If you want to learn how to write a novel outline, then WELL DONE. You’re at the right place.

People constantly ask me how I write so fast and my truest answer is always: DARK MAGIC. Um, sorry…I just…sometimes my fingers slip on the keyboard and it’s a bit awkward? Anyway. My truest answer is: OUTLINES.

As soon as I say that, the human (or robot, like I don’t judge) asking me immediately follows up with, “Oh so how do you write an outline?”

And I just…

I mean…

I have no idea.

So in honour of having no idea, I thought I’d write a post on my outlining process. This seems reasonable. Unfortunately for me, about 99% of my “writing process” is just doing. I have a very hard time explaining what I’m doing. But here I am. Sacrificing my weak braincells for you.

Now obviously there are many ways to go about writing a novel.

No you do not have to outline to be a successful writer. I’ll quickly list a few of the other writer’s life options:

 

• PLOTTER: You write outlines and plan very meticulously. Usually a method used by control freaks and those pretentious people who like to use words like “meticulously”. (AKA IT’S ME.)
• PLANSTER: You write bare-bones outlines. Which is maybe a few paragraphs or a page with a vague direction. Like go forward three paces and turn left at the blue tree and don’t die if you please.
• PANSTER: You write what comes to you as it comes. Just wing it, mate. Something will fly out (tears?) and this process is guaranteed to be full of creative freedom. People who pick this one usually hate rules and never wear matching socks.
• WEIRD COUSIN: You do all three of these methods at once. Usually done by people who have no idea what they’re doing and eat quite a lot of chocolate brownies in the name of “writing”. Ha. I see you. I understand you. Can I have some too.

OTHER WRITING POSTS YOU MIGHT LIKE

  

Now let me explain my outlining process to you with a lot of tears and existential crises.

(In time for NaNo too! Look at me being punctual!)

Because see I do not go with the Snowflake Method or Skeleton Outlines or Mind Maps or Index Cards or 3-Act Structures. I’m influenced, but I legit have no method except what I like to call:

THE MOVIE TRANSCRIPTION PUZZLE BOX

It doesn’t make any sense, just how it should be.

Please only try this at home with adult supervision when you need to use the oven or stove. Be safe, kids.

FIRST I COME UP WITH THE PREMISE OF MY STORY.

It can be anything from something small…like I want to write about, say, witches. Or something with a little more direction, like I want to write a Van Gogh retelling. But my #1 thing is to PICK something. I don’t generally wait for inspiration to club me in the back of the head in a dark alley. I know people are all for freedom of creativity and letting their characters take over the story. But I’m not like that! And that’s OK! Being different is OK! *

I prefer to use 32% inspiration and 68% decision.

I also will note that I want to make a career out of writing, so I do view things through a business brain. NOT to say I follow trends and such (bad idea!!! do not do this!!), but I do analyse if an idea has potential to be sold.

 

* Look I know this is true. My mum told me so when I was little and reenacted the fall of the Roman empire with my dolls.

NOW I FIGURE OUT THE PITCH OF MY STORY.

I sum up my book easily and quickly and interestingly. Mostly so I can tweet about it but ALSO so I get a solid direction of what the point and climax of my story is. <— Important.

I figure out:

• what my characters want to achieve
• what’s going to stop them achieving it
• how their personalities will react to the situations I’m about to throw at their cute heads
• where the story starts and ends

Like currently for my upcoming NaNo story, I knew right up front I wanted a stabby girl and a bubbly boy and they’ll be stuck in a dance contest and hate each other.

Knowing that, next I ask:

• how can I raise the stakes?
• whatever I think of: DOUBLE THAT PAIN, SON.
• so they’ll be on live TV…what if that was super dangerous for them?
• why is it dangerous?
• who are they running from?
• we have a Big Badie opposing them, but what little oppositions can they meet?
• how do the characters sabotage themselves on accident?
• what are their vulnerabilities and tipping points and triggers?

I unwind the story like that. But the biggest and most crucial tings I think of are: (a) what does my character WANT, and (b) how can I stop them from GETTING IT?

Authors are so freaking nice.

Also if you don’t have that figured out, there is a 99% chance your story will read like a directionless soup.

