace it and get a pay raise and everyone would be in awe of my ultimate procrastination abilities. I HAVE TROUBLE LETTING THINGS GO OKAY?? If I don’t finish reading the series — it’s still vaguely going on inside my head. Also BONUS: all my favourite characters haven’t died yet. Ahem.

But book finales have SUCH awful potential to explode in your face. There are several reasons for this, which I’ll kindly list, because I’m just that nice of an overlord. (Sheesh. I need to work on my evillness.)

Reasons Finales Often Are Perilously Not Good

• The author is under a LOT of pressure (especially if the previous books did really well) and is flustered trying to end it right AND please an audience.
• The author is just an EVIL TOOTHY GUAVA BRAINED FIEND and enjoys people crying, ergo ends the series hopelessly sadly.
• The characters have all gone through A LOT — ergo they’ve changed to become different people who make odd decisions…that boggle we readers because THIS ISN’T WHO WE STARTED READING ABOUT.
• The ending is actually FINE. It’s we readers who are the problem and aren’t ready to let go and we turn into picky watermelon seeds.
• The author has used up the HUGEST climactic plot twists too early in the series. So the finale seems like a limpet.
• Ships sinking. I SEE SHIPS SINKING EVERYWHERE. This is usually dissatisfying if the hero goes through soooooooo much and is rewarded with spinach soup for dinner and no one to share their toast with.
• The book is too LONG while trying to wrap up a ton of sub-plots — ergo, it ends up being boring.
• IT ENDED, DANGIT, WE DIDN’T WANT IT TO END. STAHP THIS NONSENSE AND WRITE MORE BOOKS, AUTHOR, PLEASE. PLEASE.

Clearly writing GOOD finales is as tricky as baking a blue cake on raft in the middle of the Pacific with an electric oven and a shark sous chef.

Not impossible. But definitely HARD.

When it comes to series, not all the readers are going to be satisfied. NOT EVER. Someone’s expectations will always collapse.

But I mostly stand by the fact that I think authors DO know what’s best for their characters and do accordingly. Even if it makes the series end sourly. (Well, I mean, there are definitely some series where the finales ruined it for me. SO. I’m a hypocrite of my own statement, buuuuuut….I’m also overlord and queen so. I say what I want.)

ERGO! THis is an awesome moment to discuss the TYPES of series finales! AND I ALSO HAVE A QUIZ FOR YOU. Because quizzes are freakishly fun and we haven’t done one in a while. (What is wrong with my slack dragon secretaries. Seriously. They fail at blogging so often. #ShameOnThem)

FYI YOU CAN GET THIS MUG FROM MY SOCIETY6 STORE

(Click covers to go to Goodreads.)

  I also want to point out that 2016 is apparently THE YEAR IT ALL ENDS…because there are SO many series finales out this year. I’m dying. Remember me whilst I wither with feels upon the ground.

(Alrighty, let’s get to the reason we’re ALL here for this post.)

1. THE HAPPILY EVER AFTER

It’s like a happy Christmas package tied up with a nice bow and presented to you lovingly by the author. Happily ever afters are the “fairy tale dream”, naturally, but they’re also for the SATISFYING books. The couple get together. The evil is defeated. The lost queen sits on the throne. The cake is saved. Everyone goes home and has SOUP AND TOAST and probably snuggles a duckling.

PROS: You feel happy that it all turned out.
CONS: Sometimes they’re unrealistic because when does real life end so easily??? And seriously, the heroes all survived????? As if.

2. THE MASS DEATHS OF EVERYTHING OF EVER

Let’s go for the heavy-duty-realism, right? Because war doesn’t play favourites, darlin’. And PEOPLE YOU LOVE WILL DEFINITELY DIE. These finales are heavy on the feels factors. They terrify you. They haunt you in your sleep. They emotionally cripple you so you end up as that puddle of nope in the corner, rocking and crying gently. Even the HEROES aren’t safe here.

PROS: It feels realistic and you also get to be emotionally destroyed. (Somehow that’s a GOOD thing???) Good books make you FEEL!!
CONS: Sometimes it makes the book feel pointless when everyone dies anyway. It can also just make you angry/sad because NOTHING WENT RIGHT. #AllMyFriendsAreDead

3. THE OPEN ENDER BECAUSE WHO NEEDS CLOSURE HA HA HA (CRIES)

When does life ever wrap up in that nice little bow? NEVER. So these kinds of finales make sure to a) not tie everything up, b) leave you with questions, and c) drive you 97.3% insane with QUESTIONS THAT WILL NEVER BE ANSWERED. But at least you get the feeling that the characters’ lives aren’t over. Hurrah! They’re still off adventuring and (hopefully) staying alive.