WORK ON YOUR CHARACTERS UNTILL THEY’RE CUTE BUT HOT MESSES.

I’m so all for character-driven books, but I think up my premises first. Then I fit in characters. BECAUSE CHARACTERS ARE HARD. And once you’ve been an idiot like me and written 25+ novels *…your eye twitches and you then cry when you have to think up new people.

THINGS I THINK ABOUT:

• I like making my two narrators personality-opposites so they’ll argue and sass each other to death
• I think up their backstory
• #Make #It #Tragic
• I weave in diversity because that’s important to me (at this point, I mostly pick things I have experience with)
• I develop how that diversity affects their lives
• I NAME THEM WHICH IS SO HARD I CAN’T EVEN WITH HOW HARD THE NAMING THING IS
• I figure out how they’ll change by the end of the novel.

Currently? I have 78% of my outline worked out but no character names. This is the kind of organised structure I have.

Why are you reading this post.

Run while you can.

 

* So I literally just wrote “25+” because I have no freaking clue how many books I’ve written?????

OKAY SO I GOTCHA PREMISE + CHARACTERS…NOW I NEED TO MAKE STUFF HAPPEN.

Here is where the “movie transcript” part of my plotting method comes in.

I do not write anything down yet. I do not break out the index cards or systematic rulers or use the oven for singeing my hair. (ALTHOUGH THAT SOUNDS FUN.)

I proceed to write a “movie” in my head. Epic soundtrack playlist. Cinematography angles. Director commentary. Scene cuts. Blooper reel. The works. I build things as a TV series would, because novel chapters = TV episodes = surprisingly similar.

TV series = you need to have interesting arcs in every episode.
Book = every chapter needs to matter and 500% bonus points if you end each with a mini “cliffhanger” to keep you reading.

I also usually am moving while I do this. Because I think better when I’m in motion, so running, walking, etc. But remember: make !! time !! to !! think !!! Books don’t happen if you don’t MAKE them happen.

“OK, Cait,” you say while firing up the oven because I brought it up so why not, “but how do I come up with the ideas???”

I find that if you cry enough, your tears will form patterns which might look like words and you can use them.

But yet failing that….

I generally work like this:

• Start with imaging action scenes that go with the far-too-upbeat music I’m listening to at the time.
• Ask: “can a contemporary have explosions?”
• Rework contemporary so the answer is: yes.
• I play out a scene and see where my imagination takes the characters.
• If the characters are dUMB GOATS and the scene gets stuck, I rewind and go in a different direction.
• I think of things that amuse me, excite me, or interest me and work them into the story.
• This changes ALL THE TIME, so my books are always full of interesting things. Like right now I’m think of masks, abandoned dance studios, an old pizza place with blood stains on the floor, a dumbly adorable golden retriever, a rich kid who hates being rich, coffee addictions, Instagram, knee injuries and boys doing ballet.
• You can TOTALLY go on pinterest and get inspired by an aesthetic photo and work that in.
• JUST THINK UP STUFF HONESTLY.
• THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.
• USE YOUR GOD GIVEN IMAGINATION.

You can be inspired from what you read and watch too. But bE cAREFUL. Don’t steal. If you find your idea looking suspiciously like something in another book you’ve read…rework it.

Or a leviathan might eat you.

I mean, I don’t know mate, but do you want to take the risk.

But don’t freak out. I read a book about dancing = I want to write a book dancing. They will be NOTHING ALIKE but obviously I was inspired. See?

GET STUCK AT LEAST 54 TIMES.

Because haha haha HAHAHAHHA.

Your brain loves you and wants to see you suffer. Um, excuse me while I get an umbrella for when you cry all over me.

And if you get stuck? Read more books. Watch more movies. Actively DON’T think for a day and then tomorrow actively DO think until you smash that block.

But the delicious thing is: you might get writers block now, but when you’re actually drafting? BOOM. You won’t.

That’s how I write so fast. Because I do the bulk of my “writing” without ever touching my laptop.

[crowd gasps and whispers paperfury is a genius]

By this point I’ve imagined up a lot of scenes. And I haven’t a heckin’ clue where they go.

I do plot out of order. But I never write out of order. I’m about as logically consistent as what happens when you throw a box of marbles in the air.

Anyhow.

I feebly glue all my scenes together and filling in the gaps. Usually if you have a gap TOO big, you can fix it by putting all your characters in a kitchen and making them argue their life plans out over lasagna. 10/10 recommend because this is delicious.

IT’S TIME TO ACTUALLY WRITE!

Because, you know…you’re a writer! Maybe! We hope!

TURN THE OVEN OFF, YOU CHILD, I TALKED TO YOU ABOUT THIS WHY AREN’T YOU FOCUSING.

So the first thing I do is open up Scrivener and cry over it because it’s beautiful.

Yes I have a whole file just for outlines and story ideas. I’ll start a new Scrivener file for the actual project when I start to write it.

Now obviously YOU DO NOT NEED SCRIVENER TO WRITE A NOVEL. And obviously if you talk to me I’m just going to rant about how much I freaking love it. So do whatever, mate. I’m only here to tell you how far gone my brain is I’m doing things

I also have a lot of files for names which helps me 0% when picking one out. I usually just wait for a lightning strike. Which will give me character names or death. Either is OK.

Firstly I write:

• Out that horrid pitch we talked about. So just like 2 sentences or so. DOESN’T HAVE TO BE GOOD. Just functional.
• Then I write a “blurb” or “query”. I write blurbs because I already have an agent hallllllelujah no querying for me.
• But, dude, if you write the blurb BEFORE THE BOOK, you automatically can identify your climax + the thing that makes your story cool. If you DON’T know what makes your story cool or stand out —> your story needs more work.
• Then I might write out a teeny tiny character profile. Mostly stuff like “HE HAS RED HAIR AND BLUE EYES” because I will no doubt change his eye-colour 84 times because I have no memory.
• Obviously I sort my characters into Hogwarts Houses. #Crucial
• I do any specks of teeny tiny research I might need and make notes.

A SMOL WORD ABOUT THE RESEARCH:

I don’t research a lot before first drafts. This is because (a) I don’t know if this draft is going to be any good???! Why waste time on research?!? and (b) I don’t want to bog myself down in details and then NEVER WRITE.

Obviously I’m sensible about this. If I’m going to put someone in hospital, I research their wound a bit. But otherwise I skim where I know I’ll put details later.

THIS IS FIRST DRAFT STUFF. IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE CUTE TRASH.

BOOOOYAH. I write out my outline in bullet point lists.

Because I love lists. Are you reading this post.

Also good time to mention: my outlines are extremely detailed. Not all outlines are! But since this whole blog is about me, here we go.

My outlines look like this:

• Detailed explanation of what goes on in a scene.
• Yes, I’ll even note people’s emotions and maybe a line of dialogue.
• I use bullet point lists because you can’t use knife-point-lists which I think is discriminatory to knives.
• I include the most SALTY AND SASSY COMMENTARY on my own book you can imagine. This is because outlining can be “boring” so I make it more amusing than the actual book.
• IF YOU’RE NOT HAVING FUN, WHAT R U DOING M8.
• I also plan out my first sentence in advance. Because those are hard.
• I usually finish up around 20,000 words which will equal a 100,000 word novel. Which I will then edit the living heck out of because I prefer books to be around 70-80K.

EXAMPLES OF SOME OF MY OUTLINE SKILLS:

From different novels. Not the current one because I’m writing this post instead of outlining it. #ProcrastinationQueen

 

 

 

You sit back and realise you are PREPARED.

I actually have written 10+ outlines this year and only written 6 books. THIS IS NICE. I outline in such detail that I can come back and write the book later. Like….12 years later. TWELVE YERAS IN AZKABAN LATER.

A lot of writers hate outlines for crushing their creative limbs — which is cool. But I personally NEVER get stuck while writing if I have an outline like this. I can also spit out 30,000 words per day. WIN FOR ME, YES?

SO I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS TOUR OF MY MIND.

Yes, it’s OK if you are shaky and need to take a moment. Me too though. The important thing is to find your OWN process and make everything fit with you. But if something here inspires you or you’re delusional enough to say “Yeah I’ll give this a go”…then well done. I’m glad I helped.

(Are you even OK?)

Go forth and outline! There is at least a 4% chance you will not not bite your head off while doing so.