PROS: Your imagination has room to flap about happily/anxiously/both-together. And it’s very realistic.
CONS: The questions literally kill 9 of your braincells and you eat a brick wall with WANTING TO KNOW. It can also feel like cheating and/or pointless because nothing is solved.

4. THE STRESS FEST

Let’s just have battles! Plot twists! Chases! Escapes! Explosions! ALL OF THE TIME. These finales are ultimately exhausting and you only need to nap for 58 years to recover. Nothing seems to go right and everyone is CONSTANTLY in peril. But you end up feeling really exited and energised with that feeling you just read an amazing book.

PROS: It’s epic! No snivelling around! Let’s just SMITE ALL THE THINGS and stretch everyone to their limits! Also they’re very hard to put down.
CONS: They can be SO stressful that you don’t want to read. Especially not knowing if it’s going to end in mass-calamity. Also the action/plot-twists can get over the top and feel try-hard.

5. THE RUNAWAYS TO A NEW SERIES

This just involves the characters solving a FEW of their problems, but ultimately running away in to the sunset — or darkness. It has feelings of “YAY THEY ESCAPED” or “OMG RUN AND DON’T GET CAUGHT AGAIN”. You get the feeling that their adventure is so not over. It has closure in that the plot DID wrap up. But you can definitely envision them having another series. And oftentimes they DO get another series!

PROS: You get another series to look forward to and promises that you don’t have to say goodbye yet.
CONS: It’s potentially unsatisfactory and can also feel like it’s being spun into unnecessary books. You want answers, but, dangit, do you have to read like TEN MORE BOOKS to get them???

Can my gloriously intelligent quiz predict what kind of series finales YOU like best???? Be sure to let me know in the comments if it was right or waaaay off!!

how did the quiz go!? did it predict your favourite type of finale?!??!? (I AM DYING TO KNOW…ahem) and are YOU scared of series finales? do you procrastinate them? name me one series finale you loved and one you disliked! GO GO GO!

I read an enormous amount of books. I basically swallow them whole, like the little book monster I am. And this leads me to reading a mammoth amount of books about discrimination. I’m pretty sure at least 90% of what I read contains various spaghetti strands of some sort of discrimination — whether against gender or disabilities or sexuality or appearance or religion. IT’S MOSTLY ALWAYS THERE.

Why is this such a popular theme? Because discrimination is a ginormous part of Real Life. And while books don’t have to be totally realistic, they do have to be relatable or else readers are going to opt to eat a pineapple scone instead of reading. Unless readers opt to do both. I mean, I would opt for both??? But we’re digressing here. FOCUS, BOB.

So while I 100% think books need to discuss discrimination — I often throw myself against my bookshelf, weeping and gnashing my teeth, and ask,

“IS IT OKAY FOR ME TO WANT BOOKS THAT DO NOT INCLUDE DISCRIMINATION AT ALL????”

Am I horrible for wanting it?

Am I just ignoring important life issues and wishing to live in a fairy dust world of glittery potatoes and chocolate castles?

Or is it okay to wish for books that ignore the issue because, in A Well Ordered Universe, it wouldn’t be an issue? And if we don’t even have imagination to AIM for it, how are we ever going to get there?

Sometimes I just want to pick up an epic fantasy book where there is NO SEXISM. Or a paranormal where every character is a different nationality and it is NOT A BIG DEAL. Sometimes I want to NOT write in my reviews “I loved the diversity!” because I wouldn’t need to because diversity would be the norm, not an infrequent starburst of wonder.

Okay but we still definitely need a pros and cons list for this phenomenon of Do We Need Books That Don’t Deal With Discrimination At All? Pffft, don’t sigh at me like that, Bob. YOU LOVE LISTS. (And if you don’t, stick around, my pineapples. I shall show you the world.)