 

tell me about your writing-prep process? do you outline? do you find detailed outlines crush creativity or enhance it? and how do you figure out your ideas?!? is it more decision or inspiration for you?

It’s time to hack up a lung…and also some tips on how to make your writing life 10000% easier.

Or maybe that’s a bit ambitious. Perhaps, 2% easier is a little more attainable. Because as they say: why aim big when you can aim small and take a nap after lunch! *

Anyway, as you may know: I am a writer. And I’ve been writing seriously for eight years so clearly I’m a terrific genius at it by now. I’ve picked up tips and tricks and hacks that have been seriously helpful and nothing has ever gone wrong while putting them into practise. Except for the writing hack that involved an actual sharpened axe and the soul of a local boy and twelve goats and–

But that’s not so important.

What’s important is today I’m sharing some writing #lifehacks that you can use everyday around the house, like lemon detergent or murderous knives. Good luck!!

And if anyone asks where you got these tips…haha…it wasn’t from me.

 

* Actually ok I’m pretty sure no one says that but I think it’s a worthwhile thing to start saying??? We would all do better with more naps.

ALSO WHILE YOU’RE HERE….other helpful #lifehack posts you might like!

LIFE HACK #1: WRITE YOUR BOOK’S SYNOPSIS BEFORE THE ACTUAL BOOK.

We all complain how heinous synopses are to write. Like how do you sum up an 80,000 word book in TWO PARAGRAPHS?!?? So easy: sum up a 0-word book in two paragraphs. It’s honestly easier to pinpoint your plot, character goals, message, and plot twists when your brain isn’t filled up with all the other cool stuff going into the novel.

It’s okay if your book deviates. But you have the BONES here!! It’s so nice to have bones lying around to work with!! *

This is also excellent practise if you intend to be traditionally published, because oftentimes you’re asked to submit pitches before you’ve written the book. Practise now! Save on all the stress chocolate you’ll have to buy later.

 

* I feel like I’m required to admit I’m talking about, um, metaphorical bones. Those actual human bones in your closet?? Yeah, keep them there. Don’t get them out.

LIFE HACK #2: WRITING A QUERY? WRITE IT LIKE YOUR CHARACTER IS SPEAKING AND THEN TWEAK IT INTO QUERY FORMAT AFTERWARDS.

This is especially if your book is in 1st person…write your query in 1st person, and then switch it to 3rd so it sounds like a blurb. Let your character’s voice shine through to make the summary extra hooky. And if your character’s voice makes the query sound boring?? BOOM. You maybe just realised your character needs work.

Double life hack.

Woah I’m good at this.

LIFE HACK #3: NOT ENOUGH TIME TO WRITE? TRY SACRIFICING YOUR COUSIN TO THE TIME DEITIES FOR EXTRA MINUTES.

Failing a cousin, you can use a sibling or a local neighbour. The annoying ones are the best to pick because we all know annoying people make time go very slow and that’s what you want!! Slowing down time! This hack is best completed at midnight. Not because the ritual works better then, but because you don’t want to be seen and people assume you’re weird.

You’re not weird, hahah, obviously.

LIFE HACK #4: FEELING UNMOTIVATED TO CREATE STORIES? YOUR CREATIVE STOMACH IS PROBABLY LOW.

Usually people say “creative tank” and then follow up with a metaphor like filling a car with petrol so you can continue moving. But I feel like “creative stomach” is MUCH more accurate. Because you need to go eat art. Eating art is very tasty. Sometimes, especially if it’s a painting, it causes death due to paint-poisoning, but don’t let little details put you off!! You need to eat all the art you can.

Consume books, TV shows, movies, music, and visuals. This is 500% a good excuse to use pinterest. If people accuse you of wasting time there — REMIND THEM YOU ARE STOCKING UP ON VISUALS FOR YOUR CREATIVE STOMACH. You neeeeeeeed to consume art if you’re going to make it.

 

LIFE HACK #5: IS YOUR PLOT BORING? USE TROPES FROM OPPOSITE GENRES.

Okay so your fantasy plot line has everything a good fantasy plot should have. It it’s still dull? I’VE GOT GOOD NEWS = shake things up by smooshing your genre + typical plotlines from other genres together. This is destined to either work really well or send your whole book up in flames. 10/10 recommend.

• Two teens with mental health struggles fall in love (typical contemporary) ON A QUEST TO TAME DRAGONS (oh now it’s fantasy).
• Kid wants to do art, parents want them to be a doctor (typical contemporary) IN A WORLD WHERE ART IS PUNISHABLE BY DEATH (oh now it’s dystopian).
• Orphan prophesied to be the chosen one (typical fantasy) TAKE OUT THE MAGIC AND MAKE THEM LONELY CHILD GENIUS (oh now it’s contemporary). *

 

* Holy heck I want to write all these I came up with in like 3 seconds flat. NaNo?

LIFE HACK #6: NEED TO EDIT? CHANGE YOUR FONT / SIZE / SCREEN TYPE TO SHAKE YOUR BRAIN UP.

This beats taking your brain out of your skull and shaking it up that way, because apparently that kills. Still open to being corrected on that??? Let me know if you’ve tried it.

It’s easier to catch typos and mistakes if your brain isn’t used to the way something looks. Change your font. Make it bigger. Print it out. Stop your brain being complacent because it “thinks it knows what is coming”. Your brain can be really rude like that. Sit down, Brian, what are you doing.

LIFE HACK #7: EAT CHOCOLATE.

This is the ultimate life hack and if people aren’t giving you this advice, then you’re hanging with the wrong people.

Also put food in your books. It makes it more relatable and gives me dinner ideas. And my welfare is always your #1 priority obviously.

LIFE HACK #8: WANT TO WRITE A BOOK? INSTEAD HOW ABOUT YOU RUN FAR AWAY AND DON’T THINK ABOUT THIS AGAIN WHILE YOU RAISE SHEEP IN ICELAND SENSIBLY.

#Quality #Advice

LIFE HACK #9: MAKE YOUR WRITING MORE DIMENSIONAL BY USING TINY BUT POWERFUL DESCRIPTIONS.

Most of us writers try to describe like the whole DARN HOUSE or exactly what the character is wearing, but it packs much more of a punch if you use really pointed by small descriptions. Her dress is blue but the hem is unravelling. The house is old but there’s moss growing between the bricks.

And don’t forget the underused senses! Like textures and smells!

The aim here is to fully have your book punch your reader. Make your book become one with your reader. Absorb them. Take their soul and sell it in darkest Peru.

LIFE HACK #10: DON’T LET YOUR CHARACTERS’ NAMES ALL START WITH THE SAME LETTER.

Because reader eyeballs are lazy and we only notice the first few letters of a name. So when Molly and Miffy are in the same novel there is a 100% chance I don’t have a clue who is who. And I never know who is who anyway because names are freaking hard, man. What even is my name. I’m not even sure.

LIFE HACK #11: LEAVE YOUR LAPTOP ALONE WITH YOUR EDITING NOTES SO IT’LL GET STARTED BY ITSELF.

I’m totally sure Scrivener has this function and I’ve just yet to figure out how to activate it. But 10/10 recommend giving your laptop a chance to actually be useful in life.

No one wants a barnacle and leech on society, DO YOU HEAR THAT, MY DEAR MACBOOK?????

LIFE HACK #12: CONFUSED ABOUT WRITING?

Ya me too. We should start a club with neat matching shirts and have a stellar afternoon tea with crumpets and jam and get nothing done.

LIFE HACK #13: DON’T LET YOURSELF GET SUPER SUCKED INTO RESEARCH BEFORE YOU WRITE YOUR 1ST DRAFT.

If you’re a research fiend you’ll just end up procrastinating and tHEN you’ll try to incorporate 3989 cool facts into your book and make it about as interesting as eating porridge while sitting in a puddle. Do a small amount of research, but get the preliminary draft down NOW. Once you know the story is good = get thee onto that research in earnest. In fact, get Ernest to do it. You can take a break and eat nine cakes. You deserve it.

LIFE HACK #14: THE TERM “KILL YOUR DARLINGS” ACTUALLY MEANS CUT EXCESS WORDS…NOT MURDER ALL YOUR CHARACTERS.