C O N S:

• IT IGNORES REALITY. Because reality is that people are judging you for everything always. And while books can ignore reality, they can also get really annoying. I mean, YEAH, I want to read about a girl who eats cake everyday and doesn’t put on a pound. But I also want to strangle her slightly because omg that’s so unfaaaaair.
• DISCRIMINATION NEEDS TO BE TALKED ABOUT SO WE UNDERSTAND IT BETTER. Honestly? A few years ago I didn’t even realise a lot of discrimination still happened. People are attacked because of colour. People are denied opportunities because of disabilities. People are denied entry into countries because of religion. (Duuuude, I was naive.) So if we pretend like this IS NOT a problem, then people won’t think about it. People need to think about it so they can fix it.
• BOOKS ABOUT DISCRIMINATION CAN BE EMPOWERING. Because it’s freaking awesome when I read about the epic warrior heroine slayin’ orcs and punchin’ alligators. Or whatever it is they like to do. And it’s awesome when the dude says, “You cannot do that because you are a weak woman” and then she turns around AND DOES IT AWESOMELY AND IT’S JUST SO GREAT. That’s empowering and inspirational. HUZZAH! Books where women kick sexism in the face make me so very happy. (Likewise with kicking other sorts of discrimination in the face too, naturally.)
• BOOKS ABOUT DISCRIMINATION CAN TEACH US WE’RE NOT ALONE. And it can show us how to combat it. Don thine armour and rise in glory, tiny warrior! You can do this! Because anyone who’s suffered bullying or abuse because of being part of a minority will really feel kinship to a book character going through the same. We need stories about people with disabilities who defy social expectations just as much as coming-out stories just as much as people fighting for equality. We can get strength from these stories. Also handy tips! Unless, of course, it is a book about assassins — then please do not take tips from assassin stories, okay? TRUST ME NOW.

P R O S:

• BOOKS WITHOUT ANY DISCRIMINATION INVITE US TO IMAGINE A WORLD THAT COULD EXIST. And imagination is fabulous. More fabulous than cake even, AND THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING. I actually get so so excited when I’m reading a matriarchy fantasy world, or or or if the protagonist is disabled but no one even comments on their weaknesses because they’re using their strengths and SLAYIN’. No one cares when that prince dude is asexual and must adopt tiny dragon heirs to rule after he’s gone. These things just are. And that’s so refreshing to me.
• SOMETIMES THE MESSAGES IN BOOKS ABOUT DISCRIMINATION ARE PREACHY AND I JUST WANT A BREAK FROM IT. I feel a bit guilty for confessing this??? But sometimes, for instance, I’m so sick of female protagonists having to learn their worth. I just want them to start OFF being worthy. Because I aspire to that myself! I want her to love her body from the first page. Just to remember it is possible.
• SOMETIMES TOO MUCH EMPHASIS ON DISCRIMINATION MAKES US THINK IT’S NORMAL AND THEREFORE OKAY. Don’t get me wrong: it is normal in the sense that it happens. BUT IT SHOULDN’T BE NORMAL. I feel like I shouldn’t have to be surprised when I read about a queendom. But I always am.
• MINORITIES DESERVE CHANCES TO BE FICTIONALLY EQUAL. Maybe it’s not realistic to imagine a world without sexism…but it’s also not realistic to imagine a world where we all have dragon house pets who bake us woodfire scones and pineapple jam for breakfast. Yet those dragons will appear more in books than a non-sexist world would. HOW IS THAT FAIR?? How come some things can be imagined freely but not others? I DEMAND LITERATURE RECONSIDER THIS.

Personally? I think we need BOTH kinds of books.

I mean, obviously, right?? We need books that show us a world where we’re not going to be persecuted for how we look or act or who we are inside. Aaaaand we also still need books that show us what society is like TODAY, so we can be aware. And change things.

But is it too much to ask for more of the books-where-equality-is-the-norm? Because I honestly don’t think there are enough of them. I can find a ton of books where people fight for equality, but barely any where it’s just there. I would like some more, yes please and thank you. In return, I shall give out woodfired pizza from my kindly dragon house pets.

Also while I’m here: EQUALITY FOR DRAGONS! No more “dragon slaying” slogans to empower people. SHEESH. Dragons have feelings too, okay?!? #DragonActivist

what do YOU say, my pineapple scones? do we need books that involve zero discrimination, or is it too unrealistic? which would YOU rather read about, if you had to choose. (can you recommend me some books where equality is the norm?? especially in fantasy! extra cake for you!!)