I’M DISAPPOINTED TOO. I have so so many manuscripts that are confused now…

But anyway.

CUT CUT CUT. Look at each sentence and see if you can condense it. No joke, I just cut 1,000 words from a manuscript taking out silly filler words alone. (Ex: saying “he stood up” when “he stood” is enough. And putting in too many actions like “He walked to the fridge, opened the door, got the milk, poured a glass…” when you can say “HE POURED HIMSELF A GLASS OF MILK FOR GOODNESS SAKES CALM DOWN”.)

Also cut extra scenes that don’t advance the plot.

And kill some characters to ok let’s just pretend the phrase also means that because it’s fun.

LIFE HACK #15: TITLE YOUR BOOK BY CRYING OVER IT AND HOPING YOUR TEARS FORM WORDS.

Because titling is freaking hard. And if we see another book with “throne” or “bone” or “glass” or “game” or “queen” in it, we are going to lose it and burn down the moon.

You can also title your book AFTER you write it and pick out a cool phrase you use in the book. This is why my latest novel is called “CAIT IS FREAKING SCREAMING.” It’s catchy. Totally know my agent will go for it.

 

LIFE HACK #16: INSTEAD OF CHASING PLOT BUNNIES, EAT THEM.

They taste very good with a little sauce and in a little pie. Also, alternately, when you get thumped with that dying need to write something new even though you’re in the middle of a freaking other project — outline it instead.

It calms the plot bunnies. Settles them down. Sing them a sweet lullaby as you put them in a chill place to mature.

If you outline a plot bunny (even if it’s just a few pages) you (a) won’t forget it, and (b) you chill on that need to WRITE IT ALL RIGHT NOW.

LIFE HACK #17: DON’T BE A PIECE OF FUNGI. FINISH WHAT YOU STARTTTTTT.

You know how your parents said you wouldn’t grow big and strong unless you ate all your broccoli? Well they TOLD THE TRUTH. I didn’t eat my broccoli and I’m only 5’1.

Also. This also applies to writing. You CAN’T GROW AS A WRITER unless you finish that draft.

Even if it sucks and is crappy and is ugh. Finish it. You can edit a pile of limp seaweed. You can’t edit air. In fact I have tips on how to write the perfect first draft. I also have tips on how to get your dog to be your handy secretary and fetch you warm drinks and pretzels so take my advice at your own risk.

LIFE HACK #18: ALWAYS HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE OR TEA ON HAND WHILE WRITING.

This way when you set fire to your hair in frustration, you’ll be able to put yourself out. Very much recommend. Chargrilled author isn’t as pleasant as it tastes.

Um.

UM, I MEAN SOUNDS. SOUNDS. I DO NOT EAT PEOPLE HAHA.

I don’t.

Okay we’re done here, since you’re going to look at me with so much suspicious condescension. Gee.

 

that was obviously helpful. so ADD TO MY LIST! tell me some underrated “writer hacks” you’ve discovered??!? and here’s a fun question: do you title your books BEFORE or AFTER you write them?

If there’s two things writers do very very very well, they are (1) make tremendous snacks, and (2) complain about writing.

Although, I agree, #1 is a bit of a stretch sometimes because there are writers who make horrible writing-snacks for themselves. But I assume they are able to open a packet — ergo they can still fix a good snack. I, personally, make great brownies and —

OKAY WAIT. THIS IS NOT WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT.

This post is about complaining. Because we writers do it! We complain about many many things, and just in case you are a non-writer and wish to know what we whinge about commonly, I’ll list some for you.

 

• I can’t remember how to start a book.
• Typos.
• What is character development.
• Does anyone actually like my story???
• What if I’m a terrible writer.
• Tyops.
• Is this too slow? Or too fast?
• I don’t even know what genre this is.
• Does my book suck, or is it just not right for that person?
• TYPOSSSSSS.
• Plot holes.
• Procrastination.
• help

And I complain about those all the time too. Naturally. I am a whinger writer. But it occurred to me that there are some absolutely LOATHSOME parts of the writers’ life that no one actually talks about. Or at least they don’t talk about it often. And they should! Because these are underrated writer struggles!

Or possibly I am struggling with them alone. But hopefully not. It’s good to cry in groups. You can put your tears together and make a helpful sea and then use it to smite your enemies with. #WeepingWriterTeamWork  And if you DO relate to my 10 underrated writer pains, then JUST KNOW THAT YOU’RE NOT ALONE. The world is hopeless and dark but at least we’re together, Frank. Come sit with me.

 

1. THE “MY-PROJECT-IS-FINISHED” DEPRESSIVE WRITING DUMP.

This is actually quite common amongst artists! But I still feel like WE DON’T TALK ABOUT IT ENOUGH???? But you finish a great project! It was HUGE. You put in so many hundreds of hours. It kind of consumed your brain. In fact, you have no brain now. Just zombie mush. You can’t even spell “brain” because you’re so exhausted. You end up saying BRIAN.

BRIAN and you have just finished something INCREDIBLE and…and…and…

Now what?

I mean. Tell me I’m not alone. I hate finishing projects. I absolutely zoom from this total level of “OMG I MADE SOMETHING AMAZING” down to this pit of despair because (A) I have nothing to work on, (B) I have to reenter society and that seems dumb, and (C) I have to distance myself from my friend, erm wait, my baby, erm my eNTIRE LIFE my project. I hate it okay?!

I personally get super consumed with what I do. As you might know, I binge-write, so I’ll spend about 100 hours STRAIGHT on a project. Then afterwards? It’s like I’ve legit lost an arm. I feel totally in the dumps. It’s even worse if I adored the project, because it’s like losing two arms.

Couple it with that whole “okay now what do I do” feeling and — yes just bury me, thanks. That’d be nicer. CAN I BE UNCONSCIOUS FOR 9 DAYS UNTIL THIS PASSES???????

Brian and I are not doing okay.

2. WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE WRITING THINGS THAT ARE TOO SIMILAR.

If you’re like me (WHICH I HOPE NOT, HEAVEN SAVE US) then you probably have 9893 books you want to write! Which is exciting, yes?! So many ideas. until you get hit with that paralysing moment of, “Okay but does this sound too similar to my last book???”

Cue existential crisis.

We all have things we like writing about, obviously! Themes will reoccur. Types of characters will come back! This isn’t always bad. I mean, look how famous John Green is and he just writes the same male in every book. Sarah J Maas has just written the same book about 9 times now. And even as MUCH OF A STIEFVATER FAN I AM…dude, Cole in Shiver and Ronan in The Raven Cycle share a fair few similar personality traits.

So these things happen.

Do I chill about it then? HAHHA HAHAAHAH…no of course not.

I’m constantly frazzled about if my plots sound too similar. If my characters are similar. Am I allowed to write about dragons this many times??? How often can I stab someone before it seems repetitive. Are my titles too close? Will everyone notice I put cake in EVERY BOOK? Do I explore the same themes too much? DID I JUST PLAGIARISE MYSELF????

#yes

3. READING AN ALREADY-PUBLISHED-BOOK THAT IS SUPER SIMILAR TO YOUR NOT-PUBLISHED BOOK.

How rude can you be, seriously, Published Authors?? I MEAN, I HAD THAT FIRST. I JUST WAS A BIT SLOWER. This is also a good slap in the face to remind you that: there’s literally nothing new out there.

But minnnnnnne. It was miiiiiiinnnnnnne.

I especially find this monstrously frustrating when I thought I had something rather unique going on and then — BOOM — how about we steal your cupcake and eat it in front of you.

I can’t even.

And then you’re hit with the options of (A) do I rewrite mine to be different? or (B) will it even matter because if mine does get published it’ll be in like 5 years?? and (C) do I just drown myself in a vat of chocolate?

 

I obviously NEVER choose option (c) ..haha…hah..hhhhhhaaaaa. Oh c’mon.

4. WHEN YOU LET YOUR CREATIVE TANK RUN DRY.

I’m super good at absolutely MURDERING my creative tank and not noticing until it’s too late. Like for the first 5 months of this year I wrote 4 novels, outlined 9 other novels, and I’ve been collecting other small smudges of ideas too. And then one day — BAM — I’ve got nothing.

This is 100% an indicator that I’m putting out more art than I’m taking in. Not good, writers! Not good! But the smart thing to do would be never to let the creative tank (or creative well, if you prefer) get so low!

But I just never notice I’m running on empty until I’m literally on the carpet. Crying. With no inspiration. And Brian is petting my hair and just saying “THIS IS WHY YOU CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS”.

Learning how to monitor your own creative input and output is super hard. Help.

5. HAVING TO WRITE OUTSIDE YOUR EXPERIENCE.

Now I don’t actually mean this as in representing a diversity or minority that you have no experience in. I mean EVERYDAY VERY COMMON THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE HAD EXPERIENCE IN.

Here, let me quickly list for you some things I constantly need to write about but have 0% clue how to do it:

• Hospitals. I’VE NEVER BEEN TO ONE. I mean, I was born in one, but I was pretty much a useless loafer at that point and not looking towards my future novel research.
• School. Hi. I was homeschooled. This makes writing contemporary somewhat akin to bicycling through hell.
• Eating a ton of different foods. I haven’t tried them all plus I have a lot of allergies. So no. I will not be eating an Oreo any time soon.
• Police / law. Because I’m an upstanding citizen. Except for those library fines, but I am slightly evil, okay? Any time I need to smack my characters with the law I just…I just???? LET THEM RUN AWAY?? I don’t know what it’s like in a jail cell, mate.
• Broken bones. #nope
• Romance. I’ve not been in love, dude. How am I supposed to squish these characters’ ships together?
• Being an extrovert. #SuperNope I swear it actually kills my Brian brain when I have to write people who aren’t introverts because…how???? HOW AND WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE AROUND HUMANS???
• Living in a city. Haven’t done it.
• Public transport. Nooope.
• Severe pain. Unless you count reading MOCKINGJAY. But other than that I’ve stayed boringly intact my whole life.
• Being tall. What’s life like when you can actually reach the top shelf of your cupboard? IDK.
• Weapons and physical fighting. I cut up a pumpkin once. But that’s literally all the weaponisation I’ve encountered. Oh, well, I mean…my TBR is pretty much a weapon. BUT I DIGRESS.

Look I could go on with this list for a long long time. But you get the point, right?!

“Well you could physically research some of this, Cait,” you say patiently while buttering a scone because you’re trying to prove that you actually can make good snacks and therefore fulfil your destiny as a writer.

And the answer is: yes and no?

I obviously am not LANDING MYSELF IN HOSPITAL or stealing the Mona Lisa for “research”. Although it could be fun — NO NO. WAIT. NO. HAHAHA…no, Cait.

And drastic measures like that aside, I also have an anxiety disorder. I refuse to believe that having a disorder can make you less allowed to tell stories. It’s not laziness keeping me from some types of research! And I believe this for many types of writers — you shouldn’t have to be able-bodied, neurotypical, privileged or had a ton of life experience to be able to tell your stories.

 I get my research in other ways, mainly: talking to friends I know and feel safe discussing things with; reading blogs and articles; watching movies and documentaries; and reading other books. (Also FYI biographies are great #ownvoices accounts if you want specifics in things!)

However I do frequently tell my family we should eat ice cream. For storytelling purposes. I don’t know what raspberry cheesecake ice cream tastes like so how can I write this book? Hmm??

And I’m actually quite in favour of writers telling things they haven’t experienced.

Dude, if they didn’t, we’d have one story to tell. A super boring biography. I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT. If I can figure out what it’s like to ride a dragon and become Davy Jones, then I can research what it’s like to be very poor or live constantly on the road or be a swimmer or go through the aftermath of committing a crime.

RESEEEEARCH. BUILD EMPATHY. LISTEN AND WATCH AND READ ABOUT REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES.

There are obviously things I think you shouldn’t write about if you haven’t experienced them! But that’s like a HUGE topic and not what this post is about.

My point is: as a writer, there is a LOT of things to research that can be totally underrated and overlooked! Basically our lives are one big puddle of collecting information for stories. Everything from changing the oil of a car to ordering a restaurant.

This is why Brian is overworked and underpaid.

 

add to my list!! what are some writer struggles YOU experience that feel overlooked or that we don’t talk about enough?! do you relate to any of mine?? do you make good snacks? do you ever typo the word “brain” and then realise you need a very long nap